featuring bixby 
guitars will rhead

i crashed the party way too late
you're thinking out loud
oh a little more
im not surprised he made you wait
you die for the ceilings, i
oh a little more

you said, "don't wait"
i'm not tired enough to lay
oh baby i miss you
more than i remember
give lightaway
well baby ur life is at an end
oh baby i miss you
more than i remember

Heh
Around this time I would’ve figured it out 
Cause I can’t
Come to terms with who I am
And I don’t wanna take it back.
Sprawl money problem now im running this,
Yeah Well fuck your pity say.
Damn
Why you gotta doubt ?
MOTHERFUCKER WAS A BITCH,
SO I SLAPPED HIM OUT!!

you said, "don't wait"
i'm not tired enough to lay
oh baby i miss you
more than i remember
give lightaway
well baby ur life is at an end
oh baby i miss you
more than i remember

Yeah
Big opinion, where yo pitch at 
yea
don't let me get ahead of myself
bitch doing nothing
The thrill of being the shit 
I’ve been the shit 
I feel that
TAKE A LISTEN 
BEFORE YOU FUCKING CANT
YOU WERE BORN AN ASSHAT
I WAS BORN THE MAN
wanna play me bitch i ain't no back

lightaway featuring bixby

with https://soundcloud.com/hanirl :)

then I sit down

put away my cellphone

do it for my health

then I'm gonna tell nobody 

the way I've felt

tell tales

tell everybody that I'm doing well

I'm not

okay, still sitting down

open up my laptop

can't talk now

is what I tell my friends 

because I'm writing about 

everything, every thought,

every scene, every now

and then

I write about how

my thoughts pull me down

why are they so loud?

Why are they so mean?

Fierce and hostile, I fear I've lost sight 

Cause years of my life

I'd feel the gaslights

Kept wasting my time,

my friends would ask why

my tears won't pass now

I block it all out

just shut myself down

It's so much more than what I wrote

what I wrote isn't all empirical at all

I'm gonna get out of my head

soak up the sunlight

and fall in love with life again

it's so much more than what I wrote

So you read what I wrote from

most of the week where I hoped for

nobody to pose if I'm honest about

what's on my mental

I won't pretend to

act like I don't dread 

the palpable potential

that I will only end up

like what I've tried to end but

if I tried and I failed

would you probably feel

like I've fallen to my own virtues

this isn't a goodbye, it's far from that

I don't want you to worry, time won't hurt you

it's so much more than what I wrote

what I wrote isn't all empirical at all

I'm gonna get out of my head

soak up the sunlight

and fall in love with life again

fall in love

and fall in love with life again

fall in love

it's so much more than what I wrote

playwright w/ han.irl<3

yeah we just talk like that

stems: https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/tjahr282r5pazzk85qjpz/h?rlkey=ua7lyotfo064jk0ua19hrpmbt&dl=0

11223
lyrics
I couldn't sleep last night
I plan on leaving my house
I gotta get on my flight flight flight

I'm packing my bags, packing my bags, packing my bags
I'm packing my bags, packing my bags, packing my bags

I want you here with me
Together we can flee
We're following our Dreams, Dreams, Dreams

I'm packing my bags, packing my bags, packing my bags
I'm packing my bags, packing my bags, packing my bags

Yeah we just talk like that
Yeah we just talk like that
Yeah we just talk like that
Yeah we just talk like that
Yeah we just talk like that
Yeah we just talk like that
Yeah we just talk like that
Yeah we just talk like that

Yeah we just talk like that
Yeah we just talk like that

What you gonna do to me?
I'll be at home around 2 or 3
She doesn't even smile no more
She's crying on the bedroom floor

What you gonna do to me?
I'll be at home around 2 or 3
She doesn't even smile no more
She's crying on the bedroom floor

What you gonna do to me?
I'll be at home around 2 or 3
She doesn't even smile no more
She's crying on the bedroom floor

What you gonna do to me?
I'll be at home around 2 or 3
She doesn't even smile no more

FEEL

Its not that hard.

Art shot and edited by me, and finalized by vai5000

lyrics

I claw and I tear me apart
But theres no sign of wear on my skin
I keep calling it some form of art
Yet I still don't know where to begin

Its not that hard
Its not that hard
Its not that hard
Its not that hard

The dealer, they call out my bluff
And prevent me from playing my hand
And although I don't think its enough
I'm too powerless to make a stand

I'll play my part
I'll play my part
I'll play my part (its not that hard)
I'll play my part (its not that hard)

Oh you're hurtin your hurtin your
Hurtin your hurtin your head 
I don't know how you do it just saying you're fine

And you're getting too comfortable
Lying around on your floor with no thoughts in your head
Only tears in your eyes

And I know that I've got no prescription
That will cure any of my deception
And I can't find some kind of prevention
For this turning into some fixation
So I try 
And I try
And I try
And I try
And I try
And I try
And I try
And I try it again

Oh no you wouldn't get it
No you wouldn't get it
No you wouldn't get it

I admit its not really a problem (but it only serves nothing to you)
Even if you can't look at me right (cause you say what you know isn't true)
I can say that it doesn't affect me (but you think of it everyday)
When you call me the person I was 
But that's all that you see (oh but how did you make it this way)
But I look in the mirror and its not really me (so you try and you try it again)
Its counter-productive cause' I can't the words out (but the cycle it just doesn't end)
And just say what I mean 
Its so tiring

So whats all the point of this trying

And it all seems to burden my psyche
So I mask it all at my expense
Still my body deteriorates beside me
And it just doesn't seem to make sense
And the toller knows nothing about it
And it pains me to pay him the fee
The amount of my life that's been wasted and lost in the weeds
Its still just me
No its just me


And its getting too
Getting too
Getting too
Getting too close to the eminent feeling
That you're gonna die
(but you won't go yet)
(no you won't go yet)
(no you can't go yet)

And now that you are older and
Everything's smaller
Do you start to wonder "where did I go wrong in my life?"

