The warehouse  line gets me scared every time again

3rd time's the charm very glad I finally did good in one of your battles lmaooo 

Bonus rap battle spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles. More goofy match ups, one verse each, no announcer, and is likely to have episodes better than the main series.

Half-Ass Rap Battles

Zagranis as Geometry Dash
MetalFireVA as Polybius
Written by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Additional writing help by E Man, JK03, Oofie, Danger Dolphin 101, Grenade
Mixed by Zagranis
Beat by Dansonn

Geometry Dash (0:16):
Sliding in from the screen, it's GD with the clean flows 
You got skeptics writing ‘bout you, I got mean prose
Jump over any hurdle, I can beat a weak foe
That was only really known when ported to PC, though
You better mind your own craft fronting this block
When the dash champ’s Back on Track, man, I hip-hop (Uh)
Any trace of this faux game got killed off
‘Cause the feds figured no one’d want to play your shit, dawg
You should withdraw from this battle facing me
Rip off consoles like you took a bite from ‘83
Oregon’s the place to be for all the bullshit fanatics
I’d have the Men in Black wipe my mind if I have to hear you rapping
(Yeah) You vanished ‘fore players could even press start
The only beat you’d ever drop is a heart’s
I’m RobTopping game stores
A pixelated mess is what players have to pay for?

Polybius (0:49):
I thought you’d be able to square off with your shape but I see those disses were Lite
Like all of your trashy spinoffs that deserve to be sent to a landfill site
I’m the urban legend paradigm when it comes to the fear that I elevate (elevate)
You make gamers bash their brains in, and I thought I gave them headaches (headaches)
You're so fucking cheap, all I'd need are CD keys
Try to put a high score in, you’ll collapse to PB
Beat me? That's Madness! On a Stereo track, I’m
Leaving you shattered like the hearts of your players, guy
Seems that you're lacking in the new content they desire
Regurgitating games and levels that are uninspired
I rock consoles, your dev’s stuck in deadlock
Ironic this block can’t xStep onto Xbox

Geometry Dash (1:22):
Yeah, this migraine should've just stayed a claim
Cause the ports made you go from baseless to debased
All it takes is common cents for one to declare the truth
Evil Otto proved to be a bigger scare than you!
Unlike the spikes that I dodge, you couldn't get to the point 
But now I'm making like Scott, leave ageing boxes destroyed
I was born a modern mobile gaming classic
You were born from a sleep deprivation challenge!
 
Polybius (1:39):
Instilling Meltdowns in the depths of the brain
While you got none ripping off The Impossible Game
And try not to rage, kid, when I end this Bloodbath
So mischievous, even Loki notices - top that!
It's taken more than 4 years, still no update
At this sluggish pace, your game's never getting done, ay
This was another failed attempt to supersede me
GD’s taken the biggest crash since E.T.

Geometry Dash Vs Polybius. SIR Rap Battles: Sidequests (ft. Zagranis & MetalFireVA)

Welcome back to -Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of ghosts that, according to legend, communicate to the living through paper. Enjoy!

Fightmarker as Charlie
Commander Jacob as Smitty
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Prod. by Allrounda

-LYRICS-

Charlie (0:18)
Yo! If a skeleton thinks he’ll win with spooky scary songs
There must be one thing in your drinking hat; Smitty WerbenJagerbombs
I’ll blare loud, your boneheads should be scared now
They should’ve left you with your hat; rotting in a warehouse
I’ll let the gallows drop and snare ya
Porque eres más débil en esto juego de la lapicera
A crab trashed your graveyard, no way we'll see you Float
You were number one, like the piss I've taken on your tombstone

Smitty (0:40)
Limit your words to what’s on your paper, recite that
Cuz kid, that was disgusting, I just want the mic back
This Doodlebob ouija board couldn't even start to harm me
So if my skeletons attack, Good Luck Charlie Charlie
A Mexican kid with a white-ass name? That’s preposterous 
I won’t stop till your soul’s crossed off the top of my shopping list
I'm like a pencil in your challenge, you can blow me, dick face
Here lies your hopes and dreams of being more than cheap clickbait!

