Inner Predator

A Passer By

"The beatings. The coldness. You never saw a smile."

Jimmy Stewart recounts experiences which are piercingly harrowing - but not uncommon.

He is one of thousands of survivors of institutions for children in Northern Ireland, where abuse of young residents was widespread.

When he was eight, Jimmy was taken into Nazareth Lodge in Belfast - a place he quietly describes as "a nightmare".

His mother had died of cancer, aged 32. His father was deaf and unable to speak.

"Though he tried to look after us, he couldn't," Jimmy says.

He remembers the nun who met him and his younger brother Patrick at the door called them "wee mongrels".

The boys didn't know what that meant at the time, but later learned it was a reference to his parents' mixed marriage - one was a Catholic, the other a Protestant.

Jimmy Stewart remembers getting "the mother and father of all beatings" after he ran at a nun when she was physically abusing his younger brother, Patrick.

The vivid nature of his memories are clear when he describes how a nun beat him "with her weapon of choice - a rung from a baby's cot, with piping and light blue paint on it".

Explaining how he became an alcoholic, Jimmy says: "If you ask anyone who's a heavy drinker, they'll tell you that you don't dream in a drunken sleep.

"You don't have nightmares. You don't have flashbacks. It numbs you. Keeps all that stuff away. Until the point it's going to kill you. Which it nearly did to me."

He describes spending "three years behind a locked door in my own house".

"I hadn't bathed or shaved. I think the last three months I spent in the same bathrobe."

He began to recover after he went into hospital.

But his older brother, Victor, "drank himself to death".

Jimmy becomes particularly emotional when he talks about how Victor was "so much changed" by what happened in Rubane House.

"We were always close. But those years took it out of us."

As an adult, Victor "couldn't discuss it - he probably didn't think there was any help for him".

Jimmy regrets deeply that Victor hasn't lived to hear the state apology.

Lyrics.

Hello little mongrel
Come on in
This is just the place
To cure you of your sin

We'll beat you black and blue
With whatever comes to hand
You'll learn to obey
All of our demands

I drink to hide the flashbacks
I drink to numb my mind
Therapy's no good for me
I'm afraid what I will find

You took me and my brothers
Took us down to hell
We never had a smile or love
Became an empty shell

I can't believe in afterlife
I wish I could at times
They'd throw you in the darkest place
To pay for all your crimes

I drink to hide the flashbacks
I drink to numb my mind
Therapy's no good for me
I'm afraid what I will find

You got away with everything
Now you're not here to find
The children trusted to your care
You left broken and maligned

Suffer The Little Children

Well I almost scrapped this song but after 3 weeks writing words, and then realizing how fun it is to sing, i kept it. I'm trying to figure out how to add a little lightheartedness to my music, but i think this one just turned out creepy lol. NOTE:  I always felt a little uncomfortable with the words, i just really didn't like them, so I reworked the chorus and a few other lines, and rerecorded the vocals. It seems a little better now...
 

I've seen my own worst enemy
Every night just staring back at me
Through the mirror with such animosity
And baby, it drives me crazy
I don’t understand what’s with this guy,
He don’t know that he’s alive
He combs his hair on the wrong side

I don’t expect you to understand,
But I’ve got these hammers for my hands
I like to start with everything
and smash away what I don’t need
and scattered all around are the pieces off of me
oh baby can’t you see what this done has to me

It’s a strange strange situation 
I need a little information
If it’s real or just imagination
Don’t say it’s so, I can’t believe 
Its down to you and me again
Up against the world my friend
Who can say   how this will end
 
It’s 3am and you’re slamming doors
Cause ‘I don’t speak your language anymore’
While I’m on my knees picking pieces
Of me up off the floor, 
I can’t lose much more, these pieces could be the last of me,
I wish I could see the way you see
is there anything left in this debris

Hammer Hands

New EP (final track)

amandasanderson.bandcamp.com/album/mcmlxx

Music, lyrics, mixing, production: Verulium
Vocals: Amanda

Lyrics:

