The Mood

719

Dearest heart,

It is wonderful to hear from you again after so long. I was starting to resign myself to not hearing from you again, given the circumstances and questions posed. I have to admit that I am a little surprised after having inferred your decision. But maybe that is just that, inference, and that assumption or faulty reasoning is cause of the feeling. In this vein it would be remiss of me not to say that again the messaging, whilst appearing clear, I may well be misinterpreting. Or, more importantly, the context in which such a message sits as it may well be built on shaky foundations of logic.  I apologise if I am getting the wrong end of the stick, with any, or all of this and mean no offence or hurt to you in any way, shape, or form. I guess what I am trying to say in all of this, in a very inconcise way, is that I am trying to be careful with what I say and what I do. If I am unable and there are things written here you want clarity to please say. I am more than happy to try and reword or explain what I have tried to say here or if there is anything I have missed or failed to consider.

I would love to see you again. Honestly, I can think of almost nothing else I would want more in this world than to come running to you and to hold you in my arms after all this time. But from the limited information I have about your situation, how can I in good conscience, given what I know? Again, this supposed knowledge may be inaccurate or out of date by this point and if that is the case, please, please, please, do let me know. But if you have a partner I cannot come and see you. On this point I have to be firm and I hope you can understand. I know I am eccentric and quixotic but I cannot claim to love you in the way that I do if were to put you in such a position. I desperately want you to be happy, truly it is something that oft surpasses desires of my own happiness. And if you have that chance with this other person, who am I to stand in your way? The answer would be a selfish man. The kind of man that I believe you deserve more than. There are many virtues I could exalt that I believe you deserve in a partner but surely one of the most basic yet critical is a concern for your happiness whatever form that may take.

I wish that this were not so. That these were not the circumstances that we now find ourselves in. That I did not have to write this with a lump forming in my throat. But such is life. You deserve an explanation even if it is poorly worded.

Please do not take this as me stranding you, or saying goodbye, you will always be able to find me if you look. You will find no obstacles in your way, no doors shut, should you find your circumstances change. To quote The National "I am easy to find", even if that is just here on this page surrounded by chords and melodies. Of course if you would rather wash your hands of me I understand and will respect your wishes.

Sincerely yours with all my heart and affection
Niklas

The Mood

FLO