produced by mix
thank you, everyone,
sorry its been awhile
love every last one of you <3
wish me a happy birthday :D

enjoy<33
lyrics:

Oh that's music to my ear-

I'll hold my grudge
cause you lie too much
now you're mocking me
why can't you see?

I see myself in a ditch 
filled with rocks and sand in it
will you come and pull me out of here?
I know that the end is near
It's been different since I was cured
remembering pain that I endured
been pushed in dirt so many times

how am I even alive?

I can see the light
how am I alive?
i don't wanna die
how am I alive?
I can see the light
how am I alive?
i don't wanna die
how am I alive?

I'll hold my grudge
Cause you lie too much
Now you're mocking me
why can't you see?

(how am I alive?)
(alive, alive, alive)


how am I alive?
I just wanna die
should I end my life?
should I use this knife?

thank you <3

childhood

produced by mix

https://open.spotify.com/album/63yzdAg14jbopbCC1xCnSi?si=UbgFj3qxSgCvR-MNVJG2GQ

enjoy <3

lyrics-
but why? why is it we have to be so afraid of 
𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑?
are we only alive because we dont wanna die?
i wonder.. does something good ever come from 
𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐?

throwin words out there who do you think you are?
send another text bitch betchu get a new scar
talk alot of shit for someone as small as you
leavin me behind and now your actin brand new

he dont even know, i put on a show
watch his ego grow, now he lyin on the floor

the more that you try the more that youll die
turn around slowly and look me in the eye, yea
talkin all this shit boy you aint tough you should quit
ill burn you to the ground man you wont make it out of here

he don't even know, you're repulsive and it shows
hes bleedin out slow, i watch his life go

𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑-

i watch his life go-
go
go a-a-a-a-a-a

oh oh oh a-a-a oh
ah-ah oh a-a-a oh
bleedin out slow
𝐆𝐎-

the more that you try the more that youll die 
𝖒𝖎𝖝
turn around slowly and look me in the eye, ye
talkin all this shit boy you aint tough you should qu-
ill burn you to the ground man you wont make it out of here 

i wont fall, not so soon
i wont fall, not so soon
im past it all, through the universe
im past it all, through the universe

ONCE AGAIN IM AT THE TOP
I LOOK TO MYSELF WHEN ALL GOES WRONG
AND I TRY TO COPE WHEN I WRITE THESE SONGS
I KEPT TO MYSELF FOR OH SO LONG

ASCENDING NOW LIKE I SHOULD
TRY TO STAY CLOSE TO THE EARTH
FIGHTING ALL WAS IN THE PAST
REPULSIVE SOUL, WENT THROUGH ALL AND NOW IM LAST

repulsive

prod, me

lyrics:

u can see, so far ahead of me,
i consider us enemies..
u wont go down.
you creep, on me like im fresh meat.
i dont want you to be..
my only friend

im so done with yr attitude and all ur shit
ur so unholy, bet you dont know what the bible is
so full with lies and sin you can't imagine this
thats why ur on yr knees beggin' me forgiveness

(sometimes its hard to be human)
(i am unique)
is that necessary
oh u dont know it
(i keep crying)
that im killing myself (black tears) very precisely

i overthink way too much, in my head
ohh is that necessary (fuck)
ohh u dont know it, that im killing myself very precisely
and i dont really care, if u even like me
and your always standing in my way, please pardon me
you call me a douche, well bitch pls bite me
im on the highway going very highspeeds

im so done with yr attitude and all ur shit
ur so unholy, bet you dont know what the bible is
so full with lies and sin you can't imagine this
thats why ur on yr knees beggin' me forgiveness

creep

produced by (me)
guitars by ( @auburnleavesfall )

lyrics:

swear to god i seen you in another dream again
i'd fucking kill myself but i dont even have a plan
i sit here tastin death, and thats my whole life span
i wanna go back to the smile i had way back then

its a issue when ur not around,
i,ll take her heart when im numb inside
i love it when i am alone, i dont wanna see ya smile
i think shes the love of my life
but i aint even met her in real life
but oh my gosh she's got such pretty eyes
i wanna know what she thinks of mine
nevermind it was all a lie
you broke whats left and whats all inside
if u need a man then i will try
but we both know that u want me to die

pls just stick around and i will always wish the best
think about all the times that we will fall into a mess
dreams of you appearing in my bed god just get outta my head
stop appearing with my dread i wish that i was fucking dead

i dont wanna fight someone thats always a mini me.
take apart my heart rip away every piece of me
TAKE UR TIME CAUSE I WONT EVEN TRY TRY TRY
but bitch im cautious
always nauseous, i brought the thompson
and im not afraid to shoot someone that i despise

pls just stick around and i will always wish the best
think about all the times that we will fall into a mess
dreams of you appearing in my bed god just get outta my head
stop appearing with my dread i wish that i was fucking dead

