doodles

✨🪐🌏✨

my pet dog is only person that ever talks to me
she makes me feel so happy and i know that she won't judge me
unrequited love makes me wanna stay inside my room
but then i see a wagging tail and i'm taken completely out my gloom

we go on walks all night i could never be with anyone else
bella makes me happy when i can't live with myself

bella

telephone pole

cold days n coffee shops

feeble

lovely <3

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-

and i said whats up
what you been thinking
cos you been staring at that roof so long id swear its come alive
and she spoke nine words
and now were sinking
but i cant find it in myself to want to lie to keep this thing from going down

cos that girl took my heart
and i aint want it back
no
im laying down my cards

cos you said it meant nothing
and i shouldve kept my silence
but i guess im too attached to my own pride to let you know
that all these words meant nothing
and ive always been this heartless
and we were just having sex no i would never call it love
but love

oh no i think im catching feelings and i
dont know if this is empathy i feel just
hold on remember why you said this was the last time
woah
so i guess its
let die to let live

and whats good
when both choices ive got
have us staring down the barrel
to the bullets i cant stop
and so i stand off
like indecisions kevlar
till this fear of feeling stops and im done
but you

no i dont know how to forget you

cos that girl took my heart
and i aint want it back no
a bulletproof restart

oh no i think im catching feelings and i
dont know if this is empathy i feel just
hold on remember why you said this was the last time
woah
so i guess its
let die to let live

no i dont know how to forget you

/i am done feeling

i think you think too much of me

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-

cos i had the best of the worst sides
and i had these lungs
and i had too many flash fires
that i just let them burn

till my chest is on fire
and my head just wont die
i guess im lying cos i wanna
i guess im lying cos i dont
cos i just feel so tired
like its move or slowly die
you aint you when youre like this
this aint you and you know it
but aint that just the point

you dont know
how to let go
who said this must be all or nothing
but im
still caught below
and ill never let you know
no i cant tell you nothing

cos im a fucking mess sometimes
but still i could always be
whatever you wanted
but not what you needed
especially when you been needing me
cos im a fucking mess sometimes
and ill say what i dont mean
just cos i wanted
or maybe i need it
swear lyings the only rush i need

cos all i needed was some words to say
that all these feelings dont mean shit to me
cos its all just chemicals anyway
anyway
and i got way to many routes to take
to make this all just go away
and find another heart to break
so heartless with the words i say
just saying what im supposed to say
cos i had nothing for you
i cant love when i cant even love myself
things i would rather be thoughts at the back of my head but im addicted to hurting
and i got these lungs
and I spent too many late nights
thinking a hole in the earth

till the sky is on fire
and my head still wont die
i guess im lying cos i want to
i guess im lying cos i dont
cos i just feel so tired
like i need something to come alive
she said you aint you when youre like this
this aint you what you done?
and i said thats the point

you dont know how to let go
who said this must be all or nothing
but im still caught bellow
and ill never let you know
no i cant tell you nothing

cos im a fucking mess sometimes
but still i could always be
whatever you wanted
but not what you needed
especially when you been needing me
cos im a fucking mess inside
and ill say what i dont mean
just cos i wanted
or maybe i need it
swear lyings the only rush i need

/numb

drugs

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-

so tell me this is who you are
they tell me ive got something more
and oh you could be loved
but i dont want the lights to find me when im dark and lost
but never on my own

cos i just wanna swing like sinatra
singing like i cant stop
cos i could never rock like a rolling stone
i just wanna live like the ones before
and maybe i could play guitar like hendrix
or save the world or end it
and then maybe youll remember me when im gone
thats all i could ever want
thats all i want

so i got ten minutes to be all or nothing to
whoever wants to hear
and i got ten weeks of talking bullshit on repeat till im burnt out and disappear
but i owe you nothing
and i own my luck
oh they said youll never be alone again
but i dont think you understand me or what i fear
but you could be loved
but i dont want to lie to tell myself
im more than all the mistakes ive out run

cos im only here for a minute
and i dont care what you say cos i know
youre only here cos im winning
but i can be my own kind of rock and roll like
i dont really care if you say you dont fuck with me
and i can say what the fuck i want cos its down to me
and i got love for you even if you are doubting me
like oh my god i just cant stop

cos i just wanna sing like sinatra
with ethanol my soundtrack
cos i could never rock like a rolling stone
i wonder how it feels to burn out young
cos i just wanna die before my heart fails
from heartbreak or cocktails and
then maybe youll cry once you know im gone
thats all i could ever want
oh thats all i want

cos i aint scared of living
i aint scared of living
no i aint scared of living
cos its all weve got
what are we breathing for if we aint living
and i dont want your love
i just want to feel like im still living
and if there is no god
ill know the day i die i lived through heaven
and that i gave it hell
and if it hurt oh well at least thats living

thats all i want

sex drugs and rock and roll thats all i want
whats under the words you know thats all i want
something more than superficial is all i want
sex drugs and rock and roll thats all i want

/i aint scared of living.

bella

ew bear