this one is for me

death of February 11, 2019

And I've been on the go, for a long time 
And 
I just needa know, is you still down
Is you with me?
Lately got some shit that got me empty
So it's late nights in front of screens up with M.T
Way back when all this shit was still NME's and curses comin at me like the Kennedys 
And she don't love me she just lonely, cause deep inside she wish she never got to know me
Me either 
But everybody's fallin spring fever 
Holdin hands I miss a game to sit with her up in the bleachers 
I watched the sun tumble down
Behind a ocean of her feelings 
Then I watched her wave goodbye before the currents turned rivers
Damn
But then I traded in my goals for some happiness 
And then I lost them both and I ain't had em since 
(Tragic)
Couldnt tell if it's reflections but you deep blue 
I've been walkin with my skeletons they see through 
(Wine glass) 
Got a mountain full of problems I can't hike past
And I just keep droppin the ball when she hike that 
Send a text up to God, get no reply back
But on Sundays know you know where you can find me at 
Come to Thursdays, poppin downers in the culdesac 
Middle of the night gun point where they hold us at 
(BLAST IT)
Cause I be really feelin like there's really nothing left 
Stayin up for 4 days and still feelin like I overslept
Probably got a couple boundaries that they've overstepped
But I just say Im solvin problems that's within myself
Like 
I hate my voice, I hate my skin, I hate this breath 
I hate my verbs, my choice of words, I haven't slept
Still hate my dreams, I hate these feelings in my chest
I hate all these opinions in my head 
I hate my hate my eyes, I hate my lies, hate  when you walk away 
I hate that goals end up like paper in that ash tray 
I hate when i gotta hide you see me 
Hate knowing that I feel that you dont need me
Hate that everything I care about will end up leavin 
A lot of times I hate the fact I'm even breathing (Exhale)
Stomach full of pain that I was having trouble swallowing
Cause God filled up my plate then gave some shit for me to wallow in 
Pepto for depression till it's flowin like the casualties
From wars inside my head and all the martyrs that be after me 
Cause I've been on the go, for a long time 
And 
I just needa know, is you still mine 
Is you you with me?

on go (birthday party)

endoffeb