Charlie Charlie vs Smitty Werbenjägermanjensen | Half-Ass Rap Battle

Tony Rigatoni as Neo 
RNG as Dream 

Written by Oofie, MaviKartal2003, RNG, and Chandler_CCRB
Mixed and mastered by Oofie
Beat produced by Tristan On the Track
Demo by RNG
Cover art by Oofie
Produced by Oofie
Special thanks to MaviKartal2003

Intro:
In this video, the chosen one is going to try to beat me in a rap battle. Also, only a small percentage of viewers are actually subscribed. So if you like this battle, please subscribe. It’s free, and you can always change your mind. Now, it’s time for a Rap Clash

Neo:
I know you’re out there, making your income off the youth
I know that you’re afraid ‘cause what I’m offering is the truth
I feel a sense of Deja Vu, seems you left the mod folder open
Makes sense for you, I'm the one that the odds offer potence
The sham’s resistance is not consistent. I'm bringing the stick like a piston
Against this tasteless feel-less streamer keeping kids’ minds in a prison
You box yourself from society, playing a sandbox for children
Who eat up your shitty vids, like you eat up shit from kittens
Even this fake knows my name, drop gold bars like a Piglin trade
Put in place this disgrace of the YouTube algorithm 
I’ll cement this victory, Clay, rocking the glistening shades
Take all percentage of dubs like your subs, but I’m no mathematician

Dream:
GEORGE! Are you the one that gave Neo the pills to choose
‘Cause the wrong color WasTaken, so he’ll be the one to lose
Your abilities don’t make you fly, only thing they do is scorch the sky
So turn around, and take flight. In a fight I keep a cautious eye
I’ll have Neo slaughtered! Dream’s bringing heat! Rocking beats!
You can’t breathe! You’re choking! Like your girl did on my lucky seed! (WOOOO!)
Stayed ignorant, took the easy path through some portals
And I don’t need your drugs, ‘cause the pills I take are normal :D
You offer potence? yeah right; you’re the Matrix’ TommyInnit
I stop assassins in their tracks but your leather’s already doing it, bitch
Your movies went from praised to average trash for basic ol’ folks
Follow the white rabbit for plot holes, now that’s a Matrix Unsolved

Neo
You encouraged pedophilia and your problematic stans since
There’s no face to be held accountable, that's what the point of the mask is
But your luck’s run out against the chosen one. no effects you got gunned down
Record globally like Dan Davis, now more people want out

Dream:
You’ve kicked the water bucket thinking you can keep afloat
Couldn’t hit me with any flow ‘cause we’re not in the same boat (yup!)
Don’t bother with a fourth verse, trying to resurrect your fame
I’ll make this like Minecraft Monday: Dream’s leaving the game!

Dream Vs Neo - Rap Clash!

JesseBox as Vert
Special Inquisitor Rayyan as Shamrock Shake
Written by JK03 
Chiseled by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Mixed by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Edited by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Beat by Anywaywell
Beat rearrangement by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Cover art by JK03
Special thanks to JK03

Vert (0:15): 
Oh my, am I seeing this right? It seems that this drink here’s attempting to dunk me
Made for St. Patrick’s Day but stepping up to me? You must be quite unlucky
Polluting tummies, the deity of diabetes, while this deity is repping the Xbox
A Vanilla shake with a dose of green, you really put the “sham” in “shamrock!” (Ohh!)
You got no abilities, mine are countless! Came from the Windy City, but I got the wind prowess  
Cower in shame, ‘cause your limited offers couldn’t keep a single McDonald’s crowded!
You dropped the citrus flavor, but your lack of fans must be leaving you sour
Now I am leaving all of your poor contents spilled once you see this CPU’s true power!
This cold drink’s Victory’s looking Iffy, should’ve known challenging me is blasphemy
You might have the “Mc” in your café, but I’m the real HDD MC!
Chilling up here in Celestia, while you can’t reach my height, call it Vert-igo!
Couldn’t handle my flow, so go and put an O between your initials

Shamrock Shake (0:59):
Oh no, a Barbie doll wants to fight! This milkshake’s totally shakin’!
Your games barely make a profit, while McDonald’s rolling in the green I’m makin’ (Woo!)
Talk about fanservice, jeez, you literally shove them in the face!
This dirty per-Vert will be wiped clean, guess you could call me Shamwow Shake!
I’m having this eyesore shut down; I don’t need a Red Ring of Death
‘Cause what I’m spitting is sweet pudding flow, guess you could call me  Nep-Nep!
Your skill’s like your sister ‘cause she’s nonexistent; you’re stealing siblings just for a connection?
Serving my bars fresh like it’s mint condition while your style’s more broken than a Kinect, son!
You’re fixated with playing your games, you would ditch your country to be wasting away
And it goes without saying, I’ve got lines for days while you only got weebs pining over your shape! 

