music

Creator of Family Guy Seth MacFarlane rap battles creator of the Simpsons Matt Groening to see who holds the crown of animating.

EPIC RAP BATTLE PARODIES
MATT GROENING 
VERSUS
SETH MACFARLANE
BEGIN!

Seth MacFarlane:
It seems today, we've both come to finally end this feud
Though I see no competition, just a wrinkly washed-up dude
You're just an old, dirty bastard who can't fork out one donation!
And has the inability to make any of his characters Caucasian!
I can't aboard my plane on 9/11, cause unfortunately, you see,
I'm busy winning Grammy's, could you take my flight for me?
My rhymes butcher like MacBeth, you won't take another breath
You should've thought twice before facing almighty animator Seth!

Matt Groening:
You've used all your humor, got no material to work with
You're as much as a little bitch as your abomination, Steve Smith
You aren't funny in the least! All of my work is cherished
And your jokes at the Oscars made your audience embarrassed
Your shit's so low-budget, you voice half the characters!
While I had 23 seasons with actual voice actors
You were desperate for the fame, now look at the results
You create cartoons where pets are smarter than adults

Seth MacFarlane:
I'm spitting my comedy - My rhymes are the bomb-diggity
Nobody will ever QuagADMIRE you! Giggity Giggity Giggty!
Your yellow skinned bitches can't compare to Family Guy's
If you were that into asians, you should've went with hentai
You're a sub-par creator, I'm who your fans are now adoring
Your name says groan in it, that explains why your show's so boring
I'm a Family Guy, bitch! Got shit funnier than Ted,
Now my audience will laugh as I flatten this Matt like Bread

Matt Groening:
I'm getting massive steamage, and I'm gonna cause some creamage,
To this amateur who gets horny off of Cleveland's cartoon cleavage
You're running out ideas, so I best not hear your bitchin'
Nobody cares to sit through five minutes of Peter vs Chicken
I'm not gonna stay for new episodes, there's nothing I'm missing
You can't keep a sucessful series, and you can't keep all the Griffins
I'm telling you Macfarlane, you won't make it much further
I'll keep first place in the comedy race, you'll be screaming bloody murder

WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLE PARODIES


Matt Groening vs Seth MacFarlane. Epic Rap Battle Parodies 25.

Bet you didn't see this one coming...

Cast:
Target: Supercoolguyjoe
Walmart: Justin Buckner
K-Mart: Nathan Provost
GameStop: RLYoshi
Toys R' Us: LazySundayPaper
Sam's Club: A good friend 
Walgreen's: MCGamingFTW
Kroger: WoodenHornets
Costco: HarryPotter2875
Mall: Mat4yo



EPIC RAP BATTLE PARODIES
WALMART
VERSUS
TARGET
BEGIN

Target Employee:
I expected more from your shitty corporation
But I payed less, you have no high expectations
Always low prices? Bullshit, you know that's a lie
when you sell a pillow for the price of a golden chained tie
Wipe off that smiley face like you did with the retro star
Your deli reeks of a homeless boy who just came out of the bar
Get ready, Wal-Mart, I'm gonna stomp you into a flea market
I'll pull out my bow, because you are my next Target

Wal-Mart Employee:
Talk about pay less when your economy is high
Saying "Here pay 500 bucks for this cherry apple pie!"
You sell expired food, and you're calling me a fraud?
I'm the true superstore, scrap that, supergod
Save money and live better when I kick your ass, I'm lovin' it
Serving you frying rhymes with a Big Mac
I've got prices that go down lower than your mother
I expected more from you, stay on target, you bugger

K-mart Employee:
Attention, Kmart shoppers, we got a special offer, homie
The ass-kicking of Target and Wal-Mart for half price, limited time only
My cold rhymes will surely make you ship your pants
With these big gas savings, you'll be left in a trance
I got a gas station, a car wash, and a café!
This shit ain't about the price tags, yeah, listen to Jessie J
Discount your lines from this battle, Kmart's the one who'll win,
My raps are true bargains, yours just belong in the bin

GameStop Employee:
GameStop it already, you so-called corporations
Before I Bioshock you, Super Smash you like a PlayStation
You think you're superior enough to make everything you sell overpriced?
Have a five-dollar coupon and a Wii Points Card; buy yourself a life
My shops are all over the world with all sorts of awesome names
Micromania, MovieStop, Babbage's, EB Games
I've got an Impulse to tell you all that I'm the greatest retailer
So prepare to get crushed when I bring power to the players

Toys R' Us Employee:
KKKKKKK, yeah, shut the heck up and park it
Go back to your clan, and step out of the black market
I only have to open up my doors and the children come flooding in,
You break, you buy, so you better get on your ass, and start cleaning
You close your shop at 11 to have a break, I'm open all night,
 The only time I'd be a customer is to tell you I'm always right
I may be Toys R Us, but this battle belongs to me!
Screw Target and the 'marts, I make little kids happy!

