I started writing a lyric and didn't know where else to go with it - "I don't wanna live off a desert highway" and most of the first verse - I suppose some focus on isolation, limited recourses, then I watched Joe Rogan on Netflix (stand up) talking about these people that have elected to be the first travellers to Mars, going on to highlight that there's one very simple activity they could do that would change their minds forever - send them to the desert!  And as a result, I found myself making Mars the focal point. 


Ukuleles featured here, Clearwater Concert (High G) - composite back, solid spruce top - love this uke (quite cheap too), and a Kala U-Bass, in addition to a couple of extra sounds!

I Don't Wanna Go To Mars

Written when I had a bad cold I just couldn't escape.  Kept hold of an old recording of it, with my cold and flu strained voice, and then re did the vocal two years later. It's evidently about a little more than a wish to escape the cold I was suffering with, I guess it reinforced something of a negative bias at the time it was written. 

In some ways it feels like I wondered somewhere into the 90s to write this one! Lol!

I'd Like it if ...

I wrote and uploaded this prior to Ukraine getting attacked as it has, and their demonstrable resolve.  I think it fits, to some extent! 


Originally, this was written with a particular friend in mind, a particularly resilient individual!

The vocal has been getting on my nerves - sounds deep enough in the mix on my main headphones, but on anything else it's too damned loud, and drowns out the backing.  Then I've mixed it on other headphones as well, and find it goes out of whack in other ways when I put my main set on - causing an unhelpful mixing conflict! Comes about from not being a pro I guess! 

Anyway, it's a positive message, least I think so - about acceptance, and how we adapt in the face of change and other challenges, but ultimately not wishing for anything different to our lived experience.

It's a warrior song I guess, about someone shaped by their experiences, who wouldn't be without them, wouldn't undo them, on account of having a certain sense of strength that can be attributed them, and ultimately being at peace with what they've come to be, in light of all experiences.  I visualised all sorts of things, but ultimately it focusses on resilience in the face of new difficulties life throws at you , and feeling more equiped than we would have been way back when... it's that sort of thing.

Water Rises

15 years old, at this time, at least the original recording I did is. The only thing that remains in this from 2006 is the vocal.  I guess I could have re-recorded it, but I wanted to keep a lock onto something from the time I originally wrote and recorded it.  The original backing is little to be desired, these days at least!      

I like how everything has come together in this, especially in the verses - almost sounds like a small group recording a single take, maybe not 100%, but I think it sounds reasonably natural. 

Continuing to adjust old songs right now, in the interests of connecting with that time, way back when I had dreams, very particulary ones anyway!

History for Myself

The only thing from the original recording is the vocal, me in 2002.  I've kept the original vocal because I like how I stylised it, though not entirely sure what I was aiming for here - memory doesn't serve me all that well! It's got the benefits of being a voice about 19/20 years younger than the present one!  I'm by no means an old fart, but have a notably different voice at 42 to the one I had at 22! I did try to re record a lyric, just a couple of words, won't say which bit, only because it was a lyric I didn't love, but sadly made the voice difference glaringly obvious, which seemed worse to me! 

Not sure about my genre pick - I tend to mess those up!

Lyrics

You always tell me that I'm looking fine
I know you know I've got things on my mind
I know I've been lost and, in the freeze,
Been beaten down, the bruises only I can see!

I feel the cold wind cut close to the bone
At times when I feel like I’m on my own
But no, I ‘m still me 
I’m still me!

Just need a little recovery
Try and be the way I used to be
And see the things I used to see
A smile on my face
But smiles can be misplaced
In time, can be erased
But mine will be replaced
Will be replaced!

You exorcize the things that haunt my soul
Can leap through fire when I’m not alone
But no I'm not brave
My life's another slay
Inner punches by my fist alone
Struggles twine themselves around my throat
But no I'm still me
I’m still me!

Just need a little recovery
Try and be the way I used to be
And see the things I used to see
A smile on my face
But smiles can be misplaced
In time, can be erased
But mine will be replaced
Will be replaced!

Sometimes I feel like there’s just no way out
Feel like my body’s knocked into the ground
I know I seem to have lost all control
My frail image might have lost it’s soul

But I know, still, I won’t go! 