Vert (1:36):
Now you’re truly pushing your luck, flopped worse than your sundae product (Yeah!)
The only kind of drip you’ll ever get is green artificial syrup! 

Shamrock Shake (1:43):
Bitch, I stay chill out the counter, you get overheated from my abusive words
So don't lose your nerve when you're stepping to me or I'm gunning you down like Lil Uzi Vert! (Ha!)

Vert (1:51):
How much longer do we have to continue this foolish battle?
‘Cause your bars are so Blanc and basic, battling you’s not worth the hassle! (Nope!)
Drink from you? It’s like having a McFlurry alongside some toothpaste
I’m sorry, my dear, but I always preferred tea as a drink anyway

Shamrock Shake (2:05):
(Hey!) Your personality falls flat, more vanilla than me at best, man!
You got shares so low that Chika’s the only one who’s giving you some attention, damn
Your franchise’s on the decline ‘cause they’d rather rehash your first game three times
So 4GO the win and forfeit, I just took this bore of a goddess offline! (Ohh!)

Vert vs. Shamrock Shake. SIR Rap Battles Sidequests (ft. JesseBoxVO)

Joe Voiced by Skitzy
Coyote Voiced by Tommy Salommy
Written by Jenni no Mercy
Mixed by Matt Raichous
Thumbnail by TheDangerStranger
Additional help by Skitzy

Beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhnRXkyXucA

Joe:

The first thing is, I’m not cutting you slack
I’m the Big Cat, getting Exotic on the track!
Dealt with giant tigers and I’m here to compete
Against the guy who got famous shoving limbs into croc teeth!
But talk is cheap, your channel’s time drew out.
Try measuring up, let’s check the view count.
14 million subs, you seem hard to beat
But Tiger King’s got 64 mil in their seats!
Was rocking the boat ‘fore Netflix was showing!
You got the Net fixing you up with Jeff and Conon!
My rhymes keep owning, you better just can it.
This’ll be as short-lived as you on Animal Planet!
Your fans flatter with patter but as a matter of fact
Your channel only attracts with those animal attacks!
Before you overreact, maybe hide in a Zoom call!
Your backers would love to watch a self hurting dude fall!

Coyote:

I’m Coyote Peterson, entering the strike zone
Wiley, throwing verbal stones in the fight zone
Might think I’m nervous, facing such an ugly thing
But despite urban myths, his bars don’t actually sting
I love nature, got the passion for the animals
With the way you treat the cats? I’d smack you in the mandible!
Barely understandable, no handle on your accent
Need a dating show to give your love life a last chance!
You’re on the fast track to straight being forgotten
With a personality like your tiger feed: rotten
Taught millions about the flora and fauna of every climate
Conquered the Cow Killer, I can crush a Tiger Tyrant!
Spitting venomous bars, like a black-necked cobra
You throw a hissy fit, like the pits in Manitoba!
Your mullet’s not your only thing that needs to be clipped
You want some deadly shots? Ask your hubby for tips

Joe:

Bringing up Travis? Now you've gone too far!
This battle wouldn’t make a footnote in my Memoir!
Leave ya like your namesake: defeated and flattened
When I commit verbal murder: Call me Carol Baskin!
Channel is just a has-been! Peterson can’t mask it!
Maybe get a dung beetle to carry your fucking casket!
Tired of this racket. Kiss my ass, bastard!
Got beef? I’ll give ya to the tigers in my backyard.

Coyote:

Still attacking me? Joey keeps on forgetting
Coyotes fight back when they’re cornered or threatened!
Sean Evans gave me hotter burns with a wing sauce
This is just another face off the Tiger King lost!
Now, mole rats are blind, but even they could tell
The only bars you’re packing are lining your prison cell!
This fight is over, Joe. I’ve tamed your lame style.
To the viewers at home. Be brave! Stay Wild!

