Decadence And Disorder (The Voice Of Anorexia) [2011 Version]

Sticks And Stones And Bones

Surface

Immune is a track from my 2018 album Dark Descent, about anorexia hospitalisation, and expresses how the sufferer is 'immune' to intervention due to the defensive strength of the anorexic voice.

Album artwork: Katie Metcalfe Photography

Immune

Midnight Run is a track from my 2018 album Dark Descent. With Midnight Run, I wanted to create something that would reflect the emotional drive and willpower that comes along with compulsive over-exercising as an anorexic.
It's very different to any other song on the album - it's upbeat, energetic, and was designed with running and exercising in mind.

Album artwork: Katie Metcalfe Photography

Midnight Run

Loving Curse is a track from my 2020 album Beauty In The Darkness. I wanted to try and make something to bridge the gap between Dark Descent and BITD, going for something more atmospheric and menacing, portraying the anorexic voice in its rawest form.

Loving Curse

Cold is a track from my 2020 album Beauty In The Darkness, based on the cold reality of anorexia hospitalisation. Within the track, I've added voiceovers reflecting the mental battle between the sufferer and the anorexic voice. Cold can also be seen as a sister song to Immune.

Cold

So Low is the first song I've written about depression, with undercurrents of an eating disorder. With this track, I tried to capture how I've felt during low times, and the need to hide myself away from others and shut out the world.

So Low

Beauty In The Darkness is a song from my 2020 album under the same name. 

This track was inspired by a YouTube comment on one of my other songs, which made me realise that there are elements of beauty within the darkness of eating disorders - for example, the intense euphoria and feeling of achievement experienced through weight loss. The lyrics convey how the ED tries to seduce the sufferer by playing on insecurities and fears from childhood, or from peer pressure, and offers a misleading sense of comfort and security.

Beauty In The Darkness

Invisible Killer is a track from my Hollow EP about atypical anorexia - a type of anorexia that means the sufferer may be a normal weight, or not fit the general criteria of typical anorexia nervosa.

It's an incredibly suffocating mental illness, which I've experienced first hand. Others tend to refuse to believe you have anorexia or offer you any help, based solely on the fact that you're not underweight.

Album artwork: Katie Metcalfe Photography

Invisible Killer

Deteriorate is a song from my Hollow EP about an eating disorder relapse. The idea for this song stems directly from a memory of a time when I experienced relapses of my eating disorder as a teenager.

A vivid image that hangs in my mind is of a crimson sky at dawn, when I would wake up early and run to burn off calories before the day had begun. There were some beautiful skies in the countryside, and for me, the red sky and cold morning rain always signalled the beginning of a relapse, and the fall back into the anorexic mindset.

Deteriorate

Recovered anorexic from UK 🇬🇧
Psychological music based on eating disorders & mental illness 🎶

Beauty In The Darkness

ElysianSoul

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