Just need a little recovery
Try and be the way I used to be
And see the things I used to see
A smile on my face
But smiles can be misplaced
In time, can be erased
But mine will be replaced
Will be replaced!

Recovery

I wrote this in 2004.  I forgot about it, and quite by accident found it lurking in a box of paperwork just the other day.  I've had a few nice finds like that recently.  This one was a nice find, and turned out to be remarkably relevant with consideration to feelings I'm locked into at this present time, because of which I thought I'd record it.  I did change a couple of lyrics, to better link it to me as I am now, and make it a little better, but otherwise, it's how it was some 18 years ago.

Stop!

Recorded this today, 5th Jan 2022, wrote it 6th Sept 1999 - as a 19 year old sprite.   Another lyric I found while trawling through piles of old paperwork.  I didn't record it previously, but I was able to quite easily remember the melody and chords.  Seemed weird to remember it like that, but then again I must have played it a lot to myself at the time.

I started singing it lower than it was originally, thinking my voice couldn't handle the higher register, but then I just threw myself into it, and I think managed to pull it off.  Starts in a lower register, but then changed gear, which paid off better than I thought it would.

She'll Be Coming Round Again

Wrote this in 2006, but the original chorus was really odd, and in listening back to it I couldn't work out what on earth I was thinking, so this is an updated version.  The verses are pretty much as they were in 2006, though have adjusted the melody a little bit, and the chorus is entirely new, middle 8 added too, those parts written in 2022.

Too Much Fear

** Written in 2004.  Recent recording (21/01/22). It was previously very fluffy and jazzy, back in 2004, but now it's a bit more brooding.  I quite like it like this, though it still lends itself quite nicely to a more jazzy approach.

It should sound a little brighter I guess - "I've got it made" - so I could maybe adjust the lyrics to suit the new mood a little better.  It was originally written with a family friend's wedding in mind, I was asked to play some stuff live, and thought it might be nice to write a little something.  I'm not sure I actually got around to playing this in the end, so feel a need to make it more mine than theirs - this wasn't written with my own experiences of love in mind - though maybe it was to some extent when I think about lyrics like "even through the rough and weeds..." in there.

Lyrics

You see we’re still alright
Nothing seems to hurt us as we are
We sometimes take a bashing but we’re stronger now
Nothing seems to want to let us down
You see nothing quite compares
Cause I’m the only one who’s got you there
It seems I’ll spend a lifetime knowing I’m okay
And even through the rough and weeds I’d love to stay

I’ve got it made

Yeah it seems I’m on the brighter side, I never saw before
Doesn’t look like there’s a darker side for me here anymore
I’ve weighed up my old tear and know most I won’t cry again   
And it seems I’ve closed past chapters, ripped them up to start again
Cause it seems I’m on the mend
 
Cause I’ve felt love nothing beats this
I’m not afraid if I fall to pieces
See I feel love 
And I know I can’t resist
The meaning of your kiss

***Interlude

Yeah it seems I’m on the brighter side, I never saw before
Doesn’t look like there’s a darker side for me here anymore
I’ve weighed up my old tear and know most I won’t cry again   
And it seems I’ve closed past chapters, ripped them up to start again
Cause it seems I’m on the mend
 
Cause I’ve felt love nothing beats this
I’m not afraid if I fall to pieces
See I feel love 
And I know I can’t resist
The meaning of your kiss

You see we’re still alright
Nothing seems to hurt us as we are
It seems I’ll spend a lifetime knowing I’m okay
And even through the rough and weeds I’d love to stay

I’ve got it made

I've Got It Made

Mostly 2006.   

I tried to re-do the vocal, however my 2022 (42-year-old) voice couldn't quite seem to handle the falsetto moments.  Well, sort of falsetto, odd words here and there, little moments where it probably wasn't done properly back then either!  Could sing them away from the mic, a little light practice around the house, yet the moment I sang in time to the backing track they all fell apart - breathless, nearly zero sound failures.  Breathing might have been a bit off.  