Joe Exotic Vs. Coyote Peterson - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

Al Capone vs Harry Warden:
They commited murders on Valentine's Day

All In Rap Battles, or AIRB, is a fanmade rap battle series run by MaviKartal2003. This is the 2nd battle to get an audio. Happy Valentine's Day

Alaskan Sam as Al Capone
Cole as Harry Warden
Written by MaviKartal2003
Mixed by Oofie the Rap Dude
Thumbnail by Samuel Grasman E. Samuel
Beat by Anywaywell

Announcer:
All In Rap Battles
Al Capone
Vs
Harry Warden
Begin

HW:
Roses are red, violets blue, many men are dead, you’ll be too
Cause your press image is see through, pizza face without the seafood
Canadian but craving for the blood of fools who’s raving
In duration of the valentine, their hearts I’ll be claiming

Hanniger Under-mining Co.ns like you like I’m Elliot Ness
The teacher puncher’s getting schooled, get back to library, nescient mess
More washed up than my victims inside of laundry machine
Pay Ala John Fisher a visit cause your operation is fitting

AC:
Eat your heart out Herobrine cause you’re giving chills to no spine
I own a soup shop so you dine by getting served hot flow of mine
You’re Axel-lent, that I doubt, since you hand enemies more than dub
And they say that I’m lout, for crying out loud, you’re that dumb

You killed Happy, stabbing him in the eye, must be gory
Like an allegory for people who have seen your 3D movie
Keep getting censored for the best, even with syphillis I get more sex
than this Ghostface wannabe, no trace of not phoned in lines or flex

HW:
Hey Snorky, don’t be cocky! You have syphilis, remember?
Using a Colt 45 for shots, means you spit no ember
To be the top bootlegger, became Torio’s top boot licker
You speakeasy with the money but yet to give good liquor

Got Alcatraz the Cage bars, unless you’re one of Anglins
Or Frank Morris, unlike tax, from that there’s no evading
Gangster left you in darkness cause you no longer Moonshine
You’re not coming again but still be my bloody valentine

AC:
Why so balls to the wall? Guess my men put you in your place
Beneath the cop outfit are my men who’d cut the foreplays
With this methane gas you spat you’re no different than a carcase
Masks save face from the hot gas but not from wrath of Scarface

As a gang war commenced I broke men like Bugs Moran
So stick to miner (minor) offence, or you be the Bunny on my pan
Roasted, I rose to top, unlike me ya ditched
After hitting rock bottom, so take the L, capiche?

Announcer:
Who won?
Who’s next?
You decide
All In Rap Battles

Al Capone vs Harry Warden - AIRB

So....Happy Twos-day! I was originally not going to do a battle but this battle has been finished for over 6 months! I was feeling awful to both of the amazing voice actors for putting amazing work and it taking so long to come out. The thumbnail was the hardest part ironically, due to....well look that that Predator hand! Either way, I hope you enjoy. Why don't you have a seat, and enjoy the battle? DO IT NOW!


Chris Hansen Voiced By Swizkii
The Predator Voiced By MetaMachine

Beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JD_BOnX_Iak

Predator:

Ripping through tracks like a spinal cord
Make a bloody corpse your final form
Turn your eye sore face removable
So get a Dateline-d up for your funeral!
No better competitor with bloodshed! I’m The Predator!
You only look good when saved by the editor!
You better get running. I’m a hunter by trade!
It’s hard to report on pedos from beyond the grave!
But even with my tech, I still find it shocking
How you learned to use old clout to line your pockets
Packing a shoulder cannon and I’m handling business!
Kiss this battle goodbye. Like your job and your mistress!
While you mutter in a live stream, feeling like a star
I steal the show like a pirate: Rated R!
Try to run with my pack, but you aren’t worthy.
Destroy your image worse than a dead attorney!

Chris:

Been in TV for years and I’m no sucker.
But I’ve never seen such an ugly Mother Fucker!
Chris’s got more drip than your bags of meat
So do us both a favor and Have a seat.
Your pop culture boast really does seem legit
With one good flick...and that’s it.
The NBC MC with the Emmys
You might be rated R but those bars were PG
I’m a hotshot, covering slaughter and debauchery 
Your box office was shot! You’re a Predator of Profiting!
My special's had an effect. You’re just special effects!
Who’s the real prehistoric monster? Hanson rex (Wrecks)
A 20 year gap, one sequel in the backlogs
And that bombed once a Xenomorph was in the chat logs!
The Cranky Kermit couldn’t tongue click out a rhyme
 You wanna save yourself the trouble? You can leave anytime.

