Bonus rap battle spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles. More goofy match ups, one verse each, no announcer, and is likely to have episodes better than the main series.

Half-Ass Rap Battles

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of failed video game experiments: Kinect for Xbox 360 vs Nintendo's Virtual Boy. Enjoy!

Snakebite126 as Kinect
Commander Jacob as Virtual Boy
Written and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Prod. by Voodoo

-LYRICS-

Kinect (0:15)
Yo, is this my competition? Cuz if I were to predict it more
You’ll drop a couple lines, then they’ll bring in the 64
Clear the tables! Oh wait, you need one to be stable
You can't hang with this player; you never made the damn cable
You should read your own warnings and just give it a rest, mate
It’s like the Oculus Quest came with ocular headaches
Two D-pads, but no direction. Boy, Nintendo didn't miss you
I can't let one diss continue before you were discontinued
Strap in for this: don’t make your players tape you down
The only way you’d be portable is now; I’m boutta take you out
This chunky View Master with sticks for a stand had a Wario game and that shit didn’t Land
VR32 with 22 games; your whole library can fit in one hand
Slaying your nerd shit, making you nervous, Boy you're Virtually unplayable, worthless
There’s one difference amid you and me: I'm getting gamers shaking on purpose

Virtual Boy (0:51)
I got your head spinning 360, cuz when I flow
My comeback game is so unbelievable; call me Milo
You’ll be flying Solo in this dance for the best score
14 bars? You're so primitive, you can hardly Connect Four
Without a Wiimote, you're what's tossed to the wall
Man, you should've been aborted when you were Project Natal
Don't talk libraries, your was just a disaster
Tech demos and bland kiddie shit: Kinectimal Crackers
Your rapping and camera tracking ain’t matching with VB
Cuz I’m always in the zone, and you still can’t freaking see me
Sound the Red Alarm. I'm too fly, boy
Punchlines like Teleroboxer; smack a hack back to a black Eye Toy
Can't help seeing red when facing you, so hold it down
Wanna try to keep pushing buttons? Look who needs a controller now

Xbox Kinect vs Virtual Boy | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Chao as Red Bull
ENNWAY as Monster Energy
Dilly as G-Fuel
Zagranis as Bang Energy (cameo)

Beat, mix, thumbnail by ENNWAY
Written by ENNWAY and Dilly

Red Bull:
Red Bull gives you wiiiiings

Monster Energy:
SHUT THE FUCK UP WHO CARES
FUCK OFF GOD I AM TIRED OF YOU TOUCH GRASS

Red Bull:
That's it! This drink's about to fire shots off
12 ounces and I still blow you out the water!
When I rock the mic, I'm liked by every damn critic
You're enjoyed by any boomer with a penny to split with
So fuck wings! How 'bout you get some bitches? (HUH)
Every flavor that you have is always mid shit (HUH)
Yeah, I don't need any fancy artists or design
To put the picture in your head I'm winning every single time

Monster Energy:
Bout to drop a mad verse on this lame ass
(AY AY) WHEN IT COMES TO BEATS I'M THE APEX
AND I'M PRACTICALLY A FUCKIN’ MONOPOLY, COULDN'T YOU SEE?
LOVIN' THESE BEATS, MY BRAND IS A MONEY MACHINE (AYYY)
TALKING BOOMERS WHEN YOU'RE LITERALLY THE BOOMER OF OUR BRANDS
SO GO CATCH SOME BETTER ADS OR YOU'RE CATCHIN' UP THESE HANDS
YOU GOT ZERO FUCKING CASH, 'CAUSE THIS CAN IS MADDER
YOU SHOULD LEAVE THIS BATTLE 'CAUSE I'M CRANKING OUT THAT BANGER AFTER BANGER

Bang Energy:
Did somebody say bang?

