My T.V. Eye

with apologies to Kevins, past, present and future
thank you, Kevins McHale, Costner and Bacon for participating 

Never Trust A Kevin 

When I was just a little boy                                                         
There was this nasty kid                                                             
Kevin was wild, Kevin was vile                                                   
All the twisted things he did                                                        
I tried to be friendly                                                                     
I tried to play nice                                                                       
They said, “Kevin behave”                                                             
“You will scar that boy for life”                                               

Never trust a Kevin                                                                     
I can never trust a Kevin in my life                                             
Never trust a Kevin                                                                     
I can never trust a Kevin in my life                                              
                                                                            
Run from the school, coming for me 
See him beat me down the block
I'll wait till I'm older, got to get stronger 
And in time, I'll clean his clock
But that day never came
We both slowly moved away
But his legend still haunts, the pranks and the taunts
I still cringe that name today

Never trust a Kevin
I can never trust a Kevin in my life 
Never trust those Kevins 
Never trust those Kevins in your life

Kevin Smith, Kevin Bacon                                                       
The Costner, O'Leary and the                                                 
Federline nations                                                                    
 Mr. Spacey,those things they said you did                                            
And Kevin McHale..........                                                                 
You ain't no paraplegic kid!....   

….   Artie walks! .....what a fraud ......
                                            
Never trust a Kevin
You can never trust a Kevin in your life
Never trust a Kevin 
You can never trust a Kevin in your life 
Your life, my life

Too many Kevins in my world
See the way they bring me down 
Remove the K, turn the N to L
And you can call them EVIL now
So what's in a name, what's in a face
It's a childhood memory 
That's seared in my brain, I can not erase…. that Kevin close to me...

               



Never Trust A Kevin

      ...it's a mystery
how a devil got in me.......                                   

opening sound bite 1- This Wheel's on Fire- Bob Dylan and the Band
other sound bites..too obvious to state

The Wheel of Fortune                                  
 
The Wheel of Fortune                                                   
This game of life                                                            
The search for the answers                                         
They won’t ask you twice                                               
I won a trip to Jamaica
I’ll take my submarine
I'm going down to do battle
With those riddle machines

See me jumping up and down                                      
Laughing, crying, TV clown                                          
Lights and bells around us spin                                  
Whisk us from the space we’re in                                
Sajak, two-jack, city boy                                              
Peals of Vanna, verbal ploys                                        
Competition under my skin                                           
Tax it back and start again                                                                                
The Wheel of Fortune is calling to me... gonna set us free
The Wheel of Fortune will be burying me,  in sweet luxury

The Wheel of Fortune
I got a free spin
Then I landed on cancer
Look at the shape I’m in
Another trip of a lifetime
I’ll paint it hospital green
I like those tropical colours
I like to  keep it clinical and clean

A lonesome gurney destiny
IV lines that run to me
Buy a vowel or bust a rhyme
I’m slowly running out my time
Sajak, turn back,mirror ball
Vanna speaks in hallowed halls
Channel’s changing, turn it off
Chemo treatment, wheeze and cough

The Wheel of Fortune is rescuing me... seriously
The Wheel of Fortune, it’s a mystery... how a devil got in me 

Bankrupted space, I’m forced to kneel
I’m strapped onto this Catherine wheel
My melting bones, the pain is real
"Let’s start the fire," Dylan squeals
Notify my next of kin
Round and round my head, it spins
Another game I can not win
Better take a breath, better start again

The wheel of fortune is turning for me…. gonna set me free
The wheel of fortune it’s a mystery, I got a devil in me





The Wheel of Fortune


This song is for Marcin Kulik who loves all things Trailer Park  and asked me to write a song about the show...so there... wrote it for you, man

I tried to keep the spirit of the show but wanted some vulnerability there amongst the vulgar..know what I'm sayin'?

Trailer Park 

There's a place in Nova Scotia
Sunnyvale, I'm hanging there
Lounging in a folding chair 
With those prodigal sons

See ole Ricky paroled and broke
Julian sipping his rum and coke
Such crass and simple folk
Well, I'm another one 

You better step off, Randy
You no shirt, lawn-mowing, cheese burger-eating twit
J-Roc, he got my back hard, know what I’m sayin’?
Like him, I'm rapping and talking shit

There's a trailer park 
In my mind
At that trailer park
I like to waste some time
Forget about the future 
Laugh about the past
Slow down a bit, cause life it moves too fast 
You know what I’m sayin’
Old-school, pimped up tight
In that trailer park, we be fine
We be fine tonight 

