I know I know I should be a model, my mother tells me all the time, However, there is more to life than being really really really ridiculously good looking. I mean at age 12 I weighed 319lbs, I had bad skin, low self-esteem, and no self-respect… Now I eat self-esteem for breakfast! (With skim milk) 
I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being a DJ, I was always more interested in what tree bark was made out of, but one summer I went rappelling down Mount Vesuvius and suddenly I slipped, and I started to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I'll never forget the terror… Then suddenly I realized “Holy shit, haven't I been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in my head?” Turns out it was... And that’s when I decided I’m gonna eat my Egga-Mooby-Muffin, then get back on the road, get to Hollywood, and become the BIGGEST DJ of ALL TIME! No more hairy-bush nuns, no more dogs. I’m gonna keep my eye on the prize, and not let anything and I mean ANYTHING distract me! With that, I pray
“Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces, newborn infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet. Thank you for providing us with the direct-port nitrous injection, four-core intercoolers, ball-bearing turbos, titanium valve springs, (and please guide me to being the best DJ in the world or whatever) Amen.”

Multi-genre artist from Lake Charles, Louisiana

Colter D is following