I did a new recording of the vocal, without going into falsetto, wasn't in love with it, but found I was able to use segments of the new recording to improve sections of the original, and it pleased me to notice that my present voice generally speaking wasn't too far away, and I think I've gotten away with a mixed vocal here - a recording of me in 2006 and 2022.

Anyway, I'm convinced I've gotten away with a voice 16 years younger and older than itself in this one - however that's what my ears are willing to believe - however to you the difference may be glaringly obvious - fingers crossed not!

Lots of hiss in the original backing - but ah well, I don't mind a bit of that!

Lyrics

I don’t feel like I need to cry,  though I feel tears around my eyes
There’s too much that I recognise, it’s serious!
I wish that I could beat the ghost, the one thing that I loved the most
Has once again gone up in smoke, you’re done with us!
And I can’t breath, it’s so deceiving, what I believed in every day
Could you see me sick from trying, while you were hiding yourself away?

I see things differently to you
Regretfully it’s true
I’m not delirious
I’m serious
I’ve given everything to you
Got nothing left to use
I’m feeling weakness
I’m speechless
And it is over my head
I can’t help what you’ve left
I’ve no control and I’m best
Just taking on what you said

Don’t feel like I’m ashamed but I can’t believe how hard I tried
To smooth the rough, ignore your lies, it’s ludicrous!
I can’t believe I loved you most, to you I was nothing just a joke
So you could laugh when I turned to smoke, I’m furious!
Cause you were fooling my head, held me with lies in my bed.
Thought you were more than you said, and I saw more in my head!

I see things differently to you
Regretfully it’s true
I’m not delirious
I’m serious
I’ve given everything to you
Got nothing left to use
I’m feeling weakness
I’m speechless
And it is over my head
I can’t help what you’ve left
I’ve no control and I’m best
Just taking on what you said

I See Things Differently To You (Piano/vocal)

I thought this, as a demo, was good enough to upload - it's far away from where I'm likely going to go with it, but good enough, at least I think so.   Not 100% on the lyrics at this moment, nor the arrangement.

It's about death, and dread in that regard, hoping for the best, trying to live with and ignore it at the same time.  A movie I liked a whole lot called A Ghost Story (where the pic comes from), came a little bit to mind, and is the only reason I've put that picture up with it, though it's not really about that, though the first verse somewhat is a little like that, a little.

For Heaven's Sake! (Demo)

Right then, my first COLLAB.  OneSixTwo offered to mix up our styles, and it was a fun thing to experiment with.   We decided it would be cool to mix up both of our styles and see what we could come up with~
let us know what you think in the comments below!
Please also check out OneSixTwo's music by following his page @ https://soundcloud.com/onesixtwo (hope that link works) 

If interested to know, OneSixTwo did all the backing, the mixing, and the vocal that clearly isn't me (spoken section), I wrote the melody for the verse and the refrain, sung that bit, gave him those recordings, and he otherwise did all that rest. 

Thank you!

Honey On My Mind Ft. OneSixTwo

Lyrics - Old Shoes (I'll Just Make Do)

I guess ill make do with the phone that ive got
I’ll make it through, guess I’ve had most of my shots
I might look slowed down but got my own sense of pace
I don’t really mind please trust the look on my face

You see all I’ve got, 
Isn't limited to these teeth I should floss (we all get nagged about this - we nagged him about a lot more)
It seems you believe I’ve got all I need
In this boxful of frogs (I used to think he possibly had ADHD)
It’s not all I’ve got, in this willing mind
For holes in my socks
You see I’ve got what I’ve got
And I can just about make anything rock!

There’s so much I’d like but ain’t that life - 
Missing something that I really could use?
But I guess I don’t have too much to loose!
Sure there’ll be a time I’d come to know
You’ve got something new I just can’t own
But it would loose
Something with use
Not like these old shoes
Don’t need something new
I’ll just make do

Sometimes it’s for money, sometimes cause I’m alone
But I’ve got good reason hell this work ain’t a joke
I may get a pittance, but hey that’s just what you get
When you care about something else far more than your bed (more than your own comfort is what I'm driving at)

Might seem like all I’ve got, 
Is quite limited, but it’s not
There’s so much more I’ve come to believe in
That’s a whole lot more important to me and
See all I’ve got
Is a willing mind, might be more than you’ve got
Might be something you’re not able to see
But there’s so much less here bothering me

There’s so much I’d like but ain’t that life - 
Missing something that I really could use?
But I guess I don’t have too much to loose!
Sure there’ll be a time I’d come to know
You’ve got something new I just can’t own
But it would loose
Something with use
Not like these old shoes
Don’t need something new
I’ll just make do


For Jay, https://soundcloud.com/jay-hughes-30 , a friend of mine who died over the weekend, at 47 yrs.

