SplatCatDoodleBlatt

Designed to give alien abductees flashbacks.

Percussive Persuasion

Metal Mud Funk

Persuasive Percussion

well i went down to the grilled cheese hotel
to the grilled cheese hotel, went down, went down, said
i went down to the grilled cheese hotel
to get myself a sandwich
it was made with melted cheese
brought me down on to my knees
stuck in a puddle of gouda and brie
a very tasty sandwich

such good food, i had to eat
Pepperjack and havarti
cheese with mold and cheese with seeds
ketchup, mustard, blasphemy
cat came along and licked my food
man that cat was flippin rude
course i ain't gonna stand for that
made a grilled cheese outta that cat

sun came out, it started to melt
dripping cheese on fuzzy pelt
felt like alf with fur in mouth
take-out bag and back to house
well i went down to the grilled cheese hotel
to the grilled cheese hotel went down, went down
said i went down to the grilled cheese hotel
the grilled cheese hotel, i went for a 
grilled cheese

Grilled Cheese Hotel

in the center of mind 
sits a singular void
where all is created
and all is destroyed
recycling all 
through the field it creates
your body itself is the living gate
and if you create
by this power of mine
those structures within 
that have served throughout time
the madness you've known
from then on, is joy
For the world is your oyster
And its shell, your toy!

Center your mind
Inside of that place
witness collapsing 
& expanding space
Fall into the center
Of the center's insides
Then bounce off the bottom
and blow yer damn mind

working the mercury through catalyst
purified by fire, all coarseness of earth
captain badness would complete the great work
and the gates of madness, reveal our true worth

it was just too much
for the man to deny
he knew what he wanted
He wanted to fly
With Icarus' wings 
And Hercules' legs
he knelt & he straightened
and shot off into space
and I wanted to go 
along for the ride
so i wasn't watching when he 
flamed out and died
but i felt it when he left us
felt it in my chest
like the part of me ripped out
that i loved the best

now listen my daughter
and baby boy
as i tell you a secret
few else will employ
there's only one thing 
worth learning in this world
and that's to love everything
as though it were yours
Because it is
it really is 
it's yours

and you ain't supposed to run it all
into the god damned ground
like we are

and the ones who run the world
tug on monied strings 
to harm from afar

and they kill
and they destroy
and they make war
and they sell toys
and sell you cars

he sat and went quiet
and when he awoke
he found he could see them
and all they had wrought
Suppression, and 
so much noise
an endless hum, like the 
buzzing of flies

We live in their jar
we feed them our lives
and when they have ended
they make us go twice
and ripped out of context
you forget what's right
and the gates of madness
shall claim your whole life

and I wanted to go 
along for the ride
so i wasn't watching when he 
flamed out and died
but i felt it when he left us
felt it in my chest
like the part of me ripped out
that i loved the best

and i wanted to go
along for the ride
so i wasn't listening
when he told me why
Though we all learn the hard way
the lessons of time
i'll make your path easy
just hold to this light

Captain Badness at the Gates of Madness

DEMO Captain Badness At The Gates Of Madness

in the center of mind 
sits a singular void
where all is created
and all is destroyed
recycling all 
through the field it creates
your body itself is the living gate
and if you create
by the power of mind
those structures within 
that have served throughout time
the madness you've known
from then on, is joy
For the world is your oyster
And its shell, your toy!

Center your mind
Inside of that place
witness collapsing 
& expanding space
Fall into the center
Of the center's insides
Then bounce off the bottom
and blow yer damn mind

working the mercury through catalyst
purified by fire, all coarseness of earth
captain badness would complete the great work
and the gates of madness, reveal our true worth

it was just too much
for the man to deny
he knew what he wanted
He wanted to fly
With Icarus' wings 
And Hercules' legs
he knelt & he straightened
and shot off into space
and I wanted to go 
along for the ride
so i wasn't watching when he 
flamed out and died
but i felt it when he left us
felt it in my chest
like the part of me ripped out
that i loved the best

now listen my daughter
and baby boy
as i tell you a secret
few else will employ
there's only one thing 
worth learning in this world
and that's to love everything
as though it were yours
Because it is
it really is 
it's yours

and you ain't supposed to run it all
into the god damned ground
like we are

and the ones who run the world
tug on monied strings 
to harm from afar

and they kill
and they destroy
and they make war
and they sell toys
and sell you cars

he sat and went quiet
and when he awoke
he found he could see them
and all they had wrought
Suppression, and 
so much noise
an endless hum, like the 
buzzing of flies

