I started writing a lyric and didn't know where else to go with it - "I don't wanna live off a desert highway" and most of the first verse - I suppose some focus on isolation, limited recourses, then I watched Joe Rogan on Netflix (stand up) talking about these people that have elected to be the first travellers to Mars, going on to highlight that there's one very simple activity they could do that would change their minds forever - send them to the desert!  And as a result, I found myself making Mars the focal point. 


Ukuleles featured here, Clearwater Concert (High G) - composite back, solid spruce top - love this uke (quite cheap too), and a Kala U-Bass, in addition to a couple of extra sounds!

I Don't Wanna Go To Mars

If you so happen to like this, please please give me a like.  

The only thing from the original recording is the vocal, me in 2002.  I've kept the original vocal because I like how I stylised it, though I'm not entirely sure what I was aiming for there, most likely trying to sound like someone - though I can't remember who! 

It's got the benefits of being a voice about 19/20 years younger than the present one!  I'm by no means fallen to pieces, but have a notably different voice at 42 to the one I had at 22! I did try to re record a little piece of the vocal, just a couple of words, won't say which bit, only because it was a lyric I didn't love, but that sadly made the voice difference over 20 years glaringly obvious, because of which I've left the vocal as it was. 

Lyrics

You always tell me that I'm looking fine
I know you know I've got things on my mind
I know I've been lost and, in the freeze,
Been beaten down, the bruises only I can see!

I feel the cold wind cut close to the bone
At times when I feel like I’m on my own
But no, I ‘m still me 
I’m still me!

Just need a little recovery
Try and be the way I used to be
And see the things I used to see
A smile on my face
But smiles can be misplaced
In time, can be erased
But mine will be replaced
Will be replaced!

You exorcize the things that haunt my soul
Can leap through fire when I’m not alone
But no I'm not brave
My life's another slay
Inner punches by my fist alone
Struggles twine themselves around my throat
But no I'm still me
I’m still me!

Just need a little recovery
Try and be the way I used to be
And see the things I used to see
A smile on my face
But smiles can be misplaced
In time, can be erased
But mine will be replaced
Will be replaced!

Sometimes I feel like there’s just no way out
Feel like my body’s knocked into the ground
I know I seem to have lost all control
My frail image might have lost it’s soul

But I know, still, I won’t go! 

Just need a little recovery
Try and be the way I used to be
And see the things I used to see
A smile on my face
But smiles can be misplaced
In time, can be erased
But mine will be replaced
Will be replaced!

Re-uploaded 20/9/23 (that's just for my reference).

Recovery (2002)

Quite early on with this one, but here it is anyway...

Happy End

** redone again, a lyric shift, and a few sparkles to present something of a juxtaposition, given our moods aren't always represented by what we show on the outside.

I'm really pleased I managed to record this with what was probably the worst cold I've ever had.  Refused to let it get in the way!!  🤒

Written in 2008, and only part of the vocal is from then, the droning "Low" backing vocal, the rest I recorded in 2022.

I quite like how "so low" sounds a bit like "solo" too, given they're two problems that reinforce one another, in this kind of situation.  

Lyrics 

I’m so low
I’m in pain
If I was high 
I’d be insane
I’m so low 
It’s not okay
I don’t know why 
I feel so strained

Strained

I’m so low
Became it's slave
And I’ve got stones
In my rib cage
I’m so low
It’s such a waste
Forever lost
Inside this place                 

I'm such a waste

I don’t know how I stumbled in
I’ve lost my head, as dead as Anne Boleyn
This winter chill, it breaks my bones
It seems so cold I barely fill my lungs

I’ve lost my soul, caught in this hole
I’ve no way home, I feel so low

I’m so low
I’m afraid
I might die
It seems I’ve strayed
I’m so low
Lost in the grey
These clouded eyes 
Can’t find their way

There's just no way to go home

I’m so low
Forgot my name
Might find it somewhere
On this grave
I’m so low
I've got no trace
Frozen like
I’m lost in space

I don’t know how I stumbled in
I’ve fell in deep, can't take it on the chin
It's like a debt that's froze my bones
It's what you get when you're on your own

I’ve lost my soul, caught in this hole
I’ve no way home, I feel so low


As far as the lyrics go - at the time I was working in a very, very challenging hospital environment, surrounded by young girls wanting little more than death for the most part (on account of some pretty dreadful early life experiences), in a mental health, somewhat secure, hospital environment - and such experiences have an effect! I can at least place myself where I was at the time this was written anyway and, because of what I'm droning on about, it must relate to that particular nugget of work experience, least I think so! 