Predator:

I eat bullets like nothing! Think Hansen hits harder?
You’re more of a let down than your Kickstarter!
The Yautja has honor. Your show's poor taste!
Learn to avoid me. Pretend I'm your court date!
I’d rip out your skull but it would be a waste.
There’s no space for your ego in my trophy case!
Scraping by with Fivrr. The fans are long gone, man!
You should look into the mirror if you wanna Catch a Con Man!
I’m murderous! There’s not a chopper that can save you!
So stupid, you let a guy like Vincent play you!
What are you waiting for? Do it now! Just flee
You’d have a better chance with GG as the MC.

Chris:

Here’s a guy, who acts real smart.
But is jumped by Arnie making Mud Splatter Art
With the high tech crap, it’s no wonder you’re a hack
Let your franchise down even worse than Shane Black
The fact is you’re a product of the 80s.
When 10 minutes of shooting isn’t seen as lazy!
It’s crazy! You carry plasma guns and Smart Disks.
But the most sacred weapon to the Yautja is a sharp stick?
You act tough, but pussy out when you confront death
Ask Onision. I take the battles to your front step!
As the investigation closes, got nothing to prove.
So blow yourself up, like every time you lose

Chris Hansen Vs. The Predator - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

Writting, thumbnail, art and mixing by: CreeperPasta

Beat by: Prod. Kirk

TortureSoup.avi: Rabi 

Chiitan: JennyNoMercy



TortureSoup: 

Our last hostage was sad, but this is just pathetic.

Never thought I'd face Fur Affinity's Pop Team Epic.

I spit hot like wasabi, you got fired from your group.

So sit down, relax. Would you like to take some soup?

Trust me, you don't wanna become my enemy

Unless you wanna be part of my recipe

A 0 year old fairy baby? More like a manchild on crack

At least after you lose, I'll give you a pat in the back

You've been a bad boy, Chiitan. Look how you left Shinjo-Kun.

Sad, discontent, alone- oh wait, that is you.

You've got a turtle for a hat, but it's time to take the cap off

Filthy Frank's wasted noodles never stood a chance to rap off

Boiling up the tension and giving chills to civilians

You get on accidentes to get the attention of millions

You deserve to be served to your friends inside a bowl, you fool

So by the time they want to see you, there won't be even a spoonful


Chiitan: 

Arigatou gozaimasu, haitte kudasai

Let me guess. You're another mascot from Last Week Tonight?

I'm the nightmare of your kitchen; is this the dish that you got me?

This is how we handle scum in the streets of Susaki

Do not mess with this mascot right off the bat

I'll beat you like my boxes until your head is split in half

Took a million hits and got up, I can take more

Your soup's salty. It makes me want to make me flip the fucking table

Chiitan has the disses, get out and clean my dishes

This otter gives you another reason to sleep with the fishes

Nowadays everyone can make videos like yours with so little

So who's calling me a ripoff, NormalSoupForNormalPeople?

The better Ray Ray on YouTube is William Johnson

You've been demonetized! Now Chef Boyardee won't be your sponsor

Y'know what I do to my rivals? I get rid of their vitals

This was Masterchef, and you didn't make it to the finals



TortureSoup VS Chiitan - Rap Off Bonus

ra
p battle
get it cuz sizing up lol 

Lyrics:

Joltik:
*incomprehensible high pitched rapping for two bars*

Eternatus:
Um, hey um, speak up, I can’t hear you over the beat tag, you’re too sma-

