BPD·BPD
Debut album

BPD official music video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9x-lcsDyck

If you need to talk to someone, or you're worried about a friend call 116 123 or visit: https://www.samaritans.org

BPD·In the Walls

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I'll never get used to it
The weight of it
Draped across my chest
Every time I get undressed
And I know the signs of it
Your eyes are somewhere else
Your mood is dark as fear
Of the voices that you hear

In the walls
Where the light gets in
I am here
Oh
But you're not
I just can't find where you begin
It's like you're stuck
In the walls
Oh
I just can't find where you begin
It's like you're stuck

You say that I'm cold and mean
I say you're a drama queen
This house is such a mess
And there's anger on your breath
I wanna believe you
But I need you to follow through
'Cause I know that it's a choice
To listen to that voice

In the walls
Where the light gets in
I am here
Oh
But you're not
I just can't find where you begin
It's like you're stuck
In the walls
Oh
I just can't find where you begin
It's like you're stuck
In the walls
Where the light gets in
I am here
Oh
But you're not
I just can't find where you begin
It's like you're stuck

I don't wanna lie with you
In that mausoleum
There's gotta be another way
But how the hell would I know?
I don't wanna die with you
In your mausoleum
There's gotta be another way
But how the hell would I know?

In the walls
Where the light gets in
I am here
Oh
But you're not
I just can't find where you begin
It's like you're stuck
In the walls
Oh
I just can't find where you begin
It's like you're stuck
In the walls

In the Walls

BPD·Help Me (reprise)

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Another night grows heavy
Eyes are barely open
In the quietness I'm chocking
Pain is left unspoken

You don't see, you can't see, what you think isn't me
In my head, in my mind, there's a raging
Like a weight, in my chest, crushing down like a test
And I'm falling inside, I am failing

Please forgive me, please don't leave me
Help me, help me, help me
Please just hold me, stop me falling
Help me, help me, help me oh

I know that trust is breakin'
I can't pull you closer
When the shadows start to clear
Will we both be over?

It's the same, worn old song, and I'm screaming along
In my head, in my mind, like I'm dying
All the doubt, and the blame, and my love and my shame
It's not you, this is me, and I'm trying

Please forgive me, please don't leave me
Help me, help me, help me
Please just hold me, stop me falling
Help me, help me, help me oh

Help Me (reprise)

BPD·Broken

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Body in the backseat
Mind out on the street
Soul in a casket
Heart in a basket
Feet in the river
Dreams in the shiver

Legs on the dashboard
And hands on the floor

Feels like I fell
From a third-story window
I can't stand up
When my bones have turned to jello
Feels like I fell
From a third-story window
I can't stand up
When my bones have turned to jello
I can't stand up
When my bones have turned to jello

Life is a beauty
I'm the little monster
Life is a predator
And I'm the monster
I'm the cancer
And life's the monster
My life is a beauty
And I'm the cancer

Head in the cloud
But my eyes on the ground

Feels like I fell
From a third-story window
I can't stand up
When my bones have turned to jello
Feels like I fell
From a third-story window
I can't stand up
When my bones have turned to jello
I can't stand up
When my bones have turned to jello

Broken

BPD·My Black Dog

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It creeps it crawls it bites
My Black Dog got teeth tonight
Scratches at the door
Wants to settle in for more

Oh the hurt
Yeah the dirt

My Black Dog is here again
My Black Dog when will it end
My Black Dog is my best friend
So it seems

Swirling thoughts never cease
No quiet no peace
He whispers in my ear
Every single fear

Oh the shame
It's all the same

My Black Dog is here again
My Black Dog when will it end
My Black Dog is my best friend
So it seems

My Black Dog is here again
My Black Dog when will it end
My Black Dog is my best friend
So it seems

My Black Dog

BPD·Invisible

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You trace the outline of my skin
But never feel the weight beneath
I'm speaking in a broken code
You only catch the shallow breath I leave
You think the storm has passed
But I'm still caught in the undertow

You're reaching out with steady hands
I'm falling through the floorboards slow

You don't see it, you just see me
Smiling with the cracks pulled tight
You don't feel it, you just feel me
Slipping further out of sight
I'm here beside you, yet I'm not
You hold my body, but not my night

You light the room with easy words
But shadows answer back to me
You call it silence, I call it fire
That burns without a flame to see
You think I've chosen distance
I'm tangled in an endless wire

You're steady like a metronome
I'm the space between the time

You don't see it, you just see me
Smiling with the cracks pulled tight
You don't feel it, you just feel me
Slipping further out of sight
I'm here beside you, yet I'm not
You hold my body, but not my night

If I could hand you what I carry
Would you still stay, or let it fall?
I keep it hidden in my marrow
But it poisons every call

You don't see it, you just see me
Smiling with the cracks pulled tight
You don't feel it, you just feel me
Slipping further out of sight

Invisible

BPD·Emetic

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My brain
Unplugged
Flatline
Has stopped
And I'm falling
In love
Falling
Apart
And I can't
Control
The
Spasms

Is this
Normal?

