I feel like i'm losing you,
(lyrics)
tell me, do you want me?
im not feeling alright
i know this wont last but
youre always on my mind
x2

i cant believe,
were falling apart again
i dont know,
where i will end
it hurts so bad
to think these thoughts
i need you back

do you want me(THERSX)

i really stepped out of my comfort zone for this, sorry if its bad i tried
prod. nevrfall
orginal: https://soundcloud.com/dylaanlotus/afraid-w-autumndropsdead-prod-nevrfall
(lyrics, i tried my best but idk some of them)
im driving out, getting out (idk)
im so afraid to let you down
you know im overthinking everything
and im scared ill make it out
x2
*i'm scared i'm falling out*
when i say its complicated
swear to god i fucking mean it
24/7 all i know is that im jaded
wish i wasnt here even if i had a meaning
tear after tear ive been fearing that youre leaving
set aside a vision cause i know im not myself
youre cutting off the breathing that i use 
when im in doubt
gotta keep defeating every feeling that i
feel and that i felt
barricades that claim youre hopeless
*something* find me nowhere
youre doing shit behind my back
give it up, i've always noticed
*i've always noticed*

dylan lotus - afraid (Cover)

trapped in my own mind,
(lyrics)
i really hope that you dont forget me
all this time alone, it makes me worry
sit alone thinking all about you and
these tears they keep on falling
x2

and all these words that you have to know,
all these years you dont really make me feel alone
and all these thoughts they're staying up in my mind,
i need you forever
you're all i need, i sit here suffering
cant go back to old days
i need you here with me

dont forget me (prod.wisssery & sharp)

i just want to feel,
(lyrics)
every word that you said to me,
im fucking lying if i said i was okay
every word that you never need,
im fucking suicidal, aint no way
im falling faster every day
theres nothing that i can do
i just want you by my side
but now im left here all alone

what does that change?
when its, all that happens 

i been all alone every day of my life
that will never fucking change what i am
and thats what i am
every time that you were next to me
i felt alive, now i feel nothing
thats all i am,
thats all i am

thats all i am,
x2

all i am (NADIAK)

peacefully drifting,,
-+- mix & master, lyrics by me
prod. pekarot -+-
(lyrics)
please save me
i said that i
will never look at the past
wont know when this ends
i know that im crying,
when i thought that you left me
please tell me am i the one
thats all on your mind all day
is this how we end
i know that i
that i wont be anyone
know that im not okay
ohh,
save me from my self
tell me its the end
no im not, alright
im not alright

i stand alone without you here
with all these thoughts on my mind
please tell me, am i insane?
i know that you're leaving now
but i guess thats what i get
for never being here
i did this to myself,
and i wont be okay
ill never see the day without you here
without you here,
im by myself
no i wont be alright
tell me,
tell me, is this where we end?

you said, that this was forever
and now theres nothing left
guess i will never have someone
u were the best i could ever have
but further, we drift apart
and i could never even bother
to find someone new,
there is nobody like you

whats the point (pekarot)

-+- mix & master, lyrics by me
@dream-tales did everything for his part too
prod. pekarot -+-
(bizzies)
you were the one then,
that gave me feeling
and i cant let go
tearing my mind apart
with every tear shed
i fucking hate this
it breaks my heart
seeing you stand there
want to be alone
starving every day
you wont eat a thing
all cause these feelings
they wont go away
make you think the worst
one day you'll be okay

one day you'll be okay again
you'll never look back
you got me here, like all your friends
so wipe those tears from your eyes

(dream tales)
and i had to let you go
i had to watch you leaving
i wonder how you been doing
i wonder if you think about me too
everynight i spent awake
every message that i sent to you
i wonder if u think about it
cause baby i could not forget about you no

and if u ever need somebody i'll be here
i could listen to ur problems, i'm not judging u
talk to me in private girl i'm here for u
noww wipe the tears from those eyes

standing there w/dream tales (pekarot)

-+- mix & master, lyrics by me
mæsk did everything for their part <33
prod. idly blare -+-
go follow and support them @maesk337
(lyrics)
ruining my whole life
dont know what its like
to have no one to call home
for thoughts to beat you down
x3
have no one to call home
ive never felt so alone
no texts or calls on my phone
left thinking with only the walls now
its only bringing me down,
further to what most call the end
nausea seeps in my brain
as the blade flows through my veins
and theres nothing left to save me now
its too late for this,
i need you always, 
how could i make it more clear
(mæsk)
how could I make this more clear
Ive said this so many times
Ooo why

and now im packing all my things Before the storm
im looking at the sky and its more gorgeous than before
I only hav e a pic coz I dont go out anymore
Inside yeh ive been hurting my mind is so distorted
will I start it
A life where im not heartless
I dont think I ever will Regardless of what happens next

