Got a pickup truck with the sexy lady mudflaps
If trouble comes knockin’, You know I’m gonna knock back
I can’t pick out my own clothes
Or decorate my abode
Look like the straight guy in a queer-eye episode

I wanna be sippin’ on Mai Tais
Overdose on sunshine
Close my eyes and try not to think 
Wanna go where the bars only sell umbrella drinks
I need some toes in the sand time
Checkin’ out tan lines
Hate my job, my boss is a jerk
Gonna send my body on a long vacation
And put my liver to work

Tequila is my Kryptonite, whiskey just makes me sour
Got a fridge full of Natural Lights, in case the boys stop by for happy hour
I need somethin' that comes in a coconut shell
Brings its own shade so the ice don’t melt
A curly straws and a bartender that won’t judge me

I wanna be sippin’ on Mai Tais
Overdose on sunshine
Close my eyes and try not to think 
Wanna go where the bars only sell umbrella drinks
I need some toes in the sand time
Checkin’ out tan lines
Hate my job, my boss is a jerk
Gonna send my body on a long vacation
And put my liver to work

I don’t mind a few beers out with the fellas
When I ain’t home I like the drinks with umbrellas
When we ain’t we like the drinks with umbrellas
When we ain’t home we like the drinks

I wanna be sippin’ on Mai Tais
Overdose on sunshine
Close my eyes and try not to think 
Wanna go where the bars only sell umbrella drinks
I need some toes in the sand time
Checkin’ out tan lines
Hate my job, my boss is a jerk
Gonna send my body on a long vacation
And put my liver to work

Umbrella Drinks

What if I’m wrong, about everything
What if I’m on the wrong side of history
What if were too far gone that were never gonna see
The clouds for the sky
What if God is just the buzzing of a honeybee
And we let him die

What if there is only gray and there is no black or white
What if Jesus was the only one to really get it right
When he said love can build a bridge that can span a great divide
If we could put away our pride
What if sin is just a word that keeps us alone tonight
Will it be alright

What if dawn is hiding just out of sight
It always comes back around even after the darkest night
And I’m sure come the next one were gonna get it right
Learn to get along
And we’ll be holding hands and singing songs
But, what if I'm wrong?

What If I'm Wrong

He loved her so damn much, he thought it went without saying
Turns out that aint how women work
His ex best friend used to tell her she was pretty
and they left there him writhing in the dirt

And I don’t really know why anyone tries anymore
Headlong for the heavens just to wind up on the floor
Begging for forgiveness as you walk right out that door 
maybe nobody did anything wrong, we just got bored 

She said I love everything there is about you
There’s just a couple things I maybe you could change
I said fine by me, I’d do anything for you baby
and continued being exactly the same

Bored

Are you a doctor or am I being molested?
All up in my business maybe I should protest it.
He said, I've seen your condition before in this very room.
That man had been freebasing naked with a plastic spoon. 
(Were you?)

Freebasing naked with a plastic spoon
(Freebasing baby)
Freebasing naked with a plastic spoon
(Freebasing baby)

I just wanted to get loaded
I just wanted to get locked

I remember a few beers with the boys on the town
I remember puffing something being passed around
I saw a bum on the corner with his face painted blue,
You know, come to think I might have had a huff on that too.
(Then I was)

Freebasing naked with a plastic spoon
(Freebasing baby)
Freebasing naked with a plastic spoon
(Freebasing baby)

The doctor said I've had a few of those nights too.
It’s all in good fun, but here comes the bad news.
Remember how the ladies used to stir your cup?
Remember how you used to pee standing up?
(Not any more man!)
 
Freebasing naked with a plastic spoon
(Freebasing baby)
Freebasing naked with a plastic spoon
(Freebasing baby)

I just wanted to get loaded
I just wanted to get locked
Not quite understanding the thermodynamic properties of polystyrene
that spoon melted in my lap and they sent me home half cocked.

Bored

Darren Ramey

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