I appear to have caught covid at the get-together with friends in the pub that day, this was after we heard Jay had passed away, so naturally all the covid barriers were forgotten about.  

In any case, while feeling utterly miserable with Covid symptoms, have tested positive, I thought I'd try and write something to distract myself, and I guess because I've been thinking a lot about my friend, this is what came of it. 

It's written with him in mind, as he seemed in life, imagining some things from his perspective - he didn't earn a lot, worked really hard, and did really well making the best out of what he had - not up to date with trends, couldn't afford to be.  In so far as making the best of what he had was concerned, he really did, which more often than not concerned time spent with particular people, and really embracing simple pleasures!    None of it was easy for him though, he was down about areas of life, and some of those simple pleasures were driven towards altered states of perseption, mostly with a drink, in addition to other persuits!  I wonder what other worlds he went to in some of those moments!

In any case, focusing on "old shoes" because somethings really do improve with wear! Most of Jay's stuff was really well worn, and loved too! (Not on about his clothing - this was a guy really happy with a Wii, an age old Xbox, etc, while evey other bugger was keeping up to date with all sorts of trends left and right, and Jay had limitations, money induced, but boy did he love what he could use).

Old Shoes (I'll just make do) For Jay

** redone again, a lyric shift, and a few sparkles to present something of a juxtaposition, given our moods aren't always represented by what we show on the outside.

I'm really pleased I managed to record this with what was probably the worst cold I've ever had.  Refused to let it get in the way!!  🤒

Written in 2008, and only part of the vocal is from then, the droning "Low" backing vocal, the rest I recorded in 2022.

I quite like how "so low" sounds a bit like "solo" too, given they're two problems that reinforce one another, in this kind of situation.  

Lyrics 

I’m so low
I’m in pain
If I was high 
I’d be insane
I’m so low 
It’s not okay
I don’t know why 
I feel so strained

Strained

I’m so low
Became it's slave
And I’ve got stones
In my rib cage
I’m so low
It’s such a waste
Forever lost
Inside this place                 

I'm such a waste

I don’t know how I stumbled in
I’ve lost my head, as dead as Anne Boleyn
This winter chill, it breaks my bones
It seems so cold I barely fill my lungs

I’ve lost my soul, caught in this hole
I’ve no way home, I feel so low

I’m so low
I’m afraid
I might die
It seems I’ve strayed
I’m so low
Lost in the grey
These clouded eyes 
Can’t find their way

There's just no way to go home

I’m so low
Forgot my name
Might find it somewhere
On this grave
I’m so low
I've got no trace
Frozen like
I’m lost in space

I don’t know how I stumbled in
I’ve fell in deep, can't take it on the chin
It's like a debt that's froze my bones
It's what you get when you're on your own

I’ve lost my soul, caught in this hole
I’ve no way home, I feel so low


As far as the lyrics go - at the time I was working in a very, very challenging hospital environment, surrounded by young girls wanting little more than death for the most part (on account of some pretty dreadful early life experiences), in a mental health, somewhat secure, hospital environment - and such experiences have an effect! I can at least place myself where I was at the time this was written anyway and, because of what I'm droning on about, it must relate to that particular nugget of work experience, least I think so! 

I used to hate that job, really took it out of me, and I remember feeling quite resentful, towards myself, for putting myself back in that situation.   I left that job once before, and lived in China for the best part of a year, ended up going back home, full of dreams, but ended up back in my old job!  What a bloody misery - much different now thank goodness - so onwards and upwards!