U see my name and u see im almost ruined
Decide with all these signs that u gonna leave me in these ruins

Baby is this how im goin outtt?
is this how we're goin down?
is this how im goin out

ruins ft mæsk(idly blare)

a valentines alone,
-+- mix & master, lyrics by me
prod. micco -+-
(lyrics)
i said that i wont be the one
u know that i, cant see the light
without you here, im on my own
cant be the one, to call your home

and at the end of the day
who's there in the end?
after all of this pain,
does it all go away?
and when feelings do fade
would u have the words to finally say
the 4 letters at least,
that we seem to chase
to feel all that love from you,
would be surreal
im sorry, that i cant be all that you want
it kills me inside to know this wont happen
lay me down softly and ill go away
use to rejection, so how can i stay?
tear me apart, thats all my thoughts
i do all this music, but what is the cost?
used as a remedy, but its been failing
only failing
how long will this last
killing my past
everyone has what i long for some day
but maybe one day, if i keep on going
but do i keep going?
can i keep going?
i dont have an answer
after it all
we return to this cycle

after it all (micco)

(prod. charity hallett)
(lyrics)
you know that i, 
will never be the same again
and i know that I,
couldnt live by myself
and i know im not okay
you left me all alone
just remember,
all the times with me
cause im dying alone
i cant think straight
these thoughts overtake
cause i know that you never will be mine

and your bloodshot eyes,
know all the time that ur on my mind
i cant lie this is what im like
maybe you should call me on my phone
but now,
i can hear it in the walls, ur not around
its killing me again
staring at the walls, im by myself
and i know its not the same
ooohh,
lovings not the same,
oooohhh
i know im not the same

(youll never be mine
youre too perfect
i swear to god i always think about losing you
i dont want to, ever feel that pain
please only ever be mine, or its not the same
killing myself with every drug i take
losing everything and i can't stay,
oh,
please save me.)

remembrance (charity hallett)

-+- mix & master, lyrics by me
prod. acey -+-
(lyrics)
say that im alive,
dont know what its like
i am on my own, and youre not coming home
thought this was forever, but you left me cold
i wont be the one, will you let me know?
i cannot breathe,
this is the part of me you can not see
i know that everything wont relieve
you know that my mind is hating me,
its killing me slowly and i will not let go
i know that these feelings are always in my home
and i wont be the one that will ever be needed
standing above me, with feelings depleted
say that im alone, i wont be your home
i wont let this go, you always were my home
i wont be the one, its just another life
you were always stabbing me with the end of the knife
stabbing me in the back all over again,
and i wont feel the pain that is wanted
cannot feel the same
i am just in pain
i wont ever live
singing all my feelings away, and i think i will quit
this is the end of it.
oh,

left of me (prod.acey)

im in so much pain,
-+- mix & master, lyrics by me
prod. pekarot -+-
(lyrics)
take me away, i wont feel nothing
im lost in my mind, and its really been something
dont listen, "im fine" ive always been trying
a message, conveying whats not beneath
the surface of my skin, it sinks in its teeth
the monster that haunts me, been tearing at me
fragments and pieces, so soon you will see
all that im hiding, is it controlling me?
a town full of people, still clouds hang above,
blocking the sun, theres no light left for us
taking all these fears, they're all shoving them away
but soon they'll overtake, and keep rotting out our brains

rotting out our brains,
i dont wanna deal
with all this shit
all it makes me feel,
is everything
there is no love here thats left for me
i am just dying and you wont see
everythings fine and you wont believe that
this is where my life has left me 
i cannot go, always say that im healthy
i do not eat, and i just cant breathe
chest feels so tight and it is just not helping us
destroying everything thats in my life
a broken cycle im left drifting away
and i know this is nothing at the end of the day
cause ill be fine and ill give my all to you

take me away,
feelings defeating me like every day
standing on top of me, as i decay
hiding the issues that i hold inside
i wont see the light
i wont ever feel okay
i wont ever live without you
give you all of me.

take me away (pekarot)

