deeply, sickly (pt.i)

Updated: 06/02

Release me from myself
There's nothing left
No one else holding me back

Sometimes I hear my own voice screaming in the distance
So persistent with it's viciousness, I’ve recognized this
No denying I’m crying out for assistance no one’s listening
End this misery, one step closer to what I’m envisioning

I've been searching for someone who isn’t me
Made from materials of memories, lies and a concerning trajectory
I'm completely detached at the seams

I'll put the pieces together 
Help put the pieces together

Sorry, I'm guily... 
It's my fault you feel so shattered to pieces   
The results of someone severed
Now gently, pour your salt in my eye sockets I've emptied
I can’t see the love you’re sending 

Pain is never ending, sustained indefinitely
I'm detained while you’re pretending

Sorry, I'm guilty... it's my fault you feel so severed
Sorry, I'm guilty... I can't see the love you're sending

severed

updated: 05/30
vocals, guitars, bass, drum programs written and recorded by james neustaedter

my brain throbs at the thought of your mindlessness
everything’s the fault of someone else, 
narcissist, how did i miss something so obvious
oblivious to my senses
Self depreciation commences 
I hate it but replicated daily
Demonstrating woes that i was facing
My fear is fading, it comes in phases
I have trouble separating pleasure and
pain Sometimes its devastating. 
Ive been debating was this premeditated

i should be medicated
Confess the mess i created

you may not see it
but still should believe that i feel this every day
when you’re sleeping
ill explain the reasons i anticipate my fate

i embrace death
Mistakes, I have made them
Disdained by my fixations 
I remain unreplicated

get back on your feet
i was always the dirt beneath 

there’s more than one grievance
destroy our creations and forget this place
This upcoming season
i wont have a reason to remember your name

i embrace death
Mistakes, I have made them
Disdained by my fixations
I remain unreplicated

oblivious

updated:06/02

Abandoned 
and glad it happened
This madness
My hearts been blackened

Constant torture my wildest fortune
Your self absorption purely horror
Our contorted performance folded
over, 
Overwhelmed by all these demons speaking
Manipulating me
I’m clay the way you’ve shaped me
Erase these memories

And Let my loves ones know 
the grave i dug was my own
I’ll crawl in myself but don’t 
want to be alone 

let my mother know
the grave i dug was shallow
this hollow shell of my own
was born to die alone

Can you nail the casket closed
In hopes that i’ll feel less exposed
Seclusion is the antidote
I’ll reappear when decomposed

abandoned

Congratulations 
on your big decision
It really separates
the high tension
And i get the calm to myself
Problems resolved and i’m left
a clearer conscience
alongside your departure

You could say thank you for the free parking
spent my time in jail while you were visiting

i don’t need a monocle to see through your toxic chronicle 
This board game is comical it’s missing a mental hospital
I think it’s time for me to go, never really was that comfortable
i lost control, overemotional blindsided by your obstacles

for commemoration
I’ve made a few incisions
To severely saturate
All my intentions
I’ll be re-installed and re-assessed
It’s a free for all trapped within my head
you made me feel obnoxious
i grieved in my subconscious 

You never did say thank you for the free parking
I wasted time in jail, you were just visiting

Didn’t need a monocle to see through the toxic chronicle 
This board games diabolical for missing a mental hospital
I think it’s time for you to go, always made me feel irresponsible
no control and too emotional, you’re bankrupt constructing obstacles


NUMB0523

shut the door, turn the lights off
i might just jump into your nightmares 
it’s quite the scare but i don’t care cuz
i’m well aware of what’s below the surface
you’re super nervous from these curses
i’m the person to fuse your circuits
what’s the purpose of this service
to convince you nothings perfect

(i’m kind of speechless right now because you’re so) 
profound and unexpected
you (give me so many reasons to) feel myself
(there’s just something about her thats so vindictive)
Nothings ever as simple as we wished
We’re both (victims in the end)

 

My imperfections are wounds that can never be healed
If I was ever enough for you then it was concealed
Clearly there isn’t a reason to believe I’m real 
important or anything even close to feeling sealed

Lost in your darkness there’s comfort with less



(i’m kind of speechless right now because you’re so) 
profound and unexpected
you (give me so many reasons to) feel myself
(there’s just something about her thats so vindictive)
Nothings ever as simple as we wished
We’re both (victims in the end)


SCIFISIN0523

By my calculations I got your blood coagulating.
Cauterized myself from all communication, congratulations,
 no more complications “quarantined” in quotations, isolated constellations
You’re a constant elevation in my daily So accommodating,
a rhapsody imagined in virtual reality.
A usual catastrophe, but at your hands i’m open for examining. 
I can only fantasize of being apart of your fallacy.
Matter of fact I'd have the memories turned to taxidermies haphazardly massacred me, had my hazards flashing but it happened anyway, a tragedy.
Awoke again in another daydream where im live-streaming my pipe dreams
This realities so surreal its unique or am I just naive to think I’m fatigued
I can hear my own heartbeat, hardly. One part asleep the rest of me deceased
Serenity so bittersweet it's got me jittery, the look in your eye is so glittery
my willpower's continuing, crimson chrysanthemums within my periphery.

