Rap Battles

Top 10 Favourite Rap Battles of 2019

Homestuck VS EarthBound

Watch the video release here!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZptCUBBAZRA

this is the last homestuck battle i promise

Krystal as John Egbert
Chao as Ness

Ness:
Time to end this in a Flash! I’d think it’s best if you abscond
‘Cuz your verse’ll be a drag if we judge by your Pesterlogs
I’m a Nintendo all-star! Been a Smash hit since ‘94
While you only Rose to relevance ‘cause of Tumblr and porn!
Proclaiming your straightness? Now that’s really saying something
You spent a whole act trying to seize Karkat’s means of reproduction
Now I’ll crack you like an egg for your attempt to verse me
This is what, death number 4? And you’re only 13!

John Egbert:
A young man stands in this battle, and he won’t be outclassed
By this Pooplord’s crappy verses. Try again, smartass
Your game still has a following? Well, that’s quite the surprise
I thought by now someone would bust your ghost of a franchise
You let your disses Paula-p, and yep, it’s all Poo
I’ve seen salamanders that could spit more complex words than you
You must be Ando-nuts if you don’t think your flow sucks
So you’d be better off like Picky: Home stuck!
You fought cult leaders, krakens, and a fetus abomination
Yet your biggest enemy of all’s Western localization
And to say you’re an all-star? I find that rather untrue
When you’re slapped in games kids ask, “Zillyhoo the fuck are you?”

Ness:
With that joke of a verse, I’m not surprised that you’re a Tricksta’
A four-eyed two-faced jerk? Are we sure that you’re not Vriska?
Whatever, this is stupid! Why’d I have to debate a kid
Who’s obsessed with crappy movies, proving he's a Beta kid!
You’re not suited for this battle, Mr. Saturn’s more your kind
‘Cause it seems to me you Master Belching confusing lines
And when it’s all said and done, I’m the one PK Rockin this
I spit meatier than your meteors that bring apocalypse!
You just make me PSI, kid. I’ll end you like Giygas!
Fighting me’s a high risk, don’t mess with a psychic
Search your mind for more words, you’ll find no retcon there
While I live on as a hero, you’ll just stay a Con Heir!

John Egbert:
You better hold the phone, that’s all you know from fatherhood
I’ll play my song once more and rid your pollution for good
You’re under my tale, even no AU holds us equal
I’m outshining you so hard I could even surpass your sequel!
Bound to this Earth, but I’m traversing realms you’d never cover!
I’ll keep hammering my points in ‘til you run back to your Mother
Keep boasting ‘bout your legacy, to us all it’s clearly
Reduced to a Sans joke. And that’s not just a theory

Written by Vivian
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Produced by Tristan
Cover Art by Mancha

John Egbert VS Ness | RAP BATTLE!

Jacob G as Kickass
J Morris as Deku

Written by:
Freshy Kanal, Jason, Vriska and Jughead Jay

Cover Art by:
Zim 11037

Additional Help by:
R the Writer & Zim 11037

Beat by:
Audio Network

Mixed and Mastered by:
Freshy Kanal


Lyrics:

Kickass: 
Hey Hit-Girl, you wanna-? Oh, it’s just me
Well, uhum- Stand aside for a hero to serve the beat

Cause against me? Study up my name. 
Why don't you take a page
For someone who can make a change. 
Do what you do best: break a leg

I don't need a Sick Stick to make me spit sick
You lock the top dog, I'll bite off more than this dick, prick

You misfit, the real world ain't some class to place last, kid
Bitch, your name literally means you get your ass-kicked

Your obsession with your teacher really gives me the creeps, bro
Boku no Hero? Change that to Boku no Pico

Deku:
You’re one to talk about starting off worthless
With your daydreams and hormones, 
I wouldn’t say that you’re quirkless

So let me take the shots, but you won’t need your vest
Cause even if you’re juiced on speed, you couldn’t match my 5 percent

Cram more cheap jokes and violence, 
I’ll Detroit Smash your privates
I destroy foes with high kicks, 
you need cheap toys and sidekicks

It took one whiney white kid to almost go and unfold ya
And the size of your nightsticks? Not. Plus. Ultra.


Kickass: 
Talking ‘bout dick jokes but you couldn’t get around
Your girl’s got gravity powers but you still can’t go down

I might’ve fucked up my senses, but you still get on my nerves
Too bad your daddy couldn't pass to you his fire spitting quirk


Deku: 
Well too bad your daddy didn't pass his genes for getting murked 
You're so scared of getting hurt, you let a kid do all your work

Think you’ll leave me in a Red Mist? 
You can’t hip-hop like Tsu, though
Staten Island’s got it rough if their best hero is a dudebro!


