didnt meant to leave this silence hear but fuck it

Rap battle series created by Commander Jacob which use chracters and match-ups he's personally interested in (aka a lotta geek shit)

Lame-Ass Rap Battles

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of bird games abandoned by their owners: Red from Angry Birds vs Mr. Crow from Catastrophe Crow. Enjoy!

@freshykanal as Red
Commander Jacob as Mr. Crow
@sw4nked as Chuck
@superthingsoncupsss as Bomb
@snakebite126 as the Jays

Written by Commander Jacob & GamingPlush64
Mixed & mastered by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by Anywaywell
Crow model by El Stephono

-LYRICS-

Red (0:09)
I thought the pigs’ plot was enough to make me pissed off
But now I gotta fling hot disses straight off the slingshot
We stay protecting kids way before they frickin' hatch
Fitting that this little brat came from a baby’s chicken scratch
You have, like, 20 vids, there’s no way you can catch up
I got raps up my sleeve, while your sleeve is just wrapped up 
Your cartridge and Daddy will stay old and grey
Loner strayed, flew the coup, and never stayed to raise his precious golden egg

Mr. Crow (0:28)
I see you, Red. I’d tear apart your cardinal sins
But we can bond over the crow language it’s clear your bars were in
Or maybe not, after your latest failures, I observed that
Your servers must have been cursed bad by the evil Sir Cat!
Those absurd raps are calling me to stay and work at
A verse that can take you down so we can’t see these birds flap
I stack hits like blocks, show you an L, and tower you
Lemme just lay this down if I gotta spell it out for you
While I respect protecting your nest from turning into a bed and breakfast 
Your tactics lack any sense of direction when flinging heads into wreckage 
You got rich from your title? 
Your only golden shower nowadays is piss from your idol!

Red (0:57)
Your word vomit couldn’t even keep my chicks fed
He won’t be home ever again after that shit’s wrecked
We get money like Hal; our green’s coming around
I’ll put you down - 6 crows feet under the ground
I stay squaded up. Yo, Jay, Bomb, and Chuck
Let’s show this winged black sheep why they can’t flock with us
Chuck (1:11)
Ugh, speedy time, you weakley swine! We can rhyme with an eagle’s might
But maybe translating your 800 languages can come out with a decent line
Bomb (1:16)
No teddy bear to cuddle with, you can’t get your dad back
You weren’t even worthy to get stuffed in a bear’s backpack
The Jays (1:21)
Get Butchered, no Adam. We’re sick when we’re splitted
Attacking and rapping, we’re killer in triplets
Red (1:26)
When I’m spitting off the bill, no way you can get through to me
I’m knocking over all your builds and breaking down your Unity
Cause me and my boys got the skill, destruction isn’t new to me 
So if you wanna talk to Nils, stop using your community
We’ll die a martyr just to stop the piggie’s punk shit
At least write to Marta before you run away and jump ship
Fuck demon cats, development’s you’re only hell now
The only flight you've taken is the staircase you fell down
Nothing your fans theorize will make Thea rise
So now Lorenz himself will eternally need to be revived


Crow (1:50)
You dumb shits, thrown at the wall to see what sticks
You lucky mother-cluckers should be glad ya landed one hit
Both Rovio and Opus didn’t know what they were asked for
I took it to the depths, you took it off the App Store
You wanna bring a squad in? Face a murder of crows
To checkmate your flock of pawns and submerge 'em with flows
I’ll pop your whole arsenal and I’ll leave with three gold stars
The last nail in my coffin? I’m breaking free with each crowbar
No one’s wanting (ugh) all your cash-ins (nah)
All they wanted was to make you zip through blocks
You were launching (eh), now you’re crashing (ouch!)
Made some bubble games, and that shit went pop
Not talking PCs when I clip your head through a window
Your money bag-headed developers ain’t enough to scare this crow
It’s no sweat ending these legless and armless balls
The least hard thing I’ve gone through is a concrete wall
Your player’s gone too, now that you’re off phones
2 birds, 1 throne. I’ve finally gone home

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Angry Birds vs Catastrophe Crow | Lame-Ass Rap Battles

Vinny as Leafy
Quizz as Jimmy
Written by Pixel Chris
Mixed by Rayyan
Beat by InsaneBeatz

LEAFYISHERE:
What’s up guys, today I’m battling this guy, JimmyHere
But I’m not playing your games of laugh and lose, so lemme make it clear
You bursting into laughter shouldn’t be how this bout ends
But with the way you hold it back, you’re practically Jimmy Fallon
You got a pedo stache and a beanie hat
And a couch for the cast for repeating laughs
Think you’ll beat me? Cap. You just repeat gags
Such a bitch in fact, you’re a Doogal looking ass

JIMMY HERE:
MODS! Who let this guy get submitted to the stream?
I’m here for good content, not Mr No Chin McGee
If you wanna clap back Jimmy, that acting’s psychopathic
You target children, but that’s your main demographic 
You cyber bully, you think you break new grounds?
Your “roasts” boils down to “You should Kill Yourself… NOW”
I’m just built different, this fight’s just not fair
Because I making you quiver like: JIMMY HERE JUMPSCARE 

