Mountains in the Mist

IM NOT AFRAID ANYMORE. 

Funny how life is. We tire ourselves resisting what is natural, only to learn that things will unfold, exactly the way they are naturally going to unfold, weather we had resisted or not. 

My whole life was all bout keeping things in order, and I was willing to go to great lengths to attempt to accomplish this. Anything even remotely disorderly, was resisted. Resisting, striving, reaching, all my life. Just to learn that all of my efforts, failed, as a result of exhaustion. When my arms gave way and I could no longer resist, life imploded into a tornado of a mess that I could not contain or clean or repair. A string of broken hearts, and wounded souls, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to make it better. I had really blown it. And I knew it. I wanted to say I was so sorry. I wanted to comfort them. But could not do either. So I was left with the fall out from one fateful day, that made everything in my life explode like one huge bomb. I’m still here with the fall out. I’m here, in a completely different life, as a completely different woman. And it’s ok. 

We can only do what we can. I cannot change the past, weather or not it was me that shaped it. I have forgiven myself. The only choice I have is from this point forward. 
Forward, is the only direction I know how to go.  And that is beautiful. 

There was a time, once upon a time, when life’s experiences had caused pain to enter each time I visited my past, because I had lost everything that was there, at that time, my past. It wasn’t mine anymore. Like I hadn’t lived in that moment in time, doing good, or even bad. A major portion of my life, where I really tried to be a good human being, had become meaningless. It was like a portion of me had died, and been replaced by a person that wasn’t me at all. And there was nothing I could do about it.

So I would leave the moments of my past, and attempt to enter my future. But that too, was unbearable. It made me afraid to think about growing older. So many years given to hard work,  trying to keep things picture perfect, running around making everyone comfortable and happy, and rarely indulging in those things myself. All that giving, to be shut out from any of the good that came from it, at a time when I need to rest my body as it is tiring from it all. 

So the only place I could visit, the only moment in time, was the present moment, where my past or future were not invited. I am grateful to have learned to just be. I have no judgement.  Nothing is better or worse than the others. There is no good, no bad. No past, no future, just the present moment. 

It all comes down to the most trusted and true ally of all, this being, time. 
Time will always be there. 
It will never be lost, or taken from us. 
For even if we die, our redemption remains strong, and the truth continues to speak. 
It is unstoppable, undefeated, unwavering, and always.....joins the battle at just the right time. 

Resistance is futile because it cannot rest. It must continually exert itself, against a force that has been gaining momentum since the dawn of man. In time, resistance will tire, forcing it to let go, and allow what is natural to effortlessly take place. 

So the next time you enter a moment in time, leave all that resistance behind and take your seat as one of an observer, and allow, things~ to. just.....be.

Mountains in the Mist

CraigsCloud