Kickass: 
You’re one to talk about parenting, watch what you utter
You pull a momma’s boy household by disappointing each other

Drowning in your mourning, dude, you would beg to reach my tier
Shit, retitle this “my wetsuit Vs your self pity tears”


Deku: 
I'm strapping armor, 
while you're bragging 'bout that wetsuit you're repping?
You spent too much kicking ass in a Walmart clearance section

But you said you wanna make up for your mistakes?
It’s a bit late
This dickface draws his path in the shadow of Nick Cage

Keep running yourself in depth with all the chaos you're causing
I’m gonna show myself out now and share that cocoa with your coffin

Kick-Ass vs. Izuku Midoriya - Rap Battle!

Lyrics:

Shazam: 
Fighting a social wreck doesn’t seem like it’s that fun
But if you’re messing with Batson, better step to the bat, son. 
You started one battle and split the peace down the middle 
But ask Ulysses if he sees that this war ain't civil 
If there's someone you should marvel, you don’t have to look far 
This butterfly’s floating in? 
Guess I’m not seeing stars..
Your dignity ain’t bulletproof, you’re gullible, that’s all
You went from G.I. Joe into Captain Barbie-doll!
Oh! I’m cold news, like Thor’s weather clan
So don’t mind if I steal the thunder - SHAZAM!
This melee’s critical, tell Thanos to craft your tomb
Why trying to beat enemies when you push ‘em out your womb
Space awaits a tragedy if they push you to knock ‘em
You’re the security of NASA? 
Houston, we got a problem.

Captain Marvel: 
Before I save the world from snapping into grainy bits
I’m being sent here on a mission just for me to babysit
A spunky little orphan go and gets some magic mettled 
I know my name is Carol but what's this, a Christmas special?
You'll be bursting into flames if you are messing with the Cap
Telling me Shazam's your name? 
We get more help with the app
You get possessed in your quests, I double what this loser can
You’re a bent Clark Kent, barely half a’ Superman!
Compared to Goose, you are the bigger copycat.
Stole your name right off of me, 
then your logo off of Flash
You got your suit from the wizard, 
and your whole comic from DC
I’ve crushed Skrulls before, I wouldn’t let a clone beat me. 

Shazam: 
I’ll take all of Danvers’ raps and Bat them back at ya!
Speaking of look-a-likes, I'll cook you back like Black Adam
Your fights don’t make it better, 
you gotta get it in your head
Revenge or not, your boyfriend is and will stay dead
But I’m sure you're finding plenty of ways to forget that
You emptied out so many bottles, 
guess that’s why they call you Cap!

Captain Marvel:
Your sister turned evil, 
but you're the one they changed to fill their wallets
Squeezed a cheesy schtick so money trickles from the Fawcet
Your writers started off a nazi, you really think you mean well
But before you'd shout Shazam, you were screaming Sieg Heil
Like Injustice, you'll be getting hushed and murdered by your hero
I don't have to be Binary to know you’re nothing but zeroes
Ask the comic fans, everything that matters are the scores
You've been stomped out just like my movie will do to yours


HalaCG as Captain Marvel

Jughead Jay as Billy Batson

Titanium1208 as Shazam 

Written by:
Freshy Kanal, Jason, Seth W., MetaMachine and Jughead Jay

Mixed by:
Freshy Kanal

Artwork by:
Alien Madman

Beat by:
Hollywood Legend

Captain Marvel vs. Shazam - Rap Battle! (Bonus)

Miles Allen as Spongebob
Matthew Thomas as Patrick

Jughead Jay as Gumball
Elijah as Darwin

Spongebob & Patrick:
I’m ready! ... To flip this battle like a Krabby Patty 
Was this fart of a cartoon created by his flabby daddy?
I’ll have you like your voice actors cuz’ this kitty’s getting fired
Your show’s an acid-trip of styles that makes Tobias look tired 
Why don’t they take their insults and push them somewhere else
Have a Nasty Patty But he’s already full of himself
Hey Patrick, guess who I am? Uhhhh, stupid? No,
I’m the Amazing World of Gumball What’s the difference? I DON’T KNOW

Gumball & Darwin:
Who earns minimum wage and has ADHD? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
Annoying, eccentric and stupid is he SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
If a dead drawn-out show is something that you wish SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
Then grab your remote and change over to Nick SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
You’ve hit Bikini Bottom; I could squeeze this Sponge with any diss 
What the what’s wrong SpringBoob? I think that he’s just Jellyfish 
Whether it’s rap or Boating School, you’re always gonna fail 
Because this Goofy Goober’s even slower than his snail 
I’m a real star fish- do you live under a rock? 
You’ve both been demoted to Tweedle-Dee and Dumb f*ck