Sam's Club Employee:
You can call me Sam's Club, bitch, I got the ultimate deals
Crushing you puny punks with my bulk, leave you in rubble, for reals
I'll put your ass on blast, you two marts and shit, selling everything on clearance just to market it
I'll start a fit with wits, so let me target this, you motherfuckers should know never to come at this
And GameStop, get real, what's with your shitty ass trades?
I'm attracting buying customers, leave all your stores deserted for days
And what's your giraffe ass gonna do? Splash me with a water gun?
You're just a Toys R' Us Bitch, insert pedophile pun

Walgreen's Employee:
Alright motherfuckers, welcome to Walgreen's
I'm the dopest pharmacy store, that you've done ever seen
I have a hell load of customers, but enough time to fuck you up.
I'll diss every aspect of you, from Wal-Fart to Gay-Stop
What would you guys be without me? Just one pile of shit
My service is twenty times faster, just go on and live with it
We bring pills, ointments and plasters in all kinds of colors
I'll bury you all alive with this shovel, only twenty-five dollars


Kroger Employee:
You cheesy crappy supermarkets ain't seen nothing yet
I've got better products than all of you, we don't even need to bet
What the hell is a Sam's Club? Man, just merge yourself with BJ's
You faggots, you literally proved that stores can be gays
You think you can outnumber me? Ha, you're really out of luck
If you're not satisfied with the product, I don't give a fuck
Toys R Us likes little kids? Huh, what a perv
This final line is like my checkout, cause you just got served

Costco Employee:
Clear your shelves, I'll shut you down, I'll be the number one retailer
 I'd say the same for you, but you're all just failures
These rhymes are just a sample of what I can do to you
I'll cream you punks and turn you into quality food
We're VIP, only the best deserve to enter
You drain the souls of all your shoppers just like a Dementor
You can't win, it's impossible; I'm afraid you've lost yo
So drop like my prices and bow down to Costco

Mall Security:
The greatest supermarket coming in, who you gonna call?
If you think you won't fall, then suck this mall's balls
I've been around for ages, yet you call yourself history?
When I was built, all you faggots wanted to come inside of me
Where else can you get a video game and a meal?
A mall is filled with everything, it's pretty much the best deal and
Without me, you guys would all have nowhere to live,
SO be thankful, otherwise I've got no K's to give
Wal-Mart, I got Paul Blart, Target, you're not God.
You aren't o-K-mart and GameStop's just got COD
Step into my food court, you won't be acquitted
Cause you're Walgreen of jealousy, fellas, you're all bitches just admit it
Isn't it a gimmick when you're pinning down the king
You're just little prick thrift shops, who think you can win it
Well it's time to lock up for the night, your shift's done
I've put you all out of business, and there are no refunds

WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLE PARODIES

Walmart vs Target. Epic Rap Battle Parodies 30.

Battle of the talk show hosts. Jerry Springer vs Maury Povich.

RLYoshi as Jerry Springer
Nathan Provost as Maury Povich
Justin Buckner as Dr. Phil

Lyrics:
EPIC RAP BATTLE PARODIES
JERRY SPRINGER
VERSUS
MAURY POVICH
BEGIN!

Maury Povich:
Now would everyone sit down, I'll tell you a story
"Maury Eviscerates Jerry", warning: it's slightly gory
You're a ripoff of Oprah Winfrey, you're a dead ringer
Serious pain is what I'll bring, you're going down, Jerry Springer
On your show, everyone's fighting, it's like glorified MMA
Here's a Shocking Sex Secret: you're gay!
I'm crushing you, this moment's being Caught on Tape
But you just keep sliding down that stripper pole, you skank

Jerry Springer:
It's time to reveal a piece of baggage, this won't be a shock
Maury is having A Current Affair with Rupert Murdoch!
You hosted a rigged quiz show, congratulations, bro
Well let me take the fact you blow and shove it in your face for show
You've got episodes and episodes about transsexuality
Now who are you to judge, ho? Just let it be
You're trying to act all serious by talking about gangs and shit
Well Maury Povich this is it, I recommend you just quit!