Just a televangelist trying to send a message In kaleidoscopic sentences...
Periodically hypnotic flamingo pink melodrama's what I've always dreamt of if im being honest.

I've been longing for your magic, healing powers got me telepathic

Red planet, imaginative, 
crimson castle, I’m just a cast away 

I'm just a cast away

Never was the best at conversation, better off dead why even contemplate it
Left my containment kept sedated in an ornate location
But I failed to play navigator, the best candidate to date to be terminated
the language so decorated I couldn’t correlate so I’m recording my devastation
Being innovative is so overrated, I’m invigorated by your motivation
My emancipation evaporated
past vastly different and I’m not exaggerating
A staggering example of a massive amputation, 
evacuated, evaluated my deactivation.
You could beg to be induced but rejuvenations regulated
through registration you could choose improvement or vindication. 
Theres still rules with an invitation initiation involving incubation
Reawakened an avant garde configuration
Non conventional c omplications canceled my decapitation
But I’ve felt like cattle in need of renovation 
I remember good times, but only vaguely


I've been longing for your magic, healing powers got me telepathic.

Red planet, imaginative, 
crimson castle, I’m just a cast away

Fu__Shi_ x d.e.t.h. - CR1M50N CHRY54N7H3MUM (Prod. Hot Science)

We play video games in the arcade, there's a million ways you can partake.
Celebrate with a mental escape, reincarnate the 8 bit embrace.
If you hesitate the pathway may be unsafe.
Misplaced within the landscapes, being engulfed in flames never looked so fancy.
Mutilated in the fast lane.
I appreciated that your always ready to take that coffee break.
I'm a pallbearer in January.
Not the type to be an ice breaker, took a dive, was crystalized. 
Today you had the realization we all die.
It’s human nature.


(We all wanted more)
We all wanted something more
Drink this antidote, become a graceful animal.
Sacred indigo, vision is so digital.
Dim the visuals, damages almost critical.


I can view the beauty in your eyes. 
The various hues skewed my sight, I am immunized.
Let it come as no surprise.
You can find me in the afterlife, image rasterized.

d.e.t.h. x Fu__Shi_ - The Realization (prod. IMROTTEN)

Won't you just quit playing games?
I find it so hard just to pick your brain.
Never really had much faith.
Just foreplay for greater things...

I've been riding lifes elevator,
Its ups and downs got me hella faded.
This portrait of grayer days,
so unfortunate I'm in quarantine.
Maybe next to jaded,
in the same place three decades later.
Debated between calling you baby or just my entertainment.

Don't repent, you earned compliments.
Your contents erotic documents.
Enhancing flavors like a condiment, I'm salivating for your acknowledgment.
This could be the best restoration...
contemplating my abolishment.
Stuck in my box, I welcome invasion when I'm craving re-polishment.

Won't you just quit playing games?
I find it so hard just to pick your brain.
Never really had much faith.
Just foreplay for greater things...

I just can’t quit playing games,
you find it so hard just to pick my brain.
Never really had much faith,  just foreplay named Flamingo Pink.

Fu__Shi_ - Flamingo Pink (Prod. Hot Science)

They call for an encore I head straight toward the back door
I’m deformed and on course to decompose from the core
yes I had another episode 
Yes the questions asked are rhetorical 
Pentagram within a black rose tattooed on my elbows 
Life once enveloped in the mold rising sun, speak in tongues, turn to gold
Everything I was told was resold Jeopardized by daily doubles,
I’m high mind in trouble My subconscious not so subtle
Nauseas from the toxic promises, To be honest I approach with caution 
when I want to cuddle I perform a full frontal  my attempt to end all discussion
There isn’t much left in me to muster up the courage to live
I’ll give every missing memory a minute to relive and configure
a new direction for this narrative,  this is life, the quest and its end

I never meant to ask for a blessing
Every days a new beginning
but I had so many questions
Only in death we learn our lessons

I’ve been lost, all alone I’m not ascending
Ill never understand my destiny

I made myself a mess for this quest
I guess it was for the best

d e x t h

Pinned to spotlight

Popular tracks