I used to hate that job, really took it out of me, and I remember feeling quite resentful, towards myself, for putting myself back in that situation.   I left that job once before, and lived in China for the best part of a year, ended up going back home, full of dreams, but ended up back in my old job!  What a bloody misery - much different now thank goodness - so onwards and upwards!

Low (2008)

If not feeling particularly terrific, maybe something like this may help you to feel a little less alone in those moments.  It's really just about some of those thoughts we sometimes, or always, struggle to let go of.  A reflection on self-fulfilling prophecies, in some respects, too much focus on the negative, and similar treasures!

I wrote this when I was 22, 21 years ago.  Adjusted the lyrics a little bit, but only a  tiny bit (extra verse too), but was still quite surprised by them ahead of the tweak, and also sad to find myself relating to these lyrics nearly 22 years later. 

Production wise, regards mastering, I like this in my headphones, but don't like it so much played through my speakers. Needs a tweak at least.  

Lyrics

You don’t know what it’s like for me
Always trapped inside my head
I'm not even old but I’m dead
Don’t know how I survive going to bed

Quick little fixes from time to time
Mean nothing to my mind, my soul
I’m not even old but I’m dead
So far away in my head

Can’t keep giving my life away
Fallin’ to pieces day by day

It’s in my blood
It’s in my blood
It’s in my blood
Everything I’ve touched
Everything I’ve Loved
It all get’s dead
It all get’s painted red

Every time I try to hide, something 
Get’s me trapped inside my head 
Can’t seem to be heard like I’m dead
I feel like I’m cold, inside my bed

Everything I seem to like flips a 
Switch inside my mind love comes
To take my breath, I feel dead
The things I have hang by a thread

Can’t keep giving my life away
Falling to pieces day by day

It’s in my blood
It’s in my blood
It’s in my blood
Everything gets cursed
Everything I love
It all get’s red

It’s in my blood
It’s in my blood
It’s in my blood
Everything I’ve touched
Everything I’ve Loved
It all get’s dead
It all get’s painted red

Red (2002)

I originally wrote this in 2003, and the lyrics were abysmal, least I thought so when I listened to it again for the first time in a long time yesterday.  

So, I've recreated it, and allowed it's original form to inspire new lyrics that I feel work a lot better.   Anyway, at this point, the music is 20 years old, however, the new lyrics, arrangement, and recording were started and completed today. 

As for what it's about - it's really about certain people I connect with through particular memories, in relation to very specific times and places, some of whom I will always miss, some of whom I see in their more up to date form, if that makes any sense at all.  I hope at least the lyrics make some sense.

I'm in two minds about expanding on it a little, with a bridge, or interesting instrumental, ahead of an extra chorus, but wonder if that might be a bit too much. 

I do realise that the last 5 songs have a similar sort of vibe, and I must say that while I'm in the midst of completing a more diverse collection of new songs, an album of sorts, at this moment, I thought I'd at least redo and post some of my older stuff that I attempted way back in my early 20s, since when time has swanned off rather rapidly!   Things is, way back then, I tended to be at my best around a particular mood! 

Lyrics

What it's Worth

Good times take me to new places I do and don’t recognise
I go the distance, cross the universe, I lose all sense of time
It’s kind of sad right at the end, when all distractions disappear
But in reflections on the water of my head they reappear

With differences that I create
Close to or far from how things were
But my glimpses sometimes replicate
It seems to make things reoccur

I know what it’s worth
If only for a moment in time
I know what it’s worth
Every time it steals a little of me
There’s so much more I see
So much I feel, the air there like a cleansing apparition,  
I can feel the light there filling up my sphere                          
My conscious mind is in that atmosphere

Every time I get a moment to sit back and reconcile, 
When thoughts here trace a path through places I have seen and been in my life,     
Some with you, some with just me, I breathe new life when I recall
Sometime later on when going through the motions of the storm

It’s something of a lifeline
One some say is lost to time
For me these lights calm a crowded space
As I move through my day to day, place to place

I know what it’s worth
If only for a moment in time
I know what it’s worth
Every time it steals a little of me
There’s so much more I see
So much I feel, the air there like a cleansing apparition,  
I can feel the light there filling up my sphere                          
My conscious mind is in that atmosphere

What it's Worth

What It's Worth (2003)

Written and recorded in 2023.  

