Heyyy! I'm back with a song that I wrote and recorded last year (yes, it's been a while). I never posted it anywhere because the instrumental is from YouTube and I was afraid it would be taken down because of the copyright system of Soundcloud but I don't care anymore haha. 

As I said in the caption, this song is about my fear of forgetting my younger self. I'm growing up and becoming an adult. It is exciting but also very scary. Simple things become complicated. Memories fade away. Anxiety kicks in... I don't remember how I used to view the world, but when I reflect on the past, it makes me want to go back there.
There is something heartwarming and reassuring about childhood memories. I picture this past as a little girl walking with me, but as the road becomes more dangerous, I have to let go of her hand and continue alone. Keep on walking is scary. I lose sight of her and the beautiful landscapes I used to see disappear. 

In this very slow and melancholic song, I focused on the transition from a child to an adult. And in an upcoming song, I would like to expand this storyline and focus on the beautiful scenery that may appear when I'll reach the top of the mountain.


LYRICS
______________________
My memories fade away
I wish I could tell you the day
when I started acting this way
I used to
Be all careless and free
Only care about me
Where is that girl I used to be?

I forgot the smell of the sea 
The sound it makes when a wave suddenly breaks
Now the feeling that fills me
Is nostalgia of my childhood memories

CHORUS
All this time I've been running
All this time I've been hiding
Hard to face it but the old me is fading away
Now I'm all alone in the rain
Now I'm all alone in the pain
I don't know how I'm supposed to know the way without you
Time's so cruel
How come as time goes by, I get more afraid to live without you?
Yes it's true
You're getting further away
And I feel it day by day

I wonder how I would have reacted
If my old self was intact and 
I had the same mind as back then
What am I supposed to do?
Now I realize your value
But you're already half erased...

The lights slowly turn off
And I find myself alone in the darkness
It is never enough
The colors fade and all I hear is silence

CHORUS
All this time I've been running
All this time I've been hiding
Hard to face it but the old me is fading away
Now I'm all alone in the rain
Now I'm all alone in the pain
I don't know how I'm supposed to know the way without you
Time's so cruel
How come as time goes by, I get more afraid to live without you?
Yes it's true
You're getting further away
And I feel it day by day

Oh oh oh oh oh oh~ 

childhood memories

I wrote this song in January, after I got my ukulele. It's just a simple love song that I tried to create with the pop inspiration of the masterpiece 'Byulharang' (by Chungha).

Lyrics:

3, 2, 1, go!
1, 2, 3 days have gone by
You're always on my mind
I'm fine
As long as I see you in my dreams at night
I'm scared of the unknown
But now, if I get lost I will know
That I can do it all to have the caring heart of yours
Take me to sceneries I've never seen before
With you I'm not lost anymore

CHORUS
I would forget my biggest fears
Would lose it all and shed tears
To get closer to you, closer to you
And I know
I'd cross deserts and ice floes 
I'd walk under suns and shadows
To get closer to you, closer to you

When you smile at me I feel like my entire world lights up 
When you're unhappy my priority is to cheer you up 
I guess I fell in love first but I can wait for years 
Til you realize you're the reason why I always get up 
Before I found you I saw the world in shades of blue and grey 
But then you came in and put so many colors on my way 
I guess it's easy to say
I miss you everyday 
But missing you is a pleasure, I don't want it to fade away

And now, I hear your voice like a sweet melody
And in the night, you're the only one I need yeah 

CHORUS 
Oooh oooh oooh oooh 
Oooh oooh oooh oooh

If you're lost 
I'll be your light just follow the sweet sound of my voice
I'll make you realize that I am someone you can trust 
I will do it all to be your first 
Until the flower of our love grows 

CHORUS
Oooh oooh oooh oooh 
Oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh oooh

Closer To You

Do you think about the way I feel ?
Did you notice that I was not here ?
Can you tell me how I used to be ?
Oh how to make it better

All the things you said to me
And all the things you've done to me
How can I forget to think ?
I burn it all, I burn it all
The sun's shining so bright outside
But why does it rain deep inside
Does everyone know how to hide it ?
Does it make it better ?

And I'll break
Overflowing with emotions 
I'm not okay
But no one can see in this ocean 
The tears in my bed
Once again i'm falling asleep all alone

And I'll break
Overflowing with emotions 
I'm not okay
But no one can see in this ocean 
The tears in my bed
Once again i'm falling asleep all alone

Once again i'm falling asleep all alone

La la la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
Oh it's so cold
To be alone
How can I breathe ?