LEAFYISHERE:
Damn, I knew those lines were gonna be shitty
But holy shit, I can’t tell what the fuck you were thinking
Like your photos in the mirror, this’ll be a piece of cake
Mentioning jumpscares but I literally make you “quake”
The only W you ever got was in the second grade
While for commentary YouTubers, I literally set the stage
You’ll take a nosedive when I smoke you like a cigarette 
Just letting videos play and they call me Daily Dose of Internet?
You’re falling harder than 5’7 dudes getting out of bed
Motherfuckers IQ tells me he was dropped on his head
You wanna not laugh, I too want you to say less
Because your lines are more forced than the gag about the maid dress
I can destroy cringe channels and end careers in seconds
You watch unfunny videos, and oh, I ought to mention
He’s gotta bait with money for the submissions channels being used
So hurry your bars up, bitch, I wanna bleach my eyes from seeing you

JIMMY HERE:
While you put people down, I keep YouTube splendid
Call me the Filmora logo, cause I’m about to end this
Going through your videos, what I can finally conclude
Is that you’re just mid like It’s Wednesday My Dudes! (AAAAAA)
Your channel was taken down but now I’m leaving you retired 
Cause you have no game and Leaf a lot to be desired 
My lines are fresh like a mint: Ayo, What the dog doin?
Cause I keep the audience excited: Ayo, What the pog doin?
In this face off between Here to Here
I’m simply just not here to hear
You make fun of kids from peer to peer
But when I roast you, you appear to fear
Doesn’t take much for me to leave leafy as a corpse
Thinking you’re winning? You must be trippin like Gorp
Time to coom to your senses, I put on the better show
It’s hard not to laugh at such a laughable foe (Hahahahahahaha)

JimmyHere vs LeafyIsHere Early Audio

Me as both
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Instrumental by Kustom

TERRIBLE RAP BATTLES OF COMIC SANS
FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT
VS
JERRY SEINFELD
BEGIN


Jerry Seinfeld:
Want a World War-Burton? Joe Swanson can’t spit hard
When old grandpas make up his whole fan club
But by now, I’m sure you’re used to sitcoms
Cause that body of yours sure ain’t fit for stand-up
Ayyy, Jerry Seinfeld, unrivaled
Grab a mic, I’ll go right into spittin’ fire, insightful 
Can’t hope to fight all my titles because my comedy’s dominant
While you’re awful in politics, your democracy flopped to bits
And your policies aren’t shit to the shows that I’ve landed
So this song, I’ll be calling it “Punks in Chairs Getting Their Asses Handed”
Set foot in the White House, unemployment went berserk
Jesus, not even your legs wanted to work
It’s your Constitutional right to not talk, so use it
Cause that novice Truman drops more bombs than you, man
What are your contributions? We’re all just clueless, for real!
Left the American people asking “What’s the New Deal?”
Got status higher than you during your Infamy spiel, cretin
My damn Bee Movie Script tops all your boring ass speeches
My old man fought for the Allies, so I’ll respect your appeal
But now the only Axises you’re battling are on your wheelchair wheels

FDR:
You call yourself a comedian? Those jokes were dreadful!
The only thing we have to fear is another one of your specials
To hell with your two cents, I’ll give you my right dime
I’ll need less than four terms to dismantle your tight five
FDR sets the bar extra hard ‘gainst this farce
Left in shards when I’m armed, best not harm the pres in charge
500 pairs of sneakers and still no footing in humor
Just a dried out boomer, call you Amy Shoe-mer
I trashed Hitler’s whole state, you took silver to Goldthwait
But you must be fed up with all the critics on your plate
I’m the next George Washington, you’re ignored over George Costanza
Even Madison would tower over crack Adam Sandler
I led my country through the greatest depths
When the economy crashed harder than the Marriage Ref
Then I beat the world’s evils, stirred people up with ill words
And now they pit me up against a safe for work Bill Burr?

Jerry Seinfeld:
Let’s back it up a tad bit, you cousin-loving fascist 
Don’t act like your past isn’t shrouded in trash, prick
Try rescuing refugees, or if that’s too much to ask
At least try not cramping the Japanese in internment camps
You just might be the most racist dude in World War Two
Cause even Hitler treated Jesse Owens better than you
First man to rep a black card, that’s the kinda bank this dude owns
But the only Black guy you ever liked was Hugo

FDR:
With that foul rap odor, I doubt you’re sober
‘Cause you whine about society more than the Joker
And now Gen Z memes cause your legacy to wilt
Change your sitcom’s description to a show about your skill
You barely made it, your career was carried thanks to Larry David
And you dare to claim I’m racist when your fame is dated
Fading ratings, there’s no way you’ll save ‘em, tanked just like your failed relations
Maybe make sure that the babe you crave’s of age before you date them
Franklin’s undebatedly the greatest man to grace this planet
Your bits make some lame kids laugh but my words make the stage go frantic
Make you panic, hateful tactics won’t suffice or aid your rapping
I don’t need a cane to grasp, my verbal hooks will take this has-been