Lyrics


Asleep on my feet, 
Way beyond the break of dawn.
Someone here might just kill themselves,
I might miss the alarm!    
I could be behind the wheel,
But something else gets me home.
So much here if I let myself, 
See all that's being shown.

I’m leaving a job I can’t stand, 
And no doubt the next will be much the same.
But whatever that came to be, 
There’s only myself here to blame.
I’m leaving some friends on their own, cause no doubt, 
I need to correct my course.
And if for them their burdens get more and more, 
I won’t rest them assured anymore!

See I’ve been everywhere,
Also nowhere, at the same time,
Just locked up in something and someone else.
See I need a little me, for a 
Little while, not a long time,
A little something for I me me I myself.

All the words I can say,
have become a strange little shield.
Hell if they really knew what lives here, 
how I think, to them it might seem unreal.
Seem’s all I can say, 
Is what they think I should believe.
I’m expected to cut myself loose, 
And slip into the steam.

I’m somehow tied down, buried deep in the ground, 
And no doubt, got myself here to blame. 
And whatever I came to be, 
I am told I should feel more ashamed.                                
But I’ll leave it and just run a muck, 
And see if I can find where I am,
And throw all these new ideas aside, 
'Cause this course is a course I can’t stand – can’t survive!

See I’ve been everywhere,
Also nowhere, at the same time,
Just locked up in something and someone else.
See I need a little me, for a 
Little while, not a long time,
A little something for I me me I myself.

I Me Me I Myself (2023)

This was written in 2006 (re-recorded in 2023) with a genuine sense of gratefulness towards some key friends back then, girlfriends in particular, still around, whom at that time I had around me a lot, a time when I wasn't so adept at problem-solving relatively simple life challenges, when I think back.

Anyway, having gotten a good deal older, and having listened to this just recently, and while re-recording it, it occurred to me that I must have at times been an enormous weight on the shoulders of some of my friends - something of an energy vampire, without meaning to be.    A certain amount of arrested development in my case, perhaps!   I had my good points, certain aspects of attraction, I was young and charismatic, most of the time, however, I must have really been a drain on occasion.   

Weirdly I go on about nourishment at some point, and hunger, so maybe I was thinking of myself as an energy vampire when I was writing it, though I doubt it.  

My artwork is, as you may have guessed, a prompt-generated AI smash-up that I quite like.  Generated by my own prompts.  Took me ages to get something I liked!

Quite an unusual song structure for me A B C A B C D E F C D E (something like that).  

Lyrics

Song from an Energy Vampire (or the Luckiest Man Alive)

I fall to safety again
Into the arms of a friend
When I feel lost
They’ve got me spotted

The eyes of one of many angels that guard me
Taking time to help me through what could harm me
When I think of all the strength that they give me
I am the luckiest man alive

More than the guy with money to burn
That’s just a piece of what I have learned

Love has no bounds
It gets me around
I’ve got the view
When I sometimes loose

They’re just a call away and I could feel better
I don’t need them to write it down in a letter
Just a word or two and I will know better
That I’m the luckiest man alive

More than the guy who only feels worth
When tied to the money and homes he has earned

***

Oh oh and I am blessed by my ladies
Oh oh and I am best when they take me

Into the arms of their loving smile
It’s all I need to feel unchanging
In the waves of the coming tide
I’m swept aside, and I’m the luckiest man alive

I’ve been drinking on their healing water
I am nourished by the well of another
When they're around I never feel hunger
I am the luckiest man alive

More than the guy with money to burn
That’s just a piece of what I have learned

Oh oh and I am blessed by my ladies
Oh oh and I am best when they take me

Into the arms of their loving smile
It’s all I need to feel unchanging
In the waves of the coming tide
I’m swept aside, and I’m the luckiest man alive

Luckiest Man Alive (2006)

If you like this track a little bit, please hit the like button for me! 😁👍

Another song that I've dragged out from my archives. Wrote this in 1999, however changed the lyrics quite a lot in 2023. Not a fan of the title, seems a little bit cliche, maybe, but then again I'm not sure any of my other titles are otherwise captivating, in an especially original way!  I suppose the title alone says something about what the song's actually about, so will give it that.  

Having listened to it a few times, tweaking levels, and so on, I'm thankfully starting to forget the original 19 year old boy lyrics! 

