If you haven't been keeping up with your celebrity news and you're wondering, "What is Fifty Cent's beef with Sean 'P-Diddy' Combs and what does that have to do with Fifty's chart-topping documentary on Netflix?" but you don't actually have the time or interest to watch the doc or read an article, here's the TL;DR for ya in musical form. Because, let's be honest: Who among us doesn't want to get their celebrity news in the form of rowdy frat rock?

OK, FR FR: I was chatting with a friend who found it hilarious how personally Fifty Cent took that offer to go shopping and how long he's held onto it. I made the joke that it was too bad Fifty didn't want to go shopping when he was asked because "Fiddy-Diddy" is a great Hollywood power-couple name. I then realized that it also sounded like one of those weird, gibberish-ridden novelty songs from the '60s like "Woolly Bully" or "Louie Louie." 

So, later that day, I started singing "Fiddy-Diddy" to myself to the tune of "Woolly Bully" as I cleaned the house and did the dishes, and it made me laugh enough to decide to carve away the literal, legally non-distinct "Woolly Bully" and transform the rest of the idea into a real, purposely-referential-but-unique song. An homage to those songs and that style, where "Fiddydiddy" could just be a fun gibberish word the kids say to annoy their parents or a new dance that's sweeping the socials. From that goofy seed sprang this silly oak.

It's a loose, raucous garage rock song inspired by the vibe of those old party tunes but, as fun, loose, and silly as it is, I do think it's interesting to put yourself in the shoes of an archaeologist or anthropologist looking back at our present moment from the far future, with minimal evidence and no context. How much like gibberish would this news story sound?  *Especially* if they only had this song to go by. Oof.  

Or maybe they'd think a "Fiddydiddy" was some sort of mythological creature, and the verses are an allegory? 

Then I'd pop up in a time machine and say, "Nah, bro. The lyrics are abstracted, but it's a literal retelling of the beef." And then I'd disappear and leave them to debate the historical meaning of the word "beef" when used in that context and in my strangely-accented dialect from The Stupid Ages. Hopefully they'll have already rediscovered Tupac's "Hit 'Em Up" and/or Ice Cube's "No Vaseline" and can use those as a Rosetta Stone of sorts when deciphering the disses and beefs of their ancestors. If not, then all our hopes and dreams of the tales of our most legendary rap beefs surviving deep into the future will be lost in time, like tears in rain.

So, yeah, I think it's a fun song. I hope you enjoy it. And, hey, if you don't, at least it's short. That's just one of the many services I offer to you, my dear listener. Especially those of you who've bothered to read this far. You're the real ones and I appreciate you. Truly.

Anyway, this is just a bit of fun, so enjoy!

LYRICS:

Ten, twenty, thirty, forty!

Ay, Fiddydiddy!
Watch it now, watch it!

Here he comes, here he comes
Watch it now, he getcha!

Diddy asked Fiddy
Do you wanna shop?
Fiddy said not really
Bro, you better stop

Fiddydiddy (woo!)
Fiddydiddy (woo!)
Fiddydiddy, Diddyfiddy
Fiddydiddy, yeah

Watch it, now! Watch it!

Fiddy told Diddy
We gon' make a doc
Diddy said, Oh, Fiddy
My crew won't never talk

Fiddydiddy (woo!)
Fiddydiddy (woo!)
Fiddydiddy, Diddyfiddy
Fiddydiddy, yeah

Watch it now, watch it, here he comes
Ay, he a bad boy too
FREAK OFF!

Diddy say Fiddy
Cease or I'mma sue
Fiddy say No Diddy
Gon' fiddle with you

Fiddydiddy (woo!)
Fiddydiddy (woo!)
Fiddydiddy, Diddyfiddy
Fiddydiddy, yeah

Watch it, now! Watch it!

Watch it now, watch it
Here he comes
He got it, he got that baby oil
Oh, there he go
Now he slippin' away

© 2025 Funk McPuke

Fiddydiddy

FIDDYDIDDY

Hey there, y'all! I'm Funk McPuke, an artist and musician originally from Los Angeles, CA but now living in my own little world.

After being in a bunch of punk and metal bands, I started writing and posting my own music here as a way of journaling feels, processing emotions, having fun with sounds, and annoying my neighbors. I decided early on to always just write whatever I was feeling in the moment and never chase an audience or clicks or clout, the result being that my music is a mix of various styles I like in various balances without any attempt to cater to a particular audience or genre. Depending on the song, you might hear a little punk, metal, grunge, electro, rap, post-hardcore, industrial, or any combination of those and other genres. I like to squish different sounds together and see what happens. If it sounds good, has a catchy hook, and makes me want to either cry or jump on my furniture and break stuff, it gets posted. Soundcloud is my place to play around and have a good time making music I enjoy without overthinking it too much. 

Ymmv. If you like one thing and one thing only -- like, if you're one of those people who believes punk has a uniform or something is "not metal" if it doesn't sound like all the other bands you listen to -- this might not be for you. Or maybe it is. Idk. I'm not the boss of you. Give it a listen and decide for yourself. And, hey, if you don't like one song, try another. You might like that one better.

Either way, I'mma keep writing and posting music for myself. But, y'know, if you find some lyrics you connect with, some hook that makes you bounce around your house, or just something to put on while you FINALLY do those dishes that have been stinking up your kitchen for the past week, then welcome. Even though I'm not chasing an audience, I do love getting messages from people who've connected with something I've made. It makes me feel less alone in the world and, for all those people who've messaged me in the past or will message me in the future, I appreciate you. I truly do. Thanks for stopping by and giving me a listen. I may write this music for myself because I think that's the best way to keep it honest, but I still believe music, like all art, is best when it's shared.