Dumb songs for smart people and vice versa.

THROUGH THE CRACK

Rap-flavored punk track that's ready to rizz your earballs and claw its way into your brain-hole.

LYRICS:

Allow me to introduce myself

Call me Sarge, LT, or CO
At the gun, you know I G-O
See the end like I'm Miss Cleo
Never old, I'm always Neo
Stank your face like I got B.O.
Running games, the DM dio
Lie in weight like I'm a Leo
Yo, man, uno, duo, trio

I'm flawless
You flowless
I got this
You know this
My raw shit
Be roses
You lost, bitch?
I'm Moses

I'm the rizz roller
The jizz doler
Shining every day, bro
I is solar
The rizz roller
The biz goaler
Icy in my veins, yo
My shit's polar

Pep it up like Tapatio
Hot and dark like Papa Pio
Wild girls on film in Rio
Feel en fuego, bitch, con mio
Cook it spicy like I'm Creole
Make the sun feel mucho frio
Who cares if you agree, yo?
Spitting facts when I drop V.O.

So lawless
The lowest
I'm not this
You know this
The raw shit
I chose this
You lost, bitch
Just know this

I'm the rizz roller
The jizz doler
Shining every day, bro
I is solar
The rizz roller
The biz goaler
Icy in my veins, yo
My shit's polar

Get a grip
Never slip
Every clip be getting colder
Bitches trip
Switches flip
Put that chip up on my shoulder
Let it rip
From the hip
Give me lip, you get no older
Then I dip
In your whip
Leave your mort just like I'm Volder

So lawless
The lowest
I'm not this
You know this
My raw shit
Be roses
You lost, bitch?
I'm Moses

I'm the rizz roller
The jizz doler
Shining every day, bro
I is solar
The rizz roller
The biz goaler
Icy in my veins, yo
My shit's polar

The rizz roller
The jizz doler
Shining every day, bro
I is solar
The rizz roller
The biz goaler
Icy in my veins, yo
My shit's polar

Rizz roller
The jizz doler
Rizz roller
My shit's polar
Rizz roller
The rizz roller
Don't know who I am, yo?
I just told ya

© 2024 Funk McPuke

Rizz Roller

RIZZ ROLLER

A heavy metal fist to the face, this song is for the rabid dog in you. Or maybe it's the theme song of generational trauma. It's 2024, bruh. A song can be two things.

LYRICS:

A smile ain't nothing but teeth
Bars on an empty tomb
A fist ain't nothing but hate
wrapped around a tiny love

Come to me, I'll punish you
Come to me, I'll punish you

I am so sick
I am so sick
I am so sick
I am so sick

A man ain't nothing but meat
beaten 'til he tastes like a man
A fist ain't nothing but love
guided by the primal fear

Come to me, I'll punish you
Come to me, I'll punish you

I am so sick
I am so sick
I am so sick
I am so sick

Turn that smile into a frown
Take the boom, boom, pass it down
Put you back into your place
Break the pieces, leave no trace

Come to me, I'll punish you
Come to me, I'll punish you

I am so sick
I am so sick
I am so sick
I am so sick

I am so sick (sick of you)
I am so sick (sick of you)
I am so sick (sick of you)
I am so sick (sick of you)

Sick of you
I'm sick of you
Sick of you
So sick of you

I am so sick
I am so sick
I am so sick
I am so sick

© 2024 Funk McPuke

Sick

SICK

Sure, the heart wants what the heart wants, but sometimes the heart is stupid. Here's an energetic surf punk song for those times when you're still feeling that toxic person in your life. Cuz ain't that a pisser?

LYRICS:

The road has been rough
and the snows have been driven
But don't worry, darlin'
All is forgiven
All those little things
that I never did see
All the little things
that you did behind me, cuz

I still love you
I still love you
I still love you
I still love you

Remember when our broken hearts
were still open hearts on fire?
Back before I ever thought
one of us should wear a wire?

I gave you a place
where you could run free
You gave me a face
and words to believe
Not one of these words
ever made much sense
I always felt 
so fucking dense, but

I still love you
I still love you
I still love you
I still love you

I never really realized
I ever really had a choice
but if I ever listen close
I always hear a little voice
(it says)

Now 
my love
can fly
away beyond the... 
See 
what you
come to
without me

Every single word 
from your mouth was a lie
Every single story 
you expected me to buy
Every bit of mine 
that you turned into his
And I got to tell you now 
that the fuckin' pisser is

I still love you
I still love you
I still love you
I still love you

I still love you (love you)
I still love you (love you)
I still love you (love you)
I still love you (love you)

© 2024 Funk McPuke

The Pisser

THE PISSER

Anyone else have a complicated relationship with media? On the one hand, I really should be doing things IRL. On the other hand, there's always new stuff to watch on my screens and, bro, I don't want to miss it. Is it hypnosis? Subliminals? A constant tickling tease for the ol' reward center? Idk, but if you feel like getting off the couch, here's a hyper-energetic song about being lost in the parasocial siren song of media brainrot. It's a little bit garage, a little post-hardcore, and a whole lot of fun to scream along to while you bounce off the furniture.