Patrick:
I can’t wrap my head around your raps like a trombone 
Chewing out this Gumball who can’t even wumbo
Who you calling Spongebob? (uh patrick) I’m Patrick- that’s enough 
I’m not your girlfriend but your disses sure crack me up 

Spongebob:
Your early reel had potential but I think I oughta’ mention 
It went down the drain when doodle-darwin lost his 3rd dimension 
You ain’t the centre of attention next to Teen Titans Go reruns
Since kids only line up for you when they’re after The Refund

Gumball & Darwin:
Your repetitive slapstick couldn’t make the viewers stay amazed 
These tuna fish will get creamed like they rapped with Mayonaise 
Hop back on Hasselhoff, don’t hassle us- yeah, you aughta’ run 
you look up to us; you live under the water, sons!

Spongebob vs Gumball. CMRB

Jason as Alexander Hamilton
ProjectAlpha20 as Luke Skywalker

Lyrics:

Alexander Hamilton:
How does a master, orphan, science-fiction samurai
Become the biggest sell-out in a billion dollar franchise

Damn right, you’re quite the high talker, Skywalker.
But I’ll beat you in double, son, I am your founding father.

You used to be the coolest, saved the galaxy from trouble
But then you became a burnout, just like your aunt and uncle!

Scattered in your tattered robes while I’m ranking in the high courts
Unless your goal's to bore me, what exactly do you fight for

He comes to spit, although, of which I have dismissed, sir
He thinks that he’s the shit and that he’s hit with what he’s dissed, sir

I know our family’s are both of our passions
But you just wanna take your sister to the room where it happens
 
Luke Skywalker: 
We both had big battles that brought us to our acclaim
But when it comes to duels, you got that Stormtrooper aim

Hamill's hamming on Hamilton, you couldn't hold a candlestick
Your wife already burned you for me; Alexander Anakin

This battle - man, I’m owning it! The Force - man, I’m honing it!
When I took my shot, I got the Death Star exploding, it's 
Quite hopeless, prick. 
Your only motivation’s to be famous? Shit,
I’ll leave you whipped, like every single slave you shipped

Alexander Hamilton:
Go squeeze some breast milk, here's something to raise a glass for:
We both had music specials, ..wait, that's right, George trashed your's.

No amount of ticket sales could match my Tonys
Should be calling me Best Picture because you would never own me!

I’m decking a jester, a mess your director had oughta rewrite to correct
We’re not equals, I’m the USA prequel, 
and that’s something my fans would never forget

You’re Disney’s bitch, I’m the brains behind Moana
Got private shows for White House folks and features with Obama

Your legacy became some losers living with their mommas
Spewing racist drama, giving child actors trauma!
 
Luke Skywalker: 
You made the New York Shitpost on politics across the world?
You’re the AP US History version of Gossip Girl

You still piss in a pot, I’ve got a space fleet saving planets
What could you possibly do to me? Raise my taxes?

So let’s wrap it up, your aims and plans are making zero progress
But no wonder, since you got lost following your political compass

I mean you let your son get killed, you made an enemy of Jefferson
You’re picking fights on your own side and shit talking your president

Your history’s a hurricane, what I find most depressing is
this lawyers’ ‘legacy’s’ confined to lift unlawful dresses 

Scandals left your life in shambles, you died in a helpless state
I don’t need the Force to make Washington turn in his grave.


Written by:
Freshy Kanal, Jughead Jay, Jason, Fel, Hippie Rat and Zawesome

Beat By:
Epistra

Mixed by:
Freshy Kanal

Cover Art by:
Enzo, Brodecai and Adroitwhiz

Alexander Hamilton vs. Luke Skywalker - Rap Battle!

Samara:
In seven days your semi fame will get erased
Forever hated, devastated, choking on your petty rage
Against a dated slasher specializing in edgy teens
I’ve seen meaner scream queens squealing on MTV
I’m the first film sensation from Asia to get the west cravin’
You’re the last one people think of when they hear “Wes Craven”
Abandoned by your mother and it drove you to insanity,
So you’ll bite another bullet, guess it runs in the family

Ghostface:
Hello, announcer - can I fight someone new, please?
You must’ve misheard me; I said I like scary movies
You would think by now you’re used to getting played, but
I can help you out if you really wanna hang up
List everyone you ripped off? I'd rather tape my mouth shut
Stringy hair ghost girl couldn't have been more washed up.
Idyllic but then your hopes for a fairytale drowned
So Samara, Samara, can you let your fans down?
They put a cliche mess right on a VHS
Just so your franchise can replay death?
My scream time made your dreams work, 'til I slayed you.
With your screen time, you shouldn't really call yourself a breakthrough

