turned 22 today, here's a song

produced by stonesowavy

mastered by @sastrp

LYRICS:

let me in let me out

tell me what you know
bout your life the shit u hide and tell me what u owe
forget about the time i got it start right from the go
lemme know your fears the trauma buried deep below
tell me bout the time u didn’t have a place a home
tell me bout the desperation of being alone
moving day to day where every day was seeming slow
every time the outcome of events was still unknown 
it’s unknown where we at
no time to react
speculation mixed with fact and the fad of attention in remission
cause it’s not about you and it never was
and it’s not about me that’s what troubles us
expecting compensation for a life that seems mistaken
and receiving nothing but impatience conflict illness degradation
seems unfair all this monotony performed with calculation 
comparing hatred
constantly racing
wonder what’s the purpose of the pain
dream of peace a stable life consistent pay
don’t ask for too much only take the things u need
tell me how you heal and how you bleed

can i tell you what i know
bout my life the shit i hide and what i owe
hope you got the time cause imma start right from the go 
i got a lot of fear and trauma buried deep below
i got a couple diagnoses probably a couple more they haven’t found yet
but the symptoms are apparent and the treatment done is negligent 
i’m stubborn almost arrogant in my ability to counter obstacles it’s evident
that i would benefit from therapy if i just fucking went
but i can’t even dial numbers start the journey of salvation
once my halo dusty now it’s broken down to yo sediment
i said i wanna change the world
she said that i can’t make that promise
i told her that i need approval
she said i might be a narcissist
cause i’m so focused on myself in such a troubling way
i can recognize the rot but i still let it decay
doing the bare minimum so i can get through the day
but i’m still desperate for some clapping hands to say it’s okay 
cause just the thought of doing what is right is not enough if i don’t actually do it
i want diplomas houses i blew it 
why does life feel claustrophobic when i just got on my feet
can i tell you how i heal and how i bleed

let me in let me out

i simply can’t believe in over sharing
given proper context humans tend to love comparing
situations lived and coping methods revel baring
honest nature of existence and precisely planning
what to filter rummage memories depression or your BPD
and anything that’s troubling the most open that you’ll ever be
but only let out what’s acceptable the limit of your history
is undefined when you first meet somebody you can vaguely see
being in your life extended time bond through little things
like breakups high school bullies neurons firing
to find the sweet spot not too overbearing sort of comforting
to know you’re not alone in this eventually the dam will break
testing the relationship by showing what is underneath
standing at a checkpoint in the bond you built so carefully
started off with how your parents were divorcing
to how you know the makeup that can help to cover bruising 
buzzwords key components of a conversation hold em in their mouth and let them out
when necessity to shows up 
know i’m here for you i care but question if they do believe that
in their head are they judgmental bout a controversial past

and maybe i’m just nosy bout your life
not always my business do or die
imma tell you something bout me
this is how i heal and how i bleed

let me in [prod. stonesowavy]

21 YEARS

IntoTheParadox - Same Shit Different Day (Feat HeyLee Manzeron) (Prod. Discent & Thislandis)

epic song ft. @lxstboymusic
prod. judah B

LYRICCCC!!
Slide on the city yeah you know its time
Yeah shes pretty, mighty fine
Got myself locked in her eyes, a carousel right through my spine
She got me spinning round, round circles in my brain
I wish i could go back, and make my past not so plain

Cant change the past, but the future's yours to mold
So take your hand, ace up your sleeve, dont you fold, youll see
Youll make your name, across these plains, across these empty streets
Follow me, but i aint got a fkn clue
We gon bluff, we gon make it through the rough, 
losing all my confidence but fuck it ima run it up, 
look into her eyes n don't pass that up

[lxst boy]
yeah
slide through the city we gon make it fly
got so lost in her deep brown eyes
never could dance but she took my hand
got me hyped for what she got next
and i don’t wanna tell her now
that she’s all in my head
i wish i could just let her go
but i’m still here instead

imma lost boy
never found
but i’m always
underground
i don’t really
fall in love
but this girl is
all i want

slide on the city ft. lxst boy [prod. Judah B]

prod @pastencounters

LYR!C
Ok im dreaming bout you, even tho you waste my time
I know what this will come to, but i'm hypnotized
Got me by the tongue, and im searching for an answer
Ur stuck inside my thoughts, your a devilish enchanter