Lyrics

You are the One

Only once I lost the fight
Right then I couldn’t stop the light
Ran into you, and that’s when I fell
In something new, heard ringing bells
An accidental change of scene
Was like the world had gone crazy
Upon a sudden shift in me
Was steeped in something more complete

You are the one
You've pulled me into the light
My kind of scene
The one where
You are my life, I am your life

It seems I failed to just be me
But hey that’s fine cause now I see
It seems I failed to comprehend
I was just going round the bend
I painted myself into walls
Brush stroked my demons too I’m sure
You reached in pulled me from the deep
Gave me a kind of energy

You are the one
You've pulled me into the light
My kind of scene
The one where
You are my life, I am your life

You are the one

AI-generated art, care of a few prompts, of course, as I can't draw a thing!!!

You Are The One (1999)

I was 20 when I wrote this song, under a different title, one that didn't make any sense at all.  In any case, I've re-titled it, plucking something from the lyric.   Could be called "what am i supposed to do?" but that doesn't really say a whole lot about the song, though that line comes out more than any other.  It's about a friend at the time who didn't seem to be living their best life, on account of a sense of shame, if you like, about something I felt certain of at the time, though not sure I am now.  It's not particularly esoteric.

The vocal is mostly 22 years old at this stage, from when I recorded it in 2002.  There are two very small lyric amendments recorded by me at 44, and I'm pleased to find they're not particularly evident, at least as far as I can tell.  Who knows, they might ring out like a death rattle to other people, in comparison to the original vocal.  Actually, having said that, listening to it on here, it's a little more clear, for some reason.

Lyrics

There’s something in the likes of me
That never fails to see
What waits to light your soul
Don’t turn and run away from me
I don’t claim to hold the key
To the cell you’ve called your home

I’m not a friend who lives for you
Whilst you sit and hold the truth

But what am I supposed to do?

Just sit around and wait for you?
Get a life I’m not that lonely!
It’s true I’m a little blue
There’s something hiding deep inside you
It’s all in you
You can never hide the real boy
A whisper of the truth
Can see the shades of blue inside you

Don’t treat me like I’ve done some crime
When I’ve read between the lines
Don’t leave me stranded in the freeze
Your smile’s a beauty there’s no doubt
But when you hole a secret frown
I want so hard to see you free

It does nothing for your heart
Watching me playing your part

But what am I supposed to do?

Just sit around and wait for you?
Get a life I’m not that lonely!
It’s true I’m a little blue
A deep dark mystery inside you
It’s all in you
You can never hide the real boy
A whisper of the truth
Can see the shades of blue inside you

Your disguise it’s plain to see
But then so’s your misery
That lies inside your coat of arms
Why’s your heart not running free
What’s the point in blaming me
Did I get too close to your heart

I can't keep living life for you
Whilst you sit and hold the truth

But what am I supposed to do?

Shades Of Blue (2000)

Wrote this in 2002 and 2023.  The arrangement is the original 2002 arrangement, care of my Proteus 2000 synthesiser, and an ATARI ST version of Cubase - my oh my, with a couple of extra sounds, care of my set up today.  I couldn't remix the original arrangement, that backing is fixed, however, it seemed okay enough to work with.  The original lyrics weren't particularly good, something I came to remedy 21 years later, so the vocal is me in 2023 (verses) and 2024 (chorus).  One of those I forgot to finish last year, on account of a cold that made it very difficult for me to sing the chorus.  This song has the same meaning as it originally did, same title, however sticks the landing much better this time around, in so far as the lyrics are concerned.

Lyrics

You might tell me you might tell me
You don’t want me to go
But I feel it in my heart my heart 
I’m already alone
You might think, might think, might think
I’m all tied down
But you’ve driven me to drink
Don’t wanna stick around

Oh to love someone, to love someone, to love someone like you
To love someone, oh to love someone, to love someone like you...

It’s like I somehow went insane 
Blood somehow draining from my brain

Save me!

I can’t believe what I’ve just seen 
There’s a river flowing out of me 
I bleed, I need to breathe
I can’t believe this mess I see 
there’s a shadow and it’s taken me 
I need a way for me to go, breathe!

You might think, might think, might think 
You give me air
It’s true you rush straight through my lungs, 
But cut me everywhere
Seems you believe, seems you believe
You’ve got me good
Just because you reached my peak
And found a little wood

Oh to love someone, to love someone, to love someone like you
To love someone, oh to love someone, to love someone like you...

It’s like I somehow missed a trick
Got somehow snared inside this ditch!

Save me!

