Maaaaan you should have let me voice no internet but i like it 

Bonus rap battle spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles. More goofy match ups, one verse each, no announcer, and is likely to have episodes better than the main series.

Half-Ass Rap Battles

Lyrics/Beat/Trivia: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YlQ3ZP9nsYIZJO7Pb6J7lXe5eDyMg6J9mccaG0-E_j0/edit
garbageGothic as Lake
Stark Media as Dark Pit
Written by MetaMachine and Legengo
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Beat by Dansonn
Thumbnail by Rabi
Hint to next battle: "All in their Pockets" (featuring Swizkii and AlaskanSam)

Dark Pit vs. Lake

Lyrics/Beat/Trivia: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1II5CaEKS6ghWX62845JCtVyu9RP6n85PSvqSYRMfhZc/edit
AlaskanSam as Giovanni
swizkii as Tom Nook
Written by MetaMachine, Legengo, GamingPlush64 and Dani Frias
Additional help from ThatTacoGod and Eddiefrb
Mixed by GlitchDude
Beat by Ihaksi
Thumbnail by Trakked
Hint for next battle: imma be real nothing else is super close to being done in terms of a new audio but maybe a video to an old battle within the month or so will be a thing???

Giovanni vs. Tom Nook

Welcome back once again! Today we have giant world eater from the Marvel Universe, Galactus, pitted against the diminutive prince of space from the hit game series Katamari Damacy, The Prince! Enjoy!

CAST:
Mr. Tibbs as Galactus
Freshy Kanal as The Prince

LYRICS:
GALACTUS:
I am Galactus, the Be-all and End-all am I
Those who think they can best me are foolish to try
All cower in terror when I grace their eyes
I’m the true King of Cosmos, I rule the skies!
Magic flows on paper, with those I’m no stranger
I get scientific on the mic, I’m simply a force of nature
I'm maintaining the balance that this weakling universe requires
The only thing you keep in balance is daddy's PR dumpster fire
And this feeble being wants to fight me? Laughs Why bother?
The only thing that could stand between me is your drunkard fucking father
My Herald’s word you should heed
Evacuate your world before I awake from my slumber
Destroyed By greed
Just a slave to the masses that worship your fathers blunders
On your knees you’ll plead
And beg for your life as your world is torn asunder
Galactus Must Feed
Your suffering is irrelevant to me, I hunger

THE PRINCE:
I thought you’d be a lot scarier than this but that’s me, though
Talking about yourself so much it’s fitting you were consumed by Ego
I've got the cosmic control that can tame the sun's flames
You're chowing through stars and planets like a solar system mukbang
Cosmic breakfast, crack your egg, frying rhymes, my flows infectious
 Let’s talk infection, also breakfast, consumed by zombies, crumbled your dimension
Like Thanos, you used the stones to try to fix the flaws
But like him, you’ll never be a real proper god (oh)
Steppin’ to the Prince of Space, with a verse so stank, it’s older than the big bang
Call yourself the Seeder of Worlds, There’s a Squirrel Girl needin’ nuts to take
Your threat gets nullified, everytime, and then you die, my planets rise and multiply
The only thing nullified, those pointless rhymes, call it the Ultimate Lullaby
I mean, what even is this cosmic deer that’s trying to perturb me?
A brightly colored hungry monster? You're basically a Jacked Kirby!
With all the fluff in your stories and lines, you’d be stuffed from all your filler
‘Cause you claim to be the best, but really, you’re known for taking Silver

GALACTUS:
I’d try to digest your bars, but they’re lacking in any substance
It’s ironic the sheer amount of junk in your games is abundant
You think that pathetic vacuum ball'd be a challenge? Hardly!
With a single thought, I'd engulf your Katamari like calamari!
Your flows are too low to be heard, they may as well be absent
So I’ll voice for you, I’ve won, So speaks Galactus

THE PRINCE:
You must be compensating for something, to be that tall and to be that loud
You'd have been better on my senses if you remained a lousy space cloud
I'll pick you up with my Katamari, leave your victory stolen
And while you try to wiggle free, I'll just keep rollin' rollin' rollin' (WHAT)
I’ll crunch this 10 Galan Buckethead before he’s hatched
And make a black hole collapse like game, set, match

Beat By: Epistra
Mixed By: Freshy Kanal
Cover By: Commander Jacob

Galactus Vs Katamari Damacy | GridLine Rap Battles Season 2

Zagranis as Geometry Dash
MetalFireVA as Polybius
Written by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Additional writing help by E Man, JK03, Oofie, Danger Dolphin 101, Grenade
Mixed by Zagranis
Beat by Dansonn

Geometry Dash (0:16):
Sliding in from the screen, it's GD with the clean flows 
You got skeptics writing ‘bout you, I got mean prose
Jump over any hurdle, I can beat a weak foe
That was only really known when ported to PC, though
You better mind your own craft fronting this block
When the dash champ’s Back on Track, man, I hip-hop (Uh)
Any trace of this faux game got killed off
‘Cause the feds figured no one’d want to play your shit, dawg
You should withdraw from this battle facing me
Rip off consoles like you took a bite from ‘83
Oregon’s the place to be for all the bullshit fanatics
I’d have the Men in Black wipe my mind if I have to hear you rapping
(Yeah) You vanished ‘fore players could even press start
The only beat you’d ever drop is a heart’s
I’m RobTopping game stores
A pixelated mess is what players have to pay for?