WHO WON?
WHO’S NEXT?
WE DECIDE!
TERRIBLE RAP BATTLES OF COMIC SANS

Franklin D. Roosevelt vs Jerry Seinfeld. Terrible Rap Battles of Comic Sans

Alen as Marx
Cole as Spamton
Written by: Alen & Cole
Beat by: Anywaywell
Thumbnail by: Cole
Mixed by: The Annihilator

(0:01)
FAC Rap Battles.
Marx.
Versus.
Spamton.
Begin :)

Marx (0:11):
Hey, hey, hey! Now, let's get the ball rolling quick; 
The sun and moon are fighting― I can't handle it 
So let's cut a deal: with power in our stars' grace, 
I'll return your dying fame throughout this very cosmic space 
This con wants a rap fight? Dumpster dive into your trash life 
All your friends up and left after success in your landline 
Pleading to that scrap device won't disallow this sad demise 
I'll blizzard up the mic to make a second time you're trapped in ice 
You're actual trash, a virgin version of Swatch 
The epitome of a fraud; your fit's ripped off 
This maniac speaks in tongues, somebody kill him off 
Or shut his jaw! Your buried stardom wallows in your pathetic shop 
And after that pink puffball, you'll be the second star I pop 
This failed businessman was Cyber City's biggest mistake 
My blades are sharper than any deal you'd ever make 
Left Queen's needs, so you had to hang the phone fast 
Couldn't make Green Greens, so your mind fucking crashed

Spamton (0:56):
A new [Clown Around Town]? Well, check out this cheap [STEAL]
An ass beating [Half Off]? Now that's a [GREAT DEAL]
Though a warning to the [buyer] 'fore you try to interact:
This jester really plays [dirty], AND I LIVE IN THE TRASH!
Out [Shooting Through The Stars] just to pray to a CLOCK?
There's no wish from Nova that will make you into a [BIG SHOT]!
And this back-stabbing [slime] could never match what I earn
With the [acid lake] flows, and the [HELP ME! IT BURNS!]
(HOCHI MAMA!) You'll get bodied, in battles I [Last Longer]!
(KNOW YOU WANT IT!) Then I'll pawn your fruity hat for [Any Offer]!
Are those slush ball drops the only [chill] you can bring?!
I pack {SNOWGRAVE} raps when you slip into [my ring]!!! (Ha Ha!)
Go hock your shtick elsewhere [KID], I'm just not interested-
-In the sob story of this sad [LITTLE WORM] of a menace
So I'll keep [raking in the dough], and [outselling] all my foes
'Cause I let [Victory Ring] and then I [Picked Up The Phone] !!!


Marx Soul (1:40):
Incohesive nonsense, I'm tired of this spambot's calls
If Gaster saw the way you talk, even he would be appalled
And you're stuck two decades back, that's a past you'll never attain
When I blast this "Big Shot" with a laser through the fucking brain
Don't tread upon me, I'm a beast who doesn't rest upon
Obsolete trash heaps, your NEO form's a bootleg Mettaton
Believe me, the wish I'd settle on if Nova gave me a second offer:
Cut the strings from this puppet and witness your untimely slaughter
A singular black hole would make sure your body's never found
You'd already be forgotten by the time Chapter 3 rolls around
You'd still be stuck in an alleyway without Kris' LoadedDisk
I'll unleash my Star Rod and make sure you get a load of this

Spamton NEO (2:14):
You call that bod a [[soul]]? Musta grabbed it on clearance
Split that wack mug [in half], you'd [improve] your appearance 
Tried to stomp on a puffball, but he thrashed this [CREEP]
So this [sponge] soaked up scrap and turned into a [DAMN FREAK]
Both want to be [BIG] with power, but the [Key] difference
Is you [choked] and straight wasted all your [Milky Way Wishes]
All the [angels] laugh at this [fool] Causing Commotion
As no amount of my [POTION S.] could save you from that explosion
I’ll [NEVER REST] until my goal of stardom is [Complete.]
While you [switch up] your whole plot when offered a [ Bite to Eat ]
I'll remain the best rapper outta [[1997]]
As you stay in your arena and I gaze into [H E A V E N]

Marx vs. Spamton. Rap Battle #7

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of color-swapped clone stalkers: Herobrine, spirit of the brother of the creator of Minecraft, versus the Mario Silhouette, castle wanderer found in personalized copies of Super Mario 64. Enjoy!

Mr. Tibbs as Herobrine
Commander Jacob as The Mario Silhouette 

Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Beat produced by InsaneBeatz
Feedback by GamingPlush64, Mr. Tibbs, bloody_queers, Zagranis, Fightmarker, etc.

