Once upon a time there was a lovely little sausage called Baldrick, and he lived happilly ever after.

Nah, in all seriousness. I’m me. You know me. I’m Old Gregg. I do watercolours. Well, ok, not really, though I do dabble in photography. I am Sir Didymus. I was born in November 1984, as a fully fledged Scorpio and a natural vinyl junkie.  I am also far too much like The Count from The Boat That Rocked to be real.

I was meant to be a twin, but the world couldn’t handle two of me, and the spirit of my brother decided instead to enter the body of Basil Brush, popular children’s entertainer – which explains why he started out scraggy and posh, then turned fat and camp. My fault. Won’t happen again. Meanwhile, the resulting clusterfuck that became me continues to amuse and bemuse people to this very day. You may also have seen my other brother off his tiny tits chasing Vince Noir and Howard Moon through the sewers of Dalston. He can smell me from here.

I’m apparently of average height and average build – though in recent times I seem to be lumbered with a growing amount of a podge. My hair is long, blonde and just on the wrong side of cool. The colour of my eyes is best described as Noop Green, which is appropriate, as Rufus the Noop from “The Dreamstone” is one of a myriad of small furry critters I apparently resemble.

Of course, my animal of choice is the fox. I’m often referred to as “vulpine” or “foxy” by friends offline and on. I have a tail and everything… cuz I’m special. I’m also deeply passionate about the conservation of great apes, and have great affection for gorillas and orangutans. They’re amazing creatures and deserve our respect.

Anything else? Well, I have mild OCD, and have been known to have a panic attack over a sticker not peeling off cellophane properly. Mental. I salute magpies whenever I see them. I also have a penchant for Captain Morgan’s rum and a strong dose of absinthe. My liver may disagree with this blatant destruction, but my brain doesn’t. Possibly because I’ve killed the braincells that would disagree via the number of personal injuries I’ve sustained over the years.

I also think you can 100% judge a person on what they think of Batman – if they don’t think he’s clearly the greatest superhero of all time, they’re probably pure evil. And totally wrong, of course.

You can find out more than you’d ever wish to know about me in various places on the interwebs. Most notably, I’m to be found on here and on Twitter. If you’re really bored and fancy a slice of retro, then cast yourselves back to 2006 and try and look at my Myspace, though be warned I stopped updating it in December 2009, so if you’re reading this in da foocha, it’s going to look hideously dated. You can also find me on flickr and deviantart, if you look hard enough, though I always forget to update the buggers, so don’t expect anything new in a hurry.

While you're at it, please take a look at the website I run with a group of like-minded individuals. www.thevelvetonion.com - we're Guardian approved and everything!

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