Polybius (0:49):
I thought you’d be able to square off with your shape but I see those disses were Lite
Like all of your trashy spinoffs that deserve to be sent to a landfill site
I’m the urban legend paradigm when it comes to the fear that I elevate (elevate)
You make gamers bash their brains in, and I thought I gave them headaches (headaches)
You're so fucking cheap, all I'd need are CD keys
Try to put a high score in, you’ll collapse to PB
Beat me? That's Madness! On a Stereo track, I’m
Leaving you shattered like the hearts of your players, guy
Seems that you're lacking in the new content they desire
Regurgitating games and levels that are uninspired
I rock consoles, your dev’s stuck in deadlock
Ironic this block can’t xStep onto Xbox

Geometry Dash (1:22):
Yeah, this migraine should've just stayed a claim
Cause the ports made you go from baseless to debased
All it takes is common cents for one to declare the truth
Evil Otto proved to be a bigger scare than you!
Unlike the spikes that I dodge, you couldn't get to the point 
But now I'm making like Scott, leave ageing boxes destroyed
I was born a modern mobile gaming classic
You were born from a sleep deprivation challenge!
 
Polybius (1:39):
Instilling Meltdowns in the depths of the brain
While you got none ripping off The Impossible Game
And try not to rage, kid, when I end this Bloodbath
So mischievous, even Loki notices - top that!
It's taken more than 4 years, still no update
At this sluggish pace, your game's never getting done, ay
This was another failed attempt to supersede me
GD’s taken the biggest crash since E.T.

Geometry Dash Vs Polybius. SIR Rap Battles: Sidequests (ft. Zagranis & MetalFireVA)

VIDEO COMING SOON!

Jenni No Mercy as Ed
Matt Raichous as Patrick

Beat by King EF
Written, Mixed, and Edited by Matt Raichous

PATRICK
Once upon a time, there was an ugly barnacle
A freakish creature that should’ve been in a carnival
The bottom of the barrel when it comes to being human
And, I’m laughing at your actions like “that guy’s so stupid!”
You can’t beat me, even with the strength of a gorilla
When the inner machinations of my mind are an enigma
So, firmly grasp what I’m telling you, you yelling yellow brute
The only time you’re useful is when there’s a pebble in your shoe
Your lumpy head is harder than the candy that you’re after
And your constant screaming is more annoying than SpongeBob’s laughter
An obsession with old movies and boring buttery breakfast
I didn’t know that there was a person dumber than Texas.

ED
Is this the Krusty Krab? I have got a problem
I think that one of your employees has hit rock bottom
While trying to be funny, you left all of your fans bored
Now they are crying on the floor, did you want an award?
Light fires underwater, but are not hot on the beat
Because you got your own spinoff, and all the fans started to leave
I did not know that sea stars could be fat and lazy
You think that you can rap, but all you’re flowing out is gravy
Run like a chicken! I’m buttering your toast!
Chomp you like a jawbreaker, when you’re fried up from my roast
Face against the great Ed-Zilla, you’ll no longer have a quarrel
When I knock you out with a door and leave you Kamping in the Koral

Ed Vs. Patrick - Saturday Morning Rap Bonus

I can't (Prod.Gxm)

Bank$

RELENTLESS

LYRICS

Harry Warden:
Spent a long time in these mines, I can clean out your local river
Of the 80’s movie-flopping, frame-dropping, bloated killer
Voorhees? What does a swampy zombie got for me
When he’s roasted on the beat and left under broken quarries?!

Jason Voorhees:
Roasting me? Please, I’ve survived that twice already
It’ll be easy leaving your worthless life as dead meat with my machete!
Murdered many minors, a miner wouldn’t be far off
So which one of your personalities will I leave a mark on?
Slander slashers with your slapstick like it’s what you’ll premiere on?
But looking at the winners circle- Harry's not here Tom.
Erupting methane levels as if you’re trying to rock me
Take my mask, I know Canadian’s love their hockey
Think I’m sloppy? A Halloween copy’s what they offer me?
Like sticks and stones, I’ll smash Harry’s brittle bones like they’re Potter-y

Harry Warden:
Gave me a mediocre performance, like your talents, right?
I think someone’s just mad that they never got a Valentine!
The raps you spit are more deformed than your face, Jason
Your whole series should’ve been left on that space station!
Samara Morgan’s brother acting like he’ll murder me
But one shot of water and mommy’s all that he’s murmuring!

