This was a difficult one to do because I tried to closely replicate how it was recorded by me in 1997, on my Farfisa F1 workstation.  Was a great bit of kit, at the time, and it's amazing what I was able to do with it.  In any case, I've remade this in a way that sounds close to how it did back then, only with much better equipment this time.  

I wrote this when I was 17, almost immediately after I wrote a sad song for a family friend's funeral "A Day will Come," which is on here too, I guess in some effort to write something a little more happy sounding.  This song is about a secure relationship, and a sense of aching that comes about when for some reason or other there are nights away from one another, that's it.

There are a couple of odd lyrics, well, one odd one at least, but I decided not to change it.  A lovely dollop of naivety here, that I wanted to keep hold of, in as many ways as I was able to achieve, making it pretty much exactly how it was in 1997, with a 2024 brush up and polish!

Lyrics

A year ago we met
It seems like only days
Since we kissed and held each other
A memory I'll always save
It seems to me time's running out 
Not something we can fight
And every time I hold you it seems
A second more till light

Time's a sickness 
Time's a weakness we can't cure
But if could we'd make it matter
Never drag our love across the floor
We can't stop the clock
Or stop the world from spinning round
It makes me feel as though my feet
Are stuck into the ground

I cry at night 
When you're not with me
Holding on to love
And keeping all my time 
Enclosed in your sweet life
I cry at night 
When the shadows of the day
Disappear 
And you're not lying there 
Close enough to drain my fears

A blooming rose inside your heart
Inside your smile
A kiss so pure so sweet to touch
I'm feeling like a child
Imagine what our lives would be
Always side by side
A roller coaster of a life
From darkness we shall hide

I cry at night 
When you're not with me
Holding on to love
And keeping all my time 
Enclosed in your sweet life
I cry at night 
When the shadows of the day
Disappear 
And you're not lying there 
Close enough to drain my fears

I Cry at Night (1997)

A song about burning the candle at both ends, so to speak, all because it shines a lovely light, while doing our best to enjoy this little holiday away from nonexistence.  That's really all this is about.

It was an older song of mine, and I've both re-recorded it and changed the lyrics.  So, actually, it's a 2024 song worked around a song I wrote in 2000.  The song written in 2000 was requested by someone I haven't seen since then, not really, and so thought it might be worth recovering and making it about something I want it to be about.

Lyrics

I know that somehow I’ll end
I know that this all dies
Nothing can change, no compromise
(at) Least I'll be food for the flies

I’m just a moment of moss
That grew upon a rock
For now I’m something more than not
But I’ll rot

Oh just there there’s something new
Something else for me to make room
Just then it occurred to me
I’m just a leaf going down in the breeze

It burns through you
It consumes you
And it drives you through the wall
Sometimes heals you
Most times beats you
There’s nothing here to break your fall
But it still draws you in
Gets underneath your skin
Leaves you dancing for a while
It sings through you
Beats beneath you
Shoots you down
With the light you find

An ugly matter of fact
And there’s no turning back
And no it’s not part of my plan
Just something I understand

I grew upon this rock
Not too cold not too hot
Entangled in these goldilocks
I’ve got what I’ve got

Oh just then, it came to me
This little break from eternity
Might make it worth my stay
This holiday
No need to call it a day

It burns through you
It consumes you
And it drives you through the wall
Sometimes heals you
Most times beats you
There’s nothing here to break your fall
But it still draws you in
Gets underneath your skin
Leaves you dancing for a while
It sings through you
Beats beneath you
Shoots you down
With the light you find

The Light You Find (2000/2024)

This is pretty much the song as it was, back in 2002, with a couple of additional layers.  I was able to separate the vocal track, with software, which was helpful, enabling me to remix the chorus, or rather rearrange the vocal in a way that enabled me to keep the original vocal, and lift the chorus up a little.   I've also added a couple of additional layers that, at the moment, seem suitable.   I'm trying to keep it, just keep this 2002 presentation of the song, with a few adjustments, and am hopeful I've been able to, and can leave it there, to some extent, though there is a clear dip in so far as production values go, this coming from a time when I had very little indeed to work with.

It does need a little extra work, I think, but I'm okay to share it as a work in progress, or re work in progress.  There's a big part of me that wants to re record the entire vocal, to make a few lyric adjustments, battling another  big part of me trying to also respect my efforts at the time it was made.   The compromise here, so far, is within the adjustments I've described to some extent.