-+- mix & master, lyrics by me
prod. jewelryboy -+-
(lyrics)
and i know,
that youll leave me
just like the rest
it hurts to think about
what this could have been
you were my everything
im all alone
i cannot believe

my hearts still bleeding
i know that i cant make it,
im falling on the pavement
blood splats and i wont take it
the nausea fills my brain and
my mind it starts to hate me
im trying hard just to breathe
you had the best parts of me,
my heart, my soul, everything
i wont ever get that shit back
all the time that we had spent
it only fills my whole body with dread

and i wont ever see the morning
until you say to me
that this is everything
and now im wasting away
and i just cannot breathe
im writing all these songs,
but youll never hear them
you dont really even care
and youre just unaware,
i notice everything
cannot believe, im by myself
i know i wont see
that youre alone
take me away, this is the last of me
a hidden message you see,
ill always be alone.

breathe (prod.jewelryboy)

regardless of what happens, my mind just seem to end up back in this cycle..
-+- mix & master, lyrics by me
prod. stillvanishing -+-
(lyrics)
take me away from here
this is my biggest fear,
know that all of this shit hurts me
you wont ever hear, stuck here in my thoughts
i am not what you wanted
i know you say youre fine
im trying to be fine,
know that im only hurting
need you as all mine
repeating the same songs 
that ive always made for you

you say you wouldnt leave
i guess i will only see
youre taking control of me
without you i just cant breathe
all in this damaged place
think im describing my brain
know that i wont ever live,
ill never see the day without you

cutting all my veins,
laying in my grave
without you

broken cycle (stillvanishing)

waiting to be together, i need you..
-+- mix & master, lyrics by me
prod. splashgvng x pekarot -+-
(lyrics)
take me away, im dying
i dont wanna be lying
u are everything on my mind
and i always know what its like
i dont wanna see another day
save me here from another place
take me away, im lost here
i dont wanna feel nothing
hating me, all i know is
im nothing to you and youre calling
i dont want to be always,
in this rut i know it
ive been feeling alone
i wont win and ill go
and ill say it, ill go
and i know it wont show
you're coming back to me
im saying all these words 
and i cant breathe
i know that every time im dying
please tell me every tear youre crying
i wanna be there with you,
but youre so far away
and i hope i get to see the day
im crushing inside, oh its true
youre holding my heart, was always you

so far away (prod. splashgvng x pekarot)

my mind is tearing itself apart,
-+- mix & master, lyrics by me
prod. sorrow bringer -+-
(lyrics)
drinking the tears of the fallen,
i dont wanna die but my heart is just stopping
roaming every night, the street light it is blinding
people run inside, cause theyre scared of whats inside me
cause ive been lying everyday without you next to me
and ive been crying every time that i thought you would leave
somehow these feelings always find and take a hold of me
screaming out for help, but they're only words that you can see
i dont wanna die
staying up all night
all these friends and family always asking "u alright?"
and these thoughts they overcome,
always staying alone
cause i dont want to hurt you,
or destroy myself again
when the fuck will this end?
and these urges to give in
coming up with lyrics that you'll never understand
and ill post till im alright,
never want to fight
ive been making music just to clear my sense of mind

made 4/2/22

the fallen (prod. sorrow bringer)

so tired, tearing at my mind. i thought i was meant to be okay?
-+- mix & master, lyrics by me
prod. nevrfall -+-
(lyrics)
hiding all this shit from me,
acting like i dont notice it
and youre running away from me
is it a struggle to be honest with me?
you really dont want to say it,
know im getting fed up
sleeping on this bed that was always made of lies and
i dont want to see you no more
ive been haunted by these thoughts again
music is the only thing that lets me get out of here
why you asking if im fine?
when i never showed a sign
and they're always saying that there's a problem
but i never knew what they were talkin about
know that im lying when u finally see
always bottling my own emotions

this is my most recent song made as of 4/3/22. idk what im doing anymore tbh

fed up (prod. nevrfall)

original song by @left-unconscious go give them all the love and support. this song meant a lot to me and still holds its weight, thought i'd make a cover to it and add a tiny bit of me. much love <3
(prod. IOF)
(lyrics)
let me feel your heartbeat
want you right next to me
and if you give me flowers
we might just last forever
i dont wanna be a heart breaker
leave you in the dust while you suffer
no, tell my why i'd do that?
know id never fucking do that
let me feel your heartbeat
want you right next to me
and if you give me flowers
we might just last forever
so wont you please be with me?
take a chance to feel something
cause this love i give is rare
you dont get this power anywhere

power anywhere,
i love it when you stare at me
i need you always, just know that youre perfect

lets be something (cover) (IOF)

what do you do, when its all falling apart?
(lyrics)
can you save me
im falling
and i dont know
i dont know where i went wrong
what do you do when everything just falls apart
and there isnt a thing
thatll ever save this
and your left here alone
with nobody by your side
what do you do when its all falling apart?
what do you do when its falling apart?