Jason Voorhees:
Talk like you’re from the Killer Crapper, ‘cause you’re complete shit
Take your words and make like your mining friends; eat it!
I’ve turned mortals to Ash bud, you’re like my day; bad luck
And I’m dropping the Axel, 'cause your trash films don’t stand up!

Harry Warden:
You’ve dug your own grave with your sequels, the truth is;
Gratuitous nudity’s all that let your reboot live.
Since Jason went to hell, his fans had their hearts carved out
So it seems I’ll get the last laugh. Go ahead and eat your heart out!

CREDITS

Light as Jason Voorhees
https://soundcloud.com/ducky808
DeegleNV as Harry Warden
https://soundcloud.com/deeglenv

Beat by Hala-X
Written by Rabi, B O R K, and Dani Frias
https://soundcloud.com/borkrulesok
https://soundcloud.com/dannyplaysgames-422800890
Mixed by Rabi and Light
Thumbnail by JordanSnowish
https://soundcloud.com/jordydydy

Jason Voorhees vs. Harry Warden - Rap Battle

In the first episode of Half-Ass Rap Battles (the bonus spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles) we have a pizza slice against a hamburger because why not, I had fun with it.

Written by Commander Jacob
Freshy Kanal as Pizza
Commander Jacob as Hamburger
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by 2Deep

Pizza:
Come out the oven deep-dish when I got to rap a line
Cause you got no flavor like the fries you come with half the time
Reppin’ Italy critically. All your mascots disturbin’ me
I’ll have you drop in the ER, get your ass back to Germany
I have enough cheese. Get a taste, mate. Cream you, but don’t wanna taste mayonnaise
Rhymin’ supreme. Steppin’ to me and I’m havin’ ya bleed. Getting ketchup to spray, k?
Whatchu got, lettuce? Broseph, ya never toppin’ me
Go ahead and slice me up, that just means more people chompin’ me

Burger:
Hey, I placed an order, but it came with too much cheese, bruh 
I’ll need an extra-hot verse, I got a pizza to heat up
No way you can fuck with me. I out-pizza the hut, ya see?
If you wanna rat me out, I’ll send you back to Chuck E. Cheese
Got a red dot on you like a pepperoni, homie
Ordering pineapple’s the only way you be spittin’ grossly
Give ya girl my meat and make some bread. I’m a phenomenon
With you I’m intolerant, but no way more than Papa John

Pizza vs Burger | Half-Ass Rap Battle #1

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another Half-Ass Rap Battle! Today we have a battle of minimal, pixelated games typically played out of boredom: Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Flappy Bird
Deegle as Chrome T-Rex
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

I’m coming back, the flyest bird. It’s undebated
To face an old fart that Atari would call outdated
Pterodactyl when I battle. So buddy, you oughta let go
People play you when they say “dammit, I guess so”
Takes a tap to flap over the crap that you spat out
Your life’ll fade to black quicker than your background
Mainstream? No way. Gameplay? so lame
So you should look up better rhymes… oh wait

An amputee duck with plastic surgery
Seems to struggle connecting to a beat to try to murder me
Grab your over-priced iPads and take a walk, dude
You’re smokin’ stolen pipes thinking Nintendo won’t stomp you
I’m Chrome polished. My desert’s less dry than what you’ve written, kid
I'm jumping over cacti, I can handle one little prick
What got removed faster, you from all the phones I can see
Or was it your creator, exiled from society?

Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex | Half-Ass Rap Battle #2

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have the monochrome LCD character against the monochrome LSD character; Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man. Enjoy!

Raichous as Mr. Game & Watch
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Grey Man

Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from Zawesome
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Marsad Men

-LYRICS-

Game & Watch:
Parachute in to win, it’s an icon you’re fighting, man
This Fire man throws bacon, eggs, and fine raps off a frying pan
Been Ball-ing from the start. Where’ve you been? I can’t tell
As an expert, I can say fame’s something you’ve never handheld
This rapping trampoline lander’s smacking you like a 9 hammer
And your win’s a crazier dream than those of all your programmers
Slenderman in a trench coat? He only has one mode: stalk
Mister, watching your game has got me watching my own clock

Grey Man:
A fat-nosed shadow thinks that he's fit for battle? Boy I'll laugh
When I have him tripping and he still tries to fight with oil cans 
Ring your bell for help! I’m Krueger of the PlayStation
Leaving beats and dreams corrupted. Still think it's an emulation?
Here’s the red Flagman; you’ll get slaughtered just from napping
It’s one of your two functions; learn it’s time to stop rapping
I Violently Diss-strict. The pain won’t leave when you wake up.
Even people who play Smash have forgotten you like a brain flush

Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man | Half-Ass Rap Battle #3

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the edgy spooky versions of characters, one ironic, one unironic: Sonic.EXE vs Corrupted Jacob

-LYRICS-

Sonic.EXE
(Yo) ever since Things That Aren't That Scary Month, I know you've been hating, my guy
So many souls, so Slowpoke.EXE should quit wasting my time
You’re like Tom with my CD; too pussy to destroy a track, dog
Lyrics coming at you at Super Sonic speed: I am Rap God
Too tapped out for round 2. Searched your Commander’s channel, even I never Found You
Cameos are all you amount to. I got a jester's laugh, and I’m still bout to clown you
When I’m rappin, I go batshit. I’m attacking with some hacking. I’m the spin-dashing classic
This wack-ass damn kid’s the static cross-breed fanfic of Darkiplier and a sad squid, that’s it

Corrupted Jacob:
Zalgo in a fursuit? Oh no, my wee little heart!
Ya meant to be creepy, but spawned extremely… DeviantArt 
Like Sally Simp, you’re gonna get left in stitches when fighting me
Your fame was as short as your face in your own fucking title screen
Fucking cheesy ass. Your game got me board as shit, you damn Rap Rat
Check the anger and the eyeballs; my dude needs a pack of Tampax 
Trolled this pasta back to his wiki, too lame for me to eat ya
Haven’t seen someone as bad with words since JC the Hyena

Alex the Beast as Sonic.EXE
Commander Jacob as Corrupted Jacob
Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from TimeLord
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Retnik

Sonic.EXE vs Corrupted Jacob | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Adam as Captain Spaulding (audio) 
Fightmarker as Leatherface (audio and video)
Beat produced by Don P
Thumbnail by Fightmarker
Written by Trakked, Cole, CreeperPasta, and Fightmarker
Mixed by Light

Captain Spaulding (0:45):
So, some cannibalistic freak decides to go and face his fears?
You should be sorry, ya maniac, I don’t serve your kind here.
I’m a ringmaster, you’re a lurking geek. Hell, you belong as a circus freak!
I mean, look at that fucking mask! And especially all those crooked teeth!
You’re scared of your family? What a travesty; they're tame compared to mine
It seems that moonshine’s the only thing that’s prevalent in your bloodline
You had even less to Gein than the idiot you're inspired by
But this fucking prick should need to know; you can’t snuff the light of a Firefly!
Ain’t I fucking funny? Ooo, what're ya, scared of clowns?
And you kill out of fear, too, but I’ll bring a sear to this dick with a mental breakdown!
Ya need to face this Bubba, this is your Last Chance at meddling with higher forces
But I might as well not care, you live in a literal House of 1000 Corpses!

Leatherface:
Welcome to my slaughter house. You're nothing but dead meat
I’d rip this carny bitch to pieces but he'd be too fat to eat
Better prepare for a mutiny, Captain; I'm rapping and leaving you more insane
I'm the classic of slashes. You're a sad clown down the drain.
Got a foul mouth, so I'll rip it off; with a hammer in hand
And tonight we'll feast on pedophile entrails on my land!
Blow this party up, this fat Bozo should stay rotting in his cell
So my saw can subtract you and reduce your gang to 2 from Hell

Captain Spaulding:
(UGH) I’d say bite your tongue, but you’d probably eat it too
Did I stutter, bitch? I'm Cutting this even worse than your reboots
I’d give you some fried chicken; but here's The Shocking Truth instead,
The only reason people watch you's cause you're fucked up in the head!
I thought you were from Alabama, you fucking incestuous monster 
With so many under that mask, I can't tell who's an imposter 
MK-X'd out, a mess down, chopping you until you don't exist
Because this fucker has a mind that Dr. Satan couldn’t fix!
(*laughter*)

Leatherface:
You’re a Devil’s Reject,  so no wonder you try and praise him
Locking teens in the basement, but still can’t pay for your gas station
Where you're going the moon won't shine; here's something to make your blood thinner
Get my chainsaw through your brains and have a Thanksgiving dinner!
Snap you like Animal Crackers (ugh) attacking clowns with no mercy
Better fit for a fucking rodeo, your words show controversy
An overgrown juggalo chuckin' flows like a shit pitcher
And your criminal record should be one of your best features?
It confuses me, why did you think you’d get my life to expire 
When you were made by the same guy who ruined Michael Myers
A second lethal injection; shows you can't handle my statements
I'm shutting the door on your act, like I was your fucking replacement

Leatherface vs Captain Spaulding. rap battle. by fightmarker.

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.

Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex | Half-Ass Rap Battle #2

Commander Jacob

Recent comments

FRB Vs. Anything

zaza

Father_Nichollus

Roshawn

Related tracks