Monster Energy:
I BANGED YOUR MOM *SHOOTS BANG ENERGY*

Red Bull:
That verse was a good tip on how your offbrands left the market
Saturated with zero spots left to get some thought in so stop it
You claim a monopoly but you're not bitch, I see through ya
Left our market overblown like COCA COLA ESPUMA
You missed the mark like your Ultra Gold and Java
You've had no legs to stand on since you sold juice products!
This brand bully's bout to land fully in a ditch
I'm soaring high above you... Red Bull gives you wiiiii-

Monster Energy:
BITCH SHUT THE HELL UP, GOD, I'M TIRED OF YOUR BULLSHIT SO
I'LL KICK YOUR ASS FASTER THAN I BOOTED BANG OUT OF BRITAIN
YOU SAY YOU GOT PEOPLE HOOKED ON THAT FUCKING GASOLINE BRO?
I'LL LEAVE YOUR STYLE AND BRAND CRUSHED LIKE A CAN ON THE ROAD
I GOT THE STAMINA, (YUH) LYRIC SLAMMIN' YA (YUH)
YOU'VE BEEN BELOW ME SINCE THE DAYS OF HANSEN NATURAL!
I'M DONE WITH THIS VERSE AND THIS ASS IS DEFEATED
HERE'S MY NEW FLAVOR: YOU CAN SUCK MY ULTRA PENIS

G-Fuel:
G-Fuel is entering the party now to shake it up
Against the two blandest of flavors, I just cannot make it up
So I suggest you brace yourselves, I'm going for the throat
And droppin a variety pack of bars cause I'm the goat
I went from online to making the stores mine
How you offer sweepstakes but not fire in your lines?
You prove it with every rhyme, you can't mix it up like I do
… That also goes for your buddy on the side too
When I start a partnership I crank it to 11
You start up a partnership to shill in Ninja Tyler Blevins
Now I'm sending y'all to heaven, you weak drinks can eat my dust
Turned you both to powder, I guess that makes three of us

Monster Energy vs Red Bull. R∆P BATTLE!

Cast: Me
Written by Me
Beat by Dave James
Mixed and Mastered by GlitchDude

Bored Ape:
Yo what’s up duck, I hope you don’t get overloaded
I cryptomine for lines, make your CPU start smokin’

Grabbin golden bunches funded by my loads of tokens 
I’ll start this from the top, make it like my fruit and open 

Everywhere you’re seein me, the Eminem PFP
I’m blastin’ up this track like it’s NF and some TNT

Gettin’ bitches rich off my face and my grinnin’ teeth
You’re just screamin, get ears bleedin, with one word, fore leavin me

The funkiest, hunkiest, duck, print money you could dive in
Forget brass monkey, bruh this monkey made of diamonds

With dough I’m sittin pretty, you throw bread at a park bench
You’re hurt and won’t work, not worth trading on the market 


Aflac:
Here’s a few quotes, wanna ensure we’re not equals?
I’m a duck of the people, you just snug up with BEEPLE

So shut the flock up, you and your whole herd of sheeple
You’re gonna crash this beat and market- like a vehicle!

Help banks stay in shape, from Japan to my lake
But this ugly ass ape made a big funging mistake

Cryptos a craze, I’ll end it on the spot
Cause you’re ridin a wave, I’m throwin you off your yacht 

You may drop and you’ll drop and you’ll drop and you’ll drop
I’ll chain block upon block upon block upon block

I’ve got a foul talk, when I spout my fowl squak
So take a walk to my pond and AF-LICK my cock.


Bored Ape:
Bro, literally, they eat you up overseas
Dawg waddle home, I’ve got the real web feats

Check my chimp strength, gainst geese I’m a beast
It’s ironic that Godfried got fired for his tweets

Let’s not compare Flo, you don’t measure to your peers
You’ve been grating my ears for the last 20 years 

I’m bored, without laughter, I don’t fuck around with quackers
But I do fucks with Affleck- and by that I mean the actor


Aflac:
Lemme capture the moment, a cage you could sit in
Now you’re worthless as dirt, and my write spit victim

Flick of my feathered wrist, here’s my business card too
I’ve seen more fundable monkeys around Central Park Zoo

You’re a fugly cartoon, I’m the most skrukly puppet, 
Japan loves me, bud, they love the receipt you come with

My insurance helps with murders, and all sorts of crimes
But because you were the victim, it isn’t worth a dime

Bored Ape Vs The Aflac Duck - ASSRB

GamingPlush64 + Larry: GamingPlush64
Jim Henson: Cri
Kermit: JustGamer
Written by: King Mewtwo, JustGamer
Additional Writing Help: MetaMachine
Mixers: GlitchDude
Beat by: Anywaywell
Cover Art by Rabi

GamingPlush64:
What’s up losers, it’s GamingPlush64
of GP Rap Battles, here to settle the score
Gainst’ an adulterer who left his kids ignored
Tried to be risque but then ratings hit the floor
Brought your ideas to the modern media but you couldn’t do the same
Cause the only “development” your characters have is a ‘The’ after their name
Took your one Oscar award and left in the home of the Grouch
I mean, if you asked me, I’d say all your ideas deserve to be thrown out
Easily take down the biggest annoyance on TV since Max Headroom 
If you’re the world’s greatest puppeteer, then fly me to the fucking moon. 