im crying alone every night without you

im so tired
i cant sleep at night
and its killing me
will i ever know how
you feel next to me?
whys it feel like the end
please always be mine
love,

4/17/22 made and released.

endless (prod.jewelryboy)

and its the end, i guess ill see you elsewhere.
-+- mix & master, lyrics by me
prod.pekarot  -+-
(lyrics)
take me away from here
save me from this place,
im falling
its so hard

so far away from here,
i know that i am falling
its so hard
oh
unaware my dear
i will go where the end nears
you see me, and im falling

the pouring rain
and it tears out my heart
i dont know if ill be alive
deep in the sand and ill suffocate
the hourglass spills, i guess time is out
emptying everything i did
and i know that its all for nothing
know that i couldnt ever give,
and im stomping on the help to save me

so far away from here,
i know that i am falling
its so hard
and i dont know where i am heading
i guess its the end of it all

made may 6th 2022

Its So Hard (pekarot)

changing chapter, a fragment of my mind
made 5/27/22.
-+- mix & master, lyrics by me
prod. prod. idly blare -+-
(lyrics)
they're always wonderin where i been
lately i struggle to pick up the pen
to write my thoughts out on the page
my feelings seem to be getting worse
you grab my hand, tell me im crazy
if i was crazy, would u understand?
how im dealing, this is what uve made me
cant believe me, here we go again
all these feelings, how could you leave me
did u ever even, truly love me? 
was it my head? or the monster
that writes the message
youre meant to hear.
all in my songs,
playing along,
so youd never expect a thing
feelings so strong
nearing closer,
to the end ive always feared.

im always fearing,
that you'd leave me
then you left me, once again
does it matter, to you lately
what we once were
i guess its me,
and my head when i am alone
cause you wont stay
what the fuck.
taking all this,
but it wont help
pills i throw up,
wont mix well
with depression, voices i hear
telling me i should just give up
was that the first sign, 
you never loved me
friends they tell me i need to stop
drinking all this, and it wont fix
whats in my head, fuck im gone
since you asked me, 
this how ive been
youll never get this again

how ive been (idly blare)

an unofficial song I made 10 months ago, i decided to redo/add ending lyrics. i'm sorry its never enough.
-+- mix & master, lyrics by me
prod. idly blare -+-
(lyrics)
do you even care about me
are these words even true again
do i really need to lose it all
or will you be there to catch me when i fall
i can't let this feeling go
i wont never be alone
with you by my side
i hope to be alright
i hope to be alright
and i wont
i been losing all my thoughts again
i been wondering whether this all will end
i cant ever feel alive
i guess i just wanna die
i guess i just wanna die again,

(newly written)
yet you still see me here
how much more can i take?
i only suffer with pain
and yet you stay the same
and you just hurt me
while youre with someone else
and i wont be alright.
oh,
and i wont be alright
i just wanna die, and you know its true
yet you stay doing the same.
made and finished 6/28/2022

i just wanna die (idly blare)

losing sleep and its just getting harder,
-+- mix & master, lyrics by me
prod. domesticsoul -+-
(lyrics)
ive been losing my sleep, and i dont wanna see the day end
ive been losing my sleep, and i dont wanna see the day end
ive been losing feeling, when i feel it in my head
you been so damn jealous, im just talking to all of my friends
cant make you my everything, trying to push me around just
rest a little, while you are thinking about me
life's so little, just want to clear my own head
but it doesn't work, it never works

it never works, just want to clear my head
while you are thinking about me.

i been losing all my sleep
i dont wanna see the day end
when i feel it all in my head
i dont wanna feel a thing
these thoughts are filled with suicide
never to be around again
a hidden message, held within

made and finished 7/12/22

losing sleep (domesticsoul)

too good to be true, its too much. i knew it all along; are you listening?
(prod. 𝐤𝐮𝐛𝐨𝐢 )
(lyrics)
i never do anything right,
i think ill stay inside tonight
never were the one that you liked
and so they wonder why i give up
cause i knew it all along
its too much to hold inside my heart
they only care about you when youre gone
its too much to handle so i push along
and now youre into someone different
i wish that i was someone different
i wont be the one,
the one to hold your heart

cause i dont wanna be
the reason that you leave
as youre just feeling different
and that different isnt me
i never do anything right,
i think ill stay inside tonight
they wonder why i only give up,
wonder why i always give up
do you even listen?
wondering if u listen

