i h8 u!

beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTuRRbPr2YU mercy prod DutchRevz

lyrics:
black little dress
my hair’s a mess
black sweatshirt
try to cover the hurt, the hurt
black makeup
waiting for you to wake tf up
hiding all the pain
i’m waiting in the rain


i’m drenched, i’m drenched, a filthy little wretch
i’m drenched, i’m drenched, won’t you let me in?
i’m drenched, i’m drenched, a filthy little wretch
i’m drenched, i’m drenched, won’t you let me in?

waiting outside your door
the rain begins to pour
stay in bed from 12-4
i feel like i deserve more
but if i do, you won’t give it to me
please, won’t you set me free?
i wish i didn’t love you
i didn’t know what tf to do

i’m drenched, i’m drenched, a filthy little wretch
i’m drenched, i’m drenched, won’t you let me in?

into your heart
it kills me being apart
into your life
i wanna be your wife
into your mind
don’t wanna be left behind
into your world
i wanna be your girl

i’m drenched, i’m drenched, a filthy little wretch
i’m drenched, i’m drenched, won’t you let me in? 
i’m drenched, i’m drenched, a filthy little wretch
i’m drenched, i’m drenched, won’t you let me in?

black/drenched (prod. DutchRevz)

beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFUPGXGb1b0 “demons” prod. Metlast

lyrlcs:
waking up every morning 
so fucked up and so damn horny 
throw some clothes on from the floor 
grit my teeth and slam the door
i’m doing everything i can
just a man without a plan
gotta run, demons catching up
where’s the fun in anything, now?
i’ve been crying all night
you’ve been gone, left without a fight
i’ve been doin alright
you obviously can’t tell that is a lie
waking up every morning 
so fucked up and so damn horny 
throw some clothes on from the floor 
grit my teeth and slam the door
i’m doing everything i can
just a man without a plan
gotta run, demons catching up
where’s the fun in anything, now?
i’ve been left all alone
you won’t pick up the phone
i’ve been bottled up, boutta explode
you say you love me, please just, don’t
waking up every morning 
so fucked up and so damn horny 
throw some clothes on from the floor 
grit my teeth and slam the door
i’m doing everything i can
just a man without a plan
gotta run, demons catching up
where’s the fun in anything, now?

demons(prod.metlast)

beat is privated sorry guys

lyrics:
do you hate me?
do you hate yourself?
do you blame me?
do you hate me?
do you hate yourself?
do you blame me?

dug your fingers through my mind
left me with holes, some i can’t find
sometimes i wish that i’d’ve died
sometimes i miss those stupid nights
and i don’t mind the tears i cried
or any of the times you lied
my hands are tied, my brain is fried
sorry i made you my whole damn life
“when you’re gone i miss you so
without you to get me high, i feel so low”
yeah, that’s the way the story goes
more than anyone else you should know
my affections were not just for show
you take a piece of me everytime you go
loved the purple lights, made our bodies glow
never learned to return what’s been borrowed

do you hate me? (prod HVLX)

beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaexI2c04YI 

lyrics:
you were heroin, sweet and soft
went away, i got withdrawals
miss stealing shit at the mall
and after every dirty deed
more in love with you i’d fall
life’s a ball but i wasn’t invited
turn it off, cut the lightswitch
firestarter, i’m ignited
you hurt me, now you’re indicted 

when you were here, i was frightened
supposed to keep me safe from the lightning
now you’re gone, but my chest has tightened 
sad you left, cus i miss the fighting
smart, you’re the only damn test i failed
heart, played with mine, now you’re in jail
tried my hardest, to no avail
didn’t know the hurt that this entails 

pull at my eyelashes one by one
i thought by now i’d be done
nowhere to hide and nowhere to run
take the damn trophy, i guess you won

guntitled (prod. greythecloud)

lyrics:
existence, existence
existential dread
existence, existence
existential dread

it’s getting late and i’m in bed
come to the door, n let me give you head
i swallow your cum like i’m swallowing lead
worried you’ll see the blood i’ve bled
but that’s alright, you won’t notice
i feel like i’ve already blown this
i recently realized you don’t give a shit
recently realized you’ll only want me as your bitch