We live in their jar
we feed them our lives
and when they have ended
they make us go twice
and ripped out of context
you forget what's right
and the gates of madness
shall claim your whole life

and I wanted to go 
along for the ride
so i wasn't watching when he 
flamed out and died
but i felt it when he left us
felt it in my chest
like the part of me ripped out
that i loved the best

and i wanted to go
along for the ride
so i wasn't listening
when he told me why
Though we all learn the hard way
the lessons of time
i'll make your path easy
just hold to this light

Captain Badness At The Gates Of Madness

The Ways It Started

alien consciousness
descends upon the earth
above the barren rock that would give us all birth
seeding all local stars
with the building blocks of life

they are coming

time and again they returned to check in
making their rotations across the void
editing, moulding, and shaping 
each world pon which they grew life
folding space to slip through the void,
skipping stones 'cross the pond of time

they are coming
they are coming

the aeons went past
through the aqueous and ectotherms
and on unto mammals and man
Now maybe they're pleased they created us
Maybe they'll bomb us back to the cretaceous
But at least we all know where we stand

hey, they're here, never
left this place, never left this sphere, oh
hey, they're gone, oh
just living on the bottom of the ocean
Find them and free ourselves
we got nothing to live for but the end itself
draw down the moon 'pon this mortal hell
we got nothing to live for but the end itself

hear now the silent self
flowing over the barriers you held
admit now that what is true
cannot be known by any one of you
a picture not contained in time
can not be seen from within its lines, oh, but
find the door and step outside
And witness the truth we have tried to hide

we come in peace, prepared for war
in the name of civility 
but we're not gonna bring some barbarians home
just because they fucked up their scene
we're the reincarnations of brohda
and ten thousand more names besides
and if we have to kill you, you won't leave here alive

The Reincarnation of Brohda - EMERGENT VERSION

The Reincarnation Of Brohda EMERGENT VERSION

Hey kids, I think we need a 
plan for the summer
something so it don't turn
out like a bummer
I was thinking we could take up
running or climbing or jumping or flying or
 singing or walking or jogging or talking or
  thinking or sunning, or, i don't know, eating 
Or something

But we're gonna flump on our butts 
All day long
we're gonna flump while we're singing 
on this song
we're gonna flump on our butts
Til we get carried away

Well we're gonna flump on our butts 
All day long
We're gonna flump while we're singing 
On this song
And then we're gonna wake up and flumpmore
The very next day

But what you gonna do about the fool
Who tries to stand before you, on your stool
And tries to defy the flumping rule
And tries to make you think it's not cool
To just sit on your butt all day long
Eating chips and singing your song
He tries to make you feel like you're wrong
To just do what you want 
What *everybody* wants
To do

Welcome to Flumpmore

Another grand cycle draws to a close
imperiling your future
Heedful not
Of the senseless debate
About nature and nurture
Had upon the surface
Once all is forgotten
250 thousand years later
But time did not exist
Till we created it for you

Your function -
the infinite
extension
Into selfhood
Of perfection
Fractals of the fractured awareness
that is everywhere
your purpose, anamnesis

We tried to demonstrate for you
The power of the truth
Calling the Temples from the aether
Their perfect imprint existing forever
But the projection we made has been replaced
by those who deny what's real
And insist on ephemera
To define the whole anima, but
Rooted not in shadow, 
this can not be slain

So when you were created
You listened and believed
And everyone was powerful
And many of you were kings
But the divine right to rule
Expired
And y'all continued on like fools
Worshipping your idols and making your own rules

And the civilisation you've made
Is not worth the stain on 
the boot that would crush it
not even worth it
then as now, and ever, lies
the obvious escapes your eyes
the truth you live, itself alive
continually you deny

