a beat i made awhile ago which expresses my self solitude

Acetone

Blister

Daytona Daydream

Bottle of Sand

Snub-Nosed

Introspection

Here Lies My Apathy

Everything (for a price)

Maggie the Dog

Skin

Lyrics:
if my depression had tought me a lesson
killing myself won't lessen the burden, but all the stressing would be unheard of
all the mess and the wreck that i am
would cease to exist
a shoot and a miss
what i'd give up just to savour this
prideful when it comes to suffering
watching myself slip again

stare into a mirror, hoping my face will change
brightly, oh brightly the dark has been glistening 
back to my eyelids, the absensce is comforting
for my ways, i should feel shame
all of my lies are just all of my promises 
detachment from life, detachment from all of this 
problems? i think not i think i got problems
then why am i doin this man?
'cus fuck tryna solve them 
drugs, i got lots of
sadness comes in a three part fucking saga
a click, and a bang, and some tears from my momma
and maybe my dad, if he cared

Inner Dialogue

CESSPOOL

Forever Hold Your Peace

Ain't Nothin' New Under the Sun

Damn Vultures

A Drastic Change of Scenery

lyrics:
looking in a mirror
face sliced from ear to ear
got bad intentions
fucked visions of superstitions
shadows on the walls
through nightmares demons crawl
my time i sacrifice
to find peace in my life
wondering when i'll catch some slack
i been fuckin hurting
god abandonded,
for my own expression i been fucking yearning
ain't one lil bit concerning
i feel my mental burning
spine exposed, pills imposed
i feel fucking dirty 
so dirty
so dirty
do you think that i give a fuck?
do i look like i care?
emotional collapse, and baggage
i'm not mentally there
one wrong look at myself and i'll be pulling out my hair
eyes are heavy, feelin like i haven't slept in fucking years
fuck around, wouldn't dare
when you figure me out
anger, unstability
but my intentions are stout
i roll around, like i'm invincible
fear of death i never knew
lack of fear and consequence
i'll take that to my fucking tomb

Inspirational Self-Hatred

lyrics:
several severed nerves
my body fucking hurts
myself i can't escape
decisions that i've made
i'm living life in vein
when will my habits change
i fuck around, forget what that is like in several days
remain the same
the same way that i hate
i'm the same man, who makes the same mistakes, that's full of shame
so fuck your judgement, fuck your lies, and fuck your mental state
already dealing with my choices, bouta fucking faint
i got a hundred on a motherfucking bet that i made with death
got 20 dollars to my name, i'm tryna make the rest
need a fresh start, a new name, a new face, somewhere to lay my fucking head in peace
so i can wake up in a new day
i put a smile on my face, a daily occurrence
someone get a little closer, please
i'd like some assurance
discerning what i find comforting
figured that's my fears
whatever i been lacking, i been making up in tears
what have i done
i don't know who i am
i fear not for my life
abandoned by my fam
i'm losing track again
i find my peace in sin
i'm slowly giving in 
i'm slowly giving up
i've got no patience left
i got no sustenance
anxiety, my stomach burning, so i can't digest
i'm rolling outta sight
if so, it's outta mind
i close my eyes, hoping soon it's peace that i will find

Seratonin Syndrome

Lyrics:
so bored, if you couldn't fuckin tell
how you gonna fuck with me if you ain't fuckin with yourself?
laid back, i stay chillin, life improvin, i'm above it, i feel like a god screamin fuck my health
i'm in hell, keep a smile on my face
i stay rollin round town, still feeling real outta place
i been working like a motherfuckin slave
fuck the paper, fuck the world
bitch i'll own the fuckin bank
find yourself, bitch
reachin for the top shelf
worried for my life, but i ain't never gonna change
i feel real when i fill lyrics with my soul, 
there's so much that i can give, all you bitches fucking fake
so sad, i don't want to be
one too many motherfuckin dumb mistakes
got burned, too concerned by being hurt
doesn't help that i'm the one who been sparking all of the flames

thoughts emulsified
life passin by at the blink of an eye, 
i ain't got time
i don't give a fuck
called feeling stuck
i still look back
when my mom asked son,
why you be the way you are?
fuck you, bitch
yeah, i don't need your judgement
you beatin wounds, they already sore
straight out the door, with my life that i once left before
yeah, my mental burning
still tossin, turning
when i sleep at night, memories fucking hurt me
pain deceiving, prayers deceived me
i just can't feel my wounds yet still fucking bleeding
look in a mirror, fucking hate to see me
stay inside cus that's how they fucking see me
i'm gone, it's love that i'm needing holding my tongue cus i'm fucking grieving