LYRICS:

The darkness comes 
so early these days
Evening just fades away
In dreams of (sex and)
Love is here to stay
Your cycle hums
on wheels made of clay
Pull color from the gray
In dreams of (sex and)
Love you always slay 

But only on TV

Unleash me to another place
Just kiss my nose and slap my face
Put me back into my place
With sex (and love)
and sex (and love)
and sex (and love)
and sex (and love)

Blind and lost
Awake and afraid
You wander through the day
With dreams of (sex and)
Love you find a way
Can't turn it off
Got nothing to say
You wonder if you pray
Your dreams of (sex and)
Love will come to play

But no one’s listening

Unleash me to another place
Just kiss my nose and slap my face
Put me back into my place
With sex (and love)
and sex (and love)
and sex (and love)
and sex (and love)

The sleeping dogs who live with you
On dusty floors in dusty rooms
Are better off awake tonight
Too late to let your sleeping dogs lie

The hatred in a sleeping dog’s eye

Unleash me to another place
Just kiss my nose and slap my face
Put me back into my place
With sex (and love)
and sex (and love)
and sex (and love)
and sex (and love)

Unleash me to another place
Just kiss my nose and slap my face
Put me back into my place
With sex (and love)
and sex (and love)
and sex (and love)
and sex (and love)

Sex and love
Just sex and love
It's sex and love
It's sex 
And love

So much to do
So little time
TV

© 2024 Funk McPuke

Sleeping Dogs

SLEEPING DOGS

This is a rap-flavored blues about money and the lack thereof.

LYRICS:

What do you want?
(Big stacks)
What do you need?
(Big stacks)
What do you want?
(Big stacks)
What do you want?
(Big stacks)

Let me holler for a dollar
Dolls be hot under the collar
For a baller with it all
But not a scholar squat in squalor
So I gotta stack 'em taller
Sack 'em up and pack 'em smaller (facts)
Max my racks, subtract the tax
and count my lady callers, yo

Litty like a titty
But the kid he like the kitty
And the biddies in the city
Got no pity for your boy
Yo, honey's think I'm funny
But then see I got no money
S'when they jump and start to runnin'
Or they stay and act annoyed

So I'm up before dawn
like a dog at his labor, boy 
(Grrr! Come on!)
(Grrr! Come on!)
Just got to keep on 
chasin' that paper, boy
(Grrr! Come on!)
(Grrr! Come on!)

What do you want?
Big stacks!
What do you need?
Big stacks!
Never scrimp and save
Big stacks!
Tell me what you crave
Big stacks!

On the planet like I planned it
I get manic, they can't stand it
I get random with abandon
I'm a band but I'm just one man
It amaze me it still phase me
That my bae she think I'm lazy
When my crazy brain fugazi
And my mind is undermanned, yo

Litty like a titty
But the kid he like the kitty
And the biddies in the city
Got no pity for your boy
Yo, honey's think I'm funny
But then see I got no money
S'when they jump and start to runnin'
Or they stay and act annoyed

So I'm up before dawn
like a dog at his labor, boy 
(Grrr! Come on!)
(Grrr! Come on!)
Just got to keep on 
chasin' that paper, boy
(Grrr! Come on!)
(Grrr! Come on!)

What do you want?
Big stacks!
What do you need?
Big stacks!
Never scrimp and save
Big stacks!
Tell me what you crave
Big stacks!

Yo

So I'm up before dawn
like a dog at his labor, boy 
(Grrr! Come on!)
(Grrr! Come on!)
Just got to keep on 
chasin' that paper, boy
(Grrr! Come on!)
(Grrr! Come on!)

What do you want?
Big stacks!
What do you need?
Big stacks!
Never scrimp and save
Big stacks!
Tell me what you crave
Big stacks!

