Main Cast:
Cri as Pyro (Video) 
Swoldow as Pyro (Audio) 

Cri as Jacket (Video) 
Belle Beniko as Jacket (Audio) 
garbageGothic as Jacket’s recorder 

Beat by Allrounda
Mixed by: Serena
Written by: Cri
Thumbnail by: M!CAH

Battle:

Pyro:
The fire burns like the sun nobody is safe to run 
Warning! Warning! for you this won't be fun
I strike up a match and things turn for the worst
But if you want to strike a match then I’ll let it all burn

It will only take a second to rip you open and spill your guts
But while killing a hobo you tipped over and went to spill your guts
Like Soldier with Zhanna you ain't getting any leisure
At least when I leave people shaking it’s fear, not fucking seizures 

Went into a losing battle with a band of men,
but was too quick to book it. Turned to abandonment
Was hauled off to safety by your friend to prevent your ends 
But since Beard was cut off you started smashing heads

I don’t care about no silent assassins I’ll turn your ass into grass quick 
Air blast back your attacks to make you disappear like it's magic
Like your girl in the bathroom, Left 4 Dead, man it’s tragic
That you had to get a PAYDAY 2 not get trashed like an addict

Jacket:
Do you know what time it is? Time to stop all of your rambling 
You may have heat but it’s nothing to the streets of Miami
A harbinger of death, but it’s simply just a rumor 
Cause he may not have cancer, but you're still your teams biggest tumor

You used to be leaving people questioning “Why’s Pyro cynical?”
But now all they can think of you is “Why Pyrocynical!”
It’s typical, but I find it ironic you can't spit hotter
So I’ll snuff this pyro’s flame leaving RED in the water

A mute mercenary maiming men begging for attention 
Yet this infantile infantry isn't meant to have a weapon
But with a finger on the trigger I'm prone to leave any ringer dead
Cause there's nothing stopping me even with a bullet through my head

Go ahead and turn off your fire before I get my guns and fire 
To leave the flames going higher Pyro’s burning as a pyre
Cause out of everyone on your team you're still the most useless member
So please exercise caution when aggravating my temper

Pyro:
You've been a hoax ever since the moment you were first deployed
Finished the objective of the movement that you wanted to destroy
But addressing the depressing acts they used to send a message
You’ll need more than 50 blessings to not leave this battle headless

Jacket:
Claim I’m a hoax while you’ve stayed as a joke
Just the trope of the foe meant to go as unknown
I go for the throat make you choke on your smoke
Thank you all for stopping by we hope you enjoyed the show

Pyro vs Jacket - TF2 vs Anything (ft. Swoldow, garbageGothic, and Belle Beniko)

Not mine, this audio belongs to Freshy Kanal
Luke Reardon as Doctor Eggman
Freeced as Jack Horner
Doobus Goobus as the Ethical Bug

Doctor Eggman:
(OHOHOHOHOHO!)
You're a fool to fight with Ivo Robotnik!
This will be easy as pie, with all my mind has accomplished!
"Doctor, I have a problem! I'm as cocky as Sonic!"
Then I prescribe five missiles that I've locked in from my cockpit!
Now BEHOLD! This is how an egg runs shop!
I don't need an emerald to wreck a hedge-fund-hog!
You're a giant in the shadow of a doll that's 5'4",
'Cause no one would bear witness to the Ultimate Eyesore!
I'm the greater thinker: this inventor hypothesizes
Jack's already been lobotomized; now I'll roboticize him!
Take 'ya big thumb; I'll show you a space to insert!
Step to me, I'll step on you until your name's the Pink Blur! (Hoho!)
Jack Horner, get back in the corner; stay in a sulk!
And that's an order, you man-baby; you wait 'til you're told!
I'm Midas touched, so like the Olympics, I'm taking the gold!
You're uncontrollable, chaotic; I am chaos controlled!