Black eyeliner, ripped fishnets, thigh high socks and pink corset
Black nail polish, cigarettes, got my name across your chest
Black eyeliner, ripped fishnets, thigh high socks and pink corset
Black nail polish, cigarettes, got my name across your chest

Once i saw you, you had me crushing, girl i want you
She got that hello kitty backpack, and in fact, she asked my snapchat
Shawty i dont have that, heres my ig, lets not backtrack
Moving forward, making moves, i see your eyes, i see your mood.

devilish enchanter the way she looks into my eyes
She got my soul she's haunting, is this real life?
Im under full control, she got me by that spell
Im simping full time for you, baby cant you tell

Black eyeliner, ripped fishnets, thigh high socks and pink corset
Black nail polish, cigarettes, got my name across ur chest
Black eyeliner, ripped fishnets, thigh high socks and pink corset
Black nail polish, cigarettes, got my name across ur chest

i know, nothings ever perfect.
You got me by ur spell, and ill tell you that its working
I wanna see you, wanna be by your side
But if i'm being honest, i dont know how u survived
All my stupid questions, all my stupid answers
I'm self conscious, i'm a loser, and your a devilish enchanter

Black eyeliner, ripped fishnets, thigh high socks and pink corset
Black nail polish,cigarettes, she got my name across her chest
Black eyeliner, ripped fishnets, thigh high socks and pink corset
Black nail polish, cigarettes, she got my name across her chest

devilish enchanter [prod. past encounters]

SELF SABOTAGE (SHADE08)

Mixed/Mastered By me 
- 
Produced By swiftslash
-
lyrics 

and i wish i could do the right thing
what feels right nothing less
and i wish we could be more than friends
nothings the same without u

but i can't do that at all
u sound so far away 
tell me when ur coming home
let me know when you'll be right here
nothings left in here
i just wanna disappear

and i wish i could do the right thing
what feels right nothing less
and i wish we could be more than friends
nothings the same without u


and i wish i could do the right thing
what feels right nothing less
and i wish u could just feel the same 
tell me when you'll be home

nothings the same (swiftslash)

Lyrics:

(Serotonin, pump it through my blood
An addiction, one hell of a drug
Tired of feeling so down in the mud
Eyes of tears are starting to flood x2)

Don't know how it is 
To live and be dissociative
Not sure where i am half the time
Memory from memory, they intertwine 

Cant stay stuck in this cage forever
Want to be free and let it wonder
Tired of feeling so down in the mud
Lay me on the ground and let me rot

You're no fun
(Dissociative games under the sun)
There's no room
(To forget everything under the moon)

Never thought i'd be the person to rant in a song
Kinda therapeutic though it might be wrong
Can't keep it in my chest feel like it's exploding
The words flow out my mouth, larynx is imploding

(Serotonin, pump it through my blood
An addiction, one hell of a drug
Tired of feeling so down in the mud
Eyes of tears are starting to flood)

(Serotonin, pump it through my blood
An addiction, one hell of a drug
Tired of feeling so down in the mud
Lay me on the ground and let me rot)

You're no fun
(Dissociative games under the sun)
There's no room
(To forget everything under the moon)


Never thought i'd be the person to rant in a song
Kinda therapeutic though it might be wrong
Can't keep it in my chest feel like it's exploding
The words flow out my mouth, larynx is imploding

Minds in a blur but i'm still writing songs how
I'll Never let shit faze me or bring me way down
Wont let my mind define me, i'm much more than that
Now enough about me, let's go way back

You're no fun
(Dissociative games under the sun)
There's no room
(To forget everything under the moon)

(“it's.. it's weird because in a way i know that i'm living and im real but..but i..i feel so..so fake like…like im..im watching the world from..from somebody else's eyes, like its not actually me..? I don't know, maybe i'm crazy”)

Writing a song might be a sign it's getting bad
But i'm tired of pretending like i'm just really sad
The truth of the matter is i'm in my own head
Maybe I should stop singing and go to bed..