Bubbles with his bottle glasses 
Magnifies the Scotian underclasses
Cory and Trevor such dumbasses
I’m another one

Ricky’s weed, it ain't growing
Julian's got a thing that's going
J-Roc and the Roc-pile showing
How the east was won

Mr. Lahey’s week-long bender
It’s a whiskey wash to drown his sins
Lonesome lover to that fat Randy
The law don't work for him

In that trailer park
Of my mind
At that trailer park
I like to waste some time
Forget about the future 
Laugh about the past
Slow down a bit, cause life it moves so fast 
You know what I’m sayin’
Old-school, pimped up tight
In that trailer park we be fine
We be fine tonight 

Break

You know what I'm saying
Reverse the black and white
Punk ass bitches
Old-school pimped up tight
Sometimes shit don't matter
Throw yer hands up dawg alright
In that trailer park
We be fine
In that trailer park 
We be fine
In that trailer park inside my mind
I’ll be fine tonight

Trailer Park

some pessimistic rantings about the sorry state of the planet with help from some of the original Star Trek gang...all the clips taken from the episode City on the Edge of Forever...great episode about time travel..very well written, profound,funny and sad.....  DeForest Kelly as a delirious Dr McCoy delivers a masterclass in overacting...

You!! What Planet Is This?

Captain Kirk can't preserve our federation
You better beam him up Scotty
Politicos, polluters and corporate power players
All flash and fake and shoddy
Paranoia, planet-panic
My fear, it multiplies
Like McCoy trippin’ out on Cordrazine
A raging question plagues my mind

You! What Planet Is This?
Phasers set to stun
World come undone
One step from the abyss 
You! What Planet Is This?
From greed to gun
Real-life science fiction fun

Mr. Spock can't wave off, our project in illogic
Better beam him up Scotty
Frustrated with the intellect of all us human players 
As we destroy Earth’s mind and body
Patriotic ploys gone frantic
Terra firma fools collide
The air impure, thoughts incorrect 
Edith Keeler must die

You!  What planet is this?
Take a leap through time
Try to save mankind
From the march to the precipice
You! What Planet Is this?
Silly Star Trek song
Hope I got the ending wrong

Run Run DeForest
Run Run Doctor Run
Run through the cities 
With the maniacs and moneyed ones
Run Run Children
Run Run Children Run
You better Run
Run

You! What Planet is this?
Third from the sun
You know, the violent one
Exploding in our midst
You! What Planet is this?
Watch the lights go out
As we twist and shout








You!!!  What Planet is this?


as a child of the 60s and 70s Friday nights meant watching the Brady Bunch and Partridge Family
Had lots in common with Jan as the song eludes to. ( though no black wig for me..so far...)
Of course Jan and her Marcia Marcia Marcia rant became a pop culture phrase in the 90s and a meme in the 2k years.. .. funny for sure...but she deserves more our Jan
I wanted to write her a tender song from my adolescent perspective.
Marcia had Davey Jones.. now Jan gets a little  homemade Hand on the Rock... 

Middle Sister Jan

I watched her on the screen
In the 1970s
My favorite Brady, middle sister Jan
For me, Marcia was too perfect
Cindy just a baby
So Jan, I gave my heart to her, in our fantasy TV land

Like her I was bespectacled
Fair haired and full of freckles
The insecure and awkward school yard show
I did not make the football team
Or hang with Greg and Peter
Like Jan, a little slow to say hello

Hey Jan
I think I understand
What it's like to feel unappreciated 
But girl it's time to change our attitude
We've got so much more to offer
Forget those Marcia, Marcia, Marcias 
Hey Jan
I got faith in you
You are just like me you see
I hope you feel it too

Friday nights on ABC
With that clean cut family 
Jan was the voice that I could comprehend 
Anxious about the future
Jealous in the present
Lying about George Glass, her made up new boyfriend 

We were both introspective 
Confused with the objective 
Reflecting on our reflection in that mirror on the wall
Plagued with indecision 
Disadvantaged pole positions
How we looked, how we talked
How far we’d fall

Hey Jan
I understand 
You being stuck in middle land
But there's lots of ways to find some gratitude 
You don't need that black wig wonder
Let's forget our social blunders
Hey Jan
I got faith in you
Sweet Jan I see on my TV
I am just like you

Jan Brady, see, she’s a lot like me
Maybe she's a bit like you








Middle Sister Jan

There’s a treasure down deep in this garbage can
To find it, plug your nose, feel the dirt on your hands
Just remember that they never really understand 
Your personal Rosetta Stone