existence, existence
existential dread
i wish i didn’t, i wish i didn’t 
didn’t get out of bed

is my only use for being bred?
is my body used to being red?
capillaries bursting in my head
the feeling of you, i can’t forget
i’m worried about being forgot
i have little to no forethought
don’t care whether or not if i’m seen as a thot
don’t care whether or not you think i’m hot

existence, existence
existential dread
i’m stuck in my, i’m stuck in my
stuck in my own head

did you hate me cus you raped me?
or did you rape me cus you hate me?
did you even wanna hurt me?
did you ever wanna love me?
did you hate me cus you raped me?
or did you rape me cus you hate me?  
can you feel anything?
did you feel anything? like

existential dread (prod ERLAX)

https://youtu.be/qjyf9cV57Jc?list=RDqjyf9cV57Jc

lyrics:
i think i lost my head again
almost woke up dead again
laying in your bed again
waiting til i shed my skin
why the hell would you let me in?
waiting to begin again

again and again, im getting tired of letting you win
over and over, all you do is pull me closer
it’s just rinse and repeat, im getting tired of being sweet
again and again, you’re the worst fucking friend

i think i lost my way again
got me craving pain again
coat me with disdain again
love my body, hate my brain again

bleeding on the floor again
begging you for more again

again prod DIMEBAGGI£

belong (prod grayskies)

https://youtu.be/PGXuy-06Vf0 kiss me one more time prod metlast x 5head
lyrics: 
listening to birds sing
street noise make my ears ring
i’m overwhelmed by everything 
overwhelmed by anything
im stuck with the memories
try to not let it get to me
talking bout it hurts him
i’m trying to get over it
too much on my fucking mind
always running out of time
too much on my fucking plate
why can’t i feel no hate?
always fucking running late
tryna make all my due dates
i wonder if it was my fate
to fall in love and get raped

down on my knees for you 
everything to please you
beg, borrow, steal for you
i never healed from you
am i a mistake to you?
you watched me break in two
and i wish i hate you
like i said i do

and i still feel your lips on my neck
and your fingers digging into my leg
your voice echoing inside my head
but without you i’m a fucking wreck
angel in a white dress
take it off, we’re chest to chest
tangled up, yeah  we’re a mess
i don’t deserve any less
doing good on my own
why you in my reflection
tell me where i went wrong
or point me in the right direction

im trippin, falling on my face
wishin i wasn’t a disgrace
just diggin, diggin my own grave
please listen to what i have to say

sleepless nights im all alone
please gimme some affection
poppin oxycodone
i am but a projection
i really thought we got along
you were my predilection
but i was so sadly wrong
gave me no choice, no election
i can’t take this anymore
memories all on my floor
hiding right behind my door
do you think that im a whore?
i loved you, but that was before
before you left me craving more
my blood spilling on the floor
no,  you don’t love me anymore

down on my knees for you 
everything to please you
beg, borrow, steal for you
i never healed from you
am i a mistake to you?
you watched me break in two
and i wish i hate you like i said i do

like i said i do (prod metlast x 5head)

euphoric freestyle thing idk
felt like posting

lyrics:
watching the grass grow
what happens below?
where does the time go?
who knows

looking in my window
snort another line of blow
3 years seems so long ago
but have i even grown?

was it all for show?
the pills, the weed, the snow
where did the lines go?
who knows

im just skin and bone
chances all been blown
can't find my way home
all i do is roam

watch your body glow
spillin like bordeaux 
take off your bandeau
can i see what's below?

will i ever know?
be honest, please, wait, don't
you hate me, yeah it shows
you're not alone, not at all

smoking prerolled cones
my love blew  up my phone
she said she had to go
all i said was 'oh'

oh (prod SaveMeSyler)

beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZnUVpBfct8

lyrics: 
<29 seconds* of intro>
i don't want to exist-
currently
i'm so tired of all your shit-
you hurtin me

why must i fall so damn hard?
why must i find comfort in my broken heart?