Never thought i'd be the person to rant in a song
Kinda therapeutic though it might be wrong
Can't keep it in my chest feel like it's exploding
The words flow out my mouth, larynx is imploding

D!ssociative D!sorder (p. whymillyy)

prod. lil divine, no samples <3
@user-642636378
mixed by lil divine, @killbreanna, and @user-642636378

[lil divine:]
stop and just wait for a minute
please listen close cuz i need this
theres blood on my clothes from the leakage
and i dont know who i can trust with the secrets

can you promise me youll keep it
safe from the scouring demons
drain all my blood with the leeches
and leave my body here to drown in the deep end

[halfhearted:]

drown in the deepend 
losing my soul
hate in ur eyes
when you break all my bones
u don’t regret all the lies thag you told
but each time you tell me
we’ll walk down this road again

sick of driving on them potholes
i think i got stockholm
forgot how you would hold me close

so now i’m clinging to a bottle
i bet you hope i rot in peace
so, lay me six feet deep

[lil divine:]

left in the dirt holdin hopes out for somethin
dont take my words and convert them to weapons
wrote you a song out of words that mean nothin
but you wont ever see it on a motherfuckin setlist

so baby tell me do you really wanna go
i cant see you through the 6 feet of snow
left my feelings in a box on the road
need a key to get the lock off my soul

i can feel the weight crushin my bones
bloody teeth embedded in the throne
why tf u keep hittin my phone?

why cant you leave me the fuck alone
when youre here this house dont feel like home
shattered fragments pierce throughout my skull
skull

[halfhearted:]

leave me to drown with the leaches
seeping in lust will i ever defeat this
stole all my love
not enough 
it’s a weakness
i was the one but i told u i’m leaving soon

we keep running round in circles
the bridges yeah we burned those
so i can never hold on hope

and i’ll let you watch me tie my rope
broke down, left my love on the side of the road
hometown, but feel like there’s no where to go
long frown, but i think i’m getting used to the cold

[lil divine:]

stop with the lies
n tell me the truth
when ur body lies
next to mine at noon
is it because u love me
or am i a solution to u
for what somebody else did
stop with the lies
n tell me the truth
when ur body lies
next to mine at noon
is it because u love me
or am i a replacement to u
tell me who did u lose

leeches

leeches w/ halfhearted

ive been running in circles, baby
just to save the time
ive been wastin my time
i cant waste my time again

they say its hard to miss the people that you dont love
thats a bluff
or else i loved everyone thats ever left
and i bet
that its all my fault again
i hope it ends with me
i am my own enemy
i hate to see the way that ive become
i wish that i wasnt so dumb
i wish that i didnt fuck up
i wish that i wasnt fucked up

i hope it ends with me
i am my own enemy
i hate to see the way that ive become
i listen to the thoughts, im dumb

i feel my will cant break, i tried to kill myself today
i cut myself, i hurt myself
why wont anybody help?
im begging help
i need some help
i feel like im in my head
i feel like i should be dead
i wish i wasnt but
i am my enemy
i hope that it ends with me
i hate to see the way that ive become
i listen to the thoughts, im dumb
i feel my heart cant break, i tried to kill myself today
its all a fake, theyre all some snakes
they give me drugs that i wont take
i hate the pain, but its the way i cope

i hope it ends with me
i am my own enemy
i hate to see the way that ive become
i listen to the thoughts, im dumb
i feel my heart cant break, i been through a lot of pain
i tried to kill myself today

but everything is in the way
im in the way of everybody else
i do my best but i cant help
id take my meds, but they dont help
i hope it ends with me
i am my own enemy
i hate to see the way that ive become
i wish that i could just go numb
i feel so dumb and lonely
i cant let more people know me
if i do, than they might hurt me
they might turn around and stab my back
its all a fake, theyre all some snakes
they give me drugs that i wont take
i hope it ends with me
i am my own enemy

i hate to see the way that ive become
i listen to the thoughts, im dumb
i wish that i could just go numb
i wish that i wasnt fucked up

D!ssociative D!sorder (p. whymillyy)

earth2athena