Maury Povich:
Just because Wilkos was security, you shouldn't act tough
You're a musician? Yeesh! Isn't your talk show bad enough?
All you do is sit in a chair and watch people wrestle
Your dad owned a shoe shop? Well wasn't your family successful!
You're looking stressed, why don't you take a breather
Don't wanna watch your own show? Gee, me neither!
You can't be fixed, loony, why do I even bother?
You've fucked up, Springer, and you ARE the father!

Jerry Springer:
Yeah, I have a kid, but he's legitimate, asshole
Just like one of those teenage girls you're out of control!
Time for the hard truth, Maury, you have no reason to live
And your rhymes are even worse than the advice you give!
I'm a true entertainer, take some lessons from me
I'll knock you right off the air and end your trash TV
You need to calm your ass down, man, you're getting too pissed
You're a psychologist if you take out the -logist

Dr. Phil:
Okay, you've had your glory, now you can give it all to me
I'm Dr Phil, and you need some help with your psychology
Now I'm not the kind of guy to say "Let's talk about your mother"
But as of last night, I guess you could say I'm her lover
Rumors spread like wildfire, but this one ain't bullshit
I know that you two are having a gay relationship
You two are so crazy it should be considered heresy
My lines will make you depressed you'll need my therapy
Your faces I will shatter and your ashes I will scatter
I just wanted to let you guys know, that you don't matter
I went in for the kill, since I can do things you can't fulfill
Problem solved, my new book, Defeated Fools by Dr. Phil

WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLE PARODIES!

Jerry Springer vs Maury Povich. Epic Rap Battle Parodies 32.

Angry Chef vs Angry Judge

Nathan Provost as Gordon Ramsay
VideoGameRapBattles as Simon Cowell

Lyrics:

EPIC RAP BATTLE PARODIES!
GORDON RAMSAY!
VERSUS!
SIMON COWELL!
BEGIN!

Simon Cowell:
Time to spit rhymes so fiery, you'll be letting out a howl
Cause this pissy chef is about to get some one-on-one time with Simon Cowell!
You can't cook shit, even if it's literally a big steaming pile of turds
You're from Shakespeare's hometown, but you're terrible with words!
I'm rich and influential, you can't buy me, calm your racket
Why are you yelling at chefs when you couldn't even win a black jacket?
I fucking hate you and all your shows because it's just an act, your
Rhymes suck, but I got what it takes, I guess you could say I have the X Factor!

Gordon Ramsay:
JP, open Hell's Kitchen, it's time to smash in this asshole's jaw
What the fuck are you doing, Syco? Your rhymes are fucking raw!
Oh, I've seen your shows, you're not a judge, you're a first-class whiner
Get your act together, dick-face, this isn't a fucking fast food diner!
I've written tons of books and been on shit-tons of shows
Red or black? Pfft, it's not like I'd expect you to fucking know
You married a make-up artist? What the fuck is wrong with your face?
Evidently, Britain's got talent, just not in your case!

Simon Cowell:
What in the bloody hell was that? That was dreadful, my god!
Not to mention you go apeshit over one raw piece of cod!
I don't mean to be rude, but your rhymes are utter trash
Calm your ass, you don't need to yell 24/7, you'll still earn cash
Shut up, Whore-don Ramsay, and for God's sake, quit your bitchin'
Quit trying to rap, just grab a tampon and get back to the kitchen!
Your restaurants don't have such great reviews, uh-oh
And your raps are just so damn awful, even Paula would say no!

Gordon Ramsay:
Me, awful? You can't even tell if someone can't sing
If I can fall off a cliff and live, your rhymes won't do a fucking thing
By the end, you'll be ill, no Divo, understood?
Go back to banging fat Susan with your little piece of wood
You say you're better than me but I must make a correction
How can anyone speak positively of you? You created One Direction!
Now that you have been defeated by the one and only Gordon Ramsay
PISS OFF, GET THE FUCK OUT, YOU'RE DONE, OKAY?

WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLE PARODIES!

Simon Cowell vs Gordon Ramsay. Epic Rap Battle Parodies 33.

Nathan Provost as Father Time
Stephanie (Nathan's Girlfriend) as Mother Nature

Lyrics:

EPIC RAP BATTLE PARODIES
MOTHER NATURE
VERSUS
FATHER TIME
BEGIN!