why does it keep raining? (why do you hate me?)
how have you been lately? (why do you hate me?)
why did you break me? (why do you hate me?)
why did you rape me? (why do you hate me?)

i can’t seem to continue-
without you
i can’t believe i never once
doubted you 

why must i be so in love?
why must you make me feel i’m not enough?

you had your hands around my throat like a collar-ar-ar
fill up my lungs with smoke, wonder should i call ya?

i want to go back to sleep-
forever
if there was a way to turn back time-
i’d pull the lever

we were in a weird way in love, weren’t we?
so why do you like to rip me apart and hurt me?

why does it keep raining? (why do you hate me?)
how have you been lately? (why do you hate me?)
why did you break me? (why do you hate me?)
why did you rape me? (why do you hate me? what did i do?)

what did i do? (prod. 5head and metlast)

beat: 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RR6E8wDUejM 

lyrics:
i kept you warm just like a flame
i loved the way you said my name
i think it’s funny how quick you came
you’ll never fck me again, such a shame
you’re just too lame

our bodies, against each other
sorry, if i’m a bad lover (it’s my first time)
what’s done is done, i won’t recover
no one hurts more than someone close as a  brother

you caused more pain than you could fathom
made of you like eve from adam
take the mistakes you made and add em
>well, it’s something you can’t read, no<
you always leave in my time of need
you ignore my every plead
would’ve ridden you like a steed, look at me
am i nothing now>

i kept you warm just like a flame
i loved the way you said my name
i think it’s funny how quick you came
the way you treat my love like a game
is so damn lame

lame (prod Tempest Mane)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3knURdzIwtY stranger prod roses

lyrics:
you’re a stranger
you have changed, now
you’re the remainder
why’d you entertain it

emotions swirl around like dust
rained so hard i turned to rust
fallen back on broken trust
fade to black in broken lust
red green eyes blue on the bus
you smoke me out and drink me up
take me back when teeth were cut
you’re my only one, this is only once

fill me up and bleed it out
erase my pain fill me with doubt
b70’ bars or in the ground
either way you’re not around
hurts so bad now we’ve been found
we’d laugh out loud up in our cloud
pretend the end won’t come around
i’m sorry have i let you down?

you’re the stranger
you have changed 
you’re the remainder
made me your entertainer

pink red lips are smiling now
white blue in the lightning now
good green in my pipe ri now
citing our fights while i write ri now
everything is so frightening now
rib-cage keep on tightening now
sharp white teeth are biting down
realities dividing now

stick a needle through my eye
i told u i would never lie
u saw me, how i died that night
n never cared to make it right
i’m up so high fly wit the kites
dont speak now, i don wanna fight
tired of this shit, takin the pipe
then kick me out your room at midnight

love me then like nah you're lame
n act like i’m the one to blame
ill tat my face and change my name
you know i’ll never be the same

cus you’re a stranger
you have changed, now
you’re the remainder
why’d you entertain it?

stranger (prod. roses)

Piggie

https://youtu.be/Jg5Pl31cVtA?list=TLPQMTYwNzIwMjO9GG0-atKObQ

wasted, faceless, i give and give, and you take it 
wasted, baseless, bittersweet, i can taste it 
faking? faking? now, why the fuck would i fake this?
i'm breaking, shaken, but you don't care unless i say it

i try (i try) i fall (i fall) i fly (i die)
i fail (i fail) to learn (to learn) why oh y o y

wasted, tasted, the gum covered, dirty old pavement
amazed and im dazed and the whole world is covered in a haze, yeah
misplaced it, your vape yeah, i promise you i didn't take it
cus u take it, taken it, never give back what you've taken

i cry (i cry) i crawl (i crawl) can't fly (i die)

i cry (i cry) i crawl (i crawl) can't fly (i die)
i fail (i fail) to learn (to learn) why oh y o y 

you do, what you want, not like i can stop it
i did what you wanted, now they're tellin me to drop it..