Jim Henson:
I’m a man of love, you made a month off of games you hated
Too bad that was the only time your content was consistently created
Stop making lines so wordy, and fix up the right flow for this fight
‘Cause now it’s time to raise the curtain on your final show tonight! 
I’m the start of your industry, planted the seeds for Sesame
While your Nintendo licensed puppets live in the shadows of Jeffy
Don’t test me, you started off your career as a Cute Mario Bros wannabe
But nowadays you more so resemble Epic Crap Battles of Puppetry
This kid really got upset about being ranked above Dustin and Eddie
But even my lowest of lows still managed to earn me an Emmy
I’ve fought through tougher times, your words do not harm me
And you can join my Oscar in the garbage, along with your ARG

GamingPlush64 and Larry the Lorekeeper:
Shit, I kinda fucked up there. Father! What must we do?
Please, this guy’s more brittle than a Boron Atom, there’s no way I could lose
Dad’s a rap battle pro, so you know he’s got the rhymes to end ya
Now we’re gonna spit it sick...like a case of influenza
There’s no way Henson’s stepping to me, when he’s softer than he was in ERB 
Your whole schtick is “What would happen if Jeff Dunham went and gave up on comedy?”
My ARG failed but looking at you on SNL, even I wouldn’t do that shit 
Created monster puppets to hide the real monster, that’s what the point of the mask is
Now you’re in my library, so I won’t take any of your jabbering
A Lorekeeper, but even I can’t get that maze of a story that’s Labyrinth 
But hey, we’re both fathers, though there’s something I gotta mention
At least my kid isn’t competing against my work for some attention

Jim Henson and Kermit:
Careful Pat, now your puppet won’t be only one to get “hands-on”
Me up against this copycat? He has no legs to stand on!
This frog’s hopping onto this track, going off like you’re the Cookie Monster
Can only sound depressed in your roles? This Kid really is a Goner…
I still get serious without rebranding from PG, there’s no topping me 
It’s not easy going green for you, just check ERBoBotany 
This Bad Boy doesn’t deserve a Halo, we won’t be seeing him later
Cause he’s been turned to a ghost, like his SFM animators

GamingPlush64 vs Jim Henson - FRB vs. Anything

Penn Voiced By Jenni No Mercy
Jay Voiced By RaccoonBro
Mixed By Matt Raichous
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Thumbnail By TheDangerStranger
Additional Help By Skitzy, Cri, Pixel Chris

Beat: [FREE] SKI MASK THE SLUMP GOD TYPE BEAT "SAX" (prod. ESKRY)


Penn:

Ladies and Gentlemen! We really hope you’re settled in!
We’re Penn and Teller, and we’re ready for battling
Against a couple slackers lacking in the brain matter
Not windows, but we’ll leave a couple pains shattered
We got jokes, and magic packed with emotion
The only talent you two got is blowing smoke, kid
So you’ll be left choking on your home grown clouds
Tried the reboot craze just to scrape up clout!
You’re the View Askewniverse’s worst!
Think saying mother fucker over and over’s a verse
Your fans might say that Dogma really was a big deal
Too bad Weinstein has his thumbprint on the film reel!
And your attempts with the ladies was crazy
Law breaker wanted Justice and fatty was Chasing Amy
So let’s see if the budget Bill and Ted can really spit
But you’re all smoke and mirrors, and frankly it’s Bullshit

Jay:

Hey Bob, looks like we’re battling hypocrites
Weird hearing fat jokes coming from Mister Bitch Tits
You’d better quit this. We keep it blunt on tracks
You think you shits can spit? Well now we’re gonna Strike Back!
It’s Jay and Bob, we’re obviously the dream team!
We even steal the screens with cameos back in Scream 3!
Believe me, we do find it ironic
That you’re getting smoked out by Bluntman and Chronic!
We’re the classic, the fact is you’re just has beens!
Careers burning faster than the ash from a hash pen!
And actually? What really looked worse? I can’t tell
Between your spots on the Apprentice or SNL!
Your stage presence? It’s evident that it’s dog shit
You're playing Harry Potter while we’re busy making profits!
You wanna top this? We’re just too much to handle!
Leave a couple farts cut up, like their names are Mark Hamill!