This was written right off the back of suffering a severe bout of vertigo last week - quite a nasty experience.  I guess otherwise it's a song about having had enough of something, or other. 

Lyrics

The rug has been pulled                   
And I’m suddenly down
Can’t make out where I am                   
or locate any sounds
I hear voices of reason
Start closing in
I can’t stand any longer
Seems I’m feeling too sick                             

I know the world
only goes round one way
But this kaleidoscope turns me
a new kind of day               
Something has triggered 
a thing in my head
And if it keeps turning                   
I might wish myself dead

This vertigo’s got me down
I’m not as high as I thought I’d need to be
A little Hitchcock in my ear  
I feel messed up just like it's killing me
This vertigo’s pulling me down
And I can barely even find my feet
I’m drilling into the ground
Feels like I’m sinking right through my knees

Something pulled the plug
At the base of my neck
And my brain went like water
Swirled right out of my head
This whirlpool wont settle
I’m locked in it’s flow
Feels like an event horizon
Much like I’m soon gonna go

This vertigo’s got me down
I’m not as high as I thought I’d need to be
A little Hitchcock in my ear  
I feel messed up just like it's killing me
This vertigo’s pulling me down
And I can barely even find my feet
I’m drilling into the ground
Feels like I’m sinking right through my knees

Someday I’ll walk 
Will hold my gaze
Get myself through
This twisting maze
This crazy dream
Will come to end
Soon I’ll be still
Control the bends    

This vertigo’s got me down
I’m not as high as I thought I’d need to be
A little Hitchcock in my ear  
I feel messed up just like it's killing me
This vertigo’s pulling me down
And I can barely even find my feet
I’m drilling into the ground
Feels like I’m sinking right through my knees

Vertigo

Featuring https://soundcloud.com/onesixtwo

I wrote and sung the lyrics and melody, as inspired by the title of an already arranged and titled backing track by https://soundcloud.com/onesixtwo.  OneSixTwo stitched it all together, and this is what came of it.

Last Breath Ft. OneSixTwo

Martha Wainwright, in her book "Stories I Might Regret Telling You," mentioned that upon visiting Sean Lennon's house Yoko was present, and that "we only live to die" was a key thing said by Yoko during that encounter. It inspired this title, the lyrics, the song, and the mood. I did however try my best not to be too glum about it, and in reflection I think it's more positive than not.

Lyrics

We only live to die, but I give thanks for being on the road
Can't yet see my end in sight, hope I’ve still got, a stretch to go

I sometimes wonder what's the point, but guess there's only ever now
I guess in this mind’s eye of mine, I think I'll always be around

It don't really matter what I think, it will all be over in a blink
But why let that pluck my strings, force me back, make me flinch

My eyes rest on the clock, while I live this crippling paradox
But I could see more of this lot, be much more here rather than not

We only live to die, but doesn't mean that I should cry
It’s true I’ll never always thrive, there's always something else to try

Even when I reach an end, I guess it's true I'll never know
When there’s nowhere left to go, with nothing new for me to show


Thanks to https://soundcloud.com/nadinedemacedo for some mixing suggestions, that might however still not be quite on point from my end of things!

We Only Live To Die

** Original song written in 1998, lyrics changed, and re-recorded 2022.  It was originally a breakup song, which was funny in reflection, given at that stage I'd never had a meaningful relationship, at that age, well... one or two school based girlfriends, and a barrel full of lust!  It was called "Sweet Sacrifice" back in 1998.  I thought I'd keep the title vaguely similar, but I have completely changed the words, making it mean something else entirely!

No Sacrifice

Me in Collab mode

"Hero" is both a love song and a song about wanting to leave a mark somewhere, perhaps a legacy, however indiscernable it might be. It's about wanting to be something like a heroic presence for someone dear, at least in some way, at least for one person, to leave special mark on them. Leave a mark and be a part of what ever world comes after us, even if unseen. There's a lot more purpose to our story than what's here for us in the here and now. In some way it reflects on that, towards not so readily undervaluing our presence in this world, however limited it might seem at the time.

Nadine did all the hard work, from a production standpoint.  I'm basically singing, wrote the lyrics, the original song, and played a single instrument, whereas Nadine did the whole arrangement, wrote the chord sequence for the chorus (my original song had the bridge as the chorus), and produced the whole thing.

