i wish that i was better but i just dont know how
i wanna do right by my girl so i can finally say vows
i swear im doing all it takes so im not letting her down
but every time i try to climb my demons pulling me down

i keep a smile up on my face but im just dying inside
i make a toast to all my failures while my soul running dry
i swear i only feel myself when im just too fucking high
its even better when im crossed and i know you wonder why

i gotta problem with myself, and i never feel safe
im holding trauma in my bones, got me feel like a slave
i wish that i could be myself i dont know how to behave
and i could blame this borderline but im too gone to be saved

i wear a mask, but its cracking with age
and im not worth it, less than minimum wage
i think that im a monster, let me me out of my cage
but if you do ill disappear to keep you safe from the rage

what would J do, thats some words to live by
im not coping, im just to get by
say im fine but i know its just a big lie
if you werent around i know id be up in my pigsty

im on saint johns bay, smokin three point five
when im this detached, give a fuck bout life
when im down and out, im reaching for the knife
know they call it self harm, but i call it my life

i swear that im trying, im doing my best
but sometimes its just hard with this weight on my chest
like im just tryna live, like no more and no less
like its hard every day guess its time i confess

if i die, middle of my sleep
i pray the Lord, that my soul He keep
im so messed up, and my roots run deep
i pray for forgiveness, i hope He see me

st johns bay pt 2

gloom

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https://celsiusrecordings.bandcamp.com/album/northern-lights-ep-2

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