Can't you see that I'm diving slowly ?
Maybe it's not deep enough to see
But no one cares
Cuz it doesn't matter 
If I'm the only one who cannot leave

I'll break
Overflowing with emotions 
I'm not okay
But no one can see in this ocean 
The tears in my bed
Once again i'm falling asleep all alone

I wait
For somebody to see that i'm drowning 
Again
I wish someone would come and save me from
The never ending rain
Cuz maybe it's not the place where I should be

Yeah maybe it's not the place where I should be

Ocean

I wish I could tell you about me
I wish we could have more time
Cuz you don’t know how you saved me
Even if we’re miles apart, yeah

I can’t stop thinking about you
So please tell me more about you

Laying in the darkest night
Feeling lost when there’s no one around
Everyone’s doing so fine, yeah
So I’ll pretend to feel good when I’m down

Baby
When my dreams were
Fading
You were here to 
Make me
Realize that I shouldn’t feel so
Lonely
Cuz you will stay
Beside me
And I feel so safe with you
You light up my empty room yeah

If one day you read
All the letters I keep
You will know how much I
Care about you

All the words you once said to me
They are stuck in my memory
Your voice echoing in me I’ll keep it on repeat
I’ll give everything I have
If I can take you with me
Cuz you’re the only one who’s fixing me yeah

They don’t know about you
They don’t know about me
But they keep on talking so loudly
It's funny how they don't see
All the pieces of me
That you've put back together gently
One
Kid lost in the maze
Two
Windows covered in haze
Bang
But you stepped in the room
You read my mind, you cleared up all my thoughts

Baby
When my dreams were
Fading
You were here to 
Make me
Realize that I shouldn’t feel so
Lonely
Cuz you will stay
Beside me
And I feel so safe with you
You light up my empty room yeah

If one day you read
All the letters I keep
You will know how much I
Care about you

All the words you once said to me
They are stuck in my memory
The recorded melody I’ll keep it on repeat
I’ll give everything I have
If I can take you with me
Cuz you’re the only one who’s fixing me yeah

I can’t stop thinking about you
So please tell me more about you


My Room

'Bridge' is a song that I wrote in Frebruary after watching a video of BTS interviewing each other. When I'm making a song, I always choose a theme, create a melody and then, write the lyrics. But for this song I decided to do like Namjoon and I wrote the lyrics before creating the melody. With the key word "bridge", I started to write the story of a woman who has been standing in front of a bridge for years. A powerful light prevents her from seeing what it looks like on the other side. She loses herself because of the blinding light. 
And as the river gets more and more agitated, she faces the dilemma of crossing the bridge, losing her true self but live her dream or back down, live a regretful life in the dark but as her true self.

I tried to imagine a representation of what people with big dreams face. Especially people who want to become singers and share their creations but who know that it's a rotten industry full of lies and corruption. 

Yeah it's very specific... 🙂

To me, this period of an artist's life is decisive because the road to stardom is completely different from the "normal" road. It can totally change a life, a person, for the better or the worse. That's why I really liked the idea of writing about a bridge. Because it is also the name given to the part of a song, usually between the second and third chorus, that differs from the rest of it and makes it more original. Just like the moment when you cross the bridge and add a bit of spice to your life.

Lyrics:
I'm afraid
That If I could be someone else I would
The dream that I had
I'd turn it into nightmare if I could 

In the night I see a gap between here and there
Two planets with unique atmospheres but
One is dark and the other is so bright
In the night everyone is looking for the light
Where flowers bloom and stars never stop to shine
And so am I 

I am looking at this bridge from far away 
Too scared to leave but twice as scared to stay
Cause if one day I cross the bridge
I won't be free
So I stay where I don't want to be
At least I know it's a reality
Where I can be me
At least I am free
As long as I don't cross this bridge 

When I bend down
I see my reflection on the water below
But as time goes
I lose myself absorbed by the speed of the water flow
I can't go back anymore 

I'm crossing the bridge to see the light of day
But it is too bright for me to see the way
And if one day I can go back
It'll be too dark
But I'll stop walking without seeing
That nothing in this world is actually real
Where can I be me?
Happy and free?
Right across this bridge? 