Check Nadine out here https://soundcloud.com/nadinedemacedo

Hero (Ft Nadine de Macedo)

** This song was written by a 24 year old version of myself, some 18 years ago.  A quarter life crisis maybe - blimey - what an idiot!!!   Redone during what I guess must be a mid life crisis. 🤣

I've had nightmares mastering this one.  I'm a mastering novice, so should be expected, but cor blimey, it's been driving me insane!!

Indifferent and Sad (Giving it a Chance)

Re-uploaded - trying to get the mixing and mastering right, though I think it's okay at the moment.  Still need to tool around with it though.  

Wrote this one when I was 26 (2006, all vocals are taken from the recording I did at that time).  Written right after a short term relationship broke up, one that also followed another short term relationship breakup, the second one was actually a bit of a rebound that came towards me, but the first one was one that I desperately wanted to rekindle, however, I think I misunderstood a few things, and never mustered up the courage to at least ask!   I still regret that!  Sad I never really let that go.  I've still got this problem to this day, when it comes to making my feelings clear, as a single man, to people I wonder about.  I've never actually asked anyone out, and made my feelings clear, for fear of the obvious I suppose - rejection and humiliation!  All my relationships, where I've had them, I've just stumbled into. Not the happiest state of affairs - one of those regrets I'll likely hold on to for a while!

Confidence

Not a great deal to explain here, I've got a cold, and this is just another way to moan about it!!

Brittle

Right, I've had to upload two versions, quite conflicted about which version I like the best.  I think I like this version more, generally speaking, but I do like the other version, in a lower register more for other reasons.   Arggghhhh!!

The piano I used for this one is Native Instrument's Una Corda, my current favorite.  Quite a nice little change! 

Lyrics

Oh how time flies away
I fail to see
Through the day
And I don’t really know a thing about the signs
The in-betweens of sudden change
It’s all I seem to see

I’d love to slow down
Put the fire out
I’d love to calm down
Not miss the next round

Oh how things just disappear
All alone 
Another year
Has blown away the sun, I feel so cold, 
I go to sleep and wake up old
Another change has come to me. 

I’d love to slow down
Put the fire out
Shine light where I’ve found
A clock I’ve unwound

I’d really like to know
Why I don’t cool down in the snow
Why I’m running on the wind
Why I can’t just stem the flow I’m in
I’m burning through the sky
Like a comet in the night
You might remember for a spell
But gone as far as you can tell

I’d like to slow down
Put the fire out
I’d love to calm down
Not miss the next round
I’d love to slow down
Put the fire out
Shine light where I’ve found
A clock I’ve unwound


Thanks to https://soundcloud.com/nadinedemacedo for some mix and mastering recomendations

Slow Down (Piano version)

A song about forgiving the bad in past relationships, a past relationship, whatever, and other things, upon landing somewhere better down the road.   A bit like "well, if that never happened I wouldn't be here!"

Lyrics

I might seem brave in the storm
But I wouldn’t be there if I knew what I was looking for
I shuffle around like I’m lost
But I wouldn’t be there if I knew what it was gonna cost

And soon I’m gonna run dry
No matter what I won’t survive
I’ll never know what I could have in my hands
If I just thought about some plans

You might not see me out of place
Cause I think I can hide it with that look I wear upon my face
I’m under a thousand masks of lies
And they’re dragging me down a dead weight locked into these hands of time  

Sooon I’m gonna Unlock
Everything that’s in this Box
And release something that you’d never expect
And rid myself of my regrets

I could be a long time back here baby
The way I meddle drives my poor mind crazy
I hear you dancing somewhere up the street
All while I drag along my poor darned feet
You might just flourish with your freedom baby
My errors sink me with their chains I’m fading
I would come round and sparkle when I wake
If waking up wasn’t just one more mistake.

All well and good I’m good for you
There’s something about you seems to gravitate towards my tune
There’s something you’ve got I seem to need
It’s like I already know you carry all the keys to set me free

It seems I’m gonna unwind
It seems I’m guided by your light
It seems some good has come from my past mistakes
An unexpected perfect yesterday.