We tried to demonstrate for you
The power of the truth
Calling the Temples from the aether
Their perfect imprint existing forever
We tried to demonstrate for you 
the joy of eternal youth
But the decisions you made
Brought your own shame upon you
And destroyed what we gave

from timespace, to space in time
inevitably, we forget our lines
in like rain, we drip to life
immediately they try to dry
the misery, we'd all decry
were it not for the demons in our minds
the truth you live, itself alive
shall save your life and all your kind

Anamnesis of twisting light
ever unborn and ever undying
permanence can be no crime
the only truth in the land of time
Vesper of the endless night
know your past and know what calls you
Down into the crucible
That shapes the future of free will
 
We tried to demonstrate for you
The power of the truth
Calling the Temples from the aether
Their perfect imprint existing forever
We tried to demonstrate for you 
the joy of eternal youth, and that the 
perfect love that yearns to burst forth from you
Shall erase all your pain

doing the work which
in a quarter of a million years
will be utterly destroyed
i do not want your worship
i want your betterment
rid this planet of the demon that 
insists upon destroying it
He's you
He is you
You are the demon he's talking to
You are the unappeasable
Destitute, indolent 
Infant denying the truth
Your personalities, lies you 
Tell yourself, just to
Spur you into action
Heedlessly and toward
Ever greater 
Error and impaction

But the bull cares not who has him by the horns
as the rose cares not who suffers as he's 
pricked by its thorns
That the fool might not know his folly 
is offense enough
for me

The Lesser Metals

My children formed their own band without me.  

the ways of darkness and light

The infinity song is not so long
it only goes on
Forever

Spontaneously written and recorded by my 7 year old daughter her first time playing guitar Feb 11 2025

the infinity song

Piggies

piggy

Piggies Everywhere

paw patrol, paw patrol
they'll be there in the cat-car
pikachu zaps you to ash
while Goh catches Captain Underpants
Ponies on the magic schoolbus
Dinotrux eat number blocks
Storybots to explain why
Bandit's a better dad than your guy

i can't remember who i am
my teeth turned green from all the jam
last month i didn't change my clothes
and now my toenails touch my nose
did ponyo fly a magic castle?
kung fu panda killed miss frizzell
I can't even remember if i've
seen this show, but

we won't turn off the tv

Elsa fought the one punch man
Raya's on Hiccup's dragon
The Lorax ate the Avatar
that robot just became a car
the fluegels don't know what a popsicle is
Woody's just one of Pinnochio's kids
The lord of the war of the rings in the stars
but nobody talks about Bruno

Hey kids why don't you go outside
There's screens on the inside of your eyes 
But all they say is no no no
we only want to watch our show
and now they say how it will go
Not only will they just not go, but

it ain't a problem when they play
just take it all and make it into a game 

We Won't Turn Off The Tv

We Won't Turn Off The TV

I took a marrow bone and hit him on the head

Bad Guy National Anthem

When Astro attacks
You're gonna wanna 
Run and hide

When Astro attacks
He's gonna make you
Wanna cry

Ain't nobody left to defend
Against the fuzz 
From the sky

When Astro attacks
You're just gonna have to 
Switch sides

Join the fuzz
The fuzz is furry
Ain't no eyes 
that ain't been blurry
Ain't no nose 
That ain't been blowsy
Fuzzy is what fuzzy does 
And it makes you happy


The House of the Dropcat
Shall fall down on you
Bringing fuzzy fortune 
To your life of doom n gloom

The House of the Dropcat 
Shall pounce upon you
And the last thing that you'll ever know
Shall be your furry doom

Join the fuzz
The fuzz is furry
Ain't no purrs
What's in a hurry
Ain't no curs 
That have to worry 
Fuzzy is what fuzz is 
Gonna do

The House of the Dropcat

The greedy decided that greed was the way
and decided to take everything away
they took and they took
and said let them eat cake
and the men in their pockets
were all on the take
and they paved the way up
to your door for the rape.

and they raped and they raped and they
raped you again
and when they were finished
they called in their friends
and they raped you to death
and they burned down your house
then they said you sold child porn
so nobody'd question it.

