In loving memory of Claire Elise Gregory
🌻 April 7 1991  -  March 7 2020 🌻

-- CREDITS --
Written by Naz Hejaz
Produced by Tim Carr and Naz Hejaz
Mixed by Daniel James Goodwin
Mastered by Philip Shaw Bova

-- LYRICS --
You could've told me anything at all
And I would've believed you
You could've said the writing’s on the wall
Oh I, would have tried to free you
But now I’m standing still in black
Begging your soul to take you back

You could've told me anything at all
You could've told me anything at all

Well I know you could hide it and I feared that you might
You’d bleed to feel lighter, I’d break to know why
I hid all your weapons
I begged you to try but you decided it’s over

I promised we'd have time to do it all
But I guess I deceived you
You asked the world for a hand before your fall
And instead it released you
Another friend eclipsed in haste
A grieving ghost left in your wake

I promised we'd have time to do it all
I promised we'd have time to do it all
I promised we'd have time to do it all

Well I know you could hide it and I feared that you might
You’d bleed to feel lighter, I’d break to know why
I hid all your weapons
I begged you to try but you decided it’s over

Well you know that I’d fight it, I feared you were right
You’d bruise for the pleasure, I’d lose sleep to stand by
You told me you loved me
Looked me straight in the eye before deciding it’s over

Human Halfway House

Too Soon

-- CREDITS --
Written By Naz Hejaz
Produced by Tim Carr and Naz Hejaz
Mixed By Daniel James Goodwin
Mastered by Philip Shaw Bova

-- Lyrics --
In a dark room at the dead of night
dimly lit by the moon
Where you go to get hypnotized
despite searching for truth

Close your eyes and you open wide
take the pill they feed you
For a moment it brings you to life
but the world’s fading out, and something’s not right

Open your eyes
and decide to feel anything other than
Numb
an unconscious goodbye
it’s alright if you promise you’ll

Wake Up! Wake Up!
Can’t shake you enough 
Wake Up! Wake Up!

Tell me your dreams and I’ll tell you mine
Tell me anything that proves you’re alive
I can feel your heart beat there’s still time
But you’re letting go and I don’t know why
You’re letting go and I don’t know why

Open your eyes
and decide to feel anything other than
Numb
an unconscious goodbye
it’s alright if you promise you’ll

Wake Up! Wake Up!
Can’t shake you enough 
Wake Up! Wake Up!

Wake Up! Wake Up!
I won’t watch you give up
Wake Up!

Wake Up!

-- CREDITS --
Written by Naz Hejaz
Produced by Tim Carr and Naz Hejaz
Dank Sax Outro by Ted Taforo
Mixed by Daniel James Goodwin
Mastered by Philip Shaw Bova

-- LYRICS --
I need It
You know that I can’t beat it
So help me change my mind
I want it
You know I’m not above it
So help me change my mind

Knock knock
You’ve come for my devotion but the door is locked
You catch me through the cracks that I’ve tried to block
And I’m low on my resistance so… help me god

You don’t speak
You just bite my lip and break all that’s left in me
You move so fast time hardly passes before I relapse into Incurable Dreams

I need It
You know that I can’t beat it
So help me change my mind
I want it
You know I’m not above it
So help me change my mind

Our eyes are locked
Take my soul or leave it
I know you’re not here to hold my hand or help me shape up
You’re fueling my dependence with every drop

I’m strung out 
Solely on your aftertaste, there’s no doubt
Your lingering flavor burns white like a savour who lures me
And leaves me devout

I need It
You know that I can’t beat it
So help me change my mind
I want it
You know I’m not above it
So help me change my mind

You know I’m not gonna beat it
So help me change my mind

You know I’m not above it
So help me change my mind

Incurable Dreams

January I am listening to the music of Haraen (Harae Nagoshi), a self described “dj composer” and “field recordist, photographer” based in Japan. The stylistic pastiche of their talents shine through each piece of music; emotional guitar, despondent piano glitching off to oblivion, reverbed out static that evolves into a steady hum. I really don’t know much about this artist nor do I remember how I stumbled across their music, but I do know they have a wildly prolific output (I have 40 releases and that isn’t everything). If you want a cozy show to keep warm during January, this will be one of my coziest yet.

Just A Dilettante w/ sold (Harae Nagoshi Special) - Jan 21st 2025

Beyond / Below 52 by @ilind. Received December 2024.
Photo by Theo Linder

"If there is one event that I have had the fortune of playing that feels like it seeps and oozes with the same spirit that motivates the wonderful mix series Beyond/Below, it is the annual ambient gathering, Chillits, held in Northern California each year. For that reason, I am honored to have a live recording of my set, recorded on site at the gathering in September 2024, welcomed here alongside so many brilliant ambient mixes. Grounded in a memory of traveling to Avebury with my father, this offering is dedicated to my brother, all of the hard-working free-spirits that tirelessly organize radical musical gatherings across the US and around the world, and to the recently departed Max Carpenter.