-LYRICS-
Herobrine:
See me in the distance? Hope those star doors stay shut
I don't want Piranha Plant biting off me more when we wakes up
I got the godly flows to diminish distant cosmic clones
I’ll make it red when I slam your head against the cobblestone
White eyes with a wide bite but I ain’t no Chain Chomp
Mr. Sit and Watch can picture what to do when his frames drop
Bark at me, my sword will chop like cutting leaves from a tree
So don’t run up on me, I've got a whole overworld under me

MS:
I see yooou, and I’ve tracked your plans to spit bars hot
But walk in His Domain? I‘m swinging hands like Tick Tock Clock
Painful like stained glass windows. Funny: Brine’s in a pickle
Stunting with the all-black fit, though you just changed couple pixels
I’ll make you black out. This wound you can't patch out
I’m jumping this painting. No retexturing, he’ll just crash now
I’ve had it up to the fourth floor. You've been here too long
Your fans are like you: minors who can’t move on

Herobrine:
Shadow Mario’s shadow hardly flowed in a way worth considering morbid
I'm sending this bitch through a portrait and burying him in the Fortress
Or bringing some torches and burning your boring-ass lore before you start running
I'm making pyramids up and appear and they pass the polygonal palace you’re stuck in
If you're talking about design, why would I cut out the lights
Darkness surrounds you, right? So how could you count as bright
Fuck your cryptic text. Think I'm scared when you display that?
I'm the type to slash kill, but not in a game chat

MS:
Players see you, they know you're there, and even screenshot
I bust their cartridge and make their CRT screen shot
You muck with streams while I run their dreams
Bowser has to take a sub to me. YouTubers use you just to say “sub to me”
Trap you in the walls so it blocks the rhymes I can’t stand
Try stealing coins. I catch that? Start shifting out; sand land
Potions and teleporting ain’t enough to catch me, my friend
Encounter me and see a void meaning you’ll meet your End

Herobrine:
All this glitch can offer is one wiki that’s vacant
Your hip-hop’s softer than MIPS in the basement
This AI without the I cant reach my level, just try
Mock me one more time and I’ll default skin you alive
You’re running in circles. I can do this all day
Read the signs: please die quietly in the hallway

MS:
I wish your knock-off novels were your only words hurting my eyes
But I'll make sure this eulogy's Persson-alized
Mr. 2 bit isn't even cared about by their own kin
Someone must be shooting up… but there’s no Hero win
Mama-mia! You’re not worth comparing Luigi to
Obsessed with griefing others cuz your brother never greaves for you

Thanks for watching
-ComJac

Herobrine vs The Mario Silhouette | Lame-Ass Rap Battles

The demo track I recorded for Tricky the Clown vs Springtrap.
Dated September 2022

Tricky the Clown vs Springtrap - Eddie's Demo

The battle of the sinister house cleansing games!

VinnyO as Phasmophobia
https://www.youtube.com/@VinnyO
MidgeCat as Powerwash Simulator
https://www.youtube.com/@MidgeCat

Quizzique as Player 1
RaccoonBro as Player 2
garbageGothic as Player 3

Written by Quizzique

Mixed by Special Inquisitor Rayyan

Beat by Dansonn

Thumbnail TBD

Lyrics:
Phasmophobia (0:14):
Player 1: I’ve got fingerprints in the garage, must be where the spectre’s been
Player 2: It can’t be a poltergeist, this place is obsessively clean
Player 3: I found the bone, he’s been dead a LONG time, I’ll photo it later
Phasmophobia: Based on that, this must be the ghost of Powerwash Simulator

You couldn’t do what I do, you couldn’t even try, dude
Unearthing the truth you can call it Mauka Aitu
Exercised with demons, spitting quicker than a Raiju
You drench locations, quite enjoyable for Psytube

My game’s built to stress you out
One bad hunt and it’s all over
Your game’s made for spacing out
Makes sense your first job is a Mars rover

Speaking of, those jobs are uncomfortably lame
With as much consistency as your company name
To think you have fame, you’re living in Fantasies
Your stardom’s a snapshot, even the phantom sees

Your fandom’s just a spirit, and I bet you couldn’t fight one
Despite your HQ, I can see you’re not a Bright one
You’re just cash for your producer’s grab
Workshop that in a FuturLab

Powerwash Simulator (0:59):
I don’t get it, I’m supposed to be scared? Your game hasn’t been scary in years
I played it once, I bullied a ghost using smudge sticks, it had me in tears
But there is one fear, I have seen all of those ghost altercations
Yet the only thing that scares me is your Discord’s moderation

Let’s turn up the jets, the job that’s up next is your atmosphere because I can’t see a thing
In your lobby, when there’s a spectre, who would elect to this gang of misfits, nobody shall ring
It’s just a hobby, you get paid pennies to risk your life plenty of times for some strangers
Your rep is soggy, unlike my cleanup, it’s spotless! You just can’t live up to the dangers

I see no positives in your services, your system’s coarse by design
You don’t even get rid of the ghost for the host, yet you leave a few corpses behind
Your system has declined, too, because what defined you was “simple to play”
“Cheesy scares for days” yet every update has undermined you 
Triple the content yet half the enjoyment, that’s what resigned you

I’m the embodiment of r/oddlysatisfying
It takes patience and time, but the result is quite gratifying
Cleaning disastrous aftermath’s a cakewalk to the contracts you’re ratifying
The slightest of flickering lights would leave your scared ass panic hiding

Phasmophobia (1:58):
For someone that cleans after fires, I thought you would have spit some flames
Yet look at my thermometer, you’re colder than a ghost’s domain 
Your job’s not done yet because it seems your target’s not acquired
The only way you’d pull a win financially’s with Market pliers