What do you want?
Big stacks
What do you need?
Big stacks
Never scrimp and save
Big stacks
Tell me what you crave
Big stacks

© 2024 Funk McPuke

Big Stacks

BIG STACKS

Finally leaving that job or relationship that's been holding you back? Or maybe you're just *really* ready for the weekend? Whatever your reason, here's a high-energy surf punk track to help you celebrate.

LYRICS:

Y'all ready?
Let's go!

Burning all my bridges down
I fall down, scream
Just a bad dream
The sun's up, blazing in the sky
The sun's up and so am I

I'm free, I'm free
No more chains
I'm free, I'm free
No more chains

(oh yeah) 
Watch me go, watch me go, watch me go
(oh yeah) 
Watch me go, watch me go, never know

The sun's up, blazing in the sky
Today's the day, no more chains
I can do whatever I please
No more livin' on my knees

I'm free, I'm free
No more chains
I'm free, I'm free
No more chains

(oh yeah) 
Watch me run, watch me run, watch me run
(oh yeah)
Watch me run, watch me run, let's have some fun

Hey! Hey!

Burning all my bridges down
But I don't mind
Leave you behind
You can stay there in your sad flashback
I'm crackin' out this worn out track

I'm free, I'm free
No more chains
I'm free, I'm free
No more chains

(oh yeah) 
Watch me fly, watch me fly, watch me fly
(oh yeah)
Watch me fly, watch me fly, do or die

oh yeah

I'm free, I'm free
oh-oh, oh, oh
I'm free, I'm free
No no, no chains
(oh yeah) 
I'm free, I'm free
No chains on me
(oh yeah) 
I'm free, I'm free
I'M FREE!

oh oh, oh
Let's go!

© 2024 Funk McPuke

No More Chains

NO MORE CHAINS

Unless this is the first song of mine you've stumbled across, you know me by now. I'm often first in line to kick myself in the teeth and sink into a morass of anxiety and despair. But, y'know, sometimes I just want to bounce around the house. Sometimes I feel like making something happy and high-energy. That's not to say, ofc, that there's not a little sour note of reality Trojan Horse'd in along the way (like I said, you know me), but it's still a pretty happy, fun song that'll get you moving and having a good time. 

LYRICS:

Go, oh no
Go
Whoa
Whoa

Turn it up, turn up and sing a little louder
Turn it up, turn up and sing a little prouder
Turn it up, turn up and sing a little higher
Scream out every word until your voice is very tired
Turn it up, turn up and dance right when the beat drop
Turn it up, turn up and dance right when the beat drop
Turn it up, turn up and dance until the beat stop
Shakin' all your bacon, don't ever let your feet stop

Strike a match and set fire to the dance floor
Drop it low, girl, show me what that ass for
Break it down like the beat is a glass door
Come on everybody, yo, you gotta take a chance more

Bounce to the beat, bounce to the beat
Bounce to the beat, yo
Bounce to the beat, bounce to the beat
Bounce to the beat, go
Bounce to the beat, bounce to the beat
Bounce to the beat, oh
We won't stop until the sun breaks the horizon

Grinding for the weekend always leave you depressed
What's it for but building up more stress?
Pass the test to diminish like the rest
Snag a small bag, feel hashtag so blessed
Then what? You spend it all on nonsense
In debt, you're halfway washed and on rinse
Feel dumb, can't even mount a defense
You talk about yourself now in past tense

Don't give up, another day tomorrow
Don't give up, a new chance to be a star, yo
Don't give up, here's some riches you can borrow
Life's too short to spend your days in sorrow

Bounce to the beat, bounce to the beat
Bounce to the beat, yo
Bounce to the beat, bounce to the beat
Bounce to the beat, go
Bounce to the beat, bounce to the beat
Bounce to the beat, oh
We won't stop until the sun breaks the horizon

Turn it up, turn up 'til you can't hear them screaming
Turn it up, turn up 'til the world is normal seeming
Turn it up, turn up and if you see it keep on turning
Pretend nothing's collapsing and your city isn't burning
Turn it up, turn up and dance while people crying
Turn it up, turn up, tell yourself it ain't worth trying
Turn it up, turn up and let your leaders keep on lying
Hiding and abiding, just keep dancing while you're dying 

Make your choice and keep fiddling while Rome burns
Play with toys and argue over whose turn
Close your eyes and villainize those who learn
Ignorance is bliss and isn't that what you've earned?

Bounce to the beat, bounce to the beat
Bounce to the beat, yo
Bounce to the beat, bounce to the beat
Bounce to the beat, go
Bounce to the beat, bounce to the beat
Bounce to the beat, oh

We won't stop until the sun breaks the horizon

Whoa
Whoa

© 2025 Funk McPuke

Bounce To The Beat

BOUNCE TO THE BEAT

Where music and passion is never in fashion.