Pink Bicycle

Lyrics:

this sickness that surrounds me
the devil found me
lo, and behold a passage
escape from all my madness
fuck your pills and doctors
i'll just laugh it off, 
haha, i'm dying
i stay asking what about it?
forgivin, bad dreams vivid, awake, but barely livin
round, and round, and round, and round
i went about it
sippin, channels flipped, to ease my mind
fuck an altercation, teeth are staying bared like a cane fucking corso
cuts up on your torso
organs start contorting, praying to your lord
intrusive thoughts so gruesome
damn, i'm fucking used up
tryna live in peace, but damn i can't afford to
round and round and round and round, my head spins
round and round and round and round, my head spins
round and round and round and round, my head spins
round and round and round and round and round and round and 
round and round and round and round it goes around
around around around around around it came around
you fucked around around around around and found me out

this shit got me feeling deathly sick

i feel restless and demented
so obsolete
the way i gave a fuck, it fucked with my demeanor
anxiety riddled motherfucker, straight from hell
just a fucked up soul with a death obsession
mistreated kid with a core depression
wrote a letter, explained myself, still haven't fucking sent it
wish you knew me like you think you did
i got anger and aggression, take your fucking pick
fucked addictions, wound up in them
i see gray and blinding haze,
it's my whole life i'm fucking missing, bitch

Sick

Lyrics:

pour my soul into a bottle just to pass the time
i'll be sippin on the next like it's cyanide
bodily dysfunction, i been out of line
and my minds on self destruct, fuck

i been stressed, i just need a fucking
blessing, damn
if it wasn't for myself
noone knows me like i wish they did
kid straight out of hell
i was convinced into giving in
lately i don't care
on my motherfucking shoulders, oh my pride i do wear
sittin in my wrecked 5.7
i done thought about it twice,
contemplating taking life
keep it handy, blood stained knife
watch me roll around this town with a smile on my face
my sadness i keep inside, lately feel real out of place, damn
material things don't catch my eye
i been fucking failing while these motherfuckers getting by
damn,
my whole life felt lucid
all the sleep i'm losing
self bodily abusing
crime accused of
lose myself in music
i'm still dream pursuing

fuck all you fake ass bastards
with your self invoked pain
slowly dying, and i'll hate yall motherfuckers to the grave
how i hold myself, yeah you'd never even know it
killin time the fastest way i know how
self loathing and hopeless
feelin like a fucking god, got anger in my veins
i don't fuck with a bitch
that i gotta beg to stay
still beg to differ, my differences so i remain the same
if you don't fuck with me,
i'll be the population in several fucking days

Twoface

Lyrics:

so sick of myself
but that don't change a thing
i ain't regret a thing
i find my peace in my hardships 
burn and waste air like a phosphine 
all my memories harm me
same old fucking story, untold all of the good things 
oh well, it don't concern me
got the liquor supporting 
4:30 in the morning
took a look who's around me
poor lost souls all surrounding 
fam was unsupportive of my decisions
that's when i told them all i just wanted to leave, because this ain't fucking livin'
braggin' bout their sickness,
told them i'd see them in hell
because that ain't my business
judging others while i stay fucking sinning
photographic memory of things i wish were deleted
roaming this earth until i find my meaning

i can talk about my issues,
ain't nobody understand
i could vent my whole heart out,
ain't nobody understand
i could do all it takes,
ain't nobody understand
but i still fail to mention
yeah i still fail to mention that

my closest friend is 6 feet under
feeling under weather
tryna keep myself together
back to all my bad habits
and i can call as many times as i want, phoneline disconnected
we didn't fit in, but we had each other when we were eleven
ain't no one understood us
they could talk all their shit, but to us they just fucking talking and that was the fucking end
i know it's hard to mention, but i ain't ever gon' forget, i'm gonna do it for us
all our dreams of getting big

