songs to cry to

𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐞 𝟕 is the anniversary of my father's funeral ceremony. On that day, I performed an original song called "Between Two Worlds" in his memory, and I finally found the impetus to continue making and performing music after that. It's been a sore-fingered journey back into some minor proficiency on guitar, and I'm honestly a bit scared to do it, but I'm finally ready to put out some simple demos of new attempts at songwriting.

This song is about understanding my father and reflecting on our often tense relationship. We were alike in many ways, but our differences, though they never kept us from loving each other, did prevent us from bonding in the way we both wanted and needed. He had a forever grieving soul, tainted by events of his childhood and upbringing. I wish he could have overcome the hurt before he left us, but at least I might be just wise enough now that I can see some small part of what he was going through.

If there's anything good to say about this performance, in my opinion it's frankly down to my 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐧 𝐃-𝟐𝟖. What a marvel of a guitar it is. Not even the lowest of players can defeat its sheer greatness of sound. No wonder it's been the trusty workhorse of so many great artists through the years. But I'd better get a pop filter soon because those Bs and Ps sure stick right in the ear.

𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔
𝘣𝘺 𝘙𝘪𝘬𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘉. 𝘉𝘢𝘬𝘬𝘦

I would try to write
about the love and the fight
in a way that really tells the story

But there's no word
for the joy and the hurt
in everything you tried to do for me

But if the place you had to start
had you coming all apart
and kept your heart from being truly free

Then your longing was the way
that you dealt with every day
every tear that no one else could see

But you

I couldn't shine your light
on my days and set them right
I skinned my knees to make my life my own

I couldn't take
the choices you'd make
as if by claiming them I never would atone

But if your aching was your youth
and isolation was your truth
and what you knew as wisdom was your doubt

Then your distance was the way
that you dealt with every day
every cut that no one could wash out

But you

𝘐𝘕𝘚𝘛𝘙𝘜𝘔𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘈𝘓 𝘉𝘙𝘌𝘈𝘒

I would try to write
about the love and the fight
in a way that really tells the story

But there's no word
for the joy and the hurt
in everything you tried to do for me

But if your loving testified
to all the ways you would abide
and try to hide the pain that kept you down

Then your kindness was the way
that you dealt with every day
every hope that no one else could sound

But you

© 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 𝐑𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐁𝐚𝐤𝐤𝐞 | 𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦 𝐌𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜

But You

buy it on itunes

remembering a room that isn't there

nothing good comes from being gone

you were a home that i wanted to grow up in

Alicks. - Next To You

Bloom EP available everywhere Nov 18th on Almost Communist Records. 
Video for this single here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wps8xG12gEQ
Purchase a bloom rose logo cap/t shirt here: http://noahkittinger.bigcartel.com

Enjoy.

Apple

Away From The Noise

hummingbird

bored

tell me what to do
when i get home
all scratched and bruised
i’m licking all my wounds
anything to heal them soon

and i think
when i taste blood
inside my mouth
i feel alive

daylight, night time
what’s the difference now
it all blurs into colors
and words i can’t pronounce
i want to take a different route
but i don’t know how

a dog with blood in its mouth

do you find it so much harder than me
to sit and watch me get eaten alive
by the thoughts that wake me in my sleep
on the nights that i feel everything
but i swear that i’m well aware
how i take curses and make them prayers
we’ll pretend that i wasn’t scared if you want to
i swear that i’m well aware
how i take curses and make them prayers
there’s a monster under the stairs
i think it wants you

i see it watch you
every time you walk through

now it’s black
and you’re in love with broken teeth
and every broken part of me
when it’s dark i feel warm beneath the sheets
i guess that’s why i couldn’t leave
but i swear that i’m well aware
how i take curses and make them prayers
we’ll pretend that i wasn’t scared if you want to
i swear that i’m well aware
how i take curses and make them prayers 
there’s a monster under the stairs
don’t let it haunt you

because it’ll haunt you

when i think that i’m under fire
it feels like i’m underwater
i know that i must look tired
i hope i can meet your father

it feels like i’m under fire
i swear that i’m underwater
why does everything make me tired
i hope i can meet your father

it feels like i'm underwater

catnaps in an abandoned parking lot

start the day off with a weight
and stomach pain
turn away
a simple call for subtle change
but every day
feels the same

come to life
valentine
and walk beside me close
come to life
little thoughts of mine
the ones that i love most

i’m walking in circles where my dad
used to stand among the plants and
they’re growing taller than i can
up the wall
over the fence

my hands are high
they grab the vines
and begin to climb the post
why have i begun
where i started from
it’s a palindrome i wrote
i want leaving to feel like
i’m coming home

so i’ve gotta try
i’ll try
i promise to try
because with you and i
in the night
i feel fine
with just you and i
in the night
i feel fine

palindrome

wake up tired
sometime before noon
it’s stuck on my mind 
something i told you

i’m sorry that i do
things i don’t want to

do you believe in love
it feels like a memory of a cher song
do you believe in love
i’m scratching my eyes out 
come over to my house

everything’s empty
i am a part of what you lack
tell me i’m crazy
put up a wall i cannot pass

do you believe in love
i want us to listen to that cher song
do you believe in love
i’m scratching my eyes out

nov 13 (do you believe in love)

i record songs and write poems and i really hope you're having a good day.

it feels like i'm underwater

flatsound

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