Beautiful Morning (Wake Up!) (2002)

I wrote this very quickly - that's not a brag, as I don't normally write so fast, but it happens once in a while, and for some reason these songs turn out better than the ones I spend more time thinking through.  I spent 15 minutes or so writing the lyrics last night, and 5 mins today writing the melody (15/5/24).  I uploaded it within 24 hours of writing because I just wanted to finish it in some way on account of feeling very pleased with it.  

It's meaningful without trying to be, in a tired moment before bed, keying into several things I've been thinking a lot about recently.   Anyway, all being well the lyrics will explain what's what.  I didn't want to overdo the arrangement, given that I wanted the lyrics to ring out.  A couple of noises from a dusty old rig have been inserted, which felt right to me, kind of is me really, and with that, I'll leave it there. 

Lyrics

I might as well write something nice
Just for a change, should not think twice
But where to go, could throw a dice
A little more light could be worth the price

Even if I can’t quite think
My lazy eye fixed on the drink
Could snap my fingers force a blink 
Then slip into a cheeky wink

Might find it takes no time at all
Get something big from something small
Could just kick back a few old walls
And in this mess find some new tools

And if I somehow don’t break through
If I work hard there’s something new
The underside of this old tune
Might show some holes that I could use     

***  (intro)                     

There’s nothing much to these old days
But surely I’ll find other ways
To feel much better in this place
To shift the gears upon my face

It’s sometimes hard to see the light
But could go out, it’s not a fight
I really should stop thinking twice
Before I really pay the price

So many ways for me to move
Not like each step is gonna lose
Might not be much here I could choose
But could still break free from the blues

Could just reframe what I recall
This glass half empty now half full
Don’t need to change that much at all
Just need to redress some old rules - those rules, those rules!

In Search of Something Nice (2024)

Please consider checking out my album here https://dirkdiamond.bandcamp.com/album/human

Written, recorded, and arranged by Nathan Passchier (Dirk Diamond)
Additional credits
Bassline arrangement Nadine de Macedo
Programming support Nadine de Macedo
https://soundcloud.com/nadinedemacedo/tracks

Lyrics

Don't wanna work today
The sky is grey
I'd sooner have that view
Than that grindstone blue
Aint got a hand to play
I'd rather hide away
Sure I'd head back there soon
but for now just sink into the glue

And there's no other reason for this
But there's got to be reason to slip

Hell I'm gonna need a sick note
For a while cause I'm broke
Gonna need a little air
As I climb these stairs
Don't quite know how I'll get a sick note
But I'll put in a call
And think of something in the moment
To summarise my fall

Don't wanna work with you
For a week or two
Might take a month or more
To get me off the floor
Don't think I'll use the time
Just think I'll make it mine
And simply shut my door
Rather than go to war

There's got to be a reason for this
To explain away the seasons that account for my slips.

Hell I'm gonna need a sick note
For a while cause I'm broke
Gonna need a little air
As I climb these stairs
Don't quite know how I'll get a sick note
But I'll put in a call
And think of something in the moment
To summarise my fall

It's a shame I have to call when I'd rather disappear
Kind of backed into the wall and kind of locked into the fear
Guess I'll just have to run away before I'm locked into a grave
Guess I've just found a perfect reason for my slip into the gray

Yeah

Now I've got to find a reason to stay

Hell I'm gonna need a sick note
For a while cause I'm broke
Gonna need a little air
As I climb these stairs
Don't quite know how I'll get a sick note
But I'll put in a call
And think of something in the moment
To summarise my fall

Sick Note

Please consider visiting, following, buying my album, etc here... 
https://dirkdiamond.bandcamp.com/album/human


A song about me trying to be me, as I am, me myself and I, with people who often feel very differently to me about God, things like that, and as a result see the world very differently. There's some reflection on alternatives that might spring up for folk like me, and trying to be okay with that.

lyrics

I may not believe
It might be something I need
A starting point for all talk
To guide the footsteps I walk

But after a time
When I find my way around
I’m looking less for the signs
And find a place in the crowd

I’m godless but it’s okay
As I go my own way
Around the streets that we pave
From my birth to my grave.
I’m godless but it’s okay
As I do my day-to-day
No matter how hard you pray
I’m never gonna be saved

In truth I don’t need a drink
As much as I sometimes think
Although it might pick me up
When I’m all out of luck

But then I’m back at the start
When I wake the next day
I’m sometimes falling apart
Don’t see a reason to pray
Though I feel forced to obey

I’m godless but it’s okay
As I go my own way
Around the streets that we pave
From my birth to my grave.
I’m godless but it’s okay
As I do my day-to-day
No matter how hard you pray
I’m never gonna be saved

I don’t mind how you colour the earth
With whatever ideal, though this place as we search
Though I won’t go to church!