Penn:

We’re known to tell lies, but that verse was just wrong
We rip the rule book. You’re taking rips from bongs!
By the end of this song, we’ll sock you like a Cock Knocker!
Want girls but your attitudes are real cock blockers!
And no amount of your film’s show exposure
Could convince Kevin Smith to give your story real closure
Stand in front of the store more. You two are just clueless!
You gave it your all, but still, you didn’t fool us

Jay:

Mother fuck, your effort was just a bust!
With a verse drawn out even longer than Desert Bus!
There’s no taking on us. These geezers are too dated
Forget Shaq! We hang with Affleck and Damon!
And what’s crazy ‘bout you trying to be a vocalist
From socials to your shows, you’re just over blown socialists!
And now, we’re done owning this, we’re leaving you robbed.
You mother fucks got crushed. Love Jay and Silent Bob

Penn and Teller Vs. Jay and Silent Bob - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

Welcome to EPIC STOFF BATTLES! 

Street Fighter's wandering warrior and posterboy Ryu goes up against Tekken's troubled Child of Destiny Jin Kazama, in a battle of fighting game protagonists with a darker side hiding inside of them... waiting to be released...
Street Fighter X Tekken. Capcom X Namco. Let's do this!

Me as Ryu and Jin
Written by Me, Dani Frias, Titanium1208, Adam, HyperJacob96 and R the Writer
Mixed by HyperJacob96

LYRICS:
Ryu:
Normally I’ll let my fists do the talking for me 
But now I’ll grab the mic and crush you and your boring story 
Your grandpa took you in, left Lars in the deep end!
I’ll make you scream “Uncle!” again with a Shinku-HADOUKEN!
Remember your roots, I paved the streets you fight on!
Keep to yourself while I'm crossing over with icons!
Jin’s Kin gives a new meaning to domestic violence
And this won't be the last time they leave their spouses silenced!
I inspire other games you don't know the Art of Fighting!
Or the art of good writing with a series so unexciting!
Compared to me, you’re just like your mother: Unknown!
You'll always be alone, with all your sins you cant atone.

Jin:
Hm pitiful, you shouldn’t have gotten in my way
Only superior stat you have against me is your age
Gouken didn't teach you well if that’s all you could bother
Even Dan wins in better fighting honors for his father
Respect my legacy, you remember your first game?
With horrible controls and AI we’ll never know why it got played.
This karate kid is picked even less than his barbie doll clone 
At least Ken has some money, a family, and a home.
Your corpse I'll be burying, my series I've been carrying.
Your power is Nothingness while mine is EVERYTHING
I’m Tekken you out for good, no greater truth to tell.
And I'll end your journey 'cross the world by taking you to hell

Ryu:
Tried to traverse Heihachi’s teachings but when you speak
Your verse secured to us that your Talk is Cheap
And this arrogant brat thinks anger guides him?
You can’t beat me cause-

Evil Ryu:
-violence is who I am!
Try to kidnap a win but it's all Ogre now!
The Ultimate power has now broken out!
You don't have the strength or wisdom to prevail!
This arrogant child is only destined to fail!

Devil Jin:
You goddamn fool! I’ll teach you the true meaning of fear!
With fists made of iron and a laser filled leer!
It’s the dark resurrection of the devil within!
I’m a headliner, you just show up to kill Bison!
I'll take my vengeance in blood. Not even Akuma could stop me!
Can't call yourself canon unless your name is Kage!
Always reverting to your first plot, your paths a facade!
I killed my tormentor, now fear the wrath of a god!

Evil Ryu:
A god? Ha! Are you trying to beat me through laughter?
Being a disgrace to your clan is the only style you could master!
I’ll clip your wings right off! Learn what my fists are furled for!
Stomp this brat out before he starts another World War!

Devil Jin:
You've risen like a Phoenix and I find that appalling.
But I'll just sustain flight while your series keeps falling
You still don't have what it takes, against me you're plastered 
Cause I've unlearned more moves than you've ever mastered!