Powerwash Simulator (2:13):
That’s your best comeback? Makes sense it’s lackluster
Don’t update the game if that’s all you can muster
You got the roast wrong, and that’s the end of the case, so
For you to spit some heat we’ll toss you into our volcano

You’re Power-washed up, and your fight was pathetic
Your corpse has ragdolled, but that’s purely cosmetic
I’ve removed this stain and it’s somewhat poetic
That your motion is over, that’s the end of Kinetic

Phasmophobia Vs PowerWash Simulator | QUIZZICAL QUARRELS #3 (feat. VinnyO and MidgeCat)

Welcome to the fifteenth installment of “Quick Diss”! We got two… apparently the only connection is that they're alcoholics… today! It's the horse from Horsin' Around, BoJack Horseman! Standing-up against the monster from Moralton, Clay Puppington!

Lyrics:
BoJack Horseman:
Wait a minute, this isn't the bar? It's an introduction!
Get it? 'Cus it's true. Guess I'll fire this puppet
I'd tell you to stuff it but you're clay, Puppington
Consider rehab to clean up your shit… Clay Puppington 
Huh, I'm on my punny shit, get a shot glass and belt it!
Use it as fuel to get your son's ass and belt it
Or maybe don't, 'cus your self "image" can't sell it
While I get rich off my own portraits for shelvin'

Clay Puppington:
Orel! Why's there a horse person on my lawn, shoo!
That's not possible, that's not something that God's do
I'm lost; truthfully, I'd need a cross before I cross you!
Uh…wait, I think it's a guy in a costume…
Huh, crude. That you drink up a whooole bottle
When animals don't have souls to go full throttle
On benders, just swallowing their own problems 
You run out of hay? Then say bye to your close trauma
Ya see Horseman, I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed
With one appointment prison could've been avoided
But no, you boinked it. Remember the lost commandment!
"Thou shalt take accountability for all their damage"

BoJack Horseman:
What are YOU doing here? Oh shit, it's a rap battle
Thaaat's why your pants stood on after that babble
And I got baggage? Please, your pansy knees can't hold your baggy jeans
A different kinda praying the way Danielle Shaped your family.
Twice you'd get on your knees for a blonde turd
Now you and Shapey can bond over "our Father"
THAT'S Orel, I should be posting this
Your wife don't need coaching for you not to be her one and only
BIIITCH, you're a gross fruit, and Honey Dew is gross so;
Ask Blob, "honey, do you love me?" She don't though.
Go loathe in your study, associate punchin' with lovey-dovey
My dad was also an ass but we're related to them buddy!
Go suck a dick dumb-shit! *Bronx Cheer*
Take THAT dribble on the chin like your one kid.
He settled with Bloberta after she conned him
Didn't take a star to burn out your "lovin". (Haah.)

Clay Puppington:
Stinkin' dead end battle. I mean, why the long face?   
Cus you tried to ship yourself with a teenager one day?
But hey! With all that fornicating it's a habit!
Guess you can say horses are just… nature's rabbits.
Let's take the bandage off your pathetic past
No amount of alcohol is disinfecting that!
So I'll swig it, ahh, that's refreshing man
Diane ditched em! Can't cat-call to get her back
Ask Carolyn why'd she quit working on you
Didn't ask when Sarah Lynn quit twerking on you!
BoJacks heroine overdoses on his heroin!
Couldn't thread the needle; and now she's dead as sin!
You're a stupid piece of shit…choked like your chick
Blew your load. But, Herb wasn't minding it    
You pathetic bastard, look at ya. Set up to a joke
A horse walks into a bar and makes amends, nope, he croaks
Holly-Hawk couldn't watch her brother proudly
Trying the easy way out via smother, drowning
Being BoJack IS nature, your mom's hilarious 
Take the fucking shortcut. Secretariat a-bridged.

BoJack Horseman:
Sometimes I feel like I was born with a leak.
And I still got better flow than this tortured poor thing
Killed your own mother with a bottle of ketchup 
Then dad bottles his emotions in hopes you would fess up
But you didn't, so you burrow
Shot your kid and didn't even get a churro
So curdle in your mommy kinks, stuck in your person
I could egg you on but, you're not even worth it.

-CAST-
BoJack Horseman: Arkham
Clay Puppington: Grey Julius

-PRODUCTION-
Thumbnail by: JaCoN
Written by: JaCoN
Beat: http://www.shadowville.com/audio//Shadowville.com%20-%20Suffocate.mp3
Beat Produced by: 2Deep, Patrick Carney, and Dee
Mixed by: Danii


BoJack Horseman vs Clay Puppington - (Quick Diss) #15

Welcome to the sixteenth installment of “Quick Diss”! We got two… again with the alcoholics I swear to fucking god…it's the character I officially use too much, Eric Duckman! Getting on the case of Mike Tyson's favorite animal, Pigeon! (Or more specifically, Richard!)