We’ve still got distance to cover
Ways to break ways to mend
I won’t know when it’s all over
Exactly what’s at the end
And I don’t like to pretend!

I’m godless but it’s okay
As I go my own way
Around the streets that we pave
From my birth to my grave.
I’m godless but it’s okay
As I do my day-to-day
No matter how hard you pray
I’m never gonna be saved

Godless

Lyrics

I was just on time
I walked the line
Amazing how this came to be

Took it all in my stride
As I slipped from side to side
Amazing how you came to me

Life is hard
Sometimes it's dark
As I move from loss to loss
Oh life is graft
But with that grind come sparks
With every coin I toss

It's most times worth the cost

I fade in and out
But I'm somewhere about
Amazing you caught on to me

I slip into crowds
though I sometimes stand out
Amazing you fell into my spree
Locked onto me

Yeah Life is hard
And sometimes gets dark
As i move from loss to loss
Oh life is graft
But with that grind come sparks
It's most times worth the cost

Of all these coins I toss

It's most times worth the cost

Worth The Cost

My version of a Requiem mass, I suppose, contemplating life at the end, or something like that.  I wrote the lyric while drunk, the evening of 09/08/2024, and thankfully remembered I wrote some words on the morning of the 10th, wrote some music that day, recorded it that day, and here it is.  I like it quite a lot, and think the lyric is really good, which makes me wonder if I should drink more alcohol before I write as a rule! 😂

On a more serious note, I remember, while walking home, looking at a clear sky, stars very clear, even with light pollution, and just thinking that all the fretting I do about one thing or other really doesn't matter at all, much like the spec of dust we live on in an unspectacular area of our galaxy that, in itself, with approx some 400 billion stars, is also nothing more than a spec of dust floating about the universe!  It felt a little bit like an awakening, and came to inspire this song, that evening! 

Lyrics

I look up to the stars
How insignificant we are!
But don’t know what that really means
So then just stick to what I need

Maybe a moment for a spell
Got one or two good tales to tell
And in a moment be forgot
Forget the spell forget the loss

Could sing a requiem aeternam 
Rest in sanctum
Libera me
Dona eis domine
Could sing out Kyrie
Lord have mercy
Agnus Dei
If it had meaning at all

I feel a strange beat in my heart
No clue of how it came to pass
Not sure it means too much at all
This little beat this little pull

I keep on thinking through an end
But couldnt know, could not pretend
And as I look upon the stars
I recall just what we are

Could sing a requiem aeternam 
Rest in sanctum
Libera me
Dona eis domine
Could sing out Kyrie
Lord have mercy
Agnus Dei
If it had meaning at all

Could sing out a requiem aeternam 
Rest in sanctum
Libera me
Dona eis domine
Could sing out a Kyrie
Lord have mercy
Agnus Dei
If it had meaning at all

Requiem

The song's title should be enough to explain what this song is about, concerning those wrecking balls that swing through our lives occasionally.

I miss you
Though guess I’ll see you in my sleep
Although I know for sure
This hole inside
Will never feel right
I miss you
Hold out my hands
Can’t see you
I don’t understand
Because I feel you
Just as I fall
And when I need you
I always call

I still sing “Happy Birthday to you”
Even though I lost you
“Happy Birthday dear… dear… dear…” Oh dear!
Happy birthday to you
I wish you could hear me too
“Happy Birthday dear… dear… dear…” Oh dear!

I miss you
Can barely stand up on my feet
And yes I know the score
Learned this before
Not what I’m looking for
Another wrecking on the shore
Can’t take any more!
I miss you
Please take my hand!
I don’t understand
How this came to be
You slipped free
When I thought you needed me

And I’d sing “Happy Birthday to you”
Year’s before I lost you
“Happy Birthday dear… dear… dear…” Oh dear!
“Happy birthday to you”
Did you hear me love you
“Happy Birthday dear… dear… dear…” Oh dear!

(Happy Birthday to You... outro, written by Patty Hill, played by me)

Memorial

I Can't Really See

Please come and find me here on Bandcamp if you like the sound of anything I've created and uploaded here! 

https://dirkdiamond.bandcamp.com/album/human

I've cancelled my Soundcloud subscription, doesn't work for me anymore, meaning I've had to delete a ton of stuff, and now I'm aiming to ensure I've got only a few golden previews of music here, signposting to other listening avenues for anyone willing to take a look!

This track is not available anymore.

Other tracks from Dirk Diamond