Dreamcatcher

lyrics:

ain't got nothing but time
so it's time i be killing
damn, i feel like the villain
the money, it's coming, it's all built to profit
all these bitches, they prospering
offering souls just to have a clean conscience
what a time to be alive
sinners, and predators 
all confined in a building, light that bitch on fire
worried bout all the wrong things
all of this shit, man i do it for me
who gave a fuck? 
i know nobody cares
you pray to a man
same old pages that be flipped again
and once again, i don't give a fuck
same old story, bitch i heard enough
all of the tears, bitch how do you think that they feel?
you said fuck the consequence, fuck you living the rest of your short years

all of the shit that they doin, all of the rape that they doin, all of the kids that go through it
monsters that get to lay their head to sleep in a bed, no regrets, cus they asked their forgiveness
the church is a sickness
even god is my witness
bitch, your house on my hitlist
i'll just pray you forgive me
forgive this bitch, gun to your head
make it make sense
off with your limbs, i'm making an offering
you ain't no better than me
i'll make a bet that you will be losing your head
sinister things that you did
bitch, where is your "lord"?
he ain't gon save you no more
even the devil don't want you
i think you're best left alone, rotting in dirt

$inister

lyrics:

i'm the same wretched man
i'm the same fucking wannabe
roll up with intentions stout, i'm about to make a scene
it's gonna kill me if it ain't ever gonna better me
feeling like i'm motherfucking mental

come around to the otherside
come a- come around
come around to the otherside
come a- come  around
come around to the otherside
come a- come around

damn the grass ain't greener on the other side
normalized
suicide
i hung all my hopes up on the fence years ago
be unalarmed
i bring no harm
unless it's to my fucking self
i ain't got no meds to help me
screaming "momma ain't responding"
thought she died
that's just life
so alarming
what's the time read on the clock
nodding off
alcohol induced psychosis making brain and vision fog
so long for my own decisions
damn i'm feeling fucking lost
i'm so lost in myself

come around to the otherside
come a- come around
come around to the otherside
come a- come around
come around to the otherside
come a- come around
come around to the otherside
come a- come around
come around to the otherside
come a- come around
come around to the otherside
come a- come around

The Other Side of The Barbed Wire Fence

lyrics:

drugs are spread before me
sippin' captain morgan
7 in the morning
damn i'm late to work
pickup towed
i feel extra fucking lonely
someone save me from my own destruction
i know where this going
cus i fucking know me

so what do you do when you stuck at rock bottom?
i know i gotta be suffering for something
bitch, i ain't ever gonna amount to nothing
my pain i carry, i carry it proudly
ain't know a single soul that be around me
all the depression and drugs that surrounding
they turned they heads when i need them the most, i got a friend with a name of "nobody"
all you bitches are fake
this a violent outrage
like two dogs in a cage that be killing eachother
while you laugh and spectate
put my mind on the table
put my soul in my music
i be taking my pain out this way
so that way i am not self abusing

Headlock

Lyrics: 

i got the means, you just can't keep a promise
waist deep in blood, systems are catastrophic
i'm drowning in solvents
stop drawing conclusions, stop forcing solutions
one day i will solve it
sippin' some shit, i be wrecking my liver
blown out of proportion, i find myself timid
no matter the circumstance i fucking give in 
it brings me right back when i'm left on delivered

tell myself that all this shit will not matter
kept it inside, all my pain, like my dad did
siblings ain't know my name
momma just wants me dead
learned from the worst, self harm was our bad habit 
put away like old toys up in the attic
like all my happiness
feel undecided, sometimes while i'm cruising
my mind i be losing
so damn good at suffering, you'd think that i practice

when it comes to this stress, i be up on the stretcher
i wanna make it, but i ain't no better
i'm turning my face away 
damn shame i be the way that i am
i'm the same man that i hate
stressed bout my weight
please look away
i feel disgraced
i ain't fit in
i'm switching states
i'm already gone
too fucking late
fuck all you hoes
fuck your debate
fuck your demeanor and fuck out my face
make you repeat yourself till you choke on the words that you been sayin'
then i'm gonna disappear without a trace