Lyrics:
Duckman:
What the hell you starin' at?! With 340 degrees of lookie
A spoof of Scooby with all the Dooby
Tryna get yourself baked! Literally and not
All those attempted suicides, still can't get off the pot! (Hah!)
Like damn, rather lock up this bastard later
Why fight a PRIVATE Dick when you're a public masturbator?
God turned ya to a pigeon for bein' a massive failure
Lying about your riches to get with Sandra's paper!

Pigeon:
Eh, I get it, like sand paper; you fuckin' nerd.
Hey, is it all that racist to flip YOU the bird?
Stupid jerk (heh.) I'm really good at this
Why are your eyes detachable?! That's the stupidest
Like who is this? Who watches fucking Duckman?
Who gets home from work and says "hey let's watch Duckman"
Nobody, that's who, wait, what am I doing? Right, riiight
Uhh, I think your fuckin' wife died.

Duckman:
No shit Sherlock! And I get I'm the detective
Yet a birdwatch can't help me find your erection
Whether it's your junk, or all the crimes that you penance
Couldn't stand up to your wife or the Yung one's you abandoned!
So screw you, like that one hooker did
Oh boo-hoo, you were just a crooked kid!
Who'll give a look or shit, just let it consume you
All pissed off 'cause dad let a cougar abuse you
Twit got ate quick, a deer in the headlights.
He can't evade it, especially if it's his sex drive!
A spineless, gutless, bodiless pest swine!
Guess it makes sense you got it on with a fleshlight!

Pigeon:
Ay, what the fuck? How did you know all that personal trauma?
I thought what you caught on with Sandra;
Was awfully odd but, do I get off on you attacking me?
Know I'm a pigeon but you're a rat with wings!

Duckman:
I'm not sure how I'm lectured on your dummy violence…
All that pressure really does make Lucky Diamonds!
Or cans at least, all your fans have ceased like it
How's a show canned at 4 seasons with TYSON?
Musta went through the ringer! Like "voice actors" should
You still stomped on his legacy. THAT'S athlete's foot!
Rich was fat at first impressions; as fat as your depression!
His past has come to wreck him, how balloon-men get pricked!

Pigeon:
Ya see, I was gonna beat off while you were T-ing off.
Buut, I found your Wikipedia…
Seems that uhh, you killed your own dad?
Damn, that sucks man….Duckman.
Heh, shoulda used those head-shots on your wife bro
She was forced to give life to kids like those?
Two heads and a tubby dummy light post 
Ehh, if only he was as bright! No…
That's terrible, like you are at your fuckin' gig
How are you worse at being a pig…than a pig.
I sort've get it… he was aware your gal was livin'
Corny ending, all of your fans musta been livid!
That's funny, too bad your show wasn't
On your cringe high horse, then you battled it or somethin'
Your fam is saddened and caused thy to plummet!
Eh…Still not as tragic as Light as Duckman!

-CAST-
Eric Duckman: RaccoonBroVA
Pigeon: CP

-PRODUCTION-
Thumbnail by: JaCoN
Written by: JaCoN
Beat: https://cdn.airbit.com/tagged/1585240014-73113-roots-by-insanebeatz-beat.mp3
Beat Produced by: InsaneBeatz
Mixed by: jort

Eric Duckman vs Pigeon - (Quick Diss) #16

The demo track I recorded for Rick Sanchez vs GLaDOS.
Dated January 2023

Rick Sanchez vs GLaDOS - Eddie's Demo

Ben Drowned (Misc) VS Faceless Ayato (Misc)

ok trust bro i didnt even realize faceless ayato was a shameless copy of bendrowned until like three quarters through recording give me some mercy please 😭😭

writing: me
voicework: me
poor mixing: me
beat: epil3psy

Ben Drowned (0:18)

Pop from a cartridge into a dead game.
Land like a port ship, boarding your island state.
You’ll get scarred quick, targeting your headspace.
When I face off a swordsman, losing ain’t up for debate.

Listen close, little is known about this Ayato,
Except those fictional stories that scare thirteen-year-olds,
You’ve got no face ‘cause you’re stealing the basis of my legend,
That’s why I’m carrying you to a greater Ascension.

What’s lamer than Genshin? A change worth a quarter.
A terrible fate that you’re not saved; It’s YOURTURN.
I’d let this dork burn, but you’re quite the empty entity
Looking at your lore, it seems like you’re taking this L-egy.

Faceless Ayato (0:46)

*Sigh* How pervasive.
A mild virus wasted on childlike abrasiveness.
Quite alike how we’re chasing the player
But looking at you makes me glad that I’m faceless.

Haunted a modded ROM, then locked at the bottom of
Grandpa’s dusty old garage, that’s a terrible setup,
No cult classic, a kid outclassed by cult tactics,
Trapped in, forever outdated like your graphics.

I’m not a copy, just a better version of your tired trope.
What, being in a videogame ain’t what you might’ve hoped?
You jump through cables but couldn’t possess a microphone.
Let me give you a new reason to be a hydrophobe.

Ben Drowned (1:15)

You shouldn’t have done that, (STOP) 
But let’s have some fun, yeah? (PLAYING)
‘Least when I take up storage, (DROPPED)
It ain’t for some dumb app! (FRAMES)

Your time runs short when you’re coming from TikTok!
Trust, ‘cause I know a thing or two about quick clocks!
Tell me, there might be a need for a Mask mandate,
You came from the dark web, is that why you do blackface?