Tell me where to be
I am young and filled with dreams
Too careless to show cowardice
But I'm standing there three steps away
The wind blowing is way too strong
Like it's telling me that I don't belong
Is this the right way?
(Stay, please stay
Don't go that way
Sway, you sway
You'll be okay) 

Where can I be me?
Happy and free?
I can only see this bridge
But on the other side
There's no one in sight

b r i d g e

The phone is ringing way too loud
But I can’t hear it, guess you’re the reason why
Oh it’s so funny baby
How I just want you to play
Running through my mind, you’ll never stop oh

Cannot help acting
As if we’re both in movies
Don’t need to imagine
Cuz I know, cuz you know, cuz we know

You got me thinking ‘bout you everyday
And without you, I don’t know what to do, oh no
Cuz in my mind I keep shouting your name
There's something special, something magical

You got the key to unlock the door
No one could make me flutter before
Cuz in my mind I keep shouting your name
There's something special, something magical

And when I see you
I can't stop dreaming
It's like my eyes are taking every pictures of you
Bringing my camera baby
Cuz I don't want to forget
All the time that I spend sitting right next to your heart

Cannot help acting
As if we’re both in movies
Don’t need to imagine
Cuz I know, cuz you know, cuz we know

You got me thinking ‘bout you everyday
And without you, I don’t know what to do, oh no
Cuz in my mind I keep shouting your name
There's something special, something magical

You got the key to unlock the door
No one could make me flutter before
Cuz in my mind I keep shouting your name
There's something special, something magical

Maybe it's time to let you know oh oh oh
Before I lose sight of you
But I like making these scenarios 
Capture the heart that is yours

You got me thinking ‘bout you everyday
And without you, I don’t know what to do, oh no
Cuz in my mind I keep shouting your name
There's something special, something magical

You got the key to unlock the door
No one could make me flutter before
Cuz in my mind I keep shouting your name
There's something special, something magical



Magical

I turned 21 at the beginning of September and I decided that, starting from this year, I would write a song about my feelings and my life on my birthdays. I hope that in the future, I'll be able to listen to this song and say "woow... I just had to trust the process". 


LYRICS

I'm 21 and I'm still alone in my bed
Isn't there anyone to tell me that I'll be okay
Sometimes I feel empty inside but I can't even cry
Sad for no reason
And nothing to numb the pain
Seasons come and go but my sky is always gray
And I spend my days wondering when my life will finally change
I want to find you
And I'll keep on running until I finally do find you
Wow 

- c h o r u s -
Everyday is the same
The hellos and goodbyes come out of an empty mind
I walk just to stay sane
But each step I take make me wanna run to escape 
Until I'm whole again
I want to feel something
And fly away
I want to know who I am 
Mmh 

I'm 21
And I don't know what I should do
Isn't there anyone to tell me that I'll make it through
Sometimes I just pause and look at the sky wondering if somehow it is all meant to be 

Should I listen to me or should I let it be
Do I have the power to let my heart choose my own destiny
Can somebody tell me
If I am the reader or the author of my own story
Tell me... 

Monday, Tuesday, Sunday, I say 

- c h o r u s -
Everyday is the same
The hellos and goodbyes come out of an empty mind
I walk just to stay sane
But each step I take make me want to run to escape 
Until I'm whole again
I want to feel something
And fly away
I want to know who I am 

Wanna run away from here
Wanna go and face my fears
If I don't do it now then I don't know when I'll find me
The one hiding in the dark
Wishing on a shooting star
One day I won't be scared of showing who I really am 

Wanna run away from here
Wanna go and face my fears
If I don't do it now then I don't know when I'll find me
The one hiding in the dark
Wishing on a shooting star
One day I won't be scared of showing who I really am



💌

Surrounded by the fireflies
Staring at the passing day
I feel so empty inside
Want the cry to fade away

No one can tell if I'm okay
Maybe I'm lying to myself
But when I look up to the sky
Everything is still the same

Sometimes I forget how to breathe
Suffocating 'till I break
As I remember yesterday
Nothing matters, anyway

I wish we could've stayed 
It's so easy to say
Now that I'm running all alone tonight
There is no other way
It should've been our fate
Where you're at, can you hear my silent cry ?
Please don't let me go
Under the falling snow yeah
I wish we could've stayed 
It's so easy to say
Now that I'm running all alone tonight

I don't understand how I can still fake it
Maybe I am just too good at pretending
It's gonna be alright
Deep down I know I lie
Trying to erase from my mind our last good bye

Oh mirror mirror tell me why are we broken apart ?
Oh I thought we were gonna last forever, wish you back
Save me
Take me
Don't leave me
Cuz I don't know how to stand back when you're not here behind me

Sometimes I forget how to breathe
Suffocating 'till I break
As I remember yesterday
Nothing matters, I don't care