Mother Nature:
Mother Nature has arrived here to show this dude some facts,
I've got flows like the wind, while you make people unable to relax,
By somehow making time seem faster, and you don't know what's in store,
Everyone must pay his debt to Mother Nature, so pay yours,
Sorry there big boy, didn't mean for you to get played
It's not my fault, that I had to Rain on your parade
It's in my Nature to win, I make rainstorms and fertilize farms,
Hurry up and realize that you're more annoying than an wake up alarm

Father Time:
Time goes by slowly when rapping against such a bore as Mother Nature,
Be nice for once and make good weather, you call it summer, I call it failure
You'll fall, like a tree in the forest, without a sound
I'm like the axis of life, I make the whole world go round!
You're ill-natured woman, all your lines are plain wrong, Mother,
I can see you're a girl, you can nag like no other.
It's over, Mother Failure, I've left you destroyed and depressed,
I would explain how much of a mess you are, but there's not much time left!

Mother Nature:
You're old and weak, stop playing with clocks!
To hell with the L, you like playing with cocks!
I'll take a storm and break through your face of glass
Oh, you'll bring the pain? Well I'll make it rain on your ass!
I expel weather, you can't mess with this angry chick
Come at me, dude, your beard's longer than your dick!
I guess it's just wrong timing , for you have just lost
It shows that Mother Nature's path is one you shouldn't cross.

Father Time:
This'll be a long battle for you
Cause time only flies when you're having fun, haha, I thought you knew!
Ignoring your disses is how I pass the time,
After your done PMS'ing, I dare you to spit a rhyme!
Poison Ivy, stop giving every man's crotch an itch
To quote from everybody, Mother Nature is a BITCH!
You've pissed me off for the last Time, so here's my last rhyme:
You fucked up my World, yes that's right bitch, it's mine!

WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLE PARODIES

Mother Nature vs Father Time. Epic Rap Battle Parodies 34.

Cri as The Deep
Grey as Deep Sea King
Written by Grey Julius, CreeperPasta, TheBlindCanadianCat, TripleStabber, Cri, and PRB
Edited by PRB
Mixed and Mastered by Serena
Beat by Ihaksi 
The Deep and Deep Sea King art by Triple Stabber
Saitama art by Kirbo

The Deep
No need to fear, The Deep’s is  here, I’ve got control of everything 
It won’t be hard to own the fish with a crown he got from Burger King
You’re the only fish i’d indorse eating, so i think i’ll call ya weak sauce
So don’t be cross, When i drop the beat and rain on your ass with deep thoughts (ay)
Weaker than nematodes, cheap shots won’t do shit
Lasted two episodes, you’re taking the piss
Watch me and The Seven fold you into deep dish
At least you’ll be sold, in the movie they make of this

Deep Sea King
Now what do we have here, let's have us a  looksy
A peasant who got knocked out  falling off his pet lucy
Even Mumen Rider could beat you, so why do you have the riches 
Now I don't need to kill ya, you already sleep with the fishes
I've seen your obscene flicks, wack like your team, kid
Been ruling the sea here, longer than this freak did
Leave you like other heros, pissing and weeping 
Rain on me? Forgotten who you’re dealing with?
I’m pullin up to get me some fresh kills
You cower up when you’re showing your gills
Better off in Ohio fool, don't even lie
You probably didn’t even write your own lines

The Deep
Nice verse there Fishy, too bad it didn’t sink in
Can't take over me with flow, how can they call you the king, fish? 
Stripped half the guys you fought and they say I’m a creep
But whatchu know about rolling down with The Deep? (ay)
Got owned by Bezos in lame clothes, that shit sounds made up
I ain’t taking shit from the dude wearing clown makeup
Bring the cameras close, everyone! For this last show, i will win this round
Cause I uh,um,uh………………….y-your rhymes are profound

Deep Sea King
Sucking up won’t work do i look like Homelander
They should call you The Shallow all you do is meander
You're living in infamy, while I'm wearing the crown, see?
Like my name was Timothy you can just bite me

The Deep Vs Deep Sea King (ft. Cri & Grey Julius)

LYRICS:

ANNOUNCER
It’s Live Rap Battles!
Waluigi vs. Benito Mussolini!
Lights, camera, action!