LYRICS:

Midnight
And the kiddies are sleeping
out by the sidewalk
Under the light

Eggshells
Dressed in high heels & symbols
Of decomposition
Beethoven in reverse

Welcome to where time stands still
No one leaves and no one will
Blah blah blah, it's all the same
I can't stand it
I can't stand it
I can't stand it
I can't stand it

Dance into the night
The dog lost his bite
Come into the light,
Carol Anne

At the coma coma coma coma
At the coma coma coma coma
At the coma coma coma coma
At the coma, coma, coma 

Cabana

Freedom
On top of a mountain
Riding the tempo
I enter the hall

Feeling no body
Onto the dance floor
Don’t see the people
No blame, no blame

Welcome to where time stands still
No one thinks and no one will
Blah blah blah, nothing seems to change
I can't stand it
I can't stand it
I can't stand it
I can't stand it

Dance into the night
The dog found his byte
Come into the light,
Carol Anne

At the coma coma coma coma
At the coma coma coma coma
At the coma coma coma coma
At the coma, coma, coma 

Cabana!

Spectaculars will speculate
Which populars might populate
Then stalk the stars who copulate
To drop the act's inaugural date
Inactive ones then activate
To mass produce or masturbate
They pass the buck, procrastinate
Feel pacified, a passive fate

Not quite my tempo

Let's dance!

Welcome to where time stands still
No one thinks and no one will
Blah blah blah, nothing seems to change
I can't stand it
I can't stand it
I can't stand it
I can't stand it

Dance into the night
The dog found his bite
Come into the light,
Carol Anne

At the coma coma coma coma
At the coma coma coma coma
At the coma coma coma coma
At the coma, coma, coma 

Cabana!

At the coma coma coma coma
At the coma coma coma coma (cabana)
At the coma coma coma coma
At the coma, coma, coma 

Cabana!

© 2025 Funk McPuke

Coma Cabana

COMA CABANA

Things aren't always what they seem. Sometimes that's good. Sometimes it really, really isn't. Anyway, let's continue getting a lil' weird with it. This track is some alt rock, some punk, and a nice dose of metal in all the right places. Ymmv. Enjoy!

LYRICS:

When you see me, it will be too late
When I see you, hands are in your fate
Some go softly, some will try to pay
But I deny you and give myself away

Number one Psycho Bullet (psycho)
Number one Psycho Bullet (psycho)
Number one Psycho Bullet (psycho)
Number one PSYCHO
Number one Psycho Bullet (psycho)
Number one Psycho Bullet (psycho)
Number one Psycho Bullet (psycho)
Number one PSYCHO BULLET

When you see me, everything is cold
When I see you, come into the fold
Sharp betrayal, vengeance is the key
Psycho Bullet come to set you free

Number one Psycho Bullet (psycho)
Number one Psycho Bullet (psycho)
Number one Psycho Bullet (psycho)
Number one PSYCHO BULLET (bullet)
Number one Psycho Bullet (psycho)
Number one Psycho Bullet (psycho)
Number one Psycho Bullet (psycho)
Number one PSYCHO BULLET

(Wake up) It's not real
(Please wake up) It's not real
(He's waking up) Start to feel
(Are you okay?) Start to heal
Feeling good (Take this pill)
Okay fine (climb this hill)
Shaken up (Try to chill)
I'm breaking up

Kill kill kill!

You can't see me, locked behind these walls
You won't see me until the hammer falls
Crack pot, Crack shot, trigger pulls the same
Psycho Bullet ready to take aim

Number one Psycho Bullet (psycho)
Number one Psycho Bullet (psycho)
Number one Psycho Bullet (psycho)
Number one PSYCHO BULLET
Number one Psycho Bullet (psycho)
Number one Psycho Bullet (psycho)
Number one Psycho Bullet (psycho)
Number one PSYCHO BULLET

© 2025 Funk McPuke

#1 Psycho Bullet

#1 PSYCHO BULLET

Can a song be gleefully threatening? This one is. It takes place in that moment when you suddenly realize that you've been on the wrong end of the power dynamic -- a power dynamic that has allowed someone who should know better to undervalue and abuse you -- and, so, you flip it. Now it's their turn to worry. Now it's their turn to be afraid, be very, very afraid.

Is that healthy? Idk. Depends on how metaphorical the song is for you, I guess. But when you've felt powerless for so long in a situation, it can be nice to feel that moment of confidence and strength in yourself and your position, even if you're ultimately a "benevolent dictator" about it.