At least The Sun Is Shining

Lyrics:
you just miserable
you just mad cus i ain't dismissible
bitch, the tone of your voice makes my ears bleed and the pain you caused is visceral
when i bend you break, but when you bend i bow
you threaten suicide, then brag about fuckin dyin' hoe, 
i think that you just wasting my time 
you ain't love me, you just attached 
you got a problem? 
you a liar 
only hobbys burnin' drugs
you can never get enough
ain't my fault you're cutting up, damn i just need some rest
i pray and pray to lay my head down in peace
ain't been sleepin', it ain't easy keepin' up with all your mental diseases 
at this point i'd barely call it a life, it's just death fuckin reapin'
i've neglected my health, or was there ever a reason?
i ain't smiled in weeks, i watched you lie through your teeth i kept this up for the worst, but it don't matter to me i promised you everything, you gave me pain in return i gave you the world, now i'm gonna watch it fucking burn

i've been hating myself cus of things that you said, 
i been watching my tone saying shit under breath
i feel better alone
in the dark i am home
i been worrying and flourishing, attachment has broke
when it comes to your pain, no i don't give a fuck
depression relentless
that's bad fucking luck 
it's the pills that been crushed,
bitch would rather get drunk
tears always get to rolling when push comes to shove

Lyrics:
bitch, i'm callin hearsay
bitch, i finally realized
i been feelin homicidal 
devil in my domicile
i don't give a fuck, motherfucker
i stay suicidal,
keep my weapon, volatile
feeling like a fucking god
i don't give a fuck, motherfucker
ay


fuck what you sayin, fuck your photograph
yeah, mothafuck you hoes
bout damn time you spoke some fuckin truth
tryna take it out back now?
damn bitch, let me know


put my soul on display, damn i shouldn't have
did this on my own,
put my own worst demons underground
lose my fucking phone number
till you wanna come around
bitin bullets' you gon lose your teeth
boy, don't fuck around
you gon lose your head

so unserious, just a kid 
room spinnin round my head
ima make a mothafucker interstellar
when they reaching for the stars, stars, stars, stars, 

dressed in all black, fuck a trend
fuck what they been sayin' about me
so go and talk yo shit
just talk on your own time
my life been a passer by
so what? man i don't give a fuck
that damn glimmer in my eye
tells me things gon be alright
i'm still the man, with the motherfucking plan
play your hand
dance with death, you gon end up like the rest
take a breath, i been stressed
i been feeling 2 
outta fuckin 10,
still pretend, that life's gonna be alright in the end
i been saying fuck my health
all these cars ain't gonna buy themselves
damn, i grew up with some problems, still attaining wealth
goddamn, i need a blessing
did some dirt, still not confessing
got a problem?, we got a problem, i don't give a fuck, i'll solve it



Figurative Speech

lyrics:

i get to thinkin, i'm lonely
i get to drinkin, i'm sorry
turn off the lights, just don't bother me
sinkin' in puddles, i'm stickin' my neck out
i'll carry the weight on my shoulders
i got a vision, can't tell what i saw
blood in the sink, ain't no flow from the faucet 
power turned off, i'm so sick of this life
so self-defeating, i swear i been trying

i got nowhere in a hurry
i made a bet with the devil
i lost it all
i sparked some flames that had burnt me
healing these wounds won't concern you
cus it's all my fault
locked away because i'm "trouble"
they won't look my way, not even my brother
wishing my loved ones won't worry about my conditions,
it seems like they just getting farther, and farther away

i got the courage to cough up my digits
ain't noone calling me
heard there's a god that could save me
i suffer depravity
in need of a savior, well, maybe he stalling
i got the drugs in the back,
several felonies lie on my lap
i got the means
i carry my problems
fuck where i been
it's about where i'm at
fuck

why are the things that hurt the most so damn tempting?
i'm showin up to places that i ain't got no business bein
the same old shit, i'm barely livin'
we just dyin' by the minute
put the blame upon addiction
while you begging for a change

just call me mr. -fuckin' -simmons, bitch
i'm guilty before innocent
i'm a fucking failure, all my failures fuckin' setting in
i'm sippin on some shit, i'm just tryna avoid my medicine
counting blessings
counting mistakes
i got a whole, written list
of who i wouldn't give a fucking goodbye to
they ain't gave a fuck, they just wanted on my fuckin' good side
i'd be lying if i said i was unbothered by it all
just a man with a deathwish
and just haunted by all the trauma i got

sick and tired of this motherfuckin headache

$inbad

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