A loving ode to the beautiful bottoms out there, and how pleasant it can be to recieve pictures of them.

BUTT PICS

MARTHA HARRIS

JENNIFER

LOVEBOMBER

STEPS

SLEEP TOKEN IS PLAYING AT MY HOUSE

Air Fryer
Air Fryer
Air Fryer
Air Fryer

Are you still using the air fryer
that I got you for Christmas
The model above the one
On your Amazon wish list

Do you ever think of me
When you’re making
Findus fish fingers

Do you remember when
You ripped out my heart
And fried that fucker to cinders

They say history is created by winners
Well I’m a loser but at least I’ve helped with your dinners

Prise apart my insides top it up with my innards
no just deserts, just perving
a single serving inert at flirting

Late nights on damp streets
With nothing to eat but grease and meat
It’s half past three
I’m still staring at a screen

On an app, swiping right
Pray for me they prey on me
Could you handle the heat
drying out my wet dreams in your

Air Fryer
Air Fryer
Air Fryer
Air Fryer
Air Fryer
Air Fryer
Air Fryer
Air Fryer

Do I still make you hot
Like does the oil ever scald
You ever said to your fiancé
Why his tea isn’t cold

Do you still cut up cucumber sticks
and carrots in a bowl
do the kids ask to leave the table
now they are a little bit older

do they do what they’re told
chowing down on fried gold
munching on nuggets
and leafy greens

is the paint peeling on the ceiling
from the steam - Is it self cleaning
like how you washed your
hands of me

cast back to my old state of being
sheets stained with semen
and from when I was bleeding
for falling on my knees again

eating too much cheese again
murdering vermin on playstation
while you are ritually mating
eating perfectly cooked bacon

Got fried on Friday
Because I needed a good hiding
man has to get baked to cope
Adding to my mileage

Funnel me into the basket
Shake off my excess fluid so I crunch
Serve me with some roughage
in your picnic lunch

Air Fryer
Air Fryer
Air Fryer
Air Fryer
Air Fryer
Air Fryer
Air Fryer
Air Fryer

Oh to get inside you once again
So eat me whole
Cannibalise my thighs and eyes
I relenquish all control

I know I’m sounding mental
because I’m still paying off that utensil
All my break-up songs
Sound like they are cut from the same stencil

They say history is created by winners
Well I’m a loser but at least I’ve helped with your dinners

Prise apart my insides top it up with my innards
no just deserts, just perving
a single serving inert at flirting

Late nights on damp streets
With nothing to eat but grease and meat
It’s half past three
I’m still staring at a screen

On an app, swiping right
Pray for me they prey on me
Could you handle the heat
drying out my wet dreams in your
Air Fryer

AIR FRYER

'THIS IS LINDA' TAKEN FROM THE NEW ALBUM 'PROTECT'

THIS IS LINDA

'YOUR WAY' TAKEN FROM THE NEW ALBUM 'PROTECT'

YOUR WAY

Those famous aliens are almost home
Toad in the hole past the wisdom molars
Right down the windpipe, 
Old Holborn - sounds emitting
Got you shitting on kitty litter

Oh I know, - carrier pigeons on a mission
Listen out for when your skin starts fizzing
It’s a grizzly business isn’t it
when you’re forced to make your own decisions

SCART verses PAL
Don’t call me Al
It’s our negligance of intelligence
that’s made us all artificial

Shall I shovel you more straight from the bowel
You get a wet doorknob if you don’t have a hand towel
It’s SCART verses PAL
Don’t call me, man (When you can call on AI)

Chat GPT - make me a cup of tea
Alexa’s getting too uppety
Bent over and abused by Google’s YouTube
TikTok got me feeling like I’m in Bonnie Blue’s shoes

SCART verses PAL
Don’t call me Al
It’s our negligance of intelligence
that’s made us all artificial

Shall I shovel you more straight from the bowel
You get a wet doorknob if you don’t have a hand towel
It’s SCART verses PAL
Don’t call me, man (When you can call on AI)

I’m an anti-social medium
Greedier than Noel and Liam
I’m a tight sod with air pods
I for one welcome our Robo-Gods

You can call me Sweaty Betty, you’ll be Elon Musk
Let us be lettuces instead of writing letters
With the sell by date of Liz Truss

SCART verses PAL
Don’t call me Al
It’s our negligance of intelligence
that’s made us all artificial

Shall I shovel you more straight from the bowel
You get a wet doorknob if you don’t have a hand towel
It’s SCART verses PAL
Don’t call me, man (When you can call on AI)

YOU CAN CALL ME A.I.

Rat Cat Rat Cat Rat Cat Rat Cat
Rat Cat Rat Cat Rat Cat Rat Cat

Rat Cat knows the par of the course
He burrows down to the core of the Earth
Rat Cat comes up smelling of roses
Rat Cat knows where the garden hose is

Rat Cat looks very smart in his suit
He’ll never tell you that he can’t compute
Rat Cat is up to date on his Eastenders
He knows the password to your encoded messages

Rat Cat Rat Cat Rat Cat Rat Cat
Rat Cat Rat Cat Rat Cat Rat Cat

Rat Cat’s on the Guinness Zero
Rat Cat knows the way to Amarillo
Rat Cat puts his money where his mouth is
He doesn’t agree with owning loads of houses

Rat Cat Rat Cat Rat Cat Rat Cat

Rat Cat separates and washes his recycling
Can tell the difference between inciting violence and excitement
Rat Cat is an active listener
Rat Cat shares petitions that he believes in

Rat Cat’s socialist aware of ingrained bias
His echo chamber and privilaged compliance
Rat Cat knows that we’re all lied to
Rat Cat puts on playlists to fall asleep and cry to

Rat Cat Rat Cat Rat Cat Rat Cat
Rat Cat Rat Cat Rat Cat Rat Cat

DAN COOPER

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