And, tbf, the song really just frames it as a heads-up to the other person to clear out bc their nonsense is no longer going to be tolerated. So, y'know, fair warning. It's "Don't let the door hit ya on the way out" + "You've lost your LA privileges, Butch."

Somewhere between The Coasters song "Searchin'" and the Beatles "Run For Your Life" -- subject-wise, not talent level; I'm not delusional -- this track is the power fantasy or inspiration you need to put your abusers on notice. Or, if you're really, really high right now and you wanna get weird with it, maybe it's the song that Father Time and the Grim Reaper sing to us all. Either way, I like it. In fact, I'm going to go listen to it again right now and bounce around my house. Maybe I'll even do some dishes. 

Enjoy!

LYRICS:

Gonna find you
Gonna trash you
Gonna grind you
Gonna smash you

Well, I know  you like to see me frightened
You know I do
When I get dimmer, you are brightened
You said it's true
But, uh, if we're a-talking straight
And you're askin' me to choose
Am I gonna flip the script?
You know I can't refuse

You best start runnin'
Oh a-runnin'
Ooh yeah, runnin' fast and far away
Yeah, yeah
Oh, yeah, runnin'
Keep runnin'
Runnin' every night and day
Yeah, yeah

Don't stop or look behind you
You know I'm just one step away

Gonna grab you
Gonna grill you
Gonna kiss you
Gonna kill you

Well, Frankenstein and Freddy 
Bro, they can't slay like me
Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers
Yo, don't play with me
Anyplace that you're a-hiding
You know I'm gonna find you
The breath over your shoulder
That's me right behind you

So get to runnin'
Oh, yeah, runnin'
My brother, runnin' fast and far away
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Runnin'
Keep runnin'
Runnin' every night and day
Yeah, yeah

Don't stop or look behind you
You know I'm just one step away

Gonna mold you
Gonna make you
Gonna build you
Gonna break you

So keep on runnin'
Oooh, Lord, runnin', mm child
Runnin' fast and far away
Yeah, yeah
Runnin'
Keep runnin'
Runnin' every night and day
Yeah, yeah

Don't stop or look behind you
Cuz now I'm half a step away

Gonna bash you
Gonna rend you
Gonna smash you
Gonna end you

© 2025 Funk McPuke

Start Running

START RUNNING

Sometimes life is oppressive, y'all. And that's all I have to say about that.

LYRICS:

Morning comes, I scream again
Another day in hell
Pound myself to oblivion
No help to drive the nails

No Man wanders 
Through barren hillsides
Deep within a
Tribal dream
Softly screaming
“Wake up, sucker!”
Your ride is here
It’s time to leave

I’m falling

If I kill myself
If I lose my soul
If I go to hell
I’ll be what you want

What you want

Morning comes, I scream again
There’s truth behind the fear
Take yourself to oblivion
‘Cuz you sure can’t bring it here

No Man wanders
Lost in Eden
Blinded to the
Paradise
Softly screaming
"Help me wake up!"
Never sure 
He can pay the price

I’m falling

If I kill myself
If I lose my soul
If I go to hell
I’ll be what you want

What you want

I'm falling

If I kill myself
If I lose my soul
If I go to hell
I’ll be what you want

I'm not

What you want

Please don't tell me 
(What you want)
Don't wanna be 
(What you want)
I'd lose my soul
(What you want)
An empty hole
(What you want)

I don't wanna be
What you want

© 2025 Funk McPuke

What You Want

WHAT YOU WANT

The more things change, the more they stay the same, eh? I wrote this as just a straight-up punk song (with a little metal flavor) several years ago when I was doom-scrolling way too much and making myself more depressed than usual. At that time, I was constantly both baffled by and frustrated at the fact that people were letting what had always felt like a solid foundation begin to crumble, potentially catastrophically, under the weight of dueling misinformation. 

Now, several years later, here we are in this weird fever dream of a timeline and things have certainly changed, but mostly just to get weirder and worse. It's like that scene in Deadpool when Wade tells Francis that he can't step up the already seemingly maxed level of torture and, spoiler alert, Francis scoffs and shows him that oh, yes, you can. Each time I think "Well, this is the peak of it, surely," reality finds a way to out-weird itself. And then tells me not to call it Shirley.

Anyway, it felt like a good time to reinterpret this unfortunately even more relevant song, evolve it a little, maybe get a little weirder with it myself. 

