It's me, Chris Fairbanks, co-host of Do You Need a Ride? with Karen Kilgariff. I realized today that I'm just going to write these in first person and stop pretending to be a third party, like people do when they type up a resume or call in as a fake personal assistant to a comedy club. I just wanna let you listeners know that this episode with Erin Foley is probably my favorite DYNAR yet. Everyone was on point, and it was like a party in a car. She's so funny. Enjoy! 

On Twitter:
@ChrisFairbanks @KarenKilgariff @erinfoleycomic 

More Chris: http://shop.rooftopcomedy.com/album/fairbanks
More Karen: http://astrecords.bigcartel.com/product/live-at-the-bootleg-12

More Erin: www.erinkfoley.com

Ep.30 Erin Foley

Karen and Chris pick up comedian/writer/funny man Jordan Morris from LAX!  Listen for "dad raps" and a discussion over nocturnal property rights...Jordan Morris can be found @Jordan_Morris on twitter, and writing for @Midnight.  Chris Fairbanks is @ChrisFairbanks & follow Karen @KarenKilgariff on twitter.  

Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review on iTunes, like us on Facebook, and follow the tweets. 

Ep.33 Jordan Morris

Plucking him from his long time Hollywood creative headquarters at Dragon Manor, Karen and Chris bring Howard Kremer to a show put on by the nice boys down at Power Violence. Along the way, we talk about the unknown world of ocean life, jet skiing, hip hop album cover design, early career laundromat comedy shows, that time we ate off of the same plate, and we even  swap a few flattering impersonations of one another.  Go listen to Who Charted? with Howard and Kulap!  www.indiegugu.com  Check out http://allthingscomedy.com/channels/48/do-you-need-a-ride%3F leave a review on iTunes! 

Ep.37 Howard Kremer

Karen and Chris take the tall and hilarious Matt Ingebretson to his comedy show in a back yard. We also drop Karen off at her show. And Chris also is on the show Matt is on. It's all very confusing.
Get some sheets!! at www.parachutehome.com/RIDE

EP. 80 Matt Ingebretson

My Pussy Too Tight (for Your Dick Boi)

Written & Performed by:
Judge Drizzz
Produced by: 
Haley Drizcoll
Beats Provided by: 
Lion'n'prime


Uh, my pussy too tight,
Yeah, my pussy too tight...
- for your dick boi,
- for your dick, HA!
Yeah, my pussy too tight boi,
MY PUSSY'S TOO TIGHT FOR YOUR DICK
MY LITTLE CLIT IS SHARPER THAN A STICK.
SHIT!

My pussy too tight boi,
I said, I said, my pussy too tight boi,
Tryna get that dick in boy?
Well you gone put a fight up,
You gone have to put a fight up, boi.

Nobody comes in, nobody comes out,
Can't fit a pinky in my pussy 
you think your dick is gonna work out?
HA! that's pretty funny,
Well listen up to me,
You better, you better, listen up;
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Yeah, yeah, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
Your dick wouldn't fit in
If it was flaccid & frozen,
Wouldn't fit if the tip went missin'
call 9-1-1 -- OH! 
Wouldn't fit if you whittled it down
to no--thin'! 

Oh? You braggin'? 
You braggin' 'bout your big dick?
Well guess what, homie?
My pussy don't want none of it.
My pussy's tighter than your favorite album
Growing up, bitch.
My pussy's tighter than a mothafuckin' pair of
BABY BOOTIES
It's tighter than a baby's 
booties --
You know? 
Tighter than little baby booties?

Man, you really think you're invited to my V.I.P.?
Get the fuck out -- my V is was too tight for that big ol' D!
It's the only part of my anatomy
that looks like a fuckin' Barbie.
Trust me, boy, you do not want to FUCK
with my CUNT
with my little, little, cunt,
This pussy C-U-N-T cunt,
It's way too little for your dick, mannn.
Thought I told you before?
But you need a little more reason for this underscore???
OH? Ok. 
Well I guess I didn't even mention my clit,
My clit's sharper than Sharper Image,
it'll tear up your shit,
It's sharper than a stick/ice-pick
And bigger than your dick,
I got a pointy-ass clit,
And my pussy's tighter than an over mit.
SHIT! Pointy-ass clit!
Tighter than an oven mit,
Easy bake over is not as easy as it seems is it?
Nah, I ain't never put my finger in my pussy 
cuz it might rip it off, it is too tight for that stuff.

AHHHHH

Nobody goes in,
Nobody goes out,
This pussy too tight for your dick, BITCH.
Too tight, too tight, too tit-tight for your dick, BITCH!
Thought I told you before, but I had to remind it!
You really wanna get in this bushy shit?

Better get a smaller dick boi,
Better get rid of it.

Tighter than an oven mit,
Tighter than your favorite shit,
Tighter than all these other raps we spit.

Ey, I don't wanna make you feel ashamed,
All I know is that my pussy ain't big enough for your thang,
It's not big enough for ANYTHANG it's just kinda a little hole, it's just a little tiny hole, baby.

What? Oh?

Go ahead and try it out boi,
Oh you got it in?
YOU GOT IT IN???
Well shit, you ain't never gonna get it out,
you stuck in there for your whole life, man...
Ey, I warned you before,
I said it was too small and
Nobody comes in,
Nobody comes out,
It's like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Just cuz everybody is getting stuck in side ME! UGH!

~ baby booties ~

Pussy Too Tight (for Your Dick Boi)

Karen Kilgariff and Chris Fairbanks enjoy one another's voices, back in the car, after what has been far too much time. Nothing but fun is had.

Chris Fairbanks's Album

EP. 100 KAREN AND CHRIS MAKE IT TO 100!

Comedians Chris Fairbanks and Karen Kilgariff shuttle their guests to or from the airport, somewhat dangerously, in a '08 Honda Accord mobile sound studio.


EP. 80 Matt Ingebretson

Do You Need A Ride?

Related tracks