Ryu VS Jin - Epic Stoff Battles

Happy 420 everyone! Light up a joint and have a listen to two of the funniest and deepest musicians to ever hit big time rap it out. This battle might be one others have done, but no one can do it like Jenni does~

Weird Al Voiced By Zawesome
Bo Voiced By WoodenHornets
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Mixed By Matt Raichous
Thumbnail By Creeper Pasta

BEAT: Accordion Freestyle Reggae - Hip Hop Instrumental - 2019


Bo:

Welcome to the internet, Weird Al
So place your bets, Weird Al. You’ll get wrecked, Weird Al
It’s the best of the next gen humor and mood
Against the dude who got big writing songs about food
Got the hottest shit, Netflix profiting
The only time your topping it, is with that sloppy wig
And let’s talk about your choice of attire
Prints so bright, I wish my Eyes were on Fire!
I’m a master with my Words, Words, Words
When I split an old turd into thirds, thirds, thirds!
And I’m predicting that you’ll slam me with your Grammys
But it couldn’t save you from the fact your fans are Boomer Grannies!
I may be younger but maybe take some advice
Rappers aren’t the guys to try when you’re looking for paradise!
People treat you like a genius but it’s all in your head
When we can use UHF to prove that Art is Dead!

Weird Al:

Put down that microphone and listen to me, Bo!
Cause guess What? It’s time for Al to put up a fight
You won’t have a easy time when you’re dissing me, Bo
Should make your special and just stay Inside
Since Demento, I’ve been rocking the squeeze box
You were falling down the Vine, with your whiny little tween talk
And sure you got tears flowing back in Eighth Grade
You only stir up emotions when we can’t see your face!
So stop the Word Crimes, you really need to man up
With those raps it’s the first time I’ve laughed at your stand up
You acting like these fake deep songs give you clout
With the listeners asking “What is this song all about?”!
Running With Scissors, of course I can cut a track
I rocked it as Wreck-Gar, but you’re the one talking trash
Your talent’s one act. I’m a master of variety
Probably stutter out your next verse: performance anxiety

Bo:

I thought I was hypocrite but you’re full of crap
This has been panders harder than Chipp McCapp
You’d need to parody my rap for you to have a chance to do this
I’m provoking real thoughts, you just Dare to be Stupid!
And with a bach in architects, I was expecting
You to build a better verse and flow for me to come and wreck it
Al’s Polka Face will crack when this master starts to hurt ‘em
Of course you were gonna lose. ‘Cause foes? Bo burns ‘em!

Weird Al:

More frantic banter with those ansty songs
Think you’ll win this but Everything You Know is Wrong!
So stay where you belong! You’re better behind the scenes, dude
Al’s got more talent than a jam packed Green Room!
But don’t panic! You’ll get beat by a classic
You’re so White and Nerdy, you’re my perfect demographic!
Battling Bo? I’ve had it! You couldn’t spit fire, kid.
So do us both a favor, and get back to retirement!

Weird Al Yankovich Vs. Bo Burnham - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

Lyrics/Beat/Trivia: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AVh24XbWeB-Vb8M_edOcsuLDjiS7baNHkzkygm39BRI/edit
garbageGothic as Viridi
Titanium1208 as Beerus
Written by MetaMachine, Legengo and King Mewtwo
Beat by Anywaywell
Mixed by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Thumbnail by Zuprem4cy
Hint for next battle: "Nerdiness is the best chastity belt" (featuring JustGamer and Azia)

Viridi vs. Beerus

MANCHESTER

ADHD

The vault is cracked open.
“16 Vault” – VS x Vangloryus
The title track. The code breaker. The anthem.

XVI Vault (16 Vault tittle)

In the first episode of Half-Ass Rap Battles (the bonus spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles) we have a pizza slice against a hamburger because why not, I had fun with it.

Written by Commander Jacob
Freshy Kanal as Pizza
Commander Jacob as Hamburger
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by 2Deep

Pizza:
Come out the oven deep-dish when I got to rap a line
Cause you got no flavor like the fries you come with half the time
Reppin’ Italy critically. All your mascots disturbin’ me
I’ll have you drop in the ER, get your ass back to Germany
I have enough cheese. Get a taste, mate. Cream you, but don’t wanna taste mayonnaise
Rhymin’ supreme. Steppin’ to me and I’m havin’ ya bleed. Getting ketchup to spray, k?
Whatchu got, lettuce? Broseph, ya never toppin’ me
Go ahead and slice me up, that just means more people chompin’ me