I still could be a long time back here baby
The way I’ve meddled’s gone to drive me crazy
But I hear you dancing somewhere up the street
Seems like my feet have got a beat to meet
I see you flourish with your freedom baby
I can feel a spring behind I’m not so lazy
Seems I might sparkly now when I awake
Been led to glory by those old-life mistakes

Mistakes

Lyrics

Regardless of your crowd
Regardless of your style
In spite of your design
You’ve only got some time
What ever that can give
With whatever you see
Like me you’ll simply live
Then one day cease to be

If I just close my eyes 
I see just like you do
There’s so much more inside
And I can see as much as you
But if we cast our minds
To alternative lands
Somewhere in our head
We’ve more in common with our plans

It’s just perfectly human
No matter who you are
No matter what you do
There’s a similar shining star
And as human as I am
You're no more or less than me
We’re kind of just the same
Never mind what you believe

Regardless of the day
You struggle with your moods
With triggers much the same
A spark to light the fuse
Can come from anywhere
Some you know but most you don’t
To change the track you take
From Feeling great to feeling broke

It’s just perfectly human
No matter who you are
No matter what you do
There’s a similar shining star
And as human as I am
You're no more or less than me
We’re kind of just the same
Never mind what you believe

I wouldn’t know exactly where to start
But neither do you while we’re playing through our parts
I’m just gonna breath as much as I need
You can think you’re as different as you choose to believe 

It’s just perfectly human
No matter who you are
No matter what you do
There’s a similar shining star
And as human as I am
You're no more or less than me
We’re kind of just the same
Never mind what you believe





A little background

Entered this into a competition recently (a Cyberpunk '77 Growl Fm, songs for the in-game radio thing), and had to hold onto it for a while, in light of the competition specifying that it wouldn't be a valid entry if shared like this online.  

Did it in November, and now it turns out other people won the competition, 14 folks out of 7000+ (so a remarkably unlikely win for me, given the numbers, and most probably me too 🤣), because of which it's mine once again to please myself with.

Weird inspiration for this one, in particular Queen Elizabeth II's death, me going on to watch The Crown soon after (that giving everything with that lot, the Royal Family, a human edge), then Cyberpunk developers came up with a competition out for a game inspired song, and so I adjusted a couple of the lyrics to fit with that (in a way) and entered it.  Didn't luck out, but there we go!

In any case, I like it quite a bit, but mainly because it's quite a far-flung style for me!

Perfectly Human

A song about unrequited love, I suppose, something I seem to have bumped into a lot more often than I would have liked.  Written in 2006 about someone specific.  The only thing from that original recording here is the piano track, wanted to keep something from the session back then, which is where the noise comes from, but I quite like that. Re did the vocals today, made a couple of adjustments to lyrics, and pleased with how it turned out.   Still a little sad about what it was written about, a little! 

Lyrics

I wished you were but you were not
Into me still you hit me on the spot
More that I have got more than I could bare
A loving wound behind this stare

Not thought upon by your gaze
Not made for you, make no mistake!
I fall to bits, crumb by crumb
When you crush me down
With your little thumb

It’s hard to get what you desire
Hard to breathe the luring words
I can’t see to reel you in
Could it be that I am a curse
I nearly had you once before
Seems I was bitten by a bug
like I’ve become this feeling’s whore
Elusive love made so by those locked doors

I could ask but I’m in a box
I have an overwhelming knot
Inside of me resisting you
It ties me down oh what’s the use

In being here it makes me blind
And keeps all others from my mind
And kind of makes me hate myself
It seems I only need your help

It’s hard to get what you desire
Hard to breathe the luring words
I can’t see to reel you in
Could it be that I’m cursed
I nearly had you once before
Seems I was bitten by some bug
Like I’ve become this feeling’s whore
Elusive love made so by those locked doors

This talk is kept inside my head
Cause I am scared you might reject 
My point of view the way I feel
So I’ll be the one to turn the wheel

If you made a move I won’t say no
But I know you won’t so I’ll just go
I’ll take along my sanity 
Before it runs away from me

Elusive Love

If not feeling particularly terrific, maybe something like this may help you to feel a little less alone in those moments.  It's really just about some of those thoughts we sometimes, or always, struggle to let go of.  A reflection on self-fulfilling prophecies, in some respects, too much focus on the negative, and similar treasures!