Faceless Ayato (1:34)

Re-generated lines? I’m not flamed by this AI.
Keep in mind, his brain stays confined in a save file.
In the Mind’s Eye, there’s no damage done in a hiatus,
But in Entertainment, you’ll remain nameless.

A fad from an age that’s long been past due.
Step off the podium, I stand atop this statue.
That’s you, putting on a mask for a better cause,
Not Covid, but for your pretend façade of a CleverBot.

Ben Drowned (1:53)

Wait up, something was lost in translation. 
How do you have lines when you’ve got nothing to say ‘em with?
‘Cause you stalk a bar-tender, but couldn’t get a tail end,
So let me make it known to the world how your tale ends!

Bled out to a friend gouging your head out,
Then found, spread ‘round the net but there’s been doubt,
BEN DROWNED sends thousands down to hell town,
Refreshed browser will turn a mess ‘cause - you’re next now.

Faceless Ayato (2:11)

Here’s TheTruth.rtf, you’ll drop into the sea when I release you.
Too bad you no longer have a .net to retrieve you.
And the next time you employ 4chan and occult kids,
Make sure they’re smart enough to follow instructions.

You failed to be an ARG but that’s hardly a mystery,
Ben is more malevolent, and his story is history.
The Moon Children wouldn’t listen when I had declined them,
So they choked on my flow, like you will. Goodbye then (Goodbye Ben).

Ben Drowned VS Faceless Ayato - Rap Battles of Whatever

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of Barry's who found meaning in their lives when taking flight; Barry Steakfries, main character of Jetpack Joyride vs Barry Benson, main character of the Bee Movie. Enjoy, and happy April Fool's!

King Mewtwo as Steakfries

Zawesome as Benson

- LYRICS -

Welcome to another Barry vlog, I hope you're excited
We got a bug who couldn't score close to a B minus 
Warburton should boot whoever wrote your shit
I can hear Jerry in the booth like “wHaT’s ThE dEaL wItH tHiS sCrIpT?”
Film companies don't gotta kick into high gear
Cuz DreamWorks' fly bee won’t see any Buzz for Lightyears 
Which Barry will bury the other? No discussion
Probably not the one who hits on his own cousin 
When I'm dripping on him, he'll drop like it's rain water
Found a granny and decided to swat her? Get smacked with a swatter
And you murked Winnie? Where’s this geek's morality
Oh wait, you're the one who put the “bee” in beastiality

I'll carry this on my back cuz I'm plane amazing
When I'm done you’ll really run endlessly this time
But according to all known laws of aviation
There’s no way that a bee… could be this fly!
Adam, relax; he’s not a human. I’m correct
Cuz he’s built like a mini-fridge and dude don't have a neck
You Halfbrick half-wit, imma smack this fellow
Sweater reppin the east hive; black and yellow, black and yellow
Here's your last crossover for you to exploit for cash
You must get along with your dog cuz you got stale in a Flash
Ya like when I'm jazzed up or are you getting peeved
Man, look at your jacket, you got nothing up your sleeve 

Joke about my sleeves? Now your fun’s stopping
Cuz this shotty on my back ain’t the only guns popping
I won't be lying! I'll beeline past your bee line, you slacker
… if I say “bee” more will you end faster?
Cannon's blasting, there's no use hiding under cups
Dude told a girl "you didn't kill me, now I'm dumb in love"
Strong Arm Machine! Without S.A.M. I’ll still fuck you up
Keep eating Cheerios, I’ll be making your Honey Nut
Wanna go to court? You’ll be sentenced to life with
Charges of ruining flowers and a shitty Xbox tie-in
Here's the only way you'll ever be that hot
Call you Cardi Bee Benson with that Weak-Ass Plot

Funny you mention breaking up couples
Cuz while you were riding your bird, I found your girl up on Bumble
I’m that ballin’ pollen jock, but you can hop off of mine
“Steakfries” is right with your medium and salty rhymes
But lemme really break it down ‘til this guy is frownin’
He ain’t a Steakfries, his real name is Friesenhausen
Cuz mommy wanted a Gareth but mistyped, and now his
Whole life he got a name you sound like a troglodyte pronouncin' 
What's the Age of these Zombies selling you for a fast buck?
The most legit thing about you is where you stole your pack from 
Here’s one more stinger so you get the point, guy
You’re so tired out; I'll call you Jetlag Joyride

Written, directed, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Beat produced by William Davies
Mixed by Fightmarker (w/ help from Freshy Kanal)
Feedback by JustGamer, GamingPlush64, Fightmarker, and the spaceship

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Bee Movie vs Jetpack Joyride | Lame-Ass Rap Battles

Dj.DamianR - For the Bright Republic

Welcome to what I guess is the first episode of Lame-Ass Rap Battles! (Pac-Man vs WHG’s getting delayed, sorry.) Today we have a battle of evil artificial clones with Metal Sonic vs DoodleBob. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Metal Sonic
GamingPlush64 as DoodleBob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Written by Commander Jacob and GamingPlush64
Produced by Smoke

