The completed version: https://soundcloud.com/cynicalarchive/apathesia-xi-resolve

This version lacks most of the vocals (except in the breakdown), isn't mastered like the final, and still has the scrapped string section in it.

APATHESIA XI - RESOLVE (WIP, w/o main vocals)

The end of this intro leads into ayahusca

apathesia xi unused intro

version with no vocals: https://soundcloud.com/cynicalarchive/before-i-die-instrumental-version

before i die

meeting my untimely death // hands of a guilty murderer

introduction - dim the corridor

as the sun goes down - egodeath

Ignore the thumbnail;  the tracks you hear aren't up to date, they date back to a few years ago (probably around 2020ish)

COLLECTION OF MY FAILED ATTEMPTS (APATHESIA) (old, not up to date)

all the blank things preview

Mixolydian B6 Lick Thing

Everything Means Something

i totally forgot to upload this one whoops lol

A̴̘̦͇̭̫̤̰̿ͅͅp̵̞̗̩̻̼̐͑̅̊͐̌̆̈͝a̴̧̦̮̠̺͒ͅͅt̶̘̝͚̩̜̬̘̊̇͗̾͗̒͛͘h̸̲̙͍̳͙̖͔̔y̶̡͖̬͇̝͙̓̓̀̇͜ͅ.̶̧̨̭͕̜̅

Wip of something

[Descriptions all written by Xynii.]

One fell swoop of a blade, and now he's down to the ground. However, Cynii still wished to have the 'last laugh' before he relinquished into dust; and so he made a declaratory speech -one that calls out the player- and their actions. Enjoy.

LYRICS: 
endless possibilites are etched on that knife
it's up to you to decide what's wrong or right
do you scare easily, or keep up the pain and strife?
dim the lights, cause I think I know you chose to fight!
even if it meant scouring corners,
searching endlessly in the night!
even when you found weak monsters
you didn't back down from taking lives.
so, what does this make you? some sorta demon
who's (I guess) is compelled to push through,  thick and thin!
who's not quelled by the good or morality within
i guess you're ungrateful for what's given 
so sayonara, farewell!
but just know there's a special place in hell for people.. like.. you!

Guilty Hands

[Descriptions all written by Xynii.]

The player is presented with 2 choices.. bathe in the consequeunces of genocidal tendencies, or RESET?
 - I choose to RESET and try again. 
 - RESET is complete -initalizing monochrome cutscene of a boy putting a flower on the water of a magical youth fountain-.

Taking The Lotus Back To The Garden

yù yī - 玉衣 
n. the desire to see with fresh eyes, and feel things just as intensely as you did when you were younger—before expectations, before memory, before words.

Credits to @i-lack-patience and @alosteevee for contributing to this track!
Thumbnail by @hitsuuofficial

Hello, and welcome to an unfinished work of mine that will remain on the backburner for all of eternity. I figure I should come clean and publish what I was working on. I had to leave this platform for the sake of my own sanity, but I won't leave you guys hanging. I worked on this version for a grand total of 48 hours, and it took many brainstorming sessions and tweaks to get everything right. If you don't like it for whatever reason, that's completely okay with me. But keep this in mind: This isn't in its "finished" form, so making any form of critique might not be useful for me at all.. but if you really wanna give tips, please don't hesitate to do so. 

This megalo was originally made to capture vivid "visions" I would have about different parts of my town in the middle of the night. I'd start meditating and thinking in my head, and i'd transport myself into these "headspaces" where i'm walking through familiar parts of my town, and the streets would be covered in snow and it would have a night sky with a yellow/orange skyglow hue to it. These complicatedly detailed visions and the music i'd hear while imagining them are the reason why I made apathesia in the first place. Unfortunately, over time, I lost the true reason of why I made Apathesia in the first place, and so I drove myself mad while remaking and revising many new version of it -ones that weren't needed, in reality-. I kept making versions due to my OCD getting to me. My apathy started taking over through my mid-teens and I wanted to keep remaking Apathesia to re-achieve that emotional 'high' i'd get whenever I finished Apathesia v4.. but it became less emotional and passionate over time.. and with that same passage of thought, I was no longer proud of V11. And so I tried making a V12, and I got pretty far! But.. I realized that if I kept making new versions with my OCD perfectionistic craze, it wouldn't work out for me mentally -so I quit making music for my mental health.- Even after many hours of work, i'm still not proud of this, but here it is nonetheless..

LYRICS:
space is just weaving between our lives
trying to find some more paths, but can't decide
star swirling, tethering overtime
I think that even the universe wishes to die.

(give me a reason I shouldn't die
with my vision of the future now pushed aside,
maybe my stars will align tonight -- 
and perhaps against the odds the earth will buy me time!)

enter your mind..
realize what's right..
don't destroy yourself..
save the timeline..
give yourself purpose..
you aren't worthless..
don't destroy yourself..
save someone's life..

(hello, it's me)

(blinding light, i can't decide
just what to do with these thoughts of mine 
i desire more, if my life's that short
we can get it right this time ) x2

and yet i, wanna lie
to my mind, really try
not to cry, over why
i see eyes, in the sky
sad that i, had the time
saw he died, during night 

if i mourn, is that alright 
before you die, i hold you tight
thought you'd live, you could fight
someone's dying tonight.. 

in spite of the silence, despite the pain
there's aching souls in essence, calling my name
you're a god turned demon, there is just no way
they sing a chorus of the slain, they won't die in vain! 
and if i've learned everything, I won't be afraid..
of one who chose genocide as a form of escape 
why should I be scared if it's destined to fate
that I can't defy the fact i'm dying anyway 

and they met me at the swings
just know they meant everything to me
you took all of that away from me
and now you know somebody's gotta pay

lead me away
lose me astray
maybe I could fade
grayed out in the fog

open that lock
chained to my heart
let it release me
oh god.. let this be an ending..

Yù Yī - 玉衣(AKA Apathesia v12)

[Descriptions all written by Xynii.]

What if life was but a dream?

A̴̢̯̬̓̈́̀͘l̶̡͓̩̰͇̣̃̒͘á̶̪̺̲̤͔̟͊̏̀̓̄̀̉͐̾̾̓͜͝n̵͖̏̓̊̑̆͋͘͜ ̴̢̧̰̬̬̲̝̙̰͈̟̃͑͆̎̀̋͘͝Ẅ̷̡͕̺̖̲́̓̌͗̓̒́̅̿̿͝ä̵̡̧̬̩̭͕̦̞̞̘͈̣́̄̀̀̊͜͜t̸̠͚͎̫̉̋͑̆̀t̵̡̢͉͎̩̬̲̰̼͈͉̙̽̈́̾̋̌͊͑̀͗̌̔͠ͅṡ̶̢̡̯̯̥̯̯̱͓̰̦̙̤̐̄͜

My Dream Is My Reality

[Descriptions all written by Xynii.]

loading.. pending..

The 'all Way Stop' - Pending, Loading.

Mashup of Apathesia XI's slow section: https://soundcloud.com/cynicalarchive/apathesia-xi-resolve (4:05) and the orchestral section of V12 / yu yi: https://soundcloud.com/cynicalarchive-2/yu-yi-apathesia (2:32). Xynii doesn't like it but I think it's cool to show the continuity between the versions with the same motif.

CynicalArchive2 [No Longer In Use]

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