i cant keep up
my body will rot
and bloom into nothing
a beautiful ending
why do you watch
im sorry im not
enough to say goodbye
tell me why should I

scratch at my skin
 wonder what it all meant
a casket under a flowerbed
or ashes spread against the world you live
pull me apart and get it over with
I wonder what its like inside your head
pull me apart and get it over with

i cant keep up
my body will rot
and bloom into nothing
a beautiful ending
why do you watch
im sorry im not
enough to say goodbye
tell me why should I

bloom [prod. slidinmoon & acidfunk]

AGORAPHOBIA

Higher Place

Higher Place ft. Darkskyparadox (prod. Nitrous)

raw vocal lil cypher session I did with Eadith peak pandemic durning quarantine

even then (prod. eadith)

𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐫𝐲𝐬𝐨𝐧<3

𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚣𝚞𝚔𝚎𝚜𝚊.
come around
ik im a fuck up jus a let down
but we could run away my love, from this town<3
gaze inside her eyes been filled w/ hate now
need 2 stay down
really need sum backup
u know ur the only one i want luv
cant fkn take this aching make my chest numb
you the one i want luv

𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚊𝚕.
cant even snap back 2 this snapchat
got 80 ounce in this backpack
making lame shit on this old mac
while my friends out in their pontiac
how are you so contagious
holding back on my anguish
'cardi rocks when im anxious
blood n mud on these pages
she dont talk but her eyes flirt
louis v n that black skirt
pulling up in that chrysler
bloody shirt n my chest hurts

𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚣𝚞𝚔𝚎𝚜𝚊. 𝚡 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚊𝚕.
come around
ik im a fuck up jus a let down
but we could run away my love, from this town<3
gaze inside her eyes been filled w/ hate now
need 2 stay down
really need sum backup
u know ur the only one i want luv
cant fkn take this aching make my chest numb
you the one i want luv

ep w/ bry soon also~ if you've read this far then thank you all sm for all of the support this past year, and just in general if you listen to any of my stuff. it genuinely means the whole world. ily all sm<3

follow spotify!

let_down w/ residential. (ushanka boy)

instrumental composed by admiin

Couch on the porch
So I sleep down on the floor 
House of a whore
That night burnt down in the storm 
Words that you said 
Still burn me down to my core 
I spend some time in your head
Just to leak out thru ur pores

Doubts  and
 discourse 
Comes out of the mouth of my corpse
Oceans, mountains and porn 
I don’t see how you get bored 

Out in the north 
They think down south we’re just poor
I have my doubts but I’m sure 
That we’re just proud that it’s warm

And the miles of shore
And the mountains of course
And there’s so much more to do
And there’s so much more to lose
So there’s guns in the house under the pillow
As I write love songs in my breath on your window
I’ve seen her by the river
I beg god that she’s a saint 
But I wish way more that she’s a sinner 
And her skin feels like West Virginia rain
(When you’ve lived here long you can smell the rain)

I go 
Through the thorns for hella miles
Just to hold you for a while
Just to see you with a smile 
You can go wherever I go
You say where and I where and I will follow you
(Don’t care where I will follow you)

Thru The Thorn

Thru the Thorn (prod. admiinn)

a fatal disease (p. Thornskin)

parlay my endorphins

Parlay My Endorphins

AFRICAN SUMMER (prod. Hurtclub)

lyrics: 
y si tan solo pudiera explicar
que no tengo razón pa despertar
si no estás en mi rumbo
no gasto segundos
y solito me hundo
y es duro no querer aceptar
que si no te busco no te veo más
que si me doy la vuelta 
ya nunca tocarás mi puerta
pero no cambiaré quien soy
tú estarás mejor si me voy
señales tan confusas, siento que me usas

se sentía como un sueño
ecos de tu voz en mi mente
no nos veremos de nuevo
sabes que nunca fui muy valiente
sabes mis miedos, los tienes en frente
en ese espejo contemplé mi suerte
y sin más remedio caigo
ya no hay nada que me pueda despertar

sin ti mi camino está falto de un final
con mi alma perdida me podrás hallar
pero es irreal, me sienta muy mal 
saber que con nadie más sentiré igual
es tan irreal que pueda funcionar
un ser tan inamovible y uno que no puede parar

se sentía como un sueño
ecos de tu voz en mi mente
no nos veremos de nuevo
sabes que nunca fui muy valiente
sabes mis miedos, los tienes en frente
en ese espejo contemplé mi suerte
y sin más remedio caigo
ya no hay nada que me pueda despertar

COMO UN SUEÑO (GRAYSKIES)

oh those eyes remind me that it all ends bad
hold her hand with the IV sticking out I cant
sit and say goodbye please baby don’t leave
it should have been me
it should have been me

I never felt as powerless as i did in the hospital room
every second and hour spent saying how much i love you
and I’m so sorry that I fucking lied
said I’ll protect you but I couldn’t this time
it doesn’t matter how hard I tried
how the hell do I say goodbye
i wanna be the way we were
but it just keeps getting worse
keep screaming at the nurse I’m sorry
watch them take away your body

oh those eyes remind me that it all ends bad
hold her hand with the IV sticking out I cant
sit and say goodbye please baby don’t leave
it should have been me
it should have been me
scream until you comeback
I need you please don’t go yet
give me one more day
why would they take you away from me
I’m staring at the sky 
and wonder if you’re behind with
a thousand eyes on you
sitting inside the blue it still doesn’t feel real yet
kneeling next to your bed and seeing you so damn cold
just tell me its all a fucking lie

oh those eyes remind me that it all ends bad
hold her hand with the IV sticking out I cant
sit and say goodbye please baby don’t leave
it should have been me
it should have been me

keep screaming (prod. neek)

vocals - deep october
produced, mixed, mastered by jackson sadinsky
love u zac

@fatherfuneral

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/4lJhOYxupX3NfqlIVz6Gr2

apple music: https://music.apple.com/us/album/endorphin-feat-deep-october-remix/1548754098

Thru the Thorn (prod. admiinn)

Deep October