Jack Horner:
This guy is a grand inventor?
One rodent can blow up all his planned endeavors!
So I don't intend to sit here and withstand a lecture
From a man who rocked up looking like a band director!
Nicknamed the Eggman, boy; how'd you get that?
Is it 'cause every machine you make will break fast?
Humpty Dumpty with a big 'stache gon' be dead last
When I crack his head, scramble him in my next batch!
How about you calculate the redundancy of a theme park in space?
People can scream from just one look at your face! (AAAH!)
Doesn't it sting? The whole of Mobius loathes you! (Hahaha!)
Dozens of rings, yet no one you could propose to!
How did Gerald's grandson become an utter bore?
Kidnap Elise again; you two deserve each other more!
What would Grandpa think, seeing you fail at love and war?
Maria's shelf life ain't as sad as what you've done with yours!

Doctor Eggman:
Keep that weak spiel going; see if I care!
I'll make fleets from the harmless creatures that fill your nightmares!
My perfect mind will always beat your mystic arts!
I'm done whizzing on the moon, now I'm pissing on your wishing star!
You're about as subtle as a baby brown bear,
So get Amy down from there, Mr. LazyTown Hair!
I run at a pace not even the speed of sound dares!
Don't you stare down with me; you can't make it downstairs!
You're not a mob boss! Can it, Lord Smallquads!
Love life is like Excalibur: you cannot get your rocks off!
I'm dominating! Down a potion you can compensate with,
And get filled with more toxic chemicals than one John Mulaney!
Parents thought you'd be met with applaud on stage for their business,
Now the only noise you're hearing is from crickets!

Jack Horner and Ethical Bug:
Jack, leave the man alone; he's too old to fight you!
You're right! Baldy needs to make-a-wish more than I do!
Wha-- p-put yourself in his shoes, at least!
I would, but my feet aren't the shape of size 50 toucan beaks!
I've had some bad accomplices and watched them die next to me,
But those Dalek nipples are by far the worst accessory!
With your Mean Bean Machine, you can't prove Jack
Except like your little plans, you should've never been hatched!
Run off with your army of prototypes, and then get a pro to type!
You got no bars left, since Prison Island got pulverized!
Before you leave for your mushroom planet and get stranded in it,
Take him to the trophy room! I pronounce this battle... finished.

Jack Horner vs. Dr. Eggman - Rap Battle!

I used Canva for the picture/icon for the track.

FNF Pibby Concept - My Turn - Bluey

CONES TRAFFIC JAM | HAUNTING HANUKKAH RECONSTRUCTED

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of bulky versions of fat characters; MX of the fan-made horror game Mario ‘85 versus Peter Griffin, but specifically the version of him in Fortnite. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as MX
https://www.youtube.com/c/CommanderJacob

Chaotic Rap Battles as Fortnite Peter
https://www.youtube.com/@ChaoticRapBattles

-LYRICS-

MX (0:14)
Hey there champ! Here’s a lesson, cuz I know dude’s dense
Roman numerals; see me and it’s too tense 
Piñata Brian? Think you look cool with that thing?
When I bash it and break it, a brace can be your next Back Bling
(Hahaha!) Tell Lois she better glance now
She’ll only see your face with the other clouds in the background
Kids going in debt for V-Bucks with credit cards
Is the only way innocence gets you far

Peter (0:34)
Guess I’m the pizza guy; I’ll make you drool from this round
You got too many teeth; I’ll put a tool in your mouth
Yeah! The ratchet’ll make this ugly and it ain’t even Meg
You’re really rapping with some dogshit; D-MX (what!)
Screw Stewie, I’m off of the fat shit
I’m shooting when someone Snooty Steppes into my mansion
Aim a .5 at ‘85, it’s too late for rebrandin’
This PC port's gonna glitch when the MAC clicks

MX (0:55)
Meowscles tried to make you mad swole
You gave up so hard, you should put your shirt on this flagpole
Without the old Slurp Juice shrinking your pants size
How could you escape? You wouldn’t fit in the damn pipes
In The Society you’re what, 5th wheeling?
So I’ll melt your fucking skin if you’re tryna get Peely
Your old fights? This one’s incredibly different
Cuz now you’re the chicken and it’ll end in an instant
f you got a shotgun, why do you need to poorly scope in
I'll run this level back and forth… you're still reloadin’
Post-nerf, you’d need hundreds of your medallions
They’ll know the exact location your body can be found in
Seizure got you foaming at the mouth; guess you can’t make the leaks brake
I’m hurting you more than some knee pain
False Hero, not Mario. You’ll heat up with how dark I go (wahoo!)
Witness my true form if you really want the smoke