I can’t believe what I’ve just seen 
There’s a river flowing out of me 
I bleed, I need to breathe
I can’t believe this mess I see 
there’s a shadow and it’s taken me 
I need a way for me to go, breathe!

Breathe (2002)

From the off, not a nice song!! 

The image comes from a poster for a fantastic 1960 movie called "Peeping Tom."

The song is sung in first person, but as a sinister character from a movie such as "Peeping Tom," and for some people very real experience.  It's not a song from my perspective, it's not me, it's a character, an imagination of what might go through the heads of these kinds of people.  In any case, it's a horrible song, as far as the lyrics are concerned, and what they say about this kind of character! 

Something of a Me2 horror story song, or worse!   Must admit there are a few crude moments in this, in the lyrics, but in many areas I think I've been suggestive enough in other respects to get to the point without being so explicit.


Lyrics 🤢

Why don’t you come on in
You can trust my grin
And learn to love my smile
If you stay a while

Just cut through the smoke
Don’t worry you won’t choke
I’ll even turn on the light
To placate a little fright

Ease it with a little gin
You won’t feel it slipping in
Try not to worry about the show
It’s how I say hello

Try not to hide your lust
Behind a veil of disgust
Just try to give it time,  
With a squeeze of lime

You may be standing in the shadow of a creep
If you don’t mind I’m gonna take a little peek
And If you do I’ll simply hide out in the dark
I’ll sit and wait as I rub out at little spark
And set a fire in these old loins,  I’m a creep
And while you sleep I’m gonna sink in deep
I’ll whisper kisses blow you down you little tart
And when you fall I’ll have you closer to my heart
Where you’ll set in stone
Fixed here on this bone

Why don’t you just sit down
I’ll put on a little sound
Before I get in close
Run up your body with my notes

I think I’ll stroke your skin
Might just slip a finger in
And where it seems a little tight
I’ll just add a little fight

But if you feel forced
I’ll lay off a bit of course
I’ll try to tame this urge
But I might dry up with this thirst

I’m just after something moist
And if I really had the choice
I’ll rip apart your vest
And then I’ll suckle on your breast

You may be standing in the shadow of a creep
If you don’t mind I’m gonna take a little peek
And If you do I’ll simply hide out in the dark
I’ll sit and wait as I rub out at little spark
And set a fire in these old loins,  I’m a creep
And while you sleep I’m gonna sink in deep
I’ll whisper kisses blow you down you little tart
And when you fall I’ll have you closer to my heart
Where you’ll set in stone
Fixed here on this bone

Something strong is beating here
Try to sleep nothing to fear
I’ll creep in my moves are slight
I’ll be smooth far out of sight
Sleep tight

You may be standing in the shadow of a creep
If you don’t mind I’m gonna take a little peek
And If you do I’ll simply hide out in the dark
I’ll sit and wait as I rub out at little spark
And set a fire in these old loins,  I’m a creep
And while you sleep I’m gonna sink in deep
I’ll whisper kisses blow you down you little tart
And when you fall I’ll have you closer to my heart
Where you’ll set in stone
Fixed here on this bone

Creep (2018)

A song about loss, pure and simple, and connecting to memories of whatever, whoever it was.  Wrote this in 2019, and just couldn't finish it.  I had, however, done an odd arrangement for it, with electronic elements in it, not sure why, and dropped it I suppose further to not feeling able to make it sound any good, not really.  Nearly 5 years later picked it up again, stripped it down, re did the vocal, changed about two lyrics, and now I think it's what it should have been in the first place.

Lyrics

I’d like to see you in this place again
To know you’re only down the road again
I’d like to know you could be somewhere near this fool
Just somewhere
To hear you creak along my floor  

I’d like to hear your whisper in my ear
Or anything that makes me think you’re near
Even if it’s just my head I’d hear it all
Somewhere
And hear you brush against these walls

It’s not a stretch to lose my mind
It’s no mean feat to cast aside
Any traces of the current strain
To pull the blinds, to break the chains

I’m living an illusion in my mind's eye
To rid myself of the intrusion, of the present time

I’d like to see you in this space again
I’d like to catch you in a glance again
I’d like to conjure something more than just a thought
Somewhere
In a time a lot less fraught

I’d like to hear your voice outside my head
To hear your something coming up the stairs
Just to think you could be just behind the door
Somewhere
I hear your heartbeat in my walls

Don’t have to move to close my eyes
To see the wider space inside
That can be filled with anything I choose
Everything I came to lose

I’m living an illusion in my mind's eye
To rid myself of the intrusion, of the present time

