I was conceived in the back of a baby blue El Camino
I was born in a little club just outside of Reno
Daddy fancied himself a gambler, mama worked those casinos
And here I am

Only met the man the one time and he was gone
To try his luck in Atlantic City without us hangers on
Mama couldn’t help butto feel ashamed, yeah she took on all the blame
‘Cause that’s what mama’s do

She said we’re just pawns of someones grander plans
You can’t own a thing unless you can hold it in both your hands
Mama could’ve made me study that bible
instead she just played me Simple Man

Grandpa preached the gospel, that whole fire and brimstone scam
By 16 mama had had enough and out the door she ran
She grew up on the streets, there were demons she had to beat
and she beat’m good

She still has that car, it sits on the back lawn
She said it’s all I’ll have to leave you when I’m dead and gone
And as if it was on queue, the wind caught that tarp, I saw baby blue
And couldn’t help but smile

She said we’re just pawns of someones grander plans
You can’t own a thing unless you can hold it in both your hands
Mama could’ve made me study that bible
instead she just played me Simple Man

If you don’t learn some swagger son, you ain’t never gonna get you none
And you owe me some grand babies someday
She taught me how to dance to sound of The Rolling Stones and Mr. James Brown
We danced til the daylight burned the night away
Still feels like yesterday

She said we’re just pawns of someones grander plans
You can’t own a thing unless you can hold it in both your hands
And if you ever hurt a woman, I'll come back and haunt you where you stand
Mama could’ve made me study that bible
instead she just played me Simple Man

Simple Man

Got a pickup truck with the sexy lady mudflaps
If trouble comes knockin’, You know I’m gonna knock back
I can’t pick out my own clothes
Or decorate my abode
Look like the straight guy in a queer-eye episode

I wanna be sippin’ on Mai Tais
Overdose on sunshine
Close my eyes and try not to think 
Wanna go where the bars only sell umbrella drinks
I need some toes in the sand time
Checkin’ out tan lines
Hate my job, my boss is a jerk
Gonna send my body on a long vacation
And put my liver to work

Tequila is my Kryptonite, whiskey just makes me sour
Got a fridge full of Natural Lights, in case the boys stop by for happy hour
I need somethin' that comes in a coconut shell
Brings its own shade so the ice don’t melt
A curly straws and a bartender that won’t judge me

I wanna be sippin’ on Mai Tais
Overdose on sunshine
Close my eyes and try not to think 
Wanna go where the bars only sell umbrella drinks
I need some toes in the sand time
Checkin’ out tan lines
Hate my job, my boss is a jerk
Gonna send my body on a long vacation
And put my liver to work

I don’t mind a few beers out with the fellas
When I ain’t home I like the drinks with umbrellas
When we ain’t we like the drinks with umbrellas
When we ain’t home we like the drinks

I wanna be sippin’ on Mai Tais
Overdose on sunshine
Close my eyes and try not to think 
Wanna go where the bars only sell umbrella drinks
I need some toes in the sand time
Checkin’ out tan lines
Hate my job, my boss is a jerk
Gonna send my body on a long vacation
And put my liver to work

Umbrella Drinks

What if I’m wrong, about everything
What if I’m on the wrong side of history
What if were too far gone that were never gonna see
The clouds for the sky
What if God is just the buzzing of a honeybee
And we let him die

What if there is only gray and there is no black or white
What if Jesus was the only one to really get it right
When he said love can build a bridge that can span a great divide
If we could put away our pride
What if sin is just a word that keeps us alone tonight
Will it be alright

What if dawn is hiding just out of sight
It always comes back around even after the darkest night
And I’m sure come the next one were gonna get it right
Learn to get along
And we’ll be holding hands and singing songs
But, what if I'm wrong?

What If I'm Wrong

Are you a doctor or am I being molested?
All up in my business maybe I should protest it.
He said, I've seen your condition before in this very room.
That man had been freebasing naked with a plastic spoon. 
(Were you?)

Freebasing naked with a plastic spoon
(Freebasing baby)
Freebasing naked with a plastic spoon
(Freebasing baby)

I just wanted to get loaded
I just wanted to get locked

I remember a few beers with the boys on the town
I remember puffing something being passed around
I saw a bum on the corner with his face painted blue,
You know, come to think I might have had a huff on that too.
(Then I was)

Freebasing naked with a plastic spoon
(Freebasing baby)
Freebasing naked with a plastic spoon
(Freebasing baby)

The doctor said I've had a few of those nights too.
It’s all in good fun, but here comes the bad news.
Remember how the ladies used to stir your cup?
Remember how you used to pee standing up?
(Not any more man!)
 
Freebasing naked with a plastic spoon
(Freebasing baby)
Freebasing naked with a plastic spoon
(Freebasing baby)

I just wanted to get loaded
I just wanted to get locked
Not quite understanding the thermodynamic properties of polystyrene
that spoon melted in my lap and they sent me home half cocked.

Simple Man

Darren Ramey

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