LYRICS:

We threw a war and everyone died
Everyone is going crazy
Everyone is going crazy
Our rights were wrong, so government lied
Everyone is going crazy
Everyone is going nuts

You and I will never be
In the future bright we paid to see
The past lies conquered, the future sold
To the very rich and the very old

Forever
Forever
Forever
For ever

The vote was lost when it ended a tie
Everyone is going crazy
Everyone is going crazy
Yet no one seemed to spot the lie
Everyone is going crazy
Everyone is going nuts

Tossed in blind to sink or swim
Swallow the shit you drowned me in
Will we stoop to sell this bitch
to the very old and the very rich? 

Never
No never
No never
No, never

LET'S GET NUTS!

Everything
(Going crazy)
Everyone
(Going crazy)
Everything
(Going crazy)
Everyone is
Crazy, crazy, CRAZY!!!

Everything is going crazy
Everyone is going crazy
Everything is going crazy
Everyone is going crazy
Everything is going crazy
Everyone is going crazy
Everything is going crazy
Everyone is fucking NUTS

© 2025 Funk McPuke

Going Crazy 2k25

GOING CRAZY XXV

When I started posting songs here, I did it totally for myself and with the idea that this would be my place to make weird music without worrying about if anyone was listening. With no earballs on me, I could just smoosh together different sounds and genres just to see what would happen, write songs journaling whatever I was feeling or thinking about in the moment, and not worry in the slightest about if anyone liked what I was doing. It was my way of making sure that I was making the real music I was feeling or wanted to hear and not just chasing numbers, clout, dollars, or anything else.

Still, I'm a human being (and a bit of a people pleaser), so sometimes when I start working on a new song to post here, I find myself having to fight off the urge to "give the people what they want" or "do the smart thing" of following up a song people liked with more of the same and, instead, write whatever I'm feeling. This song is my artistic statement reminding myself to just write the weird, true thing -- whatever that may be on any given day -- and let the spins fall where they may. 

Still, I do hope you enjoy this one. Like every "most recent song I've written," this is currently my favorite. Ymmv.

LYRICS:

Let's get the artist out here
(The real me)
Turn this whisper to a shout here
(Go real deep)
But before you bring your doubt here
(Don't feel me?)
Find out what I'm about here
(The real me)

Why'd I start this band?
Everybody wanna know
Like anything was planned
and my problems just for show
I don't worry 'bout the reap
Only care about the sew
I'm just aimin' at infinity
and tryin' to grow, but look

Nobody understands
That's already in my plan
Not wildly chasing styles
My mind is my grind, man

Let's get the artist out here
(The real me)
Turn this whisper to a shout here
(And feel free)
Yo, before you bring your doubt here
(Don't feel me?)
I'll spill what I'm about here
(The real tea)

So do I even care
That it's yet to unfold?
Do I sometimes feel
Like I'm gettin' too old?
Bro, I'm chasin' after music
I'm not chasin' the gold
Besides I've heard that luck is made
And fortune favors the bold, still I'm

Feelin' like a stranger
In the strangest land
Content to pay my rent
with my mind and my grind, and

Let's get the artist out here
(The real me)
Turn this whisper to a shout here
(It's healing)
So before you bring your doubt here
(Don't hear me?)
That's all that I'm about here
(No, really)

Cower from my consonants
Fear my vowels
Powerful and confident
Hear me howl
Mentally incontinent
I clear my bowels
While the lyrically incompetent
Just sits and scowls

Breakin' like the continents 
I'm grayin' as I growl
But if they sayin' I lack confidence
They never seen me smile
And if they pray that I lack common sense
They payin' for it child
Cuz I am slayin' I'm just sayin
I ain't playin', hear me now!

Do it Johnny, do it

Let's get the artist out here
(The real me)
Turn this whisper to a shout here
(I breathe deep)
So no need to bring your doubt here
(Don't fear me)
That's not what I'm about here
(But feel free)

Let's get the artist out here
(The real D)
Turn this whisper to a shout here
(For real, B)
When it's getting lonely out here
(Words heal me)
I share what I'm about here
(The real me)

So please, don't you worry 'bout me
The future seems like a great place to be
And I hope that you're there to share it with me
As we stand at the edge of 

infinity

© 2025 Funk McPuke

The Real Me

THE REAL ME

Like "Move Your Moose," this is another one of the songs I wrote in the "clear light" period after a shroomy weekend with friends many years ago. I noodled around with the idea for a while -- though it mostly just lived in my notebook -- and finally produced a fairly simple, mostly garage rock version that I posted here on SC last year. 