Benito Mussolini (0:20)
Cool mustache- Wait, who’s this menace in my presence?
No matter, I know just an L can make this mess jealous
Prime Minister in his Prime, talk shit, get smacked up
Cause now I’m ending your reign, call it Wa-Luigi Facta
The only sauce you got belongs atop linguini
While I’m the conqueror with gold bars - Mansa Mussolini
Prepare to be overruled, you’ve never seen a flow doper, dude
I pack a bigger bite than the plant that they chose over you

Waluigi (0:40)
Waluigi’s gonna win, stomping all your army men!
Bringing your demise, like it’s a Mario Party-san 
Don’t dance around the facts-a man, your Facism ain’t happenin’
Ya can’t bribe me to stop these words; I ain’t the Vatican
I’m hung like a horse, you were hung like a bitch
Like my hat, took an L and then your body got flipped
You’ll forever just be known as history’s biggest cuck
Watching and waiting as a bunch of dudes filled your mistress up! (Wah!)

Benito Mussolini (1:01) 
I couldn’t cause as much harm as that voice just did 
That verse was akin to assasination- I avoided it
I crush foes with ease, your crush would rather stay away
Love triangle? (Ha!) You’re on the tail-end of her Daisy-chain

Waluigi (1:12)
And you’re a flip-flopping brute that Italy gave the boot
A tacky treaty-signing toot - Jeff Bezos without the loot!
You’re balding, I’m balling when striking against a fascist
Enough chit chat, it’s time my pal attacks to tax this axis!

Wario (1:22)
YOU FORGOT THE WAH, AND YOU KNOW IT’S A MISTAKE
I EAT TYRANTS FOR BREAKFAST LIKE THEY’RE TOPPED WITH GARLIC PASTE
Wario’s got the Smooth Moves, in another war that you’ll lose
Those verses packed with poo poo, just prove you’re crazy, cuckoo!

Benito Mussolini (1:32)
You can’t halt my drive, so just eat my dust
This stinky capitalist packs that Elon Musk 
But with your fatass, that’s one his rocket couldn’t even carry
I got drip like the Blackshirts, but what’s Wario wearing?

MUSSOLINI
If you get to bring in a friend, then I do too!

WALUIGI & WARIO
NO, PLEASE! WALUIGI NO LIKEY!
THAT’S A BIG NO NO FOR WARIO!

MUSSOLINI
...Fine, I’ll do it myself. 
Ahem...

Benito Mussolini (1:53)
You try time and time again, but still get wiped from every scene
Parties, sports, and cars? You’re the whitest dude I’ve ever seen!
While I’ve both balls and a Pact of Steel
Your claim to fame is a racetrack- cuz you’re the fourth wheel
That racket from your fans’ the only love you’ll ever get
It’s your own fault you’re getting served so hard on the net
My March on Rome brought me from socialist to leadership unrivaled 
Your fans couldn’t get your ass into a main title
Benito Amilcare Andrea Mussolini
He’s the winner of this battle and the savior of Italy! 

Waluigi & Wario (2:19) 
You think you’re all that with those wack raps and golden trim?
Can’t be scarier than when his people got ahold of him!
You’re just a player two; A second fiddle to Hitler!
They called you Deuce ‘cause you flushed your whole country down the shitter 
We can take you, your Blackshirts, and all your racist friends- (wahahaha!)
And serve them all like my namesake’s Mercedes Benz
You shat the bed in Greece and still brag about your might now?
Usually your troops aren’t supposed to get wiped out 
While you went down in infamy, ran Italy so shittily
Wario and Waluigi took the dub like Sicily!

AdamSandlerDRB as Benito Mussolini

Zawesome as Waluigi
Fightmarker as Wario

JosaiahGAmesTV as The Announcer

Written By: Michael Stark, SimplyRazzy, Commander Jacob, Snakebite126, Zawesome, Fightmarker, & 3ple
Beat Produced by: Allrounda Beats
Mixed by: Michael Stark

Waluigi vs. Benito Mussolini - Live Rap Battles

Beat by Allrounda

Dr Robotnik
Snooping as usual, so let's get down to business.
I'll kick Mario in his mushrooms, and prescribe him my Pingas.
"Ivo" Robotnik will give this woke Doc the smoke.
I'll have Peach licking my mean bean and chugging my yolk.
I’ve an army of robots. What do you got?
A fake degree and a brother who doesn't love you a lot?
In this battle rap of medics, I know I'll come out the winner
When I serve you like Spaghetti and eat you for Dinner.

