the cold stare youve always given me

Composed by @chinapoet
Cover art; 45.65856250959246, -122.58204516552902

used to be real, now i'm fake - just don't worry about it i'ma do it... again.
contemplation starts... in my brain about some shit i shouldn't do.
about something i should've been open to talk about, now i gotta heal all my thoughts around...

now i gotta, recluse away from everyone i care about..
isolation's the only thing i care about...
chamomile to help all down- all these thoughts.. ooh yeah i'm done now
wish my mom and my brother cared about every sentence i said
but i accept they are, and lay my eyes to rest..
i just hope that they can hear me, the thoughts are burning, it's always killing me..

i wish my mama would hear me, i wish my mama could heal me
one conversation it kills me... knots in my stomach stuck staring at the ceiling..
now i have to use up all my energy, just to figure out what i want from me
at the end of the day i'm only eighteen, but i'm still driving me crazy
my mentals fucked, i'm phasing - my mama won't even save me
this pill on my mouth daily. all in my head i'm racing, dear god please don't ever erase me.. i'm still moving and i'm still changing

i just wanna go home.. i just wanna go home..
fell in the river staring at the sun
today is over yeah, but tmrw comes
tell me how next month is, cause I'll be gone.

running across without permission @chinapoet

production by https://soundcloud.com/heroz2299 https://soundcloud.com/faintthearted
vocals done by me

shoutout @sinefelt & https://soundcloud.com/solxrrz for the tags

Put some colors on my nails hope i change my ways
And i do more for myself but i'm still the same
And i feel the amphetamines taking over my brain
Wish i could change my name, change my face, love myself, go far away
Stress puts me in a cage, can't ever escape, my mental battles, i don't remember Yesterday

And yall give need to give me some respect oh my god
And yall demanding to much like oh my fuckin god
And i try to lay my head down but no i just cannot
I feel myself losing it i can't connect the dots
Fucking up my brain i just repeat then i rot
Eight teen years old i don't got a j*b
Nothing on my name; i can't ever stop

I call my mom, i tell her I'm lost. . . and i don't rlly care at all. . .

can you hear me?

can you hear me? @heroz @dull

@maxynejournal @zzoos @aizeks @ticoxxx @stone47

@maxynejournal
she make me feel so warm feel like sepia
gotta clean my shoes cus i step in mud 
talking 2 me like that i should shrug it off
6 feet down in this hole i dug
turn your back ill see u in a month
i can do this by myself i dont need a crutch
take the money out the bag then we stack it up
say what i think u wouldn't let me ya

@zzoos
i cant tell u shit u wldnt get me ya
think i said enough
racks up in my bag i carry heavy stuff
ima smoke 1 more im already fucked
took my feet up out the mud im not getting stuck
i cant hear what u say
its means nothing 2 me
smoke 2 blunts in a row
dont get up inbetween
made enough 4 the week
think im stuck 2 the green
it keep comin 2 me
spent 2 much 4 the tee

@maxynejournal
took a look at myself from your view but it didn't change a thing though
she think my voice cute but she'll never hear me sing noo
yea.....yea just give me the signal
yea im too deep ive been in the midst ya
who u think i am im that bitch yahh
had to cut him off i crop him out the picture yaa
sipping on that potion straight elixir
sip it all the way even though it tastes bitter
me and zoos in toronto taking flicks ya

@zzoos
i miss how it was but i dont miss yaa
i step out in brand new final home
i cant tell em what im doin they like where he tryna go 
dont ask me how i do it i just tell em idk
im tryna move on from this shit cus i dont wna cry no more
i dont wna give this up if it cld be so much more
need the gas 2 keep me goin cus my life is such a bore
i took way 2 many i was lyin on the floor
pls dont hit my fuckin phone cus im tryin 2 record

@maxynejournal
she make me feel so warm feel like sepia
gotta clean my shoes cus i step in mud 
talking 2 me like that i should shrug it off
6 feet down in this hole i dug
turn your back ill see u in a month
i can do this by myself i dont need a crutch
take the money out the bag then we stack it up
say what i think u wouldn't let me ya

sepia prod aizeks & ticox & one47

deathofme @m8i

entirely prod me with some help frm mikai 

https://open.spotify.com/track/6yhAw6cGF7u0tilo2MdoFq?si=f61b5c233e2141ca

lovemikai:
if it's not the same, i don't want you
i swear im not the one to talk to 
said i might be feelin things but its not you
sent a couple drunk texts but they weren't true
feelings only start the rushing when you leave

if i turn around then why'd i even leave

vae:
in the spotlight, whole crowd lookin at you
i'm the talk of the town but u lookin past me
and we'll walk you down
i guess we'll just have to see
what is it now, without me?