made 8/1/22

different (kuboi)

prod.moneo
ive been chalking up the words in my head
(lyrics)
its never enough
im stuck in my head
i saw you there
ur fuckin him again
but its just a dream
so scared that youll leave
its always me
that ur hurtin again
i saw you there, in my dreams
it leaves me scared
cause im suffering

i dont want to live this life no more
i dont wanna say goodbye for the last time
now youre leaving my side, im not feeling alright
you can hear it in my songs

pushing people away,
theres no time in the day
im not feeling okay 
for the last time
stop asking me, am i doing fine?
you can see the signs
why are songs so sad?
and now youre leavin
don't speak about it,
you can see me cryin

i dont want to live this life no more
i dont wanna say goodbye for the last time
now youre leaving my side, im not feeling alright
you can hear it in my songs
i dont want to live this life no more
i dont wanna say goodbye for the last time
youve moved on, and now youre gone

finished 10/3/22

never enough (moneo)

i can still feel your presence, why wont you answer?
-+- mix & master, lyrics by me
gh mix and lyrics for his part -+-
(prod. splashgvng x pekarot)
[bizzies]
as his whole body turns to ashes
his lies fall through the cracks and
its devastating to those whos watching
as he spent his last moments alone its
really getting me lately
as i get shit wanting to calm my head
and these thoughts speak louder than they once did
my heart is only left rotting

guess i found some way to love you while you broke me
persuading all the thoughts about you in my head
and youre always trying to get stuff from me but i dont want to
so i just sit alone and think about you

[ghoulshorizon]
so i just sit alone and think about u
so ill write this song
like its a sad tune
while ur out partying with some frat dude
u think i want u for your body
but i could careless if i found u nude
i love u so much
his body turns to ashes
his lies fall through the cracks
while i fall asleep in this mattress
while this water stays stagnant
he cant love u
he sucks with attachment
n i still got my pendant
but the one i got u is in fragments

made 10/24/22

ghost again ft. ghoulshorizon (splashgvng x pekarot)

prod. splashgvng
u look tired, is everything okay?
𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕪𝕠𝕟𝕖,
(lyrics)
had enough,
this isnt fun anymore
you dont talk to me at all
-
had enough
youre leaving more
words dont last
im feeling horrible

repeating words
all ive ever heard
its in my veins
never doing great

i find myself
drifting to the end
of all ive ever known
lonely is a word when used to describe my home
but love is such a waste when they are not the one
and im easy to replace, lets face the facts im nothing special
this game of life, is just an unbeatable level
i always think about whats called "have i lost you?"
well i have,
we'll never get it back again

back again
ive lost you
and now youre gone
gone
i miss you
i am nothing,
i never was

made 11/16/22

Ephemeral (splashgvng)

floating away, you'll be okay
(prod. RRAREBEAR)
(lyrics)
thru space and time
ive been reaching out
left me, thats fine
what the hell am i gonna do now?
i cant realize, all the pain i caused
cause u know, im gone
theres just nothing now
said u love me not around
but ive been turning back to you
all the pain thats in my heart
it wont let go and it only stings
and the tears fall,
these emotions
fill the room cause
we're left floating
and your head sinks
from the words said
as the air seeps
out of your lungs
and the light beams
trapped in your mind
let them guide you
as your time has come
and youre finally gone
im not the one
you see me now
im all alone

all alone cause i know ill never be the one for you
its so damn hard
that i thought i was different but different was never me

made 12/01/2022 , im at such a low point,

lost in space (RRAREBEAR)

loneliness is on my mind,
(prod. jolst x pekarot)
stream on spotify too <3
(lyrics)
you promised me
that you would be here by my side
oh this dishonesty
its taking down my entire life
as you dont notice me
or the things i tend to hold inside
i am just so sorry
that i am broken
with a lot to hide

so im just sittin alone
and ive been seeing new friends
as theyre rebuilding my home
and i know just how this shit goes
cause every days feeling worse
and i know that im not okay
so i just get up,
i go to work, come home
as i know you wont be here
as im writing all this music
i know it will mean nothing

theres so much in my mind
cause i know that u hate me
and im feeling so lonely
will i ever feel okay

i am broken with a lot to hide
i know lately i dont see the light

made and finished 12/7/2022

spotify

december

Meant To Be

❤ IV
˅˅ i destroyed myself to repair you, ˅˅
official bizzies archive.
some songs ive put a lot of effort into, others i have not. you'll find them here

bizzies

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