Dr Mario
I'm a Mario rapper, prescribing you with disses
After this battle, I'm getting Princess Peach kisses!
I’ve got em dancing to the tune of my Warp Flute
When I hear you rapping, all I hear is TOOT TOOT TOOT!
And when it all starts to rain again, I better not see you leave
Don’t abandon me, stuck on my knees to grieve
(singing)
Hey baby. I just want you to know you’re looking really beautiful tonight <3

Dr Fauci
Dr. Anthony Fauci. Born in 1940.
Took Peach to my room and got blown by that shorty.
Watched The Sky Had a Weegee, shit gave me a tumor
Ivo’s fatass thinks he can rap? Ok Boomer.
Killed a few dogs, wasn't feeling so hot
Had the doc put me down with a Pfizer shot
Biden’s my next target. This is Fauci’s Last Stand.
So I’ll give you a taste of Anthony’s prostate exam

Did someone say prostate exam?
Shut the hell up bitch

Dr Phil
New symptom of Covid; it’ll make your ass bleed
You ugly, disgusting, give me the vaccines
Your faces I will pound see, you will be saying ouchies
You should really just kill yourself now Dr. Fauci
Get real, here’s something you can’t bare to hear
It’s that you’re an overweight, lonely, mental failure
Talked to your wife and Dr. Philled her with my cock bitch
If doctors can’t die they can sure be forgotten 

Dr Octagonapus
Dr Octagonapus BLAHHHHHHHHHH (WOO)
Shake that fucking ass bitch

The Doctor Royale.

Garten of Banban 2 song by ITownGameplay

lyrics:

Ayo
This a song about
My, my stepdad
Let's see if this ever happened to you
I, I hate
My, my stepdad
One thing that sticks in my craw
When I was six and I saw my stepfather hittin' my mom
Socked her right in her eyeball
I'm startin' to think I'm psychotic
With all the pictures that I draw of
Shit that I've already witnessed, this probably twisted my thoughts
All I can hear is drama with mom and him
I can always hear 'em arguin' down the hallways
The walls are thin so the noise is startin' to feel like the norm
My dog pissed on the carpet, he stomped it so hard
Doctors had to put it down
He killed my chihuahua, this motherfucker
I, I, hate
My, my stepdad (stepdad)
So tonight I'm sayin'
"Bye-bye stepdad" (stepdad)
Outside, I look like I'm calm
Inside, I'm a tickin' time bomb
'Cause of this motherfucker, who sticks his dick in my mom (my mom)
Last night, he said I left the kitchen light on
But he walked in there this morning and purposely flipped it, I saw him
Hickory switch to my bottom, I counted sixty-nine times
He swatted me with it, I'd cry
He just started hittin' me harder
God, I just wish I could jaw him
If I could get my weight up
But I'm just a second grader
This prick is bigger than I am
But I've been readin' at school about this shit called liquid cyanide
I'm fantasizin' at night when he's sleepin' at just the right time
Sneak up with a lethal injection and put him down like they did to my dog
I'm talkin' euthanasia (euthanasia), like kids in Taiwan
This fuckin' shit's like Saigon (Saigon)
Neighbors called police on him
So many battery charges, this dude's like lithium ion
Then mom and him let bygones (bygones), just be bygones
So on eggshells, I walk and just try not to piss this guy off
But this why I
I, I, hate
My, my stepdad (stepdad)
So tonight I'm sayin'
"Bye-bye stepdad" (stepdad)
So this year, I'm goin' to the fifth and I'm tall
I'm five foot six on my block, I'm the toughest kid but I got
Way bigger fish to fry, which is why I'm tryna get this bitch to fly off
The handle and wait for the fist to fly to put this guy in a pine box
He's always lookin' for chaos but tonight I've cooked up a plan
So this Christmas, I got some color books and some crayons
I'm layin' on the floor, in the living room with some friends colorin'
He walks by, kicks my arm and goes "Whoops" and just laughs
I yelled for mom (mom) and as she's rushin' to my defense
I stood up and said, "Fuck you punk" and I took off and ran
To my bedroom, as I fled
Knowin' shit would hit the fan
Slammed the door and hid behind it with an aluminum bat
He kicked it in
I swung it hard as I could at his head
His noodle went splat, he fell right at the foot of my bed
I'm a little bit scared but my anger's overtooken the fear
I threw down the bat and just started whoopin' his ass
Beat him with my bare hands, the big bad wolf ain't so bad
"Ding-dong, " the pussy is dead, the bully finally gets his
Stomped him until he pissed enough to fill a two liter with
Then buried him next to my dog
And if I go to juvie for this, I'ma tell 'em
I, I, hate
My, my stepdad (stepdad)
So tonight I'm sayin'
"Bye-bye stepdad" (stepdad)
'Cause I, I, hate
My, my stepdad (stepdad)
So tonight I'm sayin'
"Bye-bye stepdad" (stepdad)

prod. by kendrick lamar
coverart by serena
special thanks to shadow money wizard gang