Burger:
Hey, I placed an order, but it came with too much cheese, bruh 
I’ll need an extra-hot verse, I got a pizza to heat up
No way you can fuck with me. I out-pizza the hut, ya see?
If you wanna rat me out, I’ll send you back to Chuck E. Cheese
Got a red dot on you like a pepperoni, homie
Ordering pineapple’s the only way you be spittin’ grossly
Give ya girl my meat and make some bread. I’m a phenomenon
With you I’m intolerant, but no way more than Papa John

Pizza vs Burger | Half-Ass Rap Battle #1

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another Half-Ass Rap Battle! Today we have a battle of minimal, pixelated games typically played out of boredom: Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Flappy Bird
Deegle as Chrome T-Rex
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

I’m coming back, the flyest bird. It’s undebated
To face an old fart that Atari would call outdated
Pterodactyl when I battle. So buddy, you oughta let go
People play you when they say “dammit, I guess so”
Takes a tap to flap over the crap that you spat out
Your life’ll fade to black quicker than your background
Mainstream? No way. Gameplay? so lame
So you should look up better rhymes… oh wait

An amputee duck with plastic surgery
Seems to struggle connecting to a beat to try to murder me
Grab your over-priced iPads and take a walk, dude
You’re smokin’ stolen pipes thinking Nintendo won’t stomp you
I’m Chrome polished. My desert’s less dry than what you’ve written, kid
I'm jumping over cacti, I can handle one little prick
What got removed faster, you from all the phones I can see
Or was it your creator, exiled from society?

Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex | Half-Ass Rap Battle #2

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have the monochrome LCD character against the monochrome LSD character; Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man. Enjoy!

Raichous as Mr. Game & Watch
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Grey Man

Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from Zawesome
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Marsad Men

-LYRICS-

Game & Watch:
Parachute in to win, it’s an icon you’re fighting, man
This Fire man throws bacon, eggs, and fine raps off a frying pan
Been Ball-ing from the start. Where’ve you been? I can’t tell
As an expert, I can say fame’s something you’ve never handheld
This rapping trampoline lander’s smacking you like a 9 hammer
And your win’s a crazier dream than those of all your programmers
Slenderman in a trench coat? He only has one mode: stalk
Mister, watching your game has got me watching my own clock

Grey Man:
A fat-nosed shadow thinks that he's fit for battle? Boy I'll laugh
When I have him tripping and he still tries to fight with oil cans 
Ring your bell for help! I’m Krueger of the PlayStation
Leaving beats and dreams corrupted. Still think it's an emulation?
Here’s the red Flagman; you’ll get slaughtered just from napping
It’s one of your two functions; learn it’s time to stop rapping
I Violently Diss-strict. The pain won’t leave when you wake up.
Even people who play Smash have forgotten you like a brain flush

Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man | Half-Ass Rap Battle #3

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the edgy spooky versions of characters, one ironic, one unironic: Sonic.EXE vs Corrupted Jacob

-LYRICS-

Sonic.EXE
(Yo) ever since Things That Aren't That Scary Month, I know you've been hating, my guy
So many souls, so Slowpoke.EXE should quit wasting my time
You’re like Tom with my CD; too pussy to destroy a track, dog
Lyrics coming at you at Super Sonic speed: I am Rap God
Too tapped out for round 2. Searched your Commander’s channel, even I never Found You
Cameos are all you amount to. I got a jester's laugh, and I’m still bout to clown you
When I’m rappin, I go batshit. I’m attacking with some hacking. I’m the spin-dashing classic
This wack-ass damn kid’s the static cross-breed fanfic of Darkiplier and a sad squid, that’s it

Corrupted Jacob:
Zalgo in a fursuit? Oh no, my wee little heart!
Ya meant to be creepy, but spawned extremely… DeviantArt 
Like Sally Simp, you’re gonna get left in stitches when fighting me
Your fame was as short as your face in your own fucking title screen
Fucking cheesy ass. Your game got me board as shit, you damn Rap Rat
Check the anger and the eyeballs; my dude needs a pack of Tampax 
Trolled this pasta back to his wiki, too lame for me to eat ya
Haven’t seen someone as bad with words since JC the Hyena

Alex the Beast as Sonic.EXE
Commander Jacob as Corrupted Jacob
Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from TimeLord
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Retnik

Sonic.EXE vs Corrupted Jacob | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.

Xbox Kinect vs Virtual Boy | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Commander Jacob

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