and then they did your neighbours
and then they did the block
and everybody noticed
and everybody clucked
And now it's over
you are over
and your country is gone
But I hope you had 
a good day 
at work!

cuz it's gonna be a long time
yeah a long time
till you can ever make money again
cuz them fuckers ain't hiring
and they all think that food 
is Somebody Else's Problem
cuz they take their lives for granted
and have no idea what they're 
built upon
you let that moron smash the system
and he's ripping off the bandaid
that holds your arteries together

you don't like my taste in metaphors
i don't like your taste in friends
we all see that, of the two, yours
is the more serious offense
I do not agree to disagree
you're wrong and that's all there is to it
And the violence you ever prepare for us
is more than enough proof of it.

and then they did your neighbours
and then they did the block
and everybody noticed
and nobody gave a fuck
And now it's over
you are over
and your country is gone
But I hope you had 
a good day 
at work!

well, whaddya think happens now
i said whaddya think happens now
i said whaddya think happens now
i said whaddya think happens now

Greed

When it started out
it was looking like it all'd
go right in

to a hall of fame-tier
catalogue of cryin

so we started lookin
for wrongs we could be righting

and the list we made
was the arm's length
Of Orion

but the cheesecloth of time
kept squeezing us out
the tight end

the mouth shot off 
the opportunity 
dematerializing

the bird of paradise
pooped in my coffee
and kept on flyin'

and the cheesecloth of time
just kept squishin us out
the tight end


never again
we used to say
before it happened every day
the years go bleeding by
it, unopposed

we could be talking about anything
but you know exactly 
what i'm thinking
we'll ride the lightning through their dome
yeah ride it right back
to our home

but the cheesecloth of time
kept squeezing us out
the tight end

as we spend all our time
trying to keep 
from frying

the bird of paradise
just pooped in my coffee 
and kept on flying

and the cheesecloth of time
kept squeezing us out
the tight end

The Cheesecloth of Time

Fired up by emberlight
Under the blazing stars 
Of Penetanguishene
such a full sky
even to an out-of-date prescription

Thank you, dear wife
for making this happen
even though i still found an outhouse to crap in
we glamped our way
Right through the night

In Penetanguishene
Where the grass was green
But the seaweed was a dingy dirty gray
Seagull Rock was covered in it
Don't know what else we expected 
but the beaches
oh the beaches made the perfect day

Going down to the beach after dark
to check out the moving stars
Of Penetanguishene
august star shower
Satellites, UFOs, space station
Somebody threw the Big Dipper at Orion
That thing's pretty big, man
No wonder he's hiding
We glamped our way
Out into the night

In Penetanguishene
Where the firewood sings
And that heavy wind can blow you 
across the bay
Awenda Provincial Park, oh
Wife and kids sleeping out in the dark
You put the fire back into my life
at just the right time

Firing up by ember light
Under the blazing stars
Of Penetanguishene...

Penetanguishine demo 1

Penny rolled on down the road
to the arcade with her boyfriend Joe
Joe pinched her ass and slapped her tit
she didn't see the tree she hit, aww

AFK at the wheel

same arcade a decade later
mike's got ambition, his pole's in position
getting it waxed on the ride home
Mike's heart left a lump in his throat, now

AFK at the wheel

got a red sports car, woofers are thumpin
George thinks he's driving the indy 500
phone starts chirpin George can't resist
curious George drove off a cliff, yeah

AFK at the wheel

Brand new Tesla rolling down the road
Autopilot's engaged, Jim's chewing his chode
Electric nipple clamps in the usb charger
Plug in his backside and his gun in a holster

AFK at the wheel

contortionist with ringling bros,
Jim flew like a cannonball through his front window
car hit the tree he landed in
fricasseed Jim but they say he's still winning

AFK at the wheel
AFK at the wheel

AFK At The Wheel demo 1

black dwarf records - shit so fresh it can't possibly exist yet 
(it's a space joke, not a...)

black dwarf records publishes the music of ÜBERHELLA, SplatCatDoodleBlatt, EpochEllipse, The Incredible Stimulator, and Fucking Weirdo.
paypal.me/blackdwarfrecords

black dwarf records

Pinned to spotlight

Popular tracks