I wrote this when I was 22, 21 years ago.  Adjusted the lyrics a little bit, but only a  tiny bit (extra verse too), but was still quite surprised by them ahead of the tweak, and also sad to find myself relating to these lyrics nearly 22 years later. 

Production wise, regards mastering, I like this in my headphones, but don't like it so much played through my speakers. Needs a tweak at least.  

Lyrics

You don’t know what it’s like for me
Always trapped inside my head
I'm not even old but I’m dead
Don’t know how I survive going to bed

Quick little fixes from time to time
Mean nothing to my mind, my soul
I’m not even old but I’m dead
So far away in my head

Can’t keep giving my life away
Fallin’ to pieces day by day

It’s in my blood
It’s in my blood
It’s in my blood
Everything I’ve touched
Everything I’ve Loved
It all get’s dead
It all get’s painted red

Every time I try to hide, something 
Get’s me trapped inside my head 
Can’t seem to be heard like I’m dead
I feel like I’m cold, inside my bed

Everything I seem to like flips a 
Switch inside my mind love comes
To take my breath, I feel dead
The things I have hang by a thread

Can’t keep giving my life away
Falling to pieces day by day

It’s in my blood
It’s in my blood
It’s in my blood
Everything gets cursed
Everything I love
It all get’s red

It’s in my blood
It’s in my blood
It’s in my blood
Everything I’ve touched
Everything I’ve Loved
It all get’s dead
It all get’s painted red

** replaced 2023 - same thing, just a better master

This is quite simply about the ongoing lockdown situation, and living life a lot differently.  It's not a sad song, but it does make vague references to trials and tribulations that occur when following the rules in that regard.   I'm hopeful it might be meaningful in other ways too, however, it's most certainly inspired by the current situation.  Wishing my time away in the most positive sense... 

(Part of a collection of songs to be uploaded, or album if you like, if I like, but more of a playlist with a title - A Place for all the Lost Things, me and my songs generally, and other things too).

A Place for all the Lost Things

Wishing My Time Away

** 
First uploaded 2 years ago, as of 28/11/22 when I re-uploaded it. Needs an extra tweak or two, but onwards and upwards nonetheless!

Independent Alternative. Having had difficulties with anxiety most of my adult life, I wanted to write something that represents how I can sometimes feel when riding that particular wave.  It's quite rough, which also represents those feelings somewhat.  In my case it's health anxiety, most of the time.  I'm alright, can function, but occasionally something bothersome simmers in the background somewhere, more often than I'd like!

You Poor Old Anxious Soul

Got to say it's gone a little dead on here, listener wise... not even getting those spam bots anymore! 🤣

Anyway...

It's all a bit scrap tastic on my profile - have uploaded all sorts of things, lots of the same sorts of things, in addition to which the production quality is rather... urh... varied (inconsistent actually - sometimes damned right lazy 🤣)

In any case, a portfolio of music going nowhere in particular, all written by a person with little else to do with himself! 

I've spent a long time trying not to share this hobby of mine (aside from a few exceptions), out of embarrassment I guess, way back, but now I just can't see the point in me being the only bugger who hears this stuff of mine! 

I'm only just starting to get to grips with mastering - what a nightmare - and starting to see just how muddy some of my mixes are, especially older ones. Crikey.  Didn't seem to notice before, but just did a comparison between a new mastering experiment and a version of the same track I thought I was happy with - turns out I shouldn't have been so pleased with myself.   In any case it's clear I don't yet have a knack for mastering!  Onwards and upwards - I hope!

Just purchased this massive Native Instruments package, and trying to use it well - have barely scratched the surface with it!  Anyway, I've got everything I need, but generally don't know what most of the things that come with it are!  

If you're playing something of mine - thanks!! They're all written and recorded at home - a collection of rough and ready demo's combined with a few slightly better polished bits and bobs, odds and sods, here and there.

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