My throat
Is burning
Like fire
Is building
Inside
And it's bursting
In fountains
In torrents
In waterfalls
It floods
My soul
I can't stop it
I can't stop it
I can't stop it

I can't stop it

In my dreams
There's blood
It's your blood
I wash my hands
I keep
Washing
But my hands
Are stained
Stained
Like a map
To my sins

Is this
Normal?

My throat
Is burning
Like fire
Is building
Inside
And it's bursting
In fountains
In torrents
In waterfalls
It floods
My soul
I can't stop it
I can't stop it
I can't stop it

Emetic

BPD·Monochrome

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There's a man from hell inside my mind
Have to chain him up all the time
And I couldn't find the strength to keep him bound
Without that dirty sprite to cool me down

'Cause I just can't see in grey
But if I want to live then I have to
That's why I spend all my days
Killing all my brain cells with you
And I need you now
Please don't run out
I can't live without you
Please don't run out on me now

Gotta help me deal with all this grind
Help me keep a task in my mind
And without you in my life I'd be unwound
Tied up in canvas straps to keep me bound

'Cause I just can't see in grey
But if I want to live then I have to
That's why I spend all my days
Killing all my brain cells with you
And I need you now
Please don't run out
I can't live without you
Please don't run out on me now


I know it's not salvation, it's a cage I built inside
But without the numbness flowing, there's no place for me to hide
If I burn these wings to ashes, will that devil finally die?

You know I built my church from paper cups
Prayed for silence but I had no luck
Every sip's a hymn to block out all the sound
But in the silence drags me underground

'Cause I just can't see in grey
But if I want to live then I have to
That's why I spend all my days
Killing all my brain cells with you
And I need you now
Please don't run out
I can't live without you
Please don't run out on me now

Monochrome

BPD·ID8

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Stand in the pouring rain
I could see my own grave
Find the one to blame
Say the shit that they won't say

Damn my back's in pain
From carrying the whole game
I could crash the plane
I could burn the whole place

And I'm not afraid
To swallow a live grenade
And blow you away
Blow you away

Cut through the static haze
I'm a spark that lights the flames
No one left to save
I'll erase what you can't face

Shadows crawl inside my brain
Nothing left but rust and chains
Tear it down, erase the name
Watch it all go up in flames

And I'm not afraid
To swallow a live grenade
And blow you away
Blow you away

And I'm not afraid
To swallow a live grenade
And throw you away
Throw you away

BPD·Unraveling

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I'm the voice inside
The one you can't confide in
The echo you deny

I'm the sudden storm
The flood without a warning
The calm that breaks by morning
The fear you can't outrun

I'm the paper skin
The fire that burns within
The wound that never heals

I'm the fading light
The dream that pulls you under
And holds you down while you choke
And try to scream but can't
The fragile sound of thunder
The glass you can't repair

I'm the fractured song
The silence all along
The place you don't belong

I'm the falling tide
The sea that keeps on turning
The ache that keeps on burning
The shadow you embrace

Unraveling

BPD·Help Me

If you need to talk to someone, or you're worried about a friend call 116 123 or visit: www.samaritans.org

Another night grows heavy
Eyes are barely open
In the quietness I'm chocking
Pain is left unspoken

You don't see, you can't see, what you think isn't me
In my head, in my mind, there's a raging
Like a weight, in my chest, crushing down like a test
And I'm falling inside, I am failing

Please forgive me, please don't leave me
Help me, help me, help me
Please just hold me, stop me falling
Help me, help me, help me oh

I know that trust is breakin'
I can't pull you closer
When the shadows start to clear
Will we both be over?

