Luxon looks like a thumb but acts like a John Key that was bought off Wish.

The Human Thumb

There is so much dumb sport in the world and all of it could be improved with soap opera storyline’s and vaudeville comedy.

Lyrics:

The warriors have sucked for a quarter of a century
You might as well leave Mt Smart right after entry
Cricket was great but now it’s all T20
Run by three countries who want every penny

Why would I watch the All Blacks sucking?
When I can watch Hangman Page just fucking 
Knock Moxley’s head right off his shoulders
And Keith Lee do flips despite being a boulder

Pro wrestling is better than your favourite sport 
Unless your favourite sport is pro wrestling of course
450 splashes and V Trigger madness
Plus storyline’s of laughter and sadness

UFC has meatheads and Joe fucking Rogan
Number one with munters should be their new slogan 
Football is so boring I can’t even take it
I don’t care if it is the world’s favourite 
The Yankees aren’t beggars they are the fucking choosers
But somehow with all that cash they’re still the biggest losers 
Tennis is like watching drying wet clay
I’d rather see an MJF promo any day

Why would I watch the All Blacks sucking 
When I can see the Young Bucks fucking
Doing crazy spots that bring me joy inside
And Kenny Omega doing stuff that blows my mind

Pro wrestling is better than your favourite sport 
Unless your favourite sport is pro wrestling of course
450 splashes and v trigger madness
Plus storyline’s of laughter and profound sadness

There’s one thing to note that’s important to me
I truly fucking hate hate hate WWE
Vince McMahon is a brutal sex pest
And HHH is a slimy dick at best
The talent may be cool but the shows are just shit
Cut to ribbons by KD and his busy mits
Slowed down punch kick and double DQs
So to the McMahons i say hey! Fuck you!

Pro Wrestling Is Better Than Your Favourite Sport (Unless Your Favourite Sport Is Pro Wrestling)

It’s completely fucked that Hamilton is named after some colonising fuck who never came here. We should really name it something decent so it’s not just a massive insult to history and to the people forced off this land.

Hamilton was just some git
That a bullet kindly hit
Over in Tauranga yea
He never even came here

Captain Moule was a dick
A colonising thieving prick
Holding in his racist hands
Authority to steal lands

Honouring his dumb old mate
Who died by the pa called gate 
He called this stolen place
A name that is a fucked disgrace

That statue from the rich old clowns
Finally got taken down
Now it’s time to change the name
But pākehā just want the same.

To the frightened whites I’ll say
Grow the fuck up today
It’s really not all that scary
Listen to ngaati wairere 

Hamilton is dead and gone
Kirikiriroa should live long!

Kirikiriroa

About a certain mayor of NZ's biggest city. For privacy's sake, let's call him Wayne B. No, that's too obvious. Let's say W Brown.

Lyrics:

He doesn't wanna be out there with buckets
Well that's good because I'm sure he'd fuck it 
Up and down the motu they said
Thank holy fuck he's not our mayor

Wayne Brown is a wanker
He is Auckland's mouth canker

Watching a city drown
He's brewing tea, so please calm down
No answers for those downtown
The streets are now 'Wayne's Shit' brown
There can't be a bigger clown
Hoping Welly falls to the ground
That's wanker mayor Wayne Brown

The Mayor Is A Wanker

Lyrics:

Not all transphobes are fascists
But all fascists are fucking transphobic
I’m fucking tired of hearing bad faith actors
Telling confused people there’s lots of factors
Fucking Bullshit
It’s really not that complex
They’re conflating assigned gender with birth sex

Not all transphobes are fascists
But all fascists are fucking transphobic
I’m fucking tired of seeing TERFY assholes
Working side by side with far right internet trolls
Fucking fuckwits
You’re not actually perplexed
Stop conflating assigned gender with birth sex

You might have grown up with a different status quo
But that doesn’t mean that a trans guy’s not a bro
You might enjoy those stupid Harry Potter books
But that doesn’t mean that JK Rowling isn’t fucking cooked

I’m fucking tired of hearing bad faith actors
Telling confused people there’s lots of factors
Fucking Bullshit
It’s really not that complex
They’re conflating assigned gender with birth sex

Trans boys are boys and trans girls are girls
That’s all you need to fucking learn

Transphobephobia

www.bevanmorgan.com

I play ugly punk rock and then I record it badly and then nobody listens to it. I was in a band 20 years ago but we were pretty shit and played probably like ten gigs to a grand total of 30 people. I also did a podcast series about fatherhood that got like ten streams so I learned never to do that again. I think New Zealand is really racist and full of dumb men who drive dumb cars to impress their dumb mates. But I still like it here. I take 19 pills a day for my dumb brain and I’m still fucked so yay for psychiatry I guess.

Cheeky Hobson

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