Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of failed video game experiments: Kinect for Xbox 360 vs Nintendo's Virtual Boy. Enjoy!

Snakebite126 as Kinect
Commander Jacob as Virtual Boy
Written and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Prod. by Voodoo

-LYRICS-

Kinect (0:15)
Yo, is this my competition? Cuz if I were to predict it more
You’ll drop a couple lines, then they’ll bring in the 64
Clear the tables! Oh wait, you need one to be stable
You can't hang with this player; you never made the damn cable
You should read your own warnings and just give it a rest, mate
It’s like the Oculus Quest came with ocular headaches
Two D-pads, but no direction. Boy, Nintendo didn't miss you
I can't let one diss continue before you were discontinued
Strap in for this: don’t make your players tape you down
The only way you’d be portable is now; I’m boutta take you out
This chunky View Master with sticks for a stand had a Wario game and that shit didn’t Land
VR32 with 22 games; your whole library can fit in one hand
Slaying your nerd shit, making you nervous, Boy you're Virtually unplayable, worthless
There’s one difference amid you and me: I'm getting gamers shaking on purpose

Virtual Boy (0:51)
I got your head spinning 360, cuz when I flow
My comeback game is so unbelievable; call me Milo
You’ll be flying Solo in this dance for the best score
14 bars? You're so primitive, you can hardly Connect Four
Without a Wiimote, you're what's tossed to the wall
Man, you should've been aborted when you were Project Natal
Don't talk libraries, your was just a disaster
Tech demos and bland kiddie shit: Kinectimal Crackers
Your rapping and camera tracking ain’t matching with VB
Cuz I’m always in the zone, and you still can’t freaking see me
Sound the Red Alarm. I'm too fly, boy
Punchlines like Teleroboxer; smack a hack back to a black Eye Toy
Can't help seeing red when facing you, so hold it down
Wanna try to keep pushing buttons? Look who needs a controller now

Xbox Kinect vs Virtual Boy | Half-Ass Rap Battles

GamingPlush64 + Larry: GamingPlush64
Jim Henson: Cri
Kermit: JustGamer
Written by: King Mewtwo, JustGamer
Additional Writing Help: MetaMachine
Mixers: GlitchDude
Beat by: Anywaywell
Cover Art by Rabi

GamingPlush64:
What’s up losers, it’s GamingPlush64
of GP Rap Battles, here to settle the score
Gainst’ an adulterer who left his kids ignored
Tried to be risque but then ratings hit the floor
Brought your ideas to the modern media but you couldn’t do the same
Cause the only “development” your characters have is a ‘The’ after their name
Took your one Oscar award and left in the home of the Grouch
I mean, if you asked me, I’d say all your ideas deserve to be thrown out
Easily take down the biggest annoyance on TV since Max Headroom 
If you’re the world’s greatest puppeteer, then fly me to the fucking moon. 

Jim Henson:
I’m a man of love, you made a month off of games you hated
Too bad that was the only time your content was consistently created
Stop making lines so wordy, and fix up the right flow for this fight
‘Cause now it’s time to raise the curtain on your final show tonight! 
I’m the start of your industry, planted the seeds for Sesame
While your Nintendo licensed puppets live in the shadows of Jeffy
Don’t test me, you started off your career as a Cute Mario Bros wannabe
But nowadays you more so resemble Epic Crap Battles of Puppetry
This kid really got upset about being ranked above Dustin and Eddie
But even my lowest of lows still managed to earn me an Emmy
I’ve fought through tougher times, your words do not harm me
And you can join my Oscar in the garbage, along with your ARG