I’m a veteran  of the psychic war
Never before have I been so happy on the sidelines
Far away
I’ve found a place to stay
I’ve found a place to stay

And when I look back now
There is no cure
For the cruel existence we endured
We endured

I’m a veteran of the psychic war
Never before have I been so happy on the sidelines
Far away
I’ve found a place that I can stay
On Neptune 17
Hiding from the all seeing machine
It tracks you, it drags you down
I’m lost, can I be found?
I’m lost, I don’t want to be found

And when I look back now
There is no cure
For the cruel existence we endured
We endured

And now times have changed
This space machine will help me make it to the end
To the end

I’m a veteran of the psychic war
Never before have I been so happy on the sidelines
Far away
I’ve found a place that I can stay
On Neptune 17
Hiding from the all seeing machine
It tracks you, it drags you down
I’m lost, can I be found?
I’m lost, I don’t want to be found

MCMLXX

Psychic War

Recorded in the 1990s on 4 track recording machine and a hardware sequenzer.
©1995 m: H. Krumm / t: E.
Solo Guitar played by R. Hanke
This ist the 1997 version of the song.
Remastered from compact cassette in 2022.

Carry On

🖤Buy

Carry On - 1990s Vintage

A song about a relationship that struggles against other peoples prejudices and aggression.
A big thanks to Nat from me & Noobly for agreeing to sing on the track to create the feeling and the moment of the song ……
Butterfly Lips 


Lyrics: Butterfly Lips 

V1

Were like the pantomime villians
Everyone boo’s when we enter the room 
We’re just an Imprint on your souls 
That you left like an unkept wilted rose
It feels like we have been dropped off 
After diving to the middle of nowhere 
So we will clear our desk find a box
Fill it right up and fuck right off

Pre Chorus 

It’s been one of those days 
Now it’s one of those nights x2

Chorus 

And the one thing that we never resist
Is the taste of our butterfly lips x2

V2
We are the coffee flavour
in our mix up bag  of revels
Maybe that’s the reason why is everyone bitter and dishevelled
So our moral gymnastics as  somersaulted through the roof again
So we will clear our desk find a box
Fill it right up and fuck right off

Pre chorus 
Chorus 



V3
Many people like to  claim Responsible for the success
But we find ourselves on our own 
For the failures and regrets 
So keep it short and keep sweet 
Cause we’re listening through gritted teeth 
So we will  clear our desk find a box fill it up and fuck right off 

Pre chorus 
Chorus

Butterfly Lips  ~ Conscience of Kings with Nat Daniels

Funk Rock Town / Paploviante 2022
Paploviante Slap Bass, Music, Picture and Mix Mastering

Funk Rock Town - Paploviante

Written Performed And Recorded By DMc.Music November 2022.

Tidal Wave (Lyrics)

I remember when we ran away
I took your hand Kissed your smiling face
Stepping out to a new day rising sun
We'd spend our days throwing skimming stones
We made a wish only we would know
Summertime how the days went on and on

You're washing over me
Like a tidal wave
You're washing over me
Ooh like a tidal wave
I'm drifting all the way yeah

We made a bed on an empty beach
We sang and danced we were young and free
Time goes by You stay in my memory

You're washing over me
Like a tidal wave
You're washing over me
Ooh like a tidal wave
You're washing over me
Like a tidal wave
You're washing over me
Ooh like a tidal wave
I'm drifting all the way yeah

It's like a tidal wave when i see your face
It's like a tidal wave when i see your face
It's like a tidal wave when i see your face
It's like a tidal wave when i see your face

All Lyrics Written By DMc.Music @Copyright2022

Tidal Wave (Brand New Track)

Dedicated to all the hard working "Super Shooting Stars" out there.

13 across (crossword clue) ft Jonathan Beckenstein

I'm a Songwriter.. I'm a Dad ..  I love Trees  :)

Super Shooting Star

Black Eye Butterfly