produced by xona

[loss, relationship]

speak lightly
I won’t seem that worried about you and me
down few
many lose lives quick, nothing’s new 
hiding right behind you 
you’ll choose, you’ll choose

from what I wear
to see and stare
I swear I swear
you’ll have my care

fuck,
how are you here with me?
I told you I’m scared of-
graphic and the terror to seize
It’s more than it could seem
It’s more than wear and tear
and I could hardly bear
and I could hardly bear
I could hardly bear
I could hardly-

from what I wear
to see and stare
I swear I swear
you’ll have my care

wear

spotify

produced by heylog

lyrics:
when i burn in fire
you gave a hand
i'll try not to let go
she understands
nothing is more beautiful
than your demand
i thank u for being
so delicate

i'll decide ur demeanor to me
no ambition it was never easy
on the highway he finally came clean
how the hell could you do that to me
i thought u were my bestfriend
cus i know that they don't cut ur back
text and i won't answer, get on read
don't play w my emotions i'm so delicate
so delicate

when i burn in fire 
u gave a hand
but i might just let go
and she understands
nothing is more beautiful
than your demand
i hope i treated you
better than him

walking outside notice autumnal leaves
yellow and red and a few orangish trees
the air is fresh when i'm jogging thru this subdivision
my legs hurt.. take breath heavily
run by three deer on my right
they look at me like i'm threatening their life
the parents are guarding their fawn
sometimes i wish family could be us

autumn

produced by heylog

lyrics:
we went through a lot of ups and downs
yet you still stayed close to my side
we often dug straight to the ground
you don't know what i look like now
just a number in my phone
i'll love you the most
march is a horrible month
why's it always cold
spent the end to cry
i miss you every night
don't call me when you see this
i'll hit decline
i don't look the same
as i used to
is this a bad thing
log, i don't know you
i don't look the same
like before
and i don't recognize myself
anymore

2 weeks 'till i go home
can't wait to see you, oh
october is when you go
now things are coming to
an end

she'll only love me if i just love myself
but baby with you i felt things i don't feel
i couldn't imagine to feel someone else
the thought of it always gets me overwhelmed
i hate separating from people i love
but i go forever without anyone
i will go for days and not say any words
you won't hear from me cause i sit back and lurk
closing the drapes to block out any light
the things that i do i would never advise
it's so bad for me and hm, i wonder why
growing more acne and i'm not surprised
don't look at me, please don't look at my face
the way that you stare makes me humiliate
i swear i get uglier
i don't look the same
you won't recognize me by how much i've changed
changed

update failed

'12 gauge' produced by heylog

lyrics:
moving swift, moving clean
all my thrift big on me
and i look goofy when i see
order double in xl
when my body lean as hell
and it's all because i'm well
maybe i should get clothes
that i fit for my size
there are barely i own
jacket got holes in it
but ima still throw it on
cause i don't care if it's ripped
you'll never know
you'll never know
where she had went and where'd she go
i wanna leave
i wanna leave
i wonder what is stopping me
she loves borrowing my wardrobe
said i smell good, so you wear all of my clothes
and they come back smelling like her
next thing u know she has my whole attire

i'll wait 
till u make ur mind up
she wants 
everything i wear cause
all of 
it is oversized
the sleeves are 
well below her thighs
don't take 
every single thing i own
cause i'll 
need it back before u go
and she 
wonders why i said that
i'm not 
confident that this'll last

you ever think about where i been?
you ever think about who we was
cause i do
but i just pretend i don't care about us
she's always apologetic to me
but when did u ever do anything
cause i don't
i hope u will never forget about home

and she always tried on my clothes
i pretend and fake it all
what u don't know
oh, you don't know
keeping secrets way too long
and i cannot continue this
i'm struggling to exist
and u don't know
oh, you don't know
thoughts begin to overflow
you would ask for an extra large to wear
but i only have double x in there
oh but she'll wear anything that i give
so next time i'll come over with ur cares

shutting me down, wake up from rem
i had a dream of us both laying in bed
but when i woke up i thought that it was real
i tried to go back to sleep to get a feel
of what it was like again to see your eyes
i knew it was impossible if i tried
now i'm just laying here, eyelids open
i stare into darkness tryna see objects
the only thing i see is my closet ahead
the same one that bears a certain turtle neck
the same closet thats got my 'retta encaged
the same closet thats got my locked up 12 gauge
and here are these nights i spend alone
turn off the lights, open window
jump into bed, plug in my phone
when i still got 90% left to go
and i fall asleep, but before i do
i sit in silence for an hour or two
these vivid thoughts get into view
and this what it sound like when i dream of you