So I lie
Cause I'm fine
No, I'm fine

And I'm so tired
And sick of trying
So why not
So why not


And it all seems to burden my psyche
So I mask it all at my expense
Still my body deteriorates beside me
And it just doesn't seem to make sense
And the toller knows nothing about it
And it pains me to pay him the fee
The amount of my life that's been wasted and lost in the weeds
Its still just me
Its still just me

Body

Free Sample Pack: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qq_Qp76xD1f-k1KUjzBkDTb0VulY_2im/view?usp=drive_link

https://discord.gg/94VwNHTB6R

https://soundcloud.com/sphinxesdub
https://soundcloud.com/whyawe
https://soundcloud.com/coolerscythe
https://soundcloud.com/navinor
https://soundcloud.com/paxenimzi
https://soundcloud.com/maae-ko
https://soundcloud.com/darcysavisa
https://soundcloud.com/jianmsic
https://soundcloud.com/kadenic
https://soundcloud.com/sapphi3
https://soundcloud.com/not_sub001
https://soundcloud.com/xfchiba
https://soundcloud.com/miviasmusic
https://soundcloud.com/eclimusic
https://soundcloud.com/phucsminkmusic

rollcall_chapter300

"Lakes"
19/01/23 - 02/03/24

Lakes is probably one of my favourite songs I've ever made. It's about doubt? or grief? in a way, I'm not entirely sure how to interpret it.
There is definitely tinges of illness in there, and reflections on myself? if that makes sense?
The lake is a pretty simple metaphor for mental illness or just, mentality in general, interpret the quiet however you want, but for me it's that sense of dread or grief when you realise you don't feel anything at all, or that you simply don't care
again, this is what I think it's about; to be honest with you, I don't really know what my songs mean anymore, the lyrics just sort of came to me and I wrote them down, and I sang them, I work out what it means later on, but with all my recent work it just seems very difficult to pinpoint what it's trying to be or represent, and whether that's for better or for worse I'm not sure.

I feel like this is one of those songs that'll outlive itself, when im long dead and the internet is a giant wasteland of dead media, maybe someone will find this and appreciate it, maybe even tell their friends about it, and just enjoy this small piece of me from my little corner of the world, and even if that never happens, that's ok too.

oh well, as always the mix and master is rough, but I think it serves this track well

See you soon!
- Faith


Lyrics:

The lake's gone quiet, my friend
(and) I'm not going where the wind goes
(you look me, anyway)

Look me in the eyes, tell me "this is living"
cast myself out, to the main beams

the lake's still quiet
the lake's still quiet, my friend

Lakes

(Noah &) "The Whale"
28/10/23 - 05/03/24

The name comes from the band "Noah and the whale" which is a band me and my mother like

This song has taken the longest to figure out in terms of meaning, it's pretty weirdly structured, very chaotic, vague, but still wholely sincere
and then it hit me: this song is about my mother, alot of the characteristics of this song really come from her personality and I guess in a sense it's written about our relationship
I love my mother, she's one of the most chaotic, unapologetically "themself" people, and I owe a lot of things I like about myself to her, and I guess I underestimated how much influence she could have in my own art.
I struggled figuring out a name or identity for this track for so long, and I remember going to the shop with my mother and she made a random throwaway comment saying "I wonder if you sat here long enough if you would see everyone you'd have ever met?" and that just hit me really hard and I wrote it down as fast as I could.
In terms of lyrics it's less connected to parents and mothering, but a lot of that notion of sitting in one place and actually seeing everyone you've ever known, and that space inbetween reminiscing and when another person would come along, and how hard we try to avoid confronting ourselves and our own flaws, or even mortality in a sense? the latter half is more linked into parenthood and growing up in general, realising in the space between how your childhood has died, and that all the younger versions of you have died along with it, and you sort of "shed" yourself each and every day, leaving traces of past yous behind, but it doesn't get any lighter, and you still learn new things about yourself, like how much you love your parents, and realising that they were never "bad" parents, they were just trying their best; and there's nothing more you could ask of them than that.

LYRICS:

And they say "if you sit in one place long enough, you'll see everyone you've ever known"
Well I've seen everything and everyone I know

Are you scared of what's inbetween?
(Can I get what I want?)
And I'll move mountains from their place
(will you?)

And the sky is mourning
the death of your childhood
(reflection)

there's mould growing, on my walls again
there's mould growing on my walls again
am I supposed to be grateful?
am i supposed to be grateful

Little Faith

The Whale

If the sun won't rise up again
Who gets the last call pushed up at the end
Once more you're crying tears of regret
Why is it so hard for you to rely on your friends
Cause underneath it all
You know it's hard to grow
But you should hang around
It's tempting just to go
And I'm so sorry you built all that resent
For myself
But it's okay
Cause at the end of the day
We'll meet the end
Again and again
What could've happened if you weren't just a man
Waste all your time yet
Still I wish you well

july 14 2023

defsharp

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