Joltik:
OH FUCK OFF, I WASN’T LOUD ENOUGH FOR YOU?
ETERNAL IS RIGHT, OLD ASS, TURN UP THE GOD DAMN HEARING AID

Lemme stoop down to your level
A little baby Poké fucker that I gotta meddle
I’m a fuckin menace spittin disses and Electro Ballin ‘em
How does the biggest Poké have the smallest brain of all of ‘em
Fish bone bitch I could snack on
I’ll put the smack on a motherfuckin wack fraud
Hack of a god damn god, you’re half of a bod
Skeletal and skinny, no fuckin chance of winning
You’re the Eternamaximum on the little bitch scale
Big physically, heart smaller than my tail
Wait, do I even fuckin have one? Shit! No that’s the joke now
So I’ll jolt into your THROAT NOW
I’ll Bug Buzz a bastard who won’t be much faster
Once I drop your speed stat and make you a wussy
Crawl on your body, make webs of disaster
And shoot my string into your wife’s Eternussy
I’m too fuckin nimble for you to manage
I call bullshit on that type-advantage
For real, your attacks would miss me, god
You can’t even TRY to piss me off
Trapped in silence, you’re the small one
You got the Dragon without the balls, son
So drop the mic before you even start
And Suck my Punch cause this about to get Dark
You’re a gimmick, and that is all!
Hacked ass max stats, raps that stall
I did not hear your verse yet but I’m sure it’s fucking ass
I gotta finish this recording cause I’m almost late for class
I’m Joltik, your disses won’t stick, you’re an old shit
How revolting, boring ass legend just lookin like your molting
Holding onto your own schtick that you’re huge, but it’s true
There others surely looking to sue
GOD I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH
RIP YOUR FLESH OFF THE VISIBLE BONES YOU GOT AND I’LL EAT YOU FOR LUNCH
GOD… DAMMIIIIIIIIIIIIT
I’m the size of a Flabebe and I still tower over you
Cuz by your gen the fans have stuck to the older dudes
And that whole biggest ‘mon shit we’re debating?
You’re made of bones yet you’re still compensating

Eternatus:
Chill, Bear Grylls, got an ice beam for ya
I regret your attention, I should’ve ignored ya
You’re the size of an atom to me, you did not Joltik me off
Actually, that’s enough
Is it even worth going against you?
I’m immense, dude, it’d take years for you to even get half way up my body
This must be a joke or mistake
I’m the original giant, you’re tiny and fake



Wailord:
I wouldn’t exactly call you original
If you don’t wanna fuck with Joltik I’ll do it instead
I’ll whale on a bug, squash him down till he’s dead
So leave this battle behind to the real big boy
This snake dragon mon’s a kid’s toy
So Joltik I heard that you like to spit words
But all you spew is insults, abhorrent, absurd
For a type-advantage, I’m not shocked at all
You’re a fighter, but I’m a writer, so let’s brawl
Bro, what kind of cypher was that?
Didn’t let the other guy rap until almost two minutes in
I get why he wanted to leave
You were so annoying he didn’t think it was worth it to win
So why don’t you shut your mouth for once and enter mine like the plankton bitch baby mini bug you are
Or do you wanna keep the exterior diva personality of a 4-inch dude with a 40-foot tall ego that won’t get you far
I’m a lord, you’re a tick, get the difference, bozo?
In both height and rap fights, you’re gettin low sco’s
My raps are so watery they’ll make your mom wet
And then I will probably crush her to death (oops)
I’m the lord of the whales, and leader in boat sails
You’re just a fucking prick who invented epic fails
In this battle of big versus small
Wailord used boiling rhymes and Scalded a bug’s balls!


Chao as Joltik and Eternatus
Nekomancer Jade as Wailord

Written by Chao
Mixed by Nekomancer Jade
Thumbnail by Chao

Joltik vs Eternatus - Pokemon Rap Battle #13

We're back? Kinda? Working on stuff here and there? Shout-out to Eric the Audible for the inspiration to make something again.

Blockudoku

In the first episode of Half-Ass Rap Battles (the bonus spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles) we have a pizza slice against a hamburger because why not, I had fun with it.

Written by Commander Jacob
Freshy Kanal as Pizza
Commander Jacob as Hamburger
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by 2Deep

Pizza:
Come out the oven deep-dish when I got to rap a line
Cause you got no flavor like the fries you come with half the time
Reppin’ Italy critically. All your mascots disturbin’ me
I’ll have you drop in the ER, get your ass back to Germany
I have enough cheese. Get a taste, mate. Cream you, but don’t wanna taste mayonnaise
Rhymin’ supreme. Steppin’ to me and I’m havin’ ya bleed. Getting ketchup to spray, k?
Whatchu got, lettuce? Broseph, ya never toppin’ me
Go ahead and slice me up, that just means more people chompin’ me