GamingPlush64 and Larry the Lorekeeper:
Shit, I kinda fucked up there. Father! What must we do?
Please, this guy’s more brittle than a Boron Atom, there’s no way I could lose
Dad’s a rap battle pro, so you know he’s got the rhymes to end ya
Now we’re gonna spit it sick...like a case of influenza
There’s no way Henson’s stepping to me, when he’s softer than he was in ERB 
Your whole schtick is “What would happen if Jeff Dunham went and gave up on comedy?”
My ARG failed but looking at you on SNL, even I wouldn’t do that shit 
Created monster puppets to hide the real monster, that’s what the point of the mask is
Now you’re in my library, so I won’t take any of your jabbering
A Lorekeeper, but even I can’t get that maze of a story that’s Labyrinth 
But hey, we’re both fathers, though there’s something I gotta mention
At least my kid isn’t competing against my work for some attention

Jim Henson and Kermit:
Careful Pat, now your puppet won’t be only one to get “hands-on”
Me up against this copycat? He has no legs to stand on!
This frog’s hopping onto this track, going off like you’re the Cookie Monster
Can only sound depressed in your roles? This Kid really is a Goner…
I still get serious without rebranding from PG, there’s no topping me 
It’s not easy going green for you, just check ERBoBotany 
This Bad Boy doesn’t deserve a Halo, we won’t be seeing him later
Cause he’s been turned to a ghost, like his SFM animators

GamingPlush64 vs Jim Henson - FRB vs. Anything

SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE ORI SERIES OF GAMES, DO NOT LISTEN IF YOU CARE TO GO INTO THESE GAMES BLIND IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY
Lyrics/Beat/Trivia: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qIhic6Sddcg4w71pOfk8ER-uAVdG9etsg_PnbkqfbiE/edit
Kamren the Person as Galeem
Snakebite126 as Ori
Additional voices by GamingPlush64
Written by MetaMachine
Beat by Trunxks
Mixing and beat arrangement by GamingPlush64
Thumbnail by Zuprem4cy
Hint for next battle: "Deities of Destruction" (featuring garbageGothic and Titanium1208)

Ori vs. Galeem

[EDIT: When I made this battle, I did not consider how my voice acting as lean could be insensitive. While it was never my intention for the voice to play into racial stereotypes, I now recognize it was inappropriate to take it in the direction I did. Had this battle been made today, I would not have made those same choices. I apologize for any discomfort I may have caused. ]

This battle was made after Cam Steady challenged his discord server to create a rap battle between Mug Root Beer and Lean (the drug), and the first to submit a competent battle would win. I was the first contestant to submit and thus the winner. This is the first CRB* I've gotten paid for.

(Prod. RAPBATTLE-ENS)
 
Thumbnail By: Shimario
Written By: Me
Mixed By: Me
Lean: Me
Mug: Me

Mug:
They walk in the super bowl party asking where mug is at
Lean’s what people mean when they speak about death to mumble rap
You styro-phony can’t believe pre-teens are drinking sprite and codeine
No caffeine needed, my taste too high a dosage - die by OD

Summer, winter, any season - sale numbers stay floatin'
You can drink it, freeze it, eat it, fact is root beer’s simply goated
And you know it, got you foaming like a solo cup for this verse
So I’ll pour one for my homie, R.I.P. sizzurp

Lean:
I know that this dog don't think he fucks with hip hop
My drink gets you faded we must’ve got our shit swapped
You sounded stale, man every line’s running flat
You gotta mix it for the rebels, stop catering to their dads

I don’t need no stupid ads, I’m at every party worth being in 
Put your ass on the floor like we trappin’ up with the EDM
You can’t compete I’ll murk ya, They love the lean we purple
Red and Blue - run from the cops at the scene when we leave you murdered

*This battle is not considered an official addition to the Central Rap Battle canon. It is a seperate series called Central Rap Battles*. For this reason, it can be submitted for BOTY and BOTM in addition to my other series Central Rap Battles.

Central Rap Battles*: Mug Root Beer vs. Lean (the drug) [READ DESC.]

Happy April fools! This week we have two literal sleepwalkers, one helps, the other destroys and mentally tortures, who will win? Listen to find out!