It's the same, worn old song, and I'm screaming along
In my head, in my mind, like I'm dying
All the doubt, and the blame, and my love and my shame
It's not you, this is me, and I'm trying

Please forgive me, please don't leave me
Help me, help me, help me
Please just hold me, stop me falling
Help me, help me, help me oh

Help Me

BPD·BPD

If you need to talk to someone, or you're worried about a friend call 116 123 or visit: www.samaritans.org

Woke up a stranger in my skin
Chasing shadows I let in
Every mirror bends the frame
And I can't remember if I'm still the same

Hold me close, then let me fall
I'm not sure I'm here at all

I'm all glass edges, breaking light
Sharp as morning, soft as night
Pull you closer, push away
Love me, leave me, beg you to stay
I'm all glass edges, I can't choose
Every win feels like a bruise

A thousand colors in a breath
I taste forever, then regret
Every heartbeat splits in two
And every truth feels like it isn't true

Touch my hand, it disappears
Whisper loud inside my ears

I'm all glass edges, breaking light
Sharp as morning, soft as night
Pull you closer, push away
Love me, leave me, beg you to stay
I'm all glass edges, I can't choose
Every win feels like a bruise

I'm a fire in the flood
A rose that blooms in blood
And I don't know who I'll be
When you turn the key

I'm all glass edges, breaking light
Sharp as morning, soft as night
Pull you closer, push away
Love me, leave me, beg you to stay

BPD·Out of My Head

If you need to talk to someone, or you're worried about a friend call 116 123 or visit: www.samaritans.org

My old ways
They keep me down
And I feel so ashamed
When I look around
I don't want to live this way
But it's all I know
Yeah I feel so afraid
When I'm all alone

I get out of my head
Try to keep my mind busy
Until I am dead
To the world around me
I get out of my head
I get out of my head
I get out of my head
I get out of my head

My old friends
Well they're still here
They're never leavin'
They stay so near
I don't want to live this way
But it's all I know
And I feel so afraid
When I'm all alone

I get out of my head
Try to keep my mind busy
Until I am dead
To the world around me
I get out of my head
I get out of my head
I get out of my head
I get out of my head

Yeah I know I'm gone
I get out of my head
Try to keep my mind busy
Until I am dead
To the world around me

I get out of my head
Try to keep my mind busy
Until I am dead
To the world around me
I get out of my head
I get out of my head
I get out of my head

Out of My Head

Email: enquiries@asinine.co.uk
Asinine is the independent label representing our current projects:  BPD and Gepetto Trio.
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Please contact us if you're interested in publishing this music. If you're an aspiring artist requiring help with distribution or marketing, let's talk.

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One hot summer’s day in the early 1980s, a troubled young schoolkid was being supervised alone in the music room for some forgotten misdemeanor. He spent the period playing a drum kit for the first time in his life, and when he was ready to go, the student teacher who had been supervising signed off his report card with the fateful words: “excellent drummer!”

Throughout the ’90s and ’00s, I played drums in “happy-clappy” churches up and down the country, as well as in college, where I toured with a band named Kurios. I’ve always had music in me. I never properly learned to play a “real” instrument — but why would an undiagnosed autistic kid with ADD want to pluck strings or blow through reeds when he can just hit things?!

These days, as I’m getting older (55) and increasingly disabled (I can no longer manage a full drum kit), I’ve finally found ways to get the music out of my head and into yours through the wonders of technology. I record everything in my home studio using a humble Arturia Minilab 3, a PC running Reaper, and a whole range of tools and plugins.

Now, on the use of AI, let me be absolutely clear:

I do not support the swamping of streaming platforms with “AI slop.” However, as an IT professional with fairly extensive knowledge and experience of AI, I also do not support the indiscriminate dismissal and castigation of any and all use of AI in music production — or any of the arts, for that matter. And as a drummer, I suppose I got over it years ago, back when we were being replaced in studios by computers from the late ’80s onward..!

For me, AI is just another tool in the artist’s toolbox — one that helps me massively shorten and simplify my workflows, and one that’s helped to elevate my craft to something much closer to professionally produced work. I don’t sing (very well), but with AI tools such as Ace Studio, Audime, or Suno Studio, I can turn my own voice — or even simple musical notation — into just about any vocal I can imagine.

I don’t play guitar (at all — I’ve got tiny sausage fingers), but with AI I can turn any melody hammered out on my MIDI controller into a lead guitar, bass riff, or just about any other instrument. I’m a musician, but I’m also an engineer, and I hope those skills — along with my hard work and passion — come through in my music and set it apart from the AI slop which is becoming so prevalent . 🙏🙏🙏 (And yes, I did have ChatGPT proof read this Bio, which is why it's full of em-dash symbols 😅)

As for the lyrics in my songs — the stories they tell — those are all me. They come from my life experiences, and from the obsessive scribbling of the angsty autistic teenager who still lives in my head and believes his poetry is so deeply profound. 😅