Peashooter! (feat. Freshy Kanal)

Written, Recorded, and Thumbnail by JesseBox
Beat Arrangement, Mixing and Mastering by Freshy Kanal
Guitar Riffs by YuugenVinny

Special Thanks to Freshy Kanal, Yuugen Vinny, Snakebite126, Shimario, My Parents and The Bikini Bottom❤️


Jinx:
Aw a fellow blue haired bitch thinkin’ she wants some
Your “nakama” and “kumbaya” shit don’t work where I come from
Keep your fairy tails away from me, I’m not afraid to fucking rip your face off, I’m droppin bombs on top this creepy stalker

Like Pow! I’ve got an arsenal with weapons galore
Been on the roster for a decade and still the players want more!
Your tacky fanservice is almost cute, but terrible still
I liked you better as a rock girl, or when you had guts to kill 

I mean, c’mon, chick, you could’ve been so badass!
Instead your writers picked one gag and then played that trash for laughs
And I mean, no one even knows your dumb kid’s series anymore
Potential and relevance down the drain, need I say more?

Juvia: 
I’ll have you know that I am doing just fine
Cause I know how to aid my friends when their lives are on the line
You’re a reckless child, meddling while the task was being handled
Had you just been mature, Vi could’ve still had Vander

I’m an Ex Element four, was S class in Phantom Lord
I’ve the scars to prove my passion and agony I’ve endured
And my guild believed in me to change for good when I was wrong
Your family never had that trust, and thanks to you, they’re all gone

All your punches do is phase through me due to my water power
And I will not be shaken, I’m cool like rain that will shower
Except in Jinxes’ case, all it takes is words to confound her
Crush her like Mylo and Claggor and turn her back into Powder

Jinx:
*groans* That isn’t me, don’t call me that
I can feel all their pain, the monsters are coming back
I can’t take it any longer, your attacks, they’re much stronger
And I- *pfft*… haha.. HAHHAHAHAh

You can’t meet the damage I’ve done
You peaked during your season one
And what you call love is just an obsession that you manifested, and it’s fuckin’ scaring him off

He’s annoyed by you
And girl, the viewers feel the same too
Only Mashima’s shitty writing could’ve given you
A world where Gray even tolerates you!

Juvia:
What did you say?
About my Gray?
I’ll make you pray that you stayed in your lane or met an early grave like where your parents lay!
Don’t play with this rainwoman
I’m not afraid of a thieving rat with nothing to her name

Who do you think you are? You’re not the savior of Zaun
Cause all it takes is pink hair to take this failure off guard!
This poor pathetic schizophrenic should just quit while ahead
Thought she found her calling, then her THIRD father ended up dead

And by your hands no less. 
Just loss after loss and this one was bound to be next
Keep causing problems and problems are all that you’ll get
Past the point of help
I’d say that you were cursed but Vi said it better herself

Jinx vs. Juvia Lockser - Jesse’s Rap Battles

original battle: https://soundcloud.com/user-953382854/cheshire-cat-vs-schrodingers

this battle singlehandedly convinced me that rosenthal is a goat and made me wanna collaborate with them, so this is a way for me to return the favor 

mix and cover art by me
beat by libra
everything else by rosenthalfishes

Cheshire Cat (0:14):

I am the Cheshire Cat, welcome to my Wonderland,
You want to battle rap? You must be hatter mad,
'Cause that plan is total cap no matter how you catch these hands.
Chess to your boxing match, tell me what comes after that?

Ah right. Your entire life fades. I think your mind ain’t the right place
Debating ‘bout a quantum space. Complacently my playground is the mental state!
Shove your stupid theories back in your box, you only prove your worth with words and talk!
Here’s an observation I made when I looked at you, your win is totally gone!

Schrodinger's Cat (0:40)

Cheshire, you best not mess with an experimental tester
Whether or not you enter my box, you will find you are lesser
Hypothesis of my pseudo-science, you shouldn’t be smiling when you eye my findings
Terrorising a tiny child like your writer then hiding in the lines like you’re pedo-filing, uh!