Why should I just accept this life I have
When I could close my eyes and make it back
A trace of skylight where I’m feeling bad
To cast the shadows of the things I had

It’s not a stretch to lose my mind
It’s no mean feat to cast aside
Any traces of the current strain
To pull the blinds, to break the chains

I’m living an illusion in my mind's eye
To rid myself of the intrusion, of the present time

Living an Illusion

Living an Illusion (2019)

I think I fancied myself as something of a John Lennon when I wrote this, when I was 19, way back, at least I'm certain I had a particular song of his on my radar a lot back then.  If I remember rightly it must have been Jealous Guy - with that in mind I'm annoyed to see I've got "..... Guy" in my own title, but still, at least it's its own thing.  However, all the "nah nah" stuff was clearly, very clearly, inspired by a bunch of other 70s artists. 🤣

I'm conflicted about the arrangement on this one, though at times like it, but rather than just overthink it thought I might as well just upload it.  It's stripped back at the minute, and what I'm conflicted with is ideas I have around adding additional layers!

There's a lovely naivety evident in the lyrics, as if I'd somehow got to the bottom of it all in this moment! 


Lyrics

Time before the story every knew my name
Life so kind to me now nothing's quite the same
Days will come some days won't go
Most will scar you to the bone

I don't feel ready for that life that I don't know
The one i'll find

Guess I'm an ordinary guy
With ordinary dreams
In an ordinary world
With ordinary things

Na na...

Things unfold as I begin to cross the line
Tales untold to me I find along the ride
I won't pray but I can hope
Please no slip noose on my life long rope

I don't feel ready for that life that I don't know
The one i'll find

Guess I'm an ordinary guy
With ordinary dreams
In an ordinary world
With ordinary things

Ordinary Guy (1999)

This is just a very simple song, reflecting on all the shiny aspects of a nice relationship, somewhere down the road!

I wrote it for a friend at work, in 2000, for their wedding anniversary.

Re recorded it in 2024, but just thought I'd keep it the same as it originally was in 2000, aside from the drastically improved production values!  I've not changed a single lyric, though very nearly did change the whole thing.  

I thought for a while that I must have taken something from someone else's song, and have looked, but can't find anything, but I think that that concern says a lot for a certain amount of potentially unavoidable cliche in this case.  I don't mean to be horrible about this song with that reflection, as clearly, in re-recording it, I must have been somewhat taken with it, so here it is.

Lyrics

Once my dream
Everything I ever wanted
Now reality
All the love just as I said
Was there for you and me
And even after all this time
You are still there for me
So close to me
That even when you close your eyes
I fall asleep

Inside your arms, inside your dreams
See everything you are brings out some best in me

And Heaven can wait
Cause baby you’re my saint
And I have been told
This love will never go cold
And Heaven can wait 
Cause baby you’re my saint
See Heaven’s too late
Cause baby you’re my saint

When you hold my hand
You lift away the aching scars
You seem to understand
You've pulled together all the parts
Of life that scattered free
Giving me another way 
To find that light you see
There for me
Giving me a hope to hold 
And ease my sleep

Inside your arms, inside my dreams
See everything you are brings out some best in me

And Heaven can wait
Cause baby you’re my saint
And I have been told
This love will never go cold
And Heaven can wait 
Cause baby you’re my saint
See Heaven’s too late
Cause baby you’re my saint
And Heaven can wait
Cause baby you're my saint

Saint (2000)

This was a difficult one to do because I tried to closely replicate how it was recorded by me in 1997, on my Farfisa F1 workstation.  Was a great bit of kit, at the time, and it's amazing what I was able to do with it.  In any case, I've remade this in a way that sounds close to how it did back then, only with much better equipment this time.  

I wrote this when I was 17, almost immediately after I wrote a sad song for a family friend's funeral "A Day will Come," which is on here too, I guess in some effort to write something a little more happy sounding.  This song is about a secure relationship, and a sense of aching that comes about when for some reason or other there are nights away from one another, that's it.

There are a couple of odd lyrics, well, one odd one at least, but I decided not to change it.  A lovely dollop of naivety here, that I wanted to keep hold of, in as many ways as I was able to achieve, making it pretty much exactly how it was in 1997, with a 2024 brush up and polish!