Lyrics

Metal Sonic:
I’ve my target acquired: a reckless sketch his builder ditched
Aka stick-legged freak spewing epileptic gibberish 
Got a chaotic flow that's aimed at you, well ain’t it brutal?
They put a mic-killing monster against a janky Frankendoodle
Your pencil and place in battle’s number two, so you're in trouble
Reduced to bootleg merch. Now I’m popping your RedBubble
The bad-ass Badnik’s giving him a bad nick and leaving him hurt
Hypothesis: your magic pencil still can’t write out a decent verse

DoodleBob:
You think you’re cool, but you just got me annoyed, boy
So make your next form a better rapper, son of a nyoy nyoy!
Can't stand this toy's noise. Got the slave of aluminum stressin’
But things get sketchy when you enter the Doodle Dimension
Going mach-5, but not even good enough for ‘06, man. You can’t withstand
That a neo nazi’s boutta get damned. Line him up and strike a bowling ball through this tin can
Or I’ll bust out the lead if you tryna gra-fight. So now what?
I oughta call it a draw, Eggbreath already screwed your mouth shut

Metal Sonic:
You act tough, but something you never considered
I’d be more intimidated facing Jellyfish Squidward
You from the shredder or printer? Either way, I’ll have you slashed through
But back to dimensions, your rhymes and design barley have 2
Locate a sharpener if you think on a track you can beat me. Don’t make me repeat
The elite machine will remind you that he was built to be on a CD
Analyzing from all angles: your chance to win’s looking thin
Firearms unrequired; initiating “throw a book at him”

DoodleBob:
Every time you think you’re besting Sonic, you end up dead wrong
I command a doodle army, you stalk and copy a hedgehog
I can tell you don’t lack grit when you rage like a spastic
Didn’t know the position “Bad-nik” was talkin’ ‘bout your rap shit
Forever in Omega’s shadow and forgotten, good riddance
You’re the Terminator if he listened to too much Skrillex
Scrapping this Metallic Madness and putting an end to the race
Because I don’t need the pencil to have your relevance... erased

Metal Sonic vs DoodleBob | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #1

In the 2nd installment of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, we have classic vs modern. Simple vs difficult. Circle vs Square. We have Pac-Man against the World’s Hardest Game. Enjoy!

Alex the Beast as Pac-Man
Fightmarker as World's Hardest Game
Written by Commander Jacob (w/ additional help from Mr. Tibbs, Zawesome, and Freshy Kanal)
Mixed by Light
Produced by Allen Kass

[NEW VERSION] Pac-Man vs World's Hardest Game | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #2

In the 3rd installment of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, It's a battle of the art programs! We have Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop. Enjoy!

Snakebite126 as Paint
Eric the Audible as Photoshop
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Produced by George Georgia of Audio Network
Beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob

Paint (0:20):
I’m opening the Windows, so scram off of my lawn
Don’t try to rhyme, dog. Even my palette’s a icon
You charge 30 a month for a learning curve that's straight doo-doo
Must've dropped the opacity, I can see right through you
I’ll grab a brush, swap the color: make this kid black out
Because I bet your raps aren’t even a Bitmap-ped out.
I'm the godfather of digital art, there’s no denying me
I’ll get to sinking your ship if you wanna whine about piracy

Photoshop (0:41):
If you'd like to start war, let's open an artboard.
Got a liquefied flow to claim the place that I’ve fought for
Look, like anything made with you, all your raps will fall flat
We’re already two different types. No need to up the contrast
Sketch all the sloppy shapes you want, I’m rocking the house
Your users likely don’t have internet and draw with a mouse
Mark this, my bars got a hardness of eight hundred
You’re even sucking at fillers. I’ll make you kick the paint bucket

Paint (1:02):
Falling flat? Check the thumbnail. You can’t scold me
Coming at me with those lines, you might wanna ctrl Z
Painting skies since ‘85, style pouring like rain
I draw the line on this mic; call me MC Paint (ha)
You can’t mask your overratedness. It’s hurting, isn’t it?
Hold ctrl and scroll up; maybe you’ll find a shit I give

Photoshop (1:17):
I’m known to burn tools when I’m spitting a rhyme
You can’t make a drop shadow, so keep living in mine
Look, you want some layered disses and blending modes? I got plentiful
For programs rough 'round the edges, I’d recommend the feather tool
Masks? I’m clipping you. No brown, but your pallet’s shitty, dude.
Get back to the junkyard. GIMP is less of a bitch to use

Paint (1:32):
You can’t recover from this with a healing brush, how sad
I’ve had more fun using an SNES mouse pad
Use your magic wand to select good lines, ingrate
Or continue making YouTubers’ slimy-ass clickbait

Photoshop  (1:42):
I’ve had to deal with dudes tryna do me like a clone stamp
So let’s crop and slice the comic sans of art programs
That’s how you lasso a win, no way MS Jank beat me
You'd be better off opening a verse in Paint 3D

Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #3

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.

Bee Movie vs Jetpack Joyride | Lame-Ass Rap Battles

Commander Jacob

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