ILL TAKE WHATS MINE, WE'RE SO ALIKE
CHILLS DOWN MY SPINE. ARE YOU ALRIGHT, WHY YES IM FINE
BUT IM CONFINED WITHIN OUR BOND, THAT'S INTERTWINED 

"you think that i was done? haha"

i swear to god i seen you in another dream again
i'd fucking kill myself but i dont even have a plan
i sit here tastin death, and thats my whole life span
i wanna go back to the smile i had way back then

deceit

i seen your eyes turn to water
you must be so ahead idk what u wanna hear
from me, now im older
glass feels colder
inside looking out
what if this how they view me from the outside
ur looking down on me
ur looking down now
this blasphemy 
it all comes round 
you were bad for me
im so fucked now

i could take a knife out
put it through my wrist
let you grab it with your hand just so you can twist
i wont tell nobody
youd never hurt a soul
dont try to complicate it
ur doing it wrong
you can try and stop me however you want
ill put a hole through ur head
and then ill spin it off
im sick of being vulnerable
no one listens now
youll never get ahead of me 
ill just rip you down

ur splitting personalities 
i swear nobody gives a shit
walk right over me, ur never nice oh no one bit
i must be such a disgrace, im holding you back
covering my ears oh i love when you laugh
but its bad
i see ur faces walking round like you have
other family you throw me on my ass
never mine and its honestly sad

wrist

yona x @grasior prod @xona

"yona"
spiral through
past the bend
cant see anything with the glare in my lens
to for close
ill make amends
so ill set you aside and take my chance to ascend

step onto the field
WATCH THE GROUND SPLIT IN HALF
twitching in my eye,
HAVENT SLEPT IN DAYS MAN
force myself out of bed,
EVEN WHEN I CANT
muster up the courage,
GHAUL OR STRENGTH

"grasior"
i would lie to cross away with you
how many losses for a blood moon
weeks spent in a lonely hue
wake up i hear your fate is soon

heard you whispers now i cant let go
keep on climbing oh your a coward no?
fall apart the only thing is hope
you keep on talking with nobody home

who do you think you are
talk behind their back like they never go far
seasons change in your head
when you keep talking about
how cold the air is how cold the air is

keep on talking hard like you'd never go far
i've been wondering if you know who you are
you keep on living life in your fantasy world
how true (x2)

ice breaker w/ grasior

prod me (dawsin) :o


lyrics :

(i love you)
(im just calling to say i, its me)
(do you really think you can handle this?)

@dawsin :
oh gosh it seems that i have fall again
she just looks so cute with her black cardigan
and i told her that we both should be celibate
but she don't listen she's a whore and that's the end of it

it's been years since i left my home, yea its complicated
my friends all left me behind, it all seems correlated
HUMILATED, THATS HOW I FEEL ON A DAILY BASIS
IM TRYNA GRASP MY LIFE BACK BUT IT ALL SEEMED TO FADED

(if i stay quiet, it'll be okay)

@pneuma :
why am i still stuck on every little single thing u do?
girl you’re such a narcissist that everybody sees thru
everybody sees thru
you, you
no i do not wanna talk im done with all ur petty lies
ounce of stress out of my way it travels down her neck and spine

@dawsin :
if u wouldve text me back then maybe u could be mine
but ill let u decide whether to fuck off or stay in line

im locked in, ready to knock this bitch out
try to put the blame on me with that dirty mouth
you dont know what ive been thru
it shows u have an issue

(your gd right, i am the one who knocks)
(go)

take away my pain, cause i dont wanna live no more 
(hush)
take away, every single thing i ever owned

@pneuma :
gotta isolate swear im getting sick of it
lookin in ur eyes all i see’s a petty bitch
huh
never thought that it would have to come to this
just reflect and look at all the wrongs u did