Peter (1:35)
A short horror game that’s 8-bit?
This reminds me of the time when everyone else did the same shit
I’ve gotta wonder; damn, how’d they conceive ya?
Someone saw the Sonic version and ran… out of ideas
Want that hammer back? I’ll blam your temple!
Momentum drops as you flicker out: Super Mario Bros. Special (hehehe)
If FNF was anything to be informed by
You're any day of the week, I'm the whole fortnight
Smack you with my butt scratcher; got an itch, guy?
Carry-All kinda types of straps, I’m clicking when the clip's dry
But I got muscles; I could take you in a fist fight
So what I'm asking is which type of arm will make this bitch die?
Your big update added 1-2 and that’s it?
Jeez, must’ve bashed your head through too many bricks
My knee’s one thing, but your always getting your ankle rolled
Herbert! That’s what you get for obsessing over 8 year olds

-CREDITS-

Written, directed, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Additional writing help by Dilly
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by 2Deep

Feedback by Danii, Dilly, Fightmarker, Freshy Kanal, TheMonarchy, TheBabyBeef, 01Tyler10, and the spaceship
Shoutout to Luke Reardon, Swizkii, and Zawesome

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Fortnite Peter Griffin vs Mario '85 | Lame-Ass Rap Battles

Welcome back to Shimario's Rap Battles! We have ourselves a legacy match today, between two horror icons which take the same core ideas, but couldn't execute them any differently. We have Slenderman, the abducting stalker who roams the woods, and Baldi, the very strange antagonist of Baldi's Basics. Comment down below who you think won the battle, and feel free to leave suggestions for future battles as well!

Just like Weegee vs Tails Doll and Winnie the Pooh vs Snorlax, this battle was created as part of the 100 hour challenge! This year I once again teamed up with GamingPlush64, as well as AngelicWarrior and Segamad66. Big thank you to all 3 of them!

GamingPlush64 as Slenderman (and the principal)
https://www.youtube.com/@GamingPlush64 

Shimario as Baldi
(You're here already silly)

Written by: Shimario and GamingPlush64
Additional Writing by: AngelicWarrior and Segamad66
Beat Produced by: Diamond Style
Beat Arranged by: GamingPlush64
Mixed by: GamingPlush64
Art by: BMB
Thumbnail by: Rabi
Special Thanks to: JustGamer, Walk, and my 100 Hour Challenge team

Lyrics: 
https://docs.google.com/document/d/19nLTyAvRlDNCw5Jak9v3Us5qhKC2rlsMyo__Ns1XVE4/edit?usp=sharing

Slenderman vs Baldi's Basics - Rap Battle!

Song by JoNoHumor 
Art by Slimmer & Virus Tabi

PIBBY | HELLHOLE V2 SING-ALONG

RecD as Wolverine
Rosenthal as Cloud Strife
Written by AdamDRB, SIR Rap Battles & Shimario
Mixed & Mastered by SIR Rap Battles
Beat by Ihaksi
Beat arrangement by Shimario
Special thanks to Zachary Allen-Thierry, Luke Reardon, Ego, JoJoVO, RaccoonBroVA, garbageGothic & Fightmarker
Cover art by M!CAH

Cloud:
Guess I’ll start this off… and I’m very sorry Logan
But your soul’s a wound that's open with no potion to go close it
It’s the last time that you’re gonna be smokin’, enjoy the stogie
Consider this a mercy on the lowly, now let’s mosey

Should’ve known that sparring with me’s something you’ll regret, and yet
You’ll probably still find a way to blame that shit on Weapon X
Ya turn all your hissy fits into murdering innocents
All this blood on your hands, and you still think you’re who the victim is?

Seems like you and Sector 7 got a common attribute
You’d both know a lot about metal collapsing down on you
Nearly filled your head with the bullet you used to kill your clone
You couldn’t take it anymore - I guess your limit broke

Wolverine:
You can shut your mouth bub, I think we’ve heard enough
My claws are jealous with how much that pointy hair could cut
I’m hardest to the bone, not some random Turk you’d spar with
I’ll “Remake” your pretty face - when you’re split up into parts, bitch!