In that time, of course, my favorite sounds and current musical obsessions have continued to evolve. And I'd like to think my skills have leveled up at least a little. So, I thought it would be fun to take a song from much earlier in my SC journey and reinterpret it -- or, at least, the most basic structure of it -- through my current lens. 

Basically, I'm covering my very slightly younger self. It's like Taylor's version except Taylor's doing Taylor's version of Taylor's original version and I'm both Taylors, so it's kind of a weird narcissistic spiral. It's Taylors all the way down. But the song is catchy and you know what? I think you'll like it. 

If the beginning doesn't grab you, give it a minute. Like the Oklahoma weather, it will change.

LYRICS:

Open the door
Give us a smile
It’s always good to see
Familiar face
Wink of an eye
Don’t play your games with me

Follow me down
To a bridge by a fountain
You
Can't see me

THROUGH THE CRACK (I’m away)
Don’t look back (I’m away)
Losing track (I’m away)
On my way, on my way
THROUGH THE CRACK (I’m away)
Don’t look back (I’m away)
Losing track (I’m away)
On my way, on my way, hey

Calling the dogs
You bite yourself
Observing what you know
Surround yourself
With plenty of you
And swallow, and swallow

Follow me down
To a bridge by a fountain
You
Can't see me

THROUGH THE CRACK (I’m away)
Don’t look back (I’m away)
Losing track (I’m away)
On my way, on my way
THROUGH THE CRACK (I’m away)
Don’t look back (I’m away)
Losing track (I’m away)
On my way, on my way

I'm gone

I'm gone

Go
Go
Go, go
Go, go, go, go
See ya!

Gotta get up 
To get off
Never let up 
Or let off
Put your bet up
Pull your bet off
It's a set up? 
I'mma set off

Follow me down
To a bridge by a fountain
You
Can't see me

THROUGH THE CRACK (I’m away)
Don’t look back (I’m away)
Losing track (I’m away)
On my way, on my way
THROUGH THE CRACK (I’m away)
Don’t look back (I’m away)
Losing track (I’m away)
On my way, on my way

THROUGH THE CRACK
I’m fallin'
Don’t look back
Stop callin'
Losing track
I’m slippin'
On my way
Stop trippin'

© 2025 Funk McPuke

The Crack XXV

THE CRACK XXV

This is kind of a punk-flavored diss track, I guess. Although I think it's healthier to just cut the liars and deadwood out of your life and move on instead of letting them drag you down, sometimes it's good to allow yourself a little moment of catharsis. You don't want to bottle that stuff up. Let it out and then let it go.

LYRICS:

Hypertension in the room like a heart attack
It's my mission, bring you doom, I go cardiac
You transition to the tomb with this rat-tat-tat
Clutch your chest, I'm the best, just die knowing that

Why you be biting me like a party snack?
While I be writing free, have your started that?
What you see? Where you be? Where the artist at?
For a fee, I could teach but you'll part with stacks

Beat drop, heart stop
Tip-top, hip-hop

Give it up, you're going down
I bring the smoke and take the crown
Bend the knee, I feed on your ego
Give it up, bro! What? Give it up, yo!

Apprehension when I catch you deep inside a lie
Intermission, then I snatch a look from satellite
Feel the fission, blow the hatch, hurt I can't deny
Now you're dead in my head, scratch you from my life

They don't play when they say that some folks will change
When you winnin' then your friends can get very strange
Jealousy gets ugly, it infects they brains
Then you see who they be when they have no shame

Beat drop, heart stop
Tip-top, hip-hop

Give it up, you're going down
I bring the smoke and take the crown
Bend the knee, I feed on your ego
Give it up, bro! What? Give it up, yo!

Burning with flaws
But they don't define me
I turn them to flows
And let them refine me
Slip off the chains
I won't let them bind me
Sailing to new worlds
Boats burning behind me

Beat drop, heart stop
Tip-top, hip-hop

Give it up, you're going down
I bring the smoke and take the crown
Bend the knee, I feed on your ego
Give it up, bro! What? Give it up, yo!

Give it up, you're going down
I bring the smoke and take the crown
Bend the knee, I feed on your ego
Give it up, bro! What? Give it up

Yo, I can't believe I did that
Broke me off a piece like Kit-Kat
But give me a pad and a pen with no cap and
You best believe I'd hit that

You say that you ain't with that
But, homie, can you spit that?
If not then I can't hear it
Cuz just talking's for the riff-raff

© 2025 Funk McPuke

Give It Up

GIVE IT UP

I mean, we're all watching the same news. Sort of. Well, we're talking about the same news stories. Sometimes. When it serves the people reporting the news. And, of course, everybody denies everybody else's news stories and makes up counter-narrative news stories of their own and then argue about the news stories that they each made up, and... people wonder why it's all such a big mess.