go see what my glock do
i been drinkin bottles, forgive me if i talk rude
i been in the bajas, sippin like it's dew
i know i'm the strangest looking person in this room

gotta dumb it down
barrier i talk around
i - i can tell that something's off here
please turn it down
don't like how ur shit sound
now i'm bleeding out my fuckin ears

yeah, you could wear veneers all you want 
but it'll never change your smile
when you're everywhere you thought
make sure to go the extra mile

go see what my glock do
i been drinkin bottles, forgive me if i talk rude
i been in the bajas, sippin like it's dew
i know i'm the strangest looking person in this room

(swamp)

Baja + lovemikai 🥤• . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁꒰ঌ·Prod Me·໒꒱ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. •

ive been down the rabbit hole

09-27
10-04 @ki7a @gmodravemix
10-06
10-15 @ki7a @faintthearted
10-19
10-20
10-27
10-30
11-07 @plugdatafx
11-09
11-10 @bluntdolls
11-12
11-14
11-22 @noraware
11-23 @nepmir
11-30 @plugdatafx @faintthearted
12-07

[Dec_2025_Report.zip]

#LarynxMovement Made Soundcloud Stop

This is my attempt at minimalism 

lyr:
Make shit get 2 sellin it, yuh
Take beats i don't credit it
Playing with a sedative
He ain't sell me what he said it is
You gonna find out where heavn is
Glockie make frequencies resonance
I am not fucking with home, I'd rather be located at your residence

Cry a river then I step in it, uh
Shakin' from a single compliment, yuh
She think I'm sweet as some cinnamon
They spit me out n they feelin the peppermint

Shape me how you want
Turn me into your sediment
Build me a button n as soon as I'm down get 2 pressin it

Is this really home
All of your tendencies force me to watch my tone
Christmas ,
We're n the Snow
Rather freeze to death than let you be cold

Make shit get 2 sellin it, yuh
Take beats i don't credit it
Playing with a sedative
He ain't sell me what he said it is
You gonna find out where heavn is
Glockie make frequencies resonance
I am not fucking with home, I'd rather be located at your residence

Cry a river then I step in it, uh
Shakin' from a single compliment, yuh
She think I'm sweet as some cinnamon
They spit me out n they feelin the peppermint

Shape me how you want
Turn me into your sediment
Build me a button n as soon as I'm down get 2 pressin it

sedative @heroz

✧₊⁺🕯⋆.˚୨ৎ
spiderwebs hanging off my skeleton
ive been hanging with my friends for the hell of it oh
insecure so i stay relevant
lying on my living room floor, yeah i lost control long ago

feelin anxious is my enemy
every word that rides my breath is passive, aint mean shit to me
everyone thats rotting in my past, u a bitch to me
i got vines climbing my carotid when its hitting me

(spiderwebs hanging)
being anxious is my element
i just got eroded, like a rock, now im sediment
correct my vision, now i watch, like a second hand
correct my vision, now i watch
(spiderwebs hanging)
being anxious is my element
i just got eroded, like a rock, now im sediment
correct my vision, now i watch, like a second hand
correct my vision, now i watch

@zzjay
i think you see me in the worst light
even though i think that im the only one on your side
but i think it makes me childish if it's true
and i never go to sleep i fear of bedbugs in my room
thats another bad excuse
not knowin what to do
im too focused on you
im too focused im blue
i lack focus in school
cause i always look out the window
i remember you was my kinfolk
i remember everything was simple
that time

(spiderwebs hanging)

@sinefelt
lately my mind been fogged up
can't hardly read the cost of
scratches from her claws
i hate holding a grudge
up my tongue, put down a blotter
i can't stand up to get water

i'm js tryna go out warm
about to freeze, i'm snowed out
stare colder than a snow storm
if my soul out-pours
there's too much to account for
that all hardly matters
i think, but i'm not sure

let me out of my body
couldn't care even partly


october beatleech 𓇢𓆸 feat. zjay & sinefelt

prod @danikiyoko @heygwuapo
master help @cld

colors @dani kiyoko @heygwuapo

trespasser single2 we almost there ppl keep pushin :1

haystack prod lunamaryllis

silly wubs and dubs and atmospheres <3

As seen on:
Botanica Recs: @botanicarecs
Plinko House: @plinkohouse
Static: @cut2static

Collectives / Groups:

@plinkohouse
@tako2sday (with @3rdsig)
@myheartshapedlocketofher (with @saturnnnnnnnn)

the cold stare youve always given me

Serena Liars