Samara:
I'm trapped in the waters but protected by god
Drop the facade, you’re useless! Even your rules are flawed

Ghostface:
Wrong answer! Your reboot trash is lackluster
You’re barely at the bottom of the bargain bin at Blockbuster

Samara:
So formulaic, you're more suited for Scooby-Doo
Stuck in an endless loop of Sidney eluding you
Coming at me choking on your phoned-in lines? Please,
I’m screwing you over worse than caller ID
Talk about your franchise like you're one to boast
Enough with your sequels; just give up the ghost
We both know exactly what it's like to take a dive
To be blunt, your role couldn't get your ratings high.

Ghostface:
Unstoppable like Jason, you can’t stop the bloodshed
Shoulda known, never assume the killer is dead
Face it, Grudge girl, you will never be my equal
The body count’s capped out, so there’s no need for a sequel!

Garbage Gothic as Samara Morgan

Razzy as Ghostface

Written by: Freshy Kanal, Razzy, Walk & Adroitwhiz

Mixing by: Freshy Kanal

Beat by: Audio Network

Additional Help by: DCARaps, Rabi, Atronachsaura, Brodecai, Diogo, Gengo & ItsJustBrenden

Cover Art by: Adroitwhiz

VIDEO RELEASE: TODAY

Ghostface vs. Samara Morgan - Rap Battle!

Joe "Cliff" Thompson as Homer Simpson
Kyuuball as Peter Griffin
Fel as Mr. Burns
garbageGothic as Lisa Simpson

Peter Griffin:
So this yellow fella’s meddling with Peter Griffin? 
This fight reminds me of those times when I beat a chicken 
You’re a bigger neanderthal than the caveman you nabbed from
Matt left for Futurama cuz you’re in the past, dawg 

Homer Simpson:
Heh heh heh
Whoever you’re talking to, he’s in trouble!
No more beer; I’m seeing double 
And sure I’m plain 'cuz I’ve been ‘round the globe 
While you’ll remain the Milhouse of shows 

Peter Griffin:
Yeah, you’re big, tubby, but if I were you 
I wouldn’t go around bragging about being the posterboy for child abuse 
We’re tired of you; is there nothing you won’t put your hands on?
Here’s Joe’s wheelchair- you’ve got no legs to stand on! 
Thirty years?! Christ, you’ve aged like Madonna 
Such a zombie no wonder you crap out treehouse of horrors
It’s been long since your better days but I’ll give you fair praise 
You made steps, then fell down the fucking staircase 
Let’s talk about your family--my god, they’re schmucks
When pit against Stewie, your toddler sucks 
And your boy, Bart, makes Chris seem almost average 
Lisa and Meg- uh- you know what- let’s just skip that one
Here’s a prediction: I’ll kick you back to T Ullman
Then I’ll home-in on that chick with the wig in your kitchen. She’ll giggity my donuts 
Now excuse me, I got a haircut at ten
Ya got served, though. Thank you, come again!

Homer Simpson:
You’re not Apu, but you’ve sure got problems 
Can’t expect less from a series that Fox runs 
pretty frickin’ sweet? MMMMM…. That’s my flow!
Since the 90’s I’ve been rolling in- errrrr, what’s the word… DOH! 
I thought you specialised in celebrity roasts?
The only cutaway you need is to a better show;
Lisa, what’s the definition of griffin? 
A creature stitched from different parts. Hmm. that’s pretty fitting
Now go prepare our lunch; we have famous guests over 
Tell me, where’s the microwave? I gotta nuke these leftovers 
You can’t talk about ideas running out

Mr Burns:
“Replace the hound” … “Ok, now bring back the hound” 

Homer Simpson:
Need a show canned? Luckily there’s a Family Guy 
Even from Space, I had more air time
And fart jokes won’t cloud my legacy
I couldn’t even call you Flanders cuz you’ll never be next to me 

Peter Griffin:
Take that crayon out your brain and actually try to write a good verse 
‘Cuz chronologically is the only time you’ll come first 
You got a nuclear family, so how’d ya tan?
Was the jaundice corn-dick born in the power plant?!

Homer Simpson:
And... why don’t you take that time machine from your son?
You could travel back to when your show was actually fun
It’s shocking that FG came back from the dead
Just to be killed by Homer Simpson again

Written by Fel
Mixed by Fel, Adroitwhiz, and Freshy Kanal