i've cried (i've cried) won't fall (won't fall) i'm flyin (i'm flyin i'm flyin)
don't think (don't think) i'll ever (ever) know why oh y o y

wasted, wasting

wasted (drunk demo) prod by GrizD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5j5ITYOcBs

you ate what was left of me
disaster, memorized the recipe
i wish i could remove the memories
sugar sweet but i got cavities
cinnamon powder, fill up my lungs
swore to god, you were the one
stick a knife in me, i’m fucking done
you taste like your vape and old hard gum

getting baked every evening
eyes glued to the ceiling
trying to stop feeling
innocence slowly peeling,
away from me, your eyes gleaming
do you know how much you mean to me?

i had a candy heart
but you broke it apart
and i know you don’t see it that way
but listen to what i have to say
you’re the popcorn between my teeth
a secret hidden underneath
the layers of dark
you ate my candy heart

you know all of my birthmarks
discovered in the back of your car
store my leftovers in a jar
you never have to reach too far
you’re an oven, i turned you on
burns and scars cover my arms
you said you would do no harm
but you disarmed me with your charm

getting baked every evening
eyes glued to the ceiling
trying to stop feeling
innocence slowly peeling,
away from me, your eyes gleaming
do you know how much you mean to me?

i had a candy heart
but you broke it apart
and i know you don’t see it that way
but listen to what i have to say
you’re the popcorn between my teeth
the secrets hidden underneath
the layers of dark
you ate my candy heart

sickly sweet like old caramels
all you do to me is give me hell
thought that i would never tell
withholding cries until i yell
cut myself into juliennes
im playing a game that i’ll never win
i’ll always let you back in
wish you were a better friend

getting baked every evening
eyes glued to the ceiling
trying to stop feeling
innocence slowly peeling,
away from me, your eyes gleaming
do you know how much you mean to me?

i had a candy heart
but you broke it apart
and i know you don’t see it that way
but listen to what i have to say
you’re the popcorn between my teeth
a secret hidden underneath
the layers of dark
you ate my candy heart

candy heart demo (prod tunnA Beatz)

Favourite Toy

Released date: 
12/14/20 

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXGqqVdv9pc "Somber" prod. tennis player

lyrics:
When i’m without you, i’m glowing
This will never be love, yeah, you’ve shown me

I’ll take off my clothes at your request
You do whatever you want
I’ll let you grab my thighs and chest
And listen to you taunt
I know I’m not perfect
You make me feel this way
I know I’m not worth it
So why do you do this everyday?

Do i really wanna fuck, or am i lonely?
I don’t really want the d, just want you to hold me
I could lie and say that you’re my only
But the truth is you barely even know me

You let me in your bed
It’s the same thing every night
You make me give you head
And i’ll barely put up a fight
You make me feel so shitty
I let you, i dunno why
I’m sure I’m not pretty
When you say I am, it’s just another lie

Do i really wanna fuck, or am i lonely?
I don’t really want the d, just want you to hold me
I could lie and say that you’re my only
But the truth is you barely even know me
I let you pick me up and throw me
And you walk around like you own me
When i’m without you, i’m glowing
This will never be love, yeah, you’ve shown me

Yeah, you’ve shown me, yeah you’ve shown me
I’m just a kid, why you tryna bone me?
You don’t care about me, that’s what you’ve shown me
I’d leave to make a point, but i’d be lonely

I wonder if you ignore or are unknowing
Of how i feel, it’s uneasy foreboding
I miss the days when your presence felt homey
I dont wanna know where you go, but why you keep going

Do i really wanna fuck, or am i lonely?
I don’t really want the d, just want you to hold me
I could lie and say that you’re my only
But the truth is you barely even know me
I let you pick me up and throw me
And you walk around like you own me
When i’m without you, i’m glowing
This will never be love, yeah, you’ve shown me

shown_me (prod. tennis player)