While my question's quite complex, you’ve literally lost your head. In my thoughts, I’ll
Opt to forget this bothersome pet but I know it’s not possible yet, it’s a toss up
Whether or not the probable end of following disses bodying disembodied
Heads get a fraudulent death, this has brought me ahead! Now, your defence?

Cheshire Cat (1:07)

What? What?
It seems like the real mystery’s whatever the fuck you discuss, ‘cause it must be
Like one big crusty bunch of duds who get stumped by an Amazon package.
Your argument’s like a rabbit, they follow it and your world collapses.

Schrodinger’s Cat (1:21)

You’re not smart enough to understand, you only ponder when it’s part of your Wonderland,
I couldn’t tell if you were intelligent when I looked at ya, y’know, like you’re Looking Glass?
‘Cause when you’re fighting the feline who’s neither alive or reaped, at the sight of me
You’ll fold when I deck ya with speed like the Queen of Hearts, that’s Binocular Rivalry.

Cheshire Cat (1:35)

My words chain like a catenary, cat’s are nary prone to form brawls with adversaries,
But for you? (Yes, you) The situation’s scary. (Yeah!) This foe spits rather hairy! (Uh!)
On the contrary, when you’re comparing us? I choose when I’m not lingering,
You’re a little Sphynx giving a silly riddle. (Who?) Schro’s more Schro-bingus!

Either way, you’ll still be Flopping! They put your ass up for adoption!
Frankly, your mechanic’s more quan-dumb, went from paradox to oxy-moron!
When you start talking, it’ll cause the alarm to detect my diss so toxic,
You’re gonna fail and pass away ‘cause like your later portrayals, you did na-zi your loss, bitch!

Schrodinger’s Cat (2:01)

It’s true that I’m locked in, caught in a awful coffin,
But when I drop bombs in my box, the volume’s up. Call that shit sub-atomic.
‘Cause the chance you beating me ain’t fifty-fifty, the time’s dry.
When it comes down to people I talk to, this kid’s more Liddel Einstein!

I’m the classiest cat in this rap, you’re a sad has-been with a knack for distracting
Madness, you only ever spit Radioactive like my flask does when I Imagine Draggin’
Your flat ass back to the pasture - your past home - pass by your passport, now in the Lowlands,
I’ve seen Manyworlds, but the skill between us is plain to observe - like a Cheshire Gap.

[RAYYAN MIX] Cheshire Cat vs. Shrodinger's Cat  - Rap Battles of Whatever

Having spent more days inside the pen than out, these two toxic foes are not to be trifled with, which one will overpower the other?

Written by R the Writer
B-Lo as Bane
MetalFireVA as Magellan
Thumbnail by Soul
Audio Mixed by B-Lo
Beat Prod. by 2Deep

Bane:
Do you know who I am? I am not pirate or marine
Not a monkey, croc, or shark, nor a gleeful dancing queen
Stand above sadistic guards and cowardly vice wardens
But I embody each in one way, you fell before them
Born and raised imprisoned, I know how to handle bars
You had one job, lost it and gained some facial scars
Tear Impel Down apart, then I pull myself together
Breaking you worse than the bat with every single limb dismembered

Magellan:
Hold it Hannyabal, I'll be the one to show him hell
Don't need to be the chief to throw this menace in a cell
Think I fell before a prisoner? I'll tell you now, you're dead wrong
Even those who left weren't dumb enough to take me head on
When my hydra coats the wax, then you'll truly learn to dread me
As I imitate your dad, and leave you with another dead beat
Your IQ points are dropping, your actions lack momentum
So put down your feeding tube and get a taste of real venom

Bane:
I'm an icon of pop culture, you're a blip in your own lore
As your failure was followed by an all out pirate war
You most trusted post-demotion feels like quite the fake out
Since we all know you'll soon suffer a second breakout
You'll need to make a deeper floor, before your gates become agape
Because I'm worse than any foe that you've chose to let escape
Far as brains go you're ranked below your mob of blue apes 
But if you wish to compare strength then I'll squish you like a grape

Magellan:
The devil's out to get you, he's moving pretty fast
Your biggest feats are retconned, your reputation: trash
And you want an opportunity to prove you're more than talk?
Well I've used my poison powers to leave every exit blocked
You're nothing but a patsy, your allies need not bother
Lost favor with the demon's head, and your shot at his daughter's
Though I suppose it's apt, there's no taste in what you spew
Truth is, I've taken shits that have caused more pain than you

Bane Vs Magellan - Rap Battle

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awsome “mine oers preson

Liam Ortmeier

Lost Perro

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