As expected for an event like this, the playlist is an approximation and likely has many gaps and unexpected additions. Mastering by the one with the metal plate, Jonathan James Carr."

i.lind, "27: Live at Chillits, 2024" for Beyond/Below:

1. Alice Coltrane - Om Shanti
2. Pete Speer - Om Shanti (extended)
3. Myrinerest - Journey to Avebury
4. ???
5. Something from Félecia Atkinson's 'Hand In Hand'
6. Donato Dozzy - Slow Train Pt. 2
7. Something from Daniel Teruggi's 'Sphæra'
8. Åke Hodell - 220 Volt Buddha
9. Cristina Kubisch & Trondheim Voices - Arrival
10. ???
11. Clairaudience Fellowship - Omphalos/Baltimore
12. Something from Matt Weston's 'A New Form of Crime'
13. Paul Lansky - Notjustmoreidlechatter
14. Hans Reichel - I Want You To Be Happy
15. ???
16. Twig Harper - Music for Higher-Dimensional Consciousness
17. Edward Ka-Spel - The Colour of Sadness
18. Coil - Dark River
19. Tones on Tail - Rain
20. Asa-Chang & Junray - Hana

52. i.lind

Digging into my archives again, a mix from 2013 recorded live at Cedar Room in Bushwick. This was a time of heavy exploration into balearic sounds.

Tracklist:
01. Michael Weisser – Island-Sunshine
02. Mudd – C40
03. Bliss – Wish U Were Here (Charles Webster Remix)
04. Antena – Bye Bye Papaye (Lex Mix)
05. Ashra – Midnight On Mars
06. B.J. Smith – Umi Says
07. Begin 04
08. Otto – Bab (Edu K Mix)
09. Ljudbilden & Piloten – Domedeijla Mosse
10. Maiden Voyage (Brook Mix)
11. Mudd – Speilplatz (Quiet Village Unreleased Instrumental Remix)
12. Sad City – Night Time Trail
13. November Group – Night Architecture
14. El Chicano – Do You Want Me (Inst)
15. Black Science Orchestra – Heavy Gospel Morning
16. Karma – High Priestess
17. Crue-l Grand Orchestra Feat. Miyuki Hatakeyama – Candidate For Love

The Blurred Crusade Episode 15

— 00:00 Olivier Messiaen / Les Corps Glorieux - 1 - Subtilité des Corps Glorieux / Jennifer Bate, St. Pierre de Beauvais

I thought this would be maybe a signature track that people would here filtering through the woods at night, announcing the beginning of my sets.
In retrospect, it’s a bit long, a bit like putting on the brakes.
But this has echoed in my mind for years as the most powerful line I know from his work.

My mother is an organist and consequently I went to organ concerts with her.

— 05:20 Arvo Pärt / Solfeggio / Theatre of Voices - Paul Hillier

I spent the 90s stoned out of my mind listening to every recording of Arvo Pärt I could get my hands on, which were plentiful thanks to ECM records and the prolific composer.

This slender work is unusal in its technical purity, and yet it is the one work that most often brings the strongest emotions.

— 10:30 Nico Muhly / Revd Mustard his Installation Prelude / James McVinnie

The minute I heard this sparkling gem I knew I would send a CD of it to my mother for her birthday and that she would be enchanted as I was.

— 13:47 Steve Reich / Drumming Part III / Steve Reich & Musicians

Each movement of Drumming features a different type of percussion instrument, and this is my favorite—glockenspiel! 

— 24:48 Michael Nyman / The Diary of Anne Frank (Arr. Richard Boothby): If / Iestyn Davies & Fretwork

When I saw there was a countertenor performing Nyman on the Cal Performances I bought tickets immediately.
Little did I know the bewitching effect of the combination of countertenor, viola da gamba, and Nyman.

Should you ever have an opportunity to see any of these musicians, do it.

— 28:16 Hans Reichel / Watching The Shades (I) / Hans Reichel

This was a crate-digging find at Tower Records in the 90s—Hans Reichel performs freeform on a stringed instrument of his own design, the Dachsman.

— 31:10 Stephen Scott / Rainbows, I / Colorado College New Music Ensemble and Stephen Scott

A find from the WOBC library, this music is made by threading horsehair through piano strings to create a bowed effect.  Two hands and therefore one person are required for each pitch, so it is a sight to behold.

— 36:33 Earth Jerks / Lorna Doom Rides Again

Long ago, in an Oakland far, far away, The Life-Saving Ministry held noise nights in an former church sanctuary.
Some time after, they curated an excellent happy hour at The Knockout in the Mission.
Earth Jerks are on Bandcamp, check them out.

— 42:50 Squid / Boy Racers

Don Baird played this one night at Hole in the Wall Saloon and it really freaked me out.

— 47:09 Flying Saucer Attack / Land Beyond The Sun

FSA was another band I listened to incessantly in the 90s, stoned out of my mind.
If anyone is interested in playing FSA covers, LMK.

— 52:23 Linda Perhacs / Chimacum Rain

My husband found Perhacs on a compilation literally called “Hippie Goddesses”, and the rest is history. 

— 55:42 Flying Saucer Attack / Suncatcher

This. Is. It. 

— 58:24 Maurice Duruflé / Quatre Motets, Ubi caritas / Ensemble Vocal Audite Nova,Orchestre de Colonne, Philippe Corboz (Organ)

I was very fortunate to be introduced to this by a high-school choir director.

My sister was in the choir, and I was asked to perform in the orchestra for the concert at Grace and Holy Trinity cathedral in KC.

This was on the program.

It was truly a life-changing experience.

To paraphrase the traditional meaning, the theme is: “Where charity and love are, community is there”.

— 60:21 Keith Jarrett / Spheres (4th Movement)

We finish with an organ work by legendary piano improviser Keith Jarrett.
I first encountered this in Rob Frike’s 2011 film “Samsara”, which I can’t recommend enough.
The Wheel of Samsara is a Buddhist model that expresses the cycle in which we live…

I hope you enjoyed this journey and that it inspires you to listen.

Aleph Naught

edge case

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