Release date:
12/14/20

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKA61O2oez8 “don’t wanna talk” prod metlast

lyrics:
tear me to pieces

you never follow instructions
i ask what you’re doing and you say nothing
but i wanna know and you show me
and i went along, unknowingly
i tried to make it work with what we had
a small way of saying “i love you so bad”
but you stole the two by fours
and locked all the doors

tear me to pieces
i don’t need you anymore
build me together
just like legos
leave me alone
let me collect dust
use me for fun
but you’re the only one i trust

bricks you threw left me black and blue
my untainted memories of you are few
tear apart my body just to take my clothes off
and look at me like i have something to show off
your heart has hardened 
like the plastic flowers in the garden
i suppose you think you deserve a pardon
but i’m sorry to tell you, sir i think we are done

tear me to pieces
i don’t need you anymore
build me together
just like legos
leave me alone
let me collect dust
use me for fun
but you’re the only one i trust
tear me to pieces
i don’t need you anymore
build me together
just like legos
leave me alone
let me collect dust
use me for fun
but you’re the only one i trust

step on me, i don’t look like i do, but i hurt
i don’t look like i do, but i hurt
step on me, i don’t look like i do, but i hurt
i hope you do too, and you’ll learn

i’ll tear you to pieces
i won’t need you anymore
build myself together
just like legos
don’t need instructions
i’ve got a creative mind
rebuild my life
cus you ruined mine

step on me, i don’t look like i do, but i hurt
i don’t look like i do, but i hurt
step on me, i don’t look like i do, but i hurt
i hope you do too, and you’ll learn
and you’ll get what you deserve

tear me to pieces

legos [prod. metlast]

Release date:
12/17/20

instrumental; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZ7S1MwICNc “places” prod. metlast

lyrics:
I wish I could tell him how I feel
I wish I could tell what’s fake and what’s real
I wish I could find a way to heal

He warms up my insides, fills my stomach with fingers and butterflies
He confuses me with lies, keeps me quiet while he makes me squirm and writhe
He looks at me with those eyes, and all of my stubbornness dies
He holds me for a moment, to make me feel alright, before he ruins my life

I wish I could tell him how I feel
I wish I could tell what’s fake and what’s real
I wish I could find a way to heal

He holds me down, makes me promise not to tell when people are around
He’s such a clown, but I can’t say anything, don’t wanna be found out
He makes me hide my frown, I can’t show how close I am to breaking down
Without warning, he shoves my head down, I just wanted to hang out

I can’t say anything, it’s far too late, 
it still happens, but i can take, 
it some more, he leaves me sore, 
everywhere, fingers in hair, 
tongues in throats, hurts the most, 
biting lips, he tries, to slip, 
inside, nowhere to hide, so many nights, 
i cried and cried, 
he makes me lie, i enjoy it, i was innocent, he destroyed it, 
so many years, so many fears, 
i think i hate you, but don’t leave me here, 

I wish I could tell him how I feel
I wish I could tell what’s fake and what’s real
I wish I could find a way to heal
I wish I could reveal that my heart isn’t steel, and how it feels when he looks at me like a fuckin a meal

meal [prod. metlast]

Release date:
12/23/20

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t95MAXnUx8o “better than nothing” prod. metlast

lyrics:
i was never enough, never enough, never enough

i wish i was a disney princess
so no one could see my tears
now you can hear my sobs from down the street
but it’s not like anyone cares
i searched throughout my bedroom
cus i lost the last little bit of the year
it’s my fault even though i wanted it forever
but it’s not like anyone cares

no matter who i loved
i was never enough for anyone
no matter who i loved
i was never enough for anyone
and that’s never any fun

i wish i wasn’t insecure
about my emotions or my fears
i’m always afraid they’ll be used against me
but it’s not like anyone cares
whenever i’m sad or hurt
i feel judged, so i’m afraid to share
although i shouldn’t be concerned
cus it’s not like anyone cares

no matter who i loved
i was never enough for anyone
no matter who i loved
i was never enough for anyone
and that’s never any fun

i don’t care if i’m alone
cus loneliness, feels like home
it doesn’t bother me being with no one else
i just have to find a way to like myself

and i try to get everything perfect 
cus imperfect describes my life
and i try to get everything perfect
cus imperfections destroy my life
and i try to get everything perfect 
to make it all hurt less
and i try to get everything perfect 
cus my life is such a mess

no matter who i loved
i was never enough for anyone
no matter who i loved
i was never enough for anyone
and that’s never any fun

i just wish i could be enough for myself

i h8 u!

cal.v1das