manic pixie girl

believe it or not im still holding back 
scared to show you my past 
can’t get past that
what if you knew the things i’ve done
the places i’ve been
would you still want to love me 
i’m just a girl who’s won and lost in life 
it’s your choice if you want to take on the flip side
i won’t blame you if you run and hide
id do the same if it wasn’t my life

now here are chasing one another 
dont want to rush 
but can we get this over 
with
im at the cusp of just walking baby
cuz you deserve someone better than me

i gotta get this off my chest
spill my guts and confess 
before you say you love me 
baby i need you to know me
ive been a monster in my past 
never thought i could be like that 
but i guess that means it’s in me
im wondering if that  changes something
something x5

i have so many words to say
but i filter most of them
it’s because im afraid 
 i’ll bare my soul 
and you’ll discard us
i’m really trying to keep things perfect 
but im not so i know i’ll fail
i want to be flawless
but i portray obvious tells 
i want to be your everything 
but i can’t be i wish you well 
i want the world with you
 i understand if you want to bail

now here are chasing one another 
dont want to rush 
but can we get this over 
with
im at the cusp of just walking away baby
cuz you deserve someone better than me

smth prod. dante beatz

lyrics

.10
im damaged and scared
i can feel it coming 
paranoia or not
i feel like running
im no angel 
and you know this
wanna be what you need but
i don’t want no fucking struggle


.17
and i can’t breathe sometimes
can’t conceptualize life
im just alive
can’t seem to do more than just survive

.25
and im running from demons
hiding from my own reflection 
sitting in the sober section
i don’t recognize myself 
you make me feel softer
and my heart wants to get harder
i don’t know how to let you in
so i’ve thrown myself in reckless abandon 
tryna prove im all in n have this down
cuz baby
i need you around
by my side safe and sound
look at this love we’ve found
i love you and i need you now


.49
im sorry for you 
that 
im one you choose
i 
try to feel like i deserve love too
but im stuck in this spot
that i 
hate my own guts
and i 
don’t know what to do with that
try to take steps forward
 and i take 10 steps back

.65
and i can’t breathe sometimes
can’t conceptualize life
im just alive
can’t seem to do more than just survive

around

lyrics 


cut straight to chase
feel like an imposter 
im not of the human race
And i just cant win
get so damn close
 but can’t reconcile all my sins



oh where am i 
im lost in my mind
surrounded by my fears and failures 
oh god it feel like im dying


oh fuck it
i need some help
i feel so damn numb 
i cant get over being myself 
every loss is a gain
lose someone you loved 
to gain something you need

oh where am i 
im lost in my mind
surrounded by my fears and failure’s 
oh god it feel like im dying

oh tell me 
where am i
i lost my soul
don’t know who i am
and oh how i cry
running from my past 
can’t escape all the eyes

where am i prod. bonnierogerr

lyrics

i havent told mama 
my big secret
she’d cry if she knew 
she has no idea


mama im going to hell
sorry i know that you meant well 



when i was a child 
id pray to jesus
save my soul
from the flames
now im scared of burning
mama now im 22 
can you help me
i dont know what’s the truth


when im dead and cold
burn me to ashes 
keep me round your neck in a black crystal
to protect the ones i love
looking up from below
and so above


mama im going to hell
sorry i know that you meant well 
too many decisions i’ve made now
i fucking hate god
i’ve blasphemed in every way
so i decline salvation

i havent told mama 
my big secret
she’d cry if she knew 
she has no idea


mama im going to hell

im going to hell prod. ZBeatz

lyrics

im the big bad bitch
stand aside as i strut my shit
oh baby 
who are you
unrecognizable 
i aint gotta clue

here i am right in the mix
watch as the world turns 
ran by dick
oh no
this i cant do
gotta break the mold 
pick off all the glue

im a tall ass
loud ass 
real ass bitch
ion fw weird vibes 
but here’s the sitch
the whole damn city is filled with liars
cant take the bs 
i fly higher 
but i got one thing to say
go on jack go tf away
u aint got one thing i need 
theres the door be on your way



oh ladies where yall at
keep it fucking pushing 
dont forget all we have
hey baddie baddie shot o clock 
bad bitches everywhere
got ts on lock 
yeah ts made
hustle hustle baby
get paid everyday 
and if you cant hang 
get tf out my way
i said it once
dont make me repeat

im going to hell prod. ZBeatz

Céde Mae