I don’t want who I am to only be in the past. 
Hanging to memories that just won’t last. 
Is it enough to just be myself,
Leaving all my dreams and goals on the shelf. 
Is just hanging on for dear life okay 
If only for one more day. 

i get plasma  
dripped into my vein
pills for the insane 
thoughts that fill my brain
govt calls a
financial drain
can you help 
a-board the train 

healthcare unaffordable 
what’s the infusion bill 
debt collector calls 
making me unstable 
chicken in the egg
so what’s it pay to see 
oh what you say
cost a dozen be ? 


did you not know im hip and dumb
yeah im here to have some fun
life’s too short - phrases overdone
mind’s a mess that’s the lesson
see i work it out but i don’t work out
im weak i say don’t care now
it’s fine today i am breathing
alive today i keep healing

(i feel like i’ve lost this medium)

tales of chickens

hey there ✌️

i’m zzzebra and here’s my story. 

I started creating music on my computer, prior to being diagnosed with a rare neuromuscular disease called Myasthenia Gravis (MG). This disease has no cure and causes muscle weakness in all voluntary muscles (the ones used to talk, smile, blink, lift my arms/ legs, swallow, chew, see, and breathe). I had became unable to see my music, blow air thru my horn, or hold up my trumpet due to weak arms. While struggling with how my muscles weren't working anymore, I checked out midi keyboard from my town’s public library and that was when I first began experimenting with creating electronic music. 

It was March 2020 that I was diagnosed with this rare disease, Myasthenia Gravis. It had became increasingly difficult to use my muscles - I couldn't lift my arms to brush my teeth, stand up unassisted, and was choking on my food. My legs were so weak I had falls, including two where I broke my bones. And my breathing muscles were weakening... Once I began treatment, I was then able to regain a bit of muscle function. Through this diagnosis and subsequent treatment, I quite literally (and musically( found my voice again.

From this diagnosis and access to treatment, I also was filled with immense gratitude. Gratitude for being able to speak, whistle, and breathe - this is from where I began to approach creating music electronically. Finding my identity as a musician unbound by my physical abilities is the constant journey I’m on. Due to treatments causing me to be immunosuppressed, I have made music mostly alone and a lot of times while resting in bed. It’s difficult and lonely at times; missing making music with others.

It was not been until later in 2024 that I began to be able to make music again. I had spent time sick in the hospital prior to that point and while hospitalized, a health care worker expressed wanting to learn guitar - the music teacher in me convinced them that they could totally do it, start to learn to play the guitar. Taking a bit of my own advice, I decided to find instruments that I was able to play, ones requiring very little muscle effort, as well as playing trumpet for a few minutes at a time a handful of times a month, for the first time since 2019, also with using adaptions to help with muscle support.