Lyrics

A year ago we met
It seems like only days
Since we kissed and held each other
A memory I'll always save
It seems to me time's running out 
Not something we can fight
And every time I hold you it seems
A second more till light

Time's a sickness 
Time's a weakness we can't cure
But if could we'd make it matter
Never drag our love across the floor
We can't stop the clock
Or stop the world from spinning round
It makes me feel as though my feet
Are stuck into the ground

I cry at night 
When you're not with me
Holding on to love
And keeping all my time 
Enclosed in your sweet life
I cry at night 
When the shadows of the day
Disappear 
And you're not lying there 
Close enough to drain my fears

A blooming rose inside your heart
Inside your smile
A kiss so pure so sweet to touch
I'm feeling like a child
Imagine what our lives would be
Always side by side
A roller coaster of a life
From darkness we shall hide

I cry at night 
When you're not with me
Holding on to love
And keeping all my time 
Enclosed in your sweet life
I cry at night 
When the shadows of the day
Disappear 
And you're not lying there 
Close enough to drain my fears

I Cry at Night (1997)

A song about burning the candle at both ends, so to speak, all because it shines a lovely light, while doing our best to enjoy this little holiday away from nonexistence.  That's really all this is about.

It was an older song of mine, and I've both re-recorded it and changed the lyrics.  So, actually, it's a 2024 song worked around a song I wrote in 2000.  The song written in 2000 was requested by someone I haven't seen since then, not really, and so thought it might be worth recovering and making it about something I want it to be about.

Lyrics

I know that somehow I’ll end
I know that this all dies
Nothing can change, no compromise
(at) Least I'll be food for the flies

I’m just a moment of moss
That grew upon a rock
For now I’m something more than not
But I’ll rot

Oh just there there’s something new
Something else for me to make room
Just then it occurred to me
I’m just a leaf going down in the breeze

It burns through you
It consumes you
And it drives you through the wall
Sometimes heals you
Most times beats you
There’s nothing here to break your fall
But it still draws you in
Gets underneath your skin
Leaves you dancing for a while
It sings through you
Beats beneath you
Shoots you down
With the light you find

An ugly matter of fact
And there’s no turning back
And no it’s not part of my plan
Just something I understand

I grew upon this rock
Not too cold not too hot
Entangled in these goldilocks
I’ve got what I’ve got

Oh just then, it came to me
This little break from eternity
Might make it worth my stay
This holiday
No need to call it a day

It burns through you
It consumes you
And it drives you through the wall
Sometimes heals you
Most times beats you
There’s nothing here to break your fall
But it still draws you in
Gets underneath your skin
Leaves you dancing for a while
It sings through you
Beats beneath you
Shoots you down
With the light you find

The Light You Find (2000/2024)

This is pretty much the song as it was, back in 2002, with a couple of additional layers.  I was able to separate the vocal track, with software, which was helpful, enabling me to remix the chorus, or rather rearrange the vocal in a way that enabled me to keep the original vocal, and lift the chorus up a little.   I've also added a couple of additional layers that, at the moment, seem suitable.   I'm trying to keep it, just keep this 2002 presentation of the song, with a few adjustments, and am hopeful I've been able to, and can leave it there, to some extent, though there is a clear dip in so far as production values go, this coming from a time when I had very little indeed to work with.

It does need a little extra work, I think, but I'm okay to share it as a work in progress, or re work in progress.  There's a big part of me that wants to re record the entire vocal, to make a few lyric adjustments, battling another  big part of me trying to also respect my efforts at the time it was made.   The compromise here, so far, is within the adjustments I've described to some extent.

Beautiful Morning (Wake Up!) (2002)

I wrote this very quickly - that's not a brag, as I don't normally write so fast, but it happens once in a while, and for some reason these songs turn out better than the ones I spend more time thinking through.  I spent 15 minutes or so writing the lyrics last night, and 5 mins today writing the melody (15/5/24).  I uploaded it within 24 hours of writing because I just wanted to finish it in some way on account of feeling very pleased with it.  

It's meaningful without trying to be, in a tired moment before bed, keying into several things I've been thinking a lot about recently.   Anyway, all being well the lyrics will explain what's what.  I didn't want to overdo the arrangement, given that I wanted the lyrics to ring out.  A couple of noises from a dusty old rig have been inserted, which felt right to me, kind of is me really, and with that, I'll leave it there. 