12 gauge

prod logan

lyrics:
i just hide upstairs 
acting like i care
when you send me a message 
my feelings are not there 
find me in the woods 
know where i have stood 
thunderstorms passing over 
oh man i'm feeling good 
i just disappeared 
no i do not care 
if you send me a text message 
i'll just leave it there 
scout me in the sticks 
somewhere in the twigs 
oh somehow all the pain stops 
am i a new person 

i just found out all i need to know 
write it down and jot it in my notes 
i cannot trust anyone, no soul 
no we're not close 
ur not my bro 
said you were but anything to get aim 
oh and all this talk is startin to rot my brain 
and honestly i'm startin to lose my patience 
i'm tired of waiting 
i'm up

woods

prod logan

lyrics:
PULL OUT THE RED DOT
THIS GUNS ILLEGAL IN YOUR STATE
PRACTICE HEAD SHOTS
ILL PUT A HOLE IN YOU ONE DAY
I NEED NO THOUGHT
IF I IMA PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE
LET IT GO OFF
CAUSE NAH I DONT PLAY IT SAFE

YOU GOTTA MOVE
YOU GOTTA MOVE
I DONT PLAY IT SAFE
YOU GOTTA MOVE
YOU GOTTA MOVE

MOVE
MOVE
MOVE
MOVE

move

Prod ERXN & heylog

every photo, im not recognised
its always black and white, with some grain inside
you would think that i was tryna hide
im really not i just hate what i see

you wouldnt like it no doubt
ill force my hand over your mouth
youre half the size of me now
bruise on your knees start to sprout

look to my left, im in a forest where im tryna find 
a piece of you that just keeps falling down beside my side
i ran right through the forest path we did a thousand times
im scared that I wont make it back I might of lost my mind 
might of broke down for a minute but its cool 
image distorted in my vision when you call 
i know its just anxiety but if its more 

ima need a Prozac for this 
if you never loved me that's shit 
keep me out of line like im wearing high viz 
keep me outside like im never not in 
if you need me il die il tell you im in 
see me outside come around real quick 
baby I know the way to try and get your hate out 
click it back and put it to my face now

man i wish that she was close
hanging out, youre on the phone
think that i just found a home
hopefully we'll always grow
11 days until i board my flight
i just gotta know if youre worth my time
moving on to better things
she found me, shes in love w me
she always wants to say my name
yeah all she does is say my name
and i love her honesty
you really put my mind at ease
she wants to call me everyday
just so she can say my name

Spotify

BRUISE w/ hiraeth & heylog

This song will only be available on my soundcloud and is not being monetized.

cover of 'isolation' by sleepwater (produced by speedlmt)
love you🌲

isolation cover (sleepwater)

im so bored of waiting wishing I could fucking fast forward
done with wasting rotting wasted fucked up getting plastered
too close to the fire im done playing with disaster
im still in denial praying changing like a bastard

i dont
feel a thing when you talk
feel the same when you watch
feel the same when you stop
feel the same when you drop
feel the same when you plot
feel the same when you rot
feel the same when you uh
feel the same when you 

thought id do a thing only thing i get is better
stuck inside your brain while you stuck inside the past still
love to play the game but i promise that im better
I been yen and yang babe i love to walk to the tightrope

i aint fuck w birds im out here posted like a scare crow
eye up on the scope ain't wonder if the snake is painful
God and me are straight aint worried bout if it get cut throat
ain't got time for complicated i can make shit simple

I ain't wasting no more time about it
dont tell me a thing
I dont wanna hear about it
oh you still the same?
great i never really doubted
people really change?
yeah I highly fuckin doubt it

omg

none to gain
uhuh
still okay
uhuh
feelings change
uhuh
distant pain
uhuh
got away
uhuh
gotta pray
uhuh
different day
uhuh
ain't a thing
uhuh