K.C. as Princess Luna
Fightmarker as Freddy Krueger
Written by Serena
Produced by Trunxks
Mixed and Mastered by Serena
Special thanks to Fightmarker and Eddiefrb

Luna:
As I wander throughout ponyville’s minds, dreaming
All I seem to hear is children screaming
Not at the thought of Krueger killing them
But at the thought of watching his films again!
Went from horror movie icon to plastic toys
Went from genuinely scary, to just one of the boys
Tired of being silent so I have no choice
Than to break out the ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE
Your vague empty threat ridden riddles mean nothing
When you’re known for 7 out of 8 films sucking
The first film was fine but the rest, pretty muddy
Not to mention your 2010 remake got a little touchy
I help ponies find themselves, I help them through dreams
All you do is make teen’s sanity break at the seams
If you think you’re doing well, please by all means
Explain why I should be scared by a man made of cheese

Freddy:
1, 2, Freddy’s coming for you  3, 4, can’t watch through all your lore
5, 6, leave your body in a ditch, you’re trapped in a New Nightmare, welcome to my world bitch! 
I’m a masochistic motherfucker slaughtering your technicolor world
You got told “no” once and your mindset unfurled
A goth girl, you’re the one that all the “edgy” fans can relate to (ugh)
Some sister that you have who was waiting for the moment to finally betray you
Just like my death I’m burning you for your crimes
Threw a massive tantrum, couldn’t read between the lines
Disappeared, no one cared, now your show is defined
By creating the worst fanbase in all of mankind
Now let me answer clearly why you should be scared of me
It’s not the fact that my fanbase isn’t a bunch of girly dweebs
It’s not the fact I’ve had more films than you on tv
It’s the fact that what’s most scary, is what you don’t see

Luna:
You wouldn’t be welcome in Tartarus, you’re clearly delusional
Nothing but petty insults, and lame jokes, well at least it’s nothing unusual

Freddy:
Don’t talk to me about delusional bitch, you barely entered the series
Three jump roping girls and a nursery rhyme is all I need for teens to fear me

Luna:
Your performance was nothing, what a shameful display
Though what would I expect from the slave of Michael Bay?
I left Freddy Dead, as Craven’s grave you shall grieve
I’m playing with power, how many points do I receive?

Freddy:
You’re not the one with the power glove
You yell in caps lock and you think you’re tough
Think you’re playing rough? I’ll fuck you up, verbally
I just banished you to hell, permanently

Princess Luna vs Freddy Krueger. Rap Battle Arena. (Feat. K.C. and Fightmarker)

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of FRB vs Anything, which pits rap battle community members (or concepts in this case) against well...anything. In this pre-show for the rap battle inquisition (for legal reasons I have to say this battle isn’t a part of the inquisition), we head back to basics as the battle structure 8-8-4-4 goes against arial font itself. Which basic choice will prevail? How do you even make these things rap? Do bees actually have knees or is the expression a lie? At least one of these questions will be answered!

8-8-4-4: SimplyRazzy
Arial Font: Commander Jacob
Written by JustGamer
Beat by Epistra
Mixed and Mastered by Serena
Thumbnail by Fightmarker

8-8-4-4 verse 1:
Against this blank slate for blank pages, I’ll be making sure that
You’re losing to the granddaddy of rap battle formats 
The people know this OG is gonna be besting ya 
When you were made to be a straight up copy of Helvetica
I’m used cause I’m timeless, the classics can’t go wrong
You’re used because of people too lazy to change the font
Eight eight four four ain’t no bore, you’re not gonna be stopping me
But let’s see you try to prove that you’re good at typography 

Arial Font verse 1:
Got sleek flow against weak foes, motherfucker your time’s up
Don’t need to change my numbers in order to size up
I bring style to the table, take your pick and I can look that way
But I couldn’t find a good battle that uses you if I looked today 
This row of lines will be knocked over, he can’t take a hit
Just look at your equation, it leads to nothing but negatives 
My lines stays bold, yours is old and outdated
The most popular thing since Times New Roman that’s commonly hated 