Lyrics

I might as well write something nice
Just for a change, should not think twice
But where to go, could throw a dice
A little more light could be worth the price

Even if I can’t quite think
My lazy eye fixed on the drink
Could snap my fingers force a blink 
Then slip into a cheeky wink

Might find it takes no time at all
Get something big from something small
Could just kick back a few old walls
And in this mess find some new tools

And if I somehow don’t break through
If I work hard there’s something new
The underside of this old tune
Might show some holes that I could use     

***  (intro)                     

There’s nothing much to these old days
But surely I’ll find other ways
To feel much better in this place
To shift the gears upon my face

It’s sometimes hard to see the light
But could go out, it’s not a fight
I really should stop thinking twice
Before I really pay the price

So many ways for me to move
Not like each step is gonna lose
Might not be much here I could choose
But could still break free from the blues

Could just reframe what I recall
This glass half empty now half full
Don’t need to change that much at all
Just need to redress some old rules - those rules, those rules!

In Search of Something Nice (2024)

Please consider checking out my album here https://dirkdiamond.bandcamp.com/album/human

Written, recorded, and arranged by Nathan Passchier (Dirk Diamond)
Additional credits
Bassline arrangement Nadine de Macedo
Programming support Nadine de Macedo
https://soundcloud.com/nadinedemacedo/tracks

Lyrics

Don't wanna work today
The sky is grey
I'd sooner have that view
Than that grindstone blue
Aint got a hand to play
I'd rather hide away
Sure I'd head back there soon
but for now just sink into the glue

And there's no other reason for this
But there's got to be reason to slip

Hell I'm gonna need a sick note
For a while cause I'm broke
Gonna need a little air
As I climb these stairs
Don't quite know how I'll get a sick note
But I'll put in a call
And think of something in the moment
To summarise my fall

Don't wanna work with you
For a week or two
Might take a month or more
To get me off the floor
Don't think I'll use the time
Just think I'll make it mine
And simply shut my door
Rather than go to war

There's got to be a reason for this
To explain away the seasons that account for my slips.

Hell I'm gonna need a sick note
For a while cause I'm broke
Gonna need a little air
As I climb these stairs
Don't quite know how I'll get a sick note
But I'll put in a call
And think of something in the moment
To summarise my fall

It's a shame I have to call when I'd rather disappear
Kind of backed into the wall and kind of locked into the fear
Guess I'll just have to run away before I'm locked into a grave
Guess I've just found a perfect reason for my slip into the gray

Yeah

Now I've got to find a reason to stay

Hell I'm gonna need a sick note
For a while cause I'm broke
Gonna need a little air
As I climb these stairs
Don't quite know how I'll get a sick note
But I'll put in a call
And think of something in the moment
To summarise my fall

Sick Note

Please consider visiting, following, buying my album, etc here... 
https://dirkdiamond.bandcamp.com/album/human


A song about me trying to be me, as I am, me myself and I, with people who often feel very differently to me about God, things like that, and as a result see the world very differently. There's some reflection on alternatives that might spring up for folk like me, and trying to be okay with that.

lyrics

I may not believe
It might be something I need
A starting point for all talk
To guide the footsteps I walk

But after a time
When I find my way around
I’m looking less for the signs
And find a place in the crowd

I’m godless but it’s okay
As I go my own way
Around the streets that we pave
From my birth to my grave.
I’m godless but it’s okay
As I do my day-to-day
No matter how hard you pray
I’m never gonna be saved

In truth I don’t need a drink
As much as I sometimes think
Although it might pick me up
When I’m all out of luck

But then I’m back at the start
When I wake the next day
I’m sometimes falling apart
Don’t see a reason to pray
Though I feel forced to obey

I’m godless but it’s okay
As I go my own way
Around the streets that we pave
From my birth to my grave.
I’m godless but it’s okay
As I do my day-to-day
No matter how hard you pray
I’m never gonna be saved

I don’t mind how you colour the earth
With whatever ideal, though this place as we search
Though I won’t go to church!

We’ve still got distance to cover
Ways to break ways to mend
I won’t know when it’s all over
Exactly what’s at the end
And I don’t like to pretend!

I’m godless but it’s okay
As I go my own way
Around the streets that we pave
From my birth to my grave.
I’m godless but it’s okay
As I do my day-to-day
No matter how hard you pray
I’m never gonna be saved

Godless

Please come and find me here on Bandcamp if you like the sound of anything I've created and uploaded here! 

https://dirkdiamond.bandcamp.com/album/human

I've cancelled my Soundcloud subscription, doesn't work for me anymore, meaning I've had to delete a ton of stuff, and now I'm aiming to ensure I've got only a few golden previews of music here, signposting to other listening avenues for anyone willing to take a look!

Dirk Diamond

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