if you ever feel like you are not enough
dial 988 (USA)
dial 116 123 (UK)

-

i wish you'd tell me that its over
i'd run right back and win her over
i hate you but dont hate yourself
i'd help you but cant help myself

you keep talking to your friends
about the person that i am
or the person that i was those years ago
think that love is just a scam
wish i was another man 
and build my name up off the ground like heroes
(oh)

look at you
look at you
look at you now
those scars on your hands meant i let you down
look at you
look at you
look at you
and it all comes back here

trying my best but im down on my own
closing my door cause you'll never come home
crying alone cause i know its my fault
please dont let go
dont go

ive been trying hard to move on
always got a point to prove on
what happens if i say how i feel? (say it)
pushed me to the side its not real
all that i said was a joke
cant get the words out ill choke (what are you sorry for?)

why would you assume that?
i grew up
you knew that

i wish you'd tell me that its over
i'd run right back and win her over
i hate you but dont hate yourself
i'd help you but cant help myself

you keep talking to your friends
bout the person that i am
or the person that i was those years ago
think that love is just a scam
wish i was another man 
and build my name up off the ground like heroes
(oh)

look at you
look at you
look at you now
those scars on your hands meant i let you down
look at you
look at you
look at you
and it all comes back here (faces in 2D)

trying my best but im down on my own (on that plastic screen )
closing my door cause you'll never come home (and inverted dreams)
crying alone cause i know its my fault
i grew up
you knew that

heroes

crossfire

-

im so damn pissed
pissed huh
pissed off
did some dumb shit
expect me to give a fuck

everywhere i look
reminds me of who i was
everything you took
you could keep it just because
everything i was
isn’t everything i am
got some bad luck
you might think i give a
damn

please can we get into that
you got me caught in the crossfire
and you didn’t know how to act

called you
please do not take your time
you know that i want you
wanted to make you mine
but you didn’t know me
and that’s not your fault
please can you hold me
and never let go

im so damn pissed
pissed huh
pissed off
did some dumb shit
expect me to give a fuck

everywhere i look
reminds me of who i was
everything you took
you could keep it just because

im so damn pissed
pissed huh
pissed off
did some dumb shit
expect me to give a fuck

everywhere i look
reminds me of who i was
everything you took
you could keep it just because
everything i was
isn’t everything i am
got some bad luck
you might think i give a
damn

please can we get into that
you got me caught in the crossfire
and you didn’t know how to act
—

crossfire

recorded on an iphone at a random hotel room in berlin circa 2019

lyrics:
asked can you feel this
the pain stopped ringing in my head
i lost all feeling
the cuts dig deeper in my skin

they heal through seasons
but winters cold
i feel so scared

so can you hear me
now that you're gone
no voice is there
im so scared

im so scared
im so scared
im so
im so scared

--

if you have ever been in a similar headspace
dial 988 (USA)
dial 116 123 (UK)

in loving memory

dedicated to the childhood park which molded my youth

lyrics:

and ive been trying so hard
not to speak to myself
i wonder if ill grow up
those cuts speak for themselves

and i grew complacent
between the ages
wanted to grow up
why did you change

and i've been trying so hard
so what
so what

(少し疲れました。休憩が必要だと思います。)

those times i wish i fell asleep
in your arms
why do you feel so out of reach
im so alone

all those attempts shouldnt have failed
i sometimes scream
i pray for help
god just take me home

(およそ一ヶ月ほどの間。)

and ive been trying so hard 
not to speak to myself
i wonder if i'll grow up
those cuts speak for themselves

and i grew complacent
between the ages
wanted to grow up
why did you change

and i've been trying so hard
so hard
so what

if you ever feel as if you are alone, talk to someone. please dial these numbers:

dial 988 (USA)
dial 116 123 (UK)

inspired by the foreign film 'mirrored mind' (2005) and the mental journey of figuring out personal identity

carlisle

wishes

official music video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHobHG2OXfE
stream: fordis.lnk.to/wishes

-

i wont take you back since
i hate to remember that all of this shits my fault
left it in the past tense
when it hits september i feel like im on my own

i was so wrong
i wont ever take you back
left your phone blocked
got fake friends
dont trust them too
got some cuts up on my shirt
shit you put me through

wasted all my time and
ruining my past and
cheated on the race but you still finished up on last place
fuck that
you dont know me too
hope they're always looking up to me
cause i wont look at you

sometimes i wish and i pray
that you'd call my phone
and you'd tell me its okay
now you killed a part of myself
put a pillow to my head and i'd
cry the pain away

i've been trying so hard (damn)
i've been trying so hard
i've been trying so hard
damn

damn
damn
damn

i was so wrong
and i haven't felt this lost in like so long (so long)
put it on god
he ain't care about my struggle in like so long

so i act like i ain't numb and im so strong
and am i a waste of time cause you moved on?
closing both my eyes hope i respawn
left me on my own had to sit and write a new song

i was so wrong
i wont ever take you back
left your phone blocked
got fake friends
dont trust them too
got some cuts up on my shirt
shit you put me through

wasted all my time and
ruining my past and
cheated on the race but you still finished up on last place
fuck that
you dont know me too
hope they're always looking up to me
cause i wont look at you

sometimes i wish and i pray
that you'd call my phone
and you'd tell me its okay
now you killed a part of myself
put a pillow to my head and i'd
cry the pain away

i've been trying so hard (damn)
i've been trying so hard
i've been trying so hard
damn

damn
damn
damn

i was so wrong
and i haven't felt this lost in like so long (it's not worth it)
put it on god
he ain't care about my struggle in like so long

i wont take you back since
i hate to remember that all of this shits my fault
left you in the past tense
when it hits september i feel like im on my own
—

song credits:
produced by @prodelxnce and @cymricxo
mastered by @1falc

video credits:

directed by me
co-directed: ricardospdp
creative director: nevefilms
cinematographer: thomas hall
gaffer: zak fenning
steadicam operator: corey milo
steadicam assistant: luc vrhovnik
make up: emily rayner-airey
vhs: zakari hosein
drivers: jarek brdak + paul barbra
editor: nevefilms
colourist: anri adler
graphic design: sblngr
studio: visual line ltd
rental: onestopfilms + haze films ltd
process & scan: on8mil
model: amber sharkey

track 1 of 9
--

wishes

in this world we all bleed blue

for press + business:
fordismusic@gmail.com

fordis

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