@dawsin :
try to put the blame on me with that dirty mouth
you dont know what ive been thru
it shows u have an issue

reflect w/ pneuma

shotgun carousel

prod by stezzyxl
enjoy^\^

oh i hate you
(i wish i could)
oh i love you
(well, that’s not good)
oh i miss you
(oh i knew i would)
oh come home
(please)

oh no no no
i can never catch up
oh down down down a bottle
till ur fucked up
oh no no no
i can never let you go
i’ll run run run just like
somebody i know

are u satisfied?
leaving me for another guy
i’m not a nobody u can push aside
need treatment, antibiotics, for a parasite 
in my head
my heart rate starts to diminish
shes coming back, she ain’t finish
she leaves my head for her supper
that what u call parasitic
she begs her parents  for more
so she keeps searching in stores
she finds a victim in sight
another guy she can lure

i cannot imagine a life without you
and i don’t wanna think about it all
we rode until the end till we fell
we’re not in love

(not again)

u ego has a clever way to infiltrate ur mind
it likes to hide itself in selfishness and stupid lies
i hope one day u wake up and realize what you've done
so start preparing, pack ur bags, cuz there no way to run

i cletch my fist, when i walk past
i hear ur friends, as they start to laugh
little do u know there on my side
they know the truth now, u parasite

parasite

All Platforms - https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/vil13/existentialist-feat-heylog-2
Featuring @heylog
Produced + Mastered by @noraevelyne
Written, recorded, and mixed by @vilsynth @heylog

(Lyrics)
You hit my car today, I'm locked in pain, it's part of your game now
I spent my childish days incarcerated to watch what the fame bout
If there's a night light in my room, want you to turn it on
She's indecisive of my doom, I see her loaded gun
She already won
I just have to pick a side, and let her know which way to cross

I know what you know, oh-oh
I know what you know, I know what you know
I know what you know, oh-oh

I feel the blood pouring out my side
I need your touch, hold me till I die
Drain the IV from my eye
They're tryna poke more needles in my skin, I don't wanna cry

Coat my skin entirely
Fold my ends, and tie me
Hold my hand and cry to sleep
It only ends when Im deceased
It's not the other way
I could get you out my life, and see some better days
But I don't want that on my record (x2)

(@heylog)
I don't think you know how much you really meant
I take in account and confess my sins
Put a bullet on my name and on a list
Cause I know, know you can't get a grip
You were made to have a role but you don't play your part
You'll start to realize it don't work when dealing different cards
And it brought me to the fact we live in different hearts
I'm tryna see the best in you but this is hard
If there's a light inside my room please turn it on
And if I see you on tv i'll turn it off
How can I speak without having to cough
And I had to get it off my chest because

(@vilsynth and @heylog)
You hit my car today, I'm locked in pain, it's part of your game now
I spent my childish days incarcerated to watch what the fame bout
If there's a night light in my room, want you to turn it on
She's indecisive of my doom, I see her loaded gun
She already won
I just have to pick a side, and let her know which way to cross

Spotify + Apple Music

Existentialist (ft. heylog)

produced by zoltar

lyrics:

i know i'll find another way
to feel like a whole person
i need a thousand extra days
to conjure some encouragement
size me up for now
i think i'm fiending for some sentiment
could you show me how
to make good impressions so no one forgets?

you don't wanna see me when i can't get the words out
i push away the people that i care the most about
i don't even mean the shit that comes out of my mouth
i can't help but feel like everyone is out to get me
wreck me
people love to test me
acting like i'm not worth the dog shit that they stepped in
i really hate all the people who never listen
the ones that talk a lot of shit then just act like a victim
you think i'm flirting, i'm not
i got a head full of thoughts
i'm sweating bullets and i'm starting to develop a cough
i waste away in my room
bite at my skin 'cause of you
i'm better now, but honestly, that shit was just fucking rude
how could you leave it like that?
no care for who you attract
you oughta thank your false god that these teeth can retract
i'll sink them into your knee
destroy support underneath
because i'm going for the jugular, i'm never at ease

i'm never at ease...

stop
wait 'til i'm gone
i know you're aching for something you've lost
preaching to some
get through to none
what is the point of explaining myself
when everyone listens to somebody else?
wasting my breath on the anger you held
it's all my fault and i reap what i sow
you fooled me once now that's twice in a row

reflect w/ pneuma

dawsin

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