A lone wolf standing high at the top, I’m a savage
You're a clone wolf, 2 decades old and your shit’s still repackaged
And I hate to drop some more shit on your plate, but just so happens
That you only notice chicks are crushin’ after they’re already flattened

An amnesiac cursed with shit ya wish you never knew
Couldn’t save Nibelheim in time - you thought that I’d forget it too?
Sephiroth took everything from you, it must’ve hurt for sure
He didn’t need Supernova to make you watch your world burn

Cloud:
Your flow hurts, Wolvy. Where did you learn it from 
All the drowning in self pity, or just drowning your own son?
The slowest with emotions, you’re more out of touch than Rogue was
And you live inside a school with children cause you’d never grow up

You’re the best at what you do - hurting people without rhyme or reason
Those pupil-less eyes must mean you’re simply just too blind to see that
every single person that you’ve cared for in your life’s mistreated
I bet you wear that tank top ‘cause all of your wives have beat it

Yeah, last I checked you don’t do well romantically
Take it from me, thinking you’ll stay with Gray’s a fantasy
Still haunted by those X-Genes and that ex Jean you left bleeding out
How ironic, seems what she’s needing now’s a Phoenix Down

Wolverine:
Just quit acting like you’ve got a chip on your shoulder
All the wars that I’ve fought in would’ve broken this loner 
You left everyone behind, so it’s time that someone told ya
That you’re weak deep down - you ain’t super or a SOLDIER

You’re a poser - stole from your dead friend, but he also ain’t so strong
Doubt he’d handle beer with me, the dude can’t even take a shot
Your charade is gone, and gotta say you’re not threatening
Kid, if you wanna play pretend, then stick to crossdressing

Whether it’s your friends or foes, you’re only bringing doom to all
It fits that everybody who joins Avalanche is due to fall
Cause one look at Aerith’s fate’s enough to see that you’re at fault
Now she’ll never get to bring the flowers to your funeral


Wolverine vs Cloud Strife. SIR Rap Battles Season 3 (ft. RecD & Rosenthal)

THE RAVEN IS WATCHING.
FACE THE FALLEN.

song by usna

Art by senroak, barsoa, xytboig, usna, something_random

South Park's Turmoil - SOLO MISSION  (CHAPTER 1 FINALE)

Dat boy caesar

Season 3 begins.

JacobSZ as Professor Utonium
Miss Shellah as Princess Bubblegum

Princess Bubblegum:
Stepping to royalty, have you taken Chemical Ecstasy?
I’ll ruin Samurai ‘Jack-off’’ like Craig McCracken’s legacy
Are your super Bratz with you? ‘Cuz if not- you better ring ‘em 
So they can witness disses sweeter than the entire Candy Kingdom 
You’re nutty, Professor; getting messed up by Bubblegum 
I made a whole species, I pack a Cinnamon Punch 
This specimen’s whack, yo: he lacks my rap Mojo 
I be bursting your Bubbles with mathematical flow (ohhh)

Professor Utonium: 
Sugar! Lines tasteful unlike your lemon Frankenstein 
Your stale plot’s like old gum, a real King’ll put it on Ice
Dropping rhythm and rhymes to simply Spice up this fight 
Cause on the mic, I’m anything but Everything Nice!
Mixing you up like your DNA ‘n’ you’re making me tired
Like all your countless attempts to sink your teeth into a Vampire 
You’re worn out, Bonnie. Looks like you’ve been chewed up
And seconds separated from always being “Too Young”
 
Princess Bubblegum:
Better than being a crusty Earl Grey with Lemon sourness
Who sends three little girls daily to get devoured, yes?
I’m pushing to my Goal-iad; a Blockhead’s resignation
Who’s even more of an accident than his own creations!

Professor Utonium:
Well unlike your freaks, mine were made to save the day!
Blossoming into responsibility, taking targets their way
You dominate your citizens, it’s no surprise they piked it
Girls, this is why you should never be Adventure two-Timing.

Beat by Kustom
Written by Fel, ChaoProductions, Legion, Skeep, Walk, Anthony


Princess Bubblegum vs Professor Utonium. Season 3, Wave 1

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.

Fortnite Peter Griffin vs Mario '85 | Lame-Ass Rap Battles

Commander Jacob

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