Burger:
Hey, I placed an order, but it came with too much cheese, bruh 
I’ll need an extra-hot verse, I got a pizza to heat up
No way you can fuck with me. I out-pizza the hut, ya see?
If you wanna rat me out, I’ll send you back to Chuck E. Cheese
Got a red dot on you like a pepperoni, homie
Ordering pineapple’s the only way you be spittin’ grossly
Give ya girl my meat and make some bread. I’m a phenomenon
With you I’m intolerant, but no way more than Papa John

Pizza vs Burger | Half-Ass Rap Battle #1

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another Half-Ass Rap Battle! Today we have a battle of minimal, pixelated games typically played out of boredom: Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Flappy Bird
Deegle as Chrome T-Rex
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

I’m coming back, the flyest bird. It’s undebated
To face an old fart that Atari would call outdated
Pterodactyl when I battle. So buddy, you oughta let go
People play you when they say “dammit, I guess so”
Takes a tap to flap over the crap that you spat out
Your life’ll fade to black quicker than your background
Mainstream? No way. Gameplay? so lame
So you should look up better rhymes… oh wait

An amputee duck with plastic surgery
Seems to struggle connecting to a beat to try to murder me
Grab your over-priced iPads and take a walk, dude
You’re smokin’ stolen pipes thinking Nintendo won’t stomp you
I’m Chrome polished. My desert’s less dry than what you’ve written, kid
I'm jumping over cacti, I can handle one little prick
What got removed faster, you from all the phones I can see
Or was it your creator, exiled from society?

Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex | Half-Ass Rap Battle #2

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have the monochrome LCD character against the monochrome LSD character; Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man. Enjoy!

Raichous as Mr. Game & Watch
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Grey Man

Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from Zawesome
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Marsad Men

-LYRICS-

Game & Watch:
Parachute in to win, it’s an icon you’re fighting, man
This Fire man throws bacon, eggs, and fine raps off a frying pan
Been Ball-ing from the start. Where’ve you been? I can’t tell
As an expert, I can say fame’s something you’ve never handheld
This rapping trampoline lander’s smacking you like a 9 hammer
And your win’s a crazier dream than those of all your programmers
Slenderman in a trench coat? He only has one mode: stalk
Mister, watching your game has got me watching my own clock

Grey Man:
A fat-nosed shadow thinks that he's fit for battle? Boy I'll laugh
When I have him tripping and he still tries to fight with oil cans 
Ring your bell for help! I’m Krueger of the PlayStation
Leaving beats and dreams corrupted. Still think it's an emulation?
Here’s the red Flagman; you’ll get slaughtered just from napping
It’s one of your two functions; learn it’s time to stop rapping
I Violently Diss-strict. The pain won’t leave when you wake up.
Even people who play Smash have forgotten you like a brain flush

Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man | Half-Ass Rap Battle #3

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the edgy spooky versions of characters, one ironic, one unironic: Sonic.EXE vs Corrupted Jacob

-LYRICS-

Sonic.EXE
(Yo) ever since Things That Aren't That Scary Month, I know you've been hating, my guy
So many souls, so Slowpoke.EXE should quit wasting my time
You’re like Tom with my CD; too pussy to destroy a track, dog
Lyrics coming at you at Super Sonic speed: I am Rap God
Too tapped out for round 2. Searched your Commander’s channel, even I never Found You
Cameos are all you amount to. I got a jester's laugh, and I’m still bout to clown you
When I’m rappin, I go batshit. I’m attacking with some hacking. I’m the spin-dashing classic
This wack-ass damn kid’s the static cross-breed fanfic of Darkiplier and a sad squid, that’s it

Corrupted Jacob:
Zalgo in a fursuit? Oh no, my wee little heart!
Ya meant to be creepy, but spawned extremely… DeviantArt 
Like Sally Simp, you’re gonna get left in stitches when fighting me
Your fame was as short as your face in your own fucking title screen
Fucking cheesy ass. Your game got me board as shit, you damn Rap Rat
Check the anger and the eyeballs; my dude needs a pack of Tampax 
Trolled this pasta back to his wiki, too lame for me to eat ya
Haven’t seen someone as bad with words since JC the Hyena

Alex the Beast as Sonic.EXE
Commander Jacob as Corrupted Jacob
Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from TimeLord
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Retnik

Sonic.EXE vs Corrupted Jacob | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.

Charlie Charlie vs Smitty Werbenjägermanjensen | Half-Ass Rap Battle

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