Anyway, I decided to get a little weird with it. Not as weird instrumentally as I sometimes do (though there are some fun moments), but weird lyrically this time. 

Oh! And for a fun extra challenge, I wondered if I could at least slant-rhyme every syllable of the verses with the syllables of the numerical first lines that kick off each verse chunk. I got pretty close. The continuous rhyme gets a little wibbly-wobbly as I sometimes REALLY slant those rhymes, but I like it. 

LYRICS:

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight
On TV, whores thrive, sex sellin' hate
Want to see more hives? Sick, salivate
Down to the core, find sticks, stabbin' it

John? Who, me? No time, let's revelate
Underneath you're alive, inanimate
Until we survive this "heaven-scape"
Won't you free your mind, fix, elevate?

If the truth is what you need
Watch the forest, not the trees

Open your eyes and
RISE UP!
Say no to the lies and
RISE UP!
Don't live on your knees, just
RISE UP!
Are you the land of the free? Then
RISE UP!

Before it's all banned up
Yo, you gotta stand up

Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one
Hate's ever thick. Why? Forty-two, son
Ain't never slick lies, fork the truth, scum
Aches ever since I heard the truth's dumb

Apes sever sins by forcing new ones
Take every stick, find torturing's too fun 
Snake's heaven-sense? Lies, forging truth, done
Fake sermons kick high forgeries. Who's won?  

If the truth is what you need
Watch the forest, not the trees

Open your eyes and
RISE UP!
Say no to the lies and
RISE UP!
Don't live on your knees, just
RISE UP!
Are you the land of the free? Then
RISE UP!

Before it's all banned up
Stand up

Show me a Herb
I be smokin' that Herb
Light 'em up, breathe
Spittin' fire-like words
Let 'em keep talkin, man
They stuff sound absurd
The whispers gettin' loud
But now we're listenin', ya heard?

If the truth is what you need
Watch the forest, not the trees

Open your eyes and
RISE UP!
Say no to the lies and
RISE UP!
Don't live on your knees, just
RISE UP!
Are you the land of the free? Then
RISE UP!

Open your eyes and
RISE UP!
Say no to the lies and
RISE UP!
Don't live on your knees, just
RISE UP!
Are you the land of the free? Then
RISE UP!

Before it's all banned up
Stand up
For sure put your hand up
Stand up
Then lift your eyes up and
Rise up
Just grab that prize up, now
RISE UP

© 2025 Funk McPuke

Rise Up

RISE UP

Hey there, y'all! I'm Funk McPuke, an artist and musician originally from Los Angeles, CA but now living in my own little world.

After being in a bunch of punk and metal bands, I started writing and posting my own music here as a way of journaling feels, processing emotions, having fun with sounds, and annoying my neighbors. I decided early on to always just write whatever I was feeling in the moment and never chase an audience or clicks or clout, the result being that my music is a mix of various styles I like in various balances without any attempt to cater to a particular audience or genre. Depending on the song, you might hear a little punk, metal, grunge, electro, rap, post-hardcore, industrial, or any combination of those and other genres. I like to squish different sounds together and see what happens. If it sounds good, has a catchy hook, and makes me want to either cry or jump on my furniture and break stuff, it gets posted. Soundcloud is my place to play around and have a good time making music I enjoy without overthinking it too much. 

Ymmv. If you like one thing and one thing only -- like, if you're one of those people who believes punk has a uniform or something is "not metal" if it doesn't sound like all the other bands you listen to -- this might not be for you. Or maybe it is. Idk. I'm not the boss of you. Give it a listen and decide for yourself. And, hey, if you don't like one song, try another. You might like that one better.

Either way, I'mma keep writing and posting music for myself. But, y'know, if you find some lyrics you connect with, some hook that makes you bounce around your house, or just something to put on while you FINALLY do those dishes that have been stinking up your kitchen for the past week, then welcome. Even though I'm not chasing an audience, I do love getting messages from people who've connected with something I've made. It makes me feel less alone in the world and, for all those people who've messaged me in the past or will message me in the future, I appreciate you. I truly do. Thanks for stopping by and giving me a listen. I may write this music for myself because I think that's the best way to keep it honest, but I still believe music, like all art, is best when it's shared.

RIZZ ROLLER

Funk McPuke

Related tracks