‎‎‎‎Regrets

yarn (looper4)

for kt

does this matter at all
like a fading end, all my life i'll wait for you
if you're seeking change, i'll find the switch and turn it off
give you all my heart, and i don't know how to go

and i go into private to go into hiding
feeling deprived of yourself by my side
losing you feels just like suicide
and i die everyday thinking about you

i learned from my mistakes, i promise that
now it's too late to bring you back
i wish that we had one more chance
cuz it's so hard to say goodbye

matter at all

For myself
might reupload


silent praying loss borne self 
  
  remember when you had your health 
  
  it doesnt matter what you meant to me 
  
  angled in
  poor title scored  
  
  bad things in threes 
  good things before
  
  i started convoluting love with competition and belief with idols 
  and me with someone who was not me 
  
  give me everything you know
  i do not have enough 
  
  i dont know what this is yet
  but i cannot give it up 
  
  i didnt notice repetition until i forced myself to breathe

Breathe

you, at the bottom of my coffee mug
where the enamel wears its thinnest
scaling all the rust off
losing energy drip by drip

i found you in the ditch on the garvin loop
where the transmission fluid and muck are one solution

treat me in the nurses room of my run down elementary school
the one that's never used save for temper tantrums
and workplace abuse

unprepared from the start for the unspoken "with you"
this rubber neck has turned before
i promise this time i'll just pass through

i can run
i used to run too

garvin loop

i don’t know
what i can’t see 

i can only hope 
that you 
will
read it to me 

i do sketches 
but not in full

i’m half empty

just digesting
matted hair 

ugly pull 

keeping me down 
keeping me down

there’s a lot of things i wouldn’t tell you just to take the load off of you

keeping me down 
keeping me down 

there’s a lot of things i wouldn’t say 
just to keep the load off you

and it’s not a reason
and it isn’t right for me to blame 

i’m not believing 
i’m only shame 

it never seasons 
it only swings

i’m only tired
and what does that ever bring

Shame

for kt

keep wishing it turned out differently
on the walk if we could just meet
no words since the time we speak
and i do repent
beat down myself i deserve to 
bleed out for the mess i was causing a scene, 
everything hurts from losing you keef
and you’re everything

time stop change it up
go for the love and life isn’t real like
our sin meaning touch
kisses and no imitating can match that good enough
go fake and i’m fading to say it love
grown man man it up
i’m too sentimental

guard and run i’ll get you flowers
run til I run out of sense 
i could hang by you for hours
cuz everything i said to you i meant
we caught these feelings, it’s ours
no need to worry bout when
we caught these feelings, it’s ours
cuz i see you as more than a friend

guard and run

myohmy

tetherohtether

this is how it feels to be me right now despite this being old as fuck

demo demo demo demo demo

dear god that doesn't exist but inside of me and you and we give us the strength and patience and time and energy and health to communicate the things in our heads effectively enough to let them settle into the concrete

time passing [intro]

derrick boo