8-8-4-4 verse 2:
That’s comical, sans any punches you thought were made
There are Ariels with better flow in The Little Mermaid
Your typeface is grotesque, it’s no wonder people hate you
Bruh, even Microsoft had to go on and replace you 

Arial Font verse 2:
Since 1982, I’ve been keeping it simplistic 
You can’t even be used as a good joke battle gimmick 
I command U to be under me, I’m staying on top 
Now I’ll leave you like modern bonus battles do: dropped

8-8-4-4 Vs Arial Font - FRB vs. Anything

Lyrics/Beat/Trivia: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AVh24XbWeB-Vb8M_edOcsuLDjiS7baNHkzkygm39BRI/edit
garbageGothic as Viridi
Titanium1208 as Beerus
Written by MetaMachine, Legengo and King Mewtwo
Beat by Anywaywell
Mixed by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Thumbnail by Zuprem4cy
Hint for next battle: "Nerdiness is the best chastity belt" (featuring JustGamer and Azia)

Viridi vs. Beerus

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of mysterious entities that just stare at you: Mereana Mordegard Glesgorv vs Hell Valley Sky Trees. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Mereana

Rabi as purple Tree
GamingPlush64 as green Tree
Fightmarker as blue Tree

Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by Dumbchild

Thanks for watching
-ComJac

Mereana Mordegard Glesgorv vs Hell Valley Sky Trees | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Hi there!
So, today is my birthday and I decided to upload a match up that only I would want. I love schlock horror movies. I love Twisted Metal. So here's a schlock horror and Twisted Metal match up! A wish come true for me~

The Djinn Voiced By Freshy Kanal
Calypso Voiced By KingMewtwo
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Mixed By Serena
Thumbnail By Matt Raichous


BEAT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=horNWCxKcYg



The Djinn:

In a time before time, I tortured souls for fun
So take notes from Needles Kane, and Run, insect. Run
Forget Barbara Eden and Will Smith. I’m not some genie to easily diss
So don't make a sound, don't make a move, and most of all...don't make me pissed!
A master of chaos, I’m pulling the world into darkness and slaughter
Despite what your causing, your most evil sin was the death of your daughter
While you turning whole cities to fodder, I command the powers that you borrowed
If your rotten comic was any to follow, the only thing William’s mastered is sorrow!
Your colorful car game crashed, smashed, your character turned into trash, fast
So despite Singletrak being past fads, they tried painting your series Black! (hack)
So before you try spitting back, maybe react to the fact you’re a bitch
Who lives in the Shadow of knowing his death was his daddy’s only wish


Calypso:

My Twisted Metal contest turned the City of Angel’s to rubble
All the city awashed with flames. So burning you is no trouble
I’m doubling up on the carnage with the High Octane I’m rocking on
I’m popping off, don’t need the nuke mobile for me to drop bombs!
You claim to be supreme, but still trapped in your jeweled prison
Think you’re a step ahead, but only free thanks to alcoholism!
While trying to rap is a given, facing me still seems quite obscene
Since I was twisting words years before you hit the big screen!
Tried getting appraisal from Alex, what a fallacy, she left you sobbing
The last time I saw a genie this blue balled, he was voiced by Robin!
Your quartet of films forgotten, tomatoes Rotten, out of luck
You’re so much of a clown, you should be driving the ice cream truck!

The Djinn:

Come now, you worm, you can think better things to diss
Or would you prefer I drag your soul to Hell to meet your sis!
Leave you dismissed like Sony, you’re just phony faux Loki
Oh if only, you’d have been lucky and they didn’t blow your chance at the movies



Calypso:

You demons are all the same, never realizing the cunning of man
I’ll have you under my control, just ask Black and Minion!
The battle draws to the close, This Djinn was burned by the devil
I am Calypso, and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal!

Calypso Vs Wishmaster - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

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Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.