I wish we could've stayed 
It's so easy to say
Now that I'm running all alone tonight
There is no other way
It should've been our fate
Where you're at, can you hear my silent cry ?
Please don't let me go
Under the falling snow yeah
I wish we could've stayed 
It's so easy to say
Now that I'm running all alone tonight

The fears and the memories, I just want to tear them down yeah
But I know the void inside me, I'll have to embrace it now

Without you I am lost yeah yeah
So why don't you wake up ? yeah yeah
My hand misses your touch yeah yeah
I wish we could turn back time

I wish we could've stayed 
It's so easy to say
Now that I'm running all alone tonight
There is no other way
It should've been our fate
Where you're at, can you hear my silent cry ?
Please don't let me go
Under the falling snow yeah
I wish we could've stayed 
It's so easy to say
Now that I'm running all alone tonight

STAY

I tried to portray the complexity but also the beauty of love in this song with the story of a woman who broke up with the man she loves. Though their first attempt failed, she wants to try to get in a relationship with him again even if it means getting hurt. She isn't scared to get vulnerable and risk it all because love is worth the pain 


Lyrics:

These clouds
Remind me of the first snow of December
When we held hands and promised to stay together
No doubts
When we both said I love you for the first time
Never thought that it would be the last time 

I still feel the cold air on my cheeks
The snowflakes falling down as I blink
Will you follow my steps as you did on that day?
Would you go through winter again if I ask you to stay?
Would you accept a sour dinner hoping for the better? 


CHORUS

I know I'm asking for too much
The truth is, I don't understand my feelings
But I can't escape the fact that I miss your touch
I really wanna rewrite the ending
We may fly too close to the sun again
Fall down and drown in the ocean
Break what's already damaged
Walk on a fragile edge
But I want to try
No matter what it takes
No matter what it breaks
I want to try
I want to try 

These waves
Break on the rocks like our hearts in the winter
Once warm and full but the next day empty and cold yeah
When the round us becomes linear I
When the blind trust gets broken by lies
When the smooth skin is covered with scars
Even then, I still want you in my arms 


CHORUS

I know I'm asking for too much
The truth is, I don't understand my feelings
But I can't escape the fact that I miss your touch
I really wanna rewrite the ending
We may fly too close to the sun again
Fall down and drown in the ocean
Break what's already damaged
Walk on a fragile edge
But I want to try
No matter what it takes
No matter what it breaks
I want to try
I want to try
I want to try 

I know we might end up even more broken
I know that if it fails, I'll never be forgiven
But love is never about walking on a straight road
We have to get lost to love each other even more 


CHORUS

I know I'm asking for too much
I'm trying to understand my feelings
Our goodbyes were a little rough
I really wanna rewrite the ending
We may fly too close to the sun again
Fall down and drown in the ocean
Break what's already damaged
Walk on a fragile edge
But I want to try
No matter what it takes
No matter what it breaks
I want to try
I want to try
Because you're worth the fall


Try (because you're worth the fall)

☾CREDITS☽

✿ Original by BTS
✿ Composition & Lyrics : Kanata Okajima / Soma Genda / Rap Monster 

❀ Picture used : http://getwallpapers.com/image/651075 

----------------------------------------

ஐ  Vocals & Mix : Crystal Butterfly Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ (= Me)
❄  Piano version by Smyang Piano : https://youtu.be/imbKOtGwdM0


Youtube Video : https://youtu.be/vYdOuJrkP9c

【BTS COVER】Crystal Snow ~ Short Piano Ver. [Crystal Butterfly Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]

Heyyy here is a new song. It's the first song I wrote after getting my ukulele last Christmas. I wanted to talk about a positive impact of COVID on my life: my ever growing passion for music. I hope that you all found a positive impact that this terrible situation had on your life ❤

If I was to release an album this summer (I'm not lol), this song would definitely be the intro.

Lyrics:
After winter it all stopped
The whole world was on hold and
We didn't know where we were going 
My entire life went blurry
Tears fell down in the night 
Not knowing if we'd find a way out 

But then I rediscovered 
passions and wonders
It's like a new world opened up to me
And little by little 
Songs replaced cries
rhymes replaced lies
A flower in the snow, who died to be born again 

Bloom
Bloom
When the time will start again 
When I'll hear the birds sing in the morning
Only then, I'll show you my petals
When I'll hear people laugh on the street
When I'll see lovers finally meeting 
Only then, you'll see that I'm special oh

After winter it all stopped 
The whole world was on hold and
We didn't know where we were going 

【BTS COVER】Crystal Snow ~ Short Piano Ver. [Crystal Butterfly Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]

Crystal Butterfly

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