Hi How Are You Daniel Johnston? Orchestrations

Untitled Playlist

Got My Diagnosis Yesterday

Written by Larry (Smokey) Mims
Performed by Jesse Lemme Adams and Lauren Bjelde
Courtesy of Forgiveness Music Publishing (BMI)

Creators Of Rain

lyrics:

im becoming consistently worse everyday
and i am turning into someone i really hate
and time just ticks on the final day will never come
i can’t give up so i am forced to keep on
all ive wanted is suddenly so grey and dull
aspirations have turned into a muddy blob
nothing spikes me and nothing ever really stays
only person i trusted to suddenly went away

sleeping till the day is new 
sleeping till i feel confused  
doing all the things i shouldn’t 
picking fights and acting stupid 
no one really sees me do they?
if they did why are they here then?
all i do is make them sad
all i do is always bad


how i wish i never mattered to anyone
dissapointing is worse when its someone you love
and thats what i do, consistently ill let you down
i promise you, its better if you get out now
all I’ve wanted is suddenly so out of reach
how i miss it, the hopeful naitivity 
back when i dreamed, so convinced it’d work out soon
only 15, now im 23 in june

sleeping till the time is stuck
sleeping till i can’t wake up
doing everything to get by
is that why im still alive now?
why have i not cracked the code yet?
am i looking in the wrong place?
all i do is push my luck
all i do is always wrong

Always Wrong

drawn to the blood (sufjan stevens cover)

Hi How Are You Daniel Johnston? Original Score Arranged and Composed by Jesse Lemme Adams
Cellist - Jiordi Rosales

Walking The Cow

Some Things Twang A Guitar

Opening Tape Sequence

Despair Came Knocking

realised too late that the title is gramatically incorrect but oh well.

lyrics:
first time i told anyone that i had ocd
they almost laughed a little bit about the fact but not at me
because the fact was i was sick but everyone kinda assumed
that i could not have ocd when they took a step into my room
with my sheets half off my bed and half my closet on the floor
and torn up papers, bags of garbage, stickers splattered on my door
forever messy all my life, a joke that followed since i was a kid
so no one realised when i got sick and couldn’t do anything.

i didn’t know i had compulsions, never questioned them for long.
the things i did to make myself calm down was not what felt so wrong.
it was my brain and all its humming noise, its never-ending sounds.
and even if it wasn’t screaming static it was always loud.
before i knew about obsessions id had grown used to the fact
that sometimes thoughts or weird ideas would stick around but then they’d pass
of course they left after a while and was replaced by something else
but i just thought that that was normal, after all i was a kid.

when i was 16 something changed and the ideas stopped passing by
now replaced by one thought i could not get rid of if i tried
it overshadowed every other thing and kept me up at night
and suddenly it was the only thing id think of all the time.
ocd is such a guilty thing, it feels like being chained.
it feels like you are going crazy with the weight of all the shame
it feels like waking up in mornings fearing for your life
because your brain is tryna convince you that you deserve to die.
its like your toeing on the edge of what is true and what is fake
because your brain is suddenly an unfamiliar place
and like a meatcleaver it cuts your thoughts to pieces without name
and you can’t see whats up and down you only focus on the pain.
its like theres something in your eye so you can only see with one
and there is so much you are missing but you’re convinced you’re not.
you are aware that you are crazy but you’re doubting everyone
and you get lost inside this spiral of fighting and giving up-

its like a shadow in your skull that somehow controls all your thoughts
and there is no room for your rationality or normal stuff
so all you ever really focus on is everything you fear
and everything becomes a phobia until you’re barely there.
i cannot comprehend the hours i have spent in total terror
every night of secret punishments of pleas and empty prayers
every night id gone to bed so sure i wouldn’t wake up
and every time that i considered if enough was now enough
so the first time i told anyone that i had ocd
there was a lump so big inside my throat i almost couldn’t speak
and when they chuckled i was stunned cus i expected some relief
but instead i was forced to prove to them that i was really sick
i never washed my hands for hours, never sorted all my stuff
but i would freak out in the shower, cus i was alone with my thoughts
and after meds and years of therapy im better after all
but still i wish my illness wasn’t made out to be laughing stock

The First Time I Told Anyone That I Had Ocd

lyrics:

dumbass what are you doing? tell me! 
can’t you see that person didnt care what you were saying
you got ignored again cus you are boooring
but can you really blame them when you act the way you do?

listen stupid, you are ugly. all your friends know too
just look at them, you see how they avoid ya?
you are the darkness that surrounds you
thats why everybody hates you 
and trust me everybody hates you

take a breath and take one more until ur hyperventilating
be ashamed of your anxiety, another thing ur faking
please do everyone a favour and just quit this whiny shit
but you’re enjoying this pretending, you’re enjoying acting sick
if you really were depressed then tell me how come you are laughing?
i live inside your brain so i can tell when you are bluffing
please stop crying, im just telling you the truth, somebodys gotta
when   you’ve    got everybody else convinced

fuckface why are you happy? stop it!
dont forget the razor that i stuffed into ur pocket
just be yourself. lame and gloomy.
do you really think that anyone would you like you if they knew me?
listen asshole, you are worthless.
just a nervous little creep who never really found a purpose.
think you’ll catch up? you’ll be sorry.
the only thing you’re really good fors making everybody worried

little loser you should hold your breath and never breathe again
you should just realise by now i am your one and only friend
you think that anyone would like you if they knew what you were thinking?
it doesn’t take a lot to see right thru your bullshit made-up illness
i see everything about you that you try so hard to hide
every single ugly thought and every single fucked up part
you wanna hurt your friends? well go ahead, stick around and watch
you will inherently cause problems if you choose to get involved

little blood girl wheres your power? wheres that confidence you preach?
are you just a little liar? just a little lying freak?
are you deaf? why dont you answer? cut your thighs and make it bleed
i can make you do the things that makes your shrink break down and weep
no one likes you, they will kill you, everyone is out to get you,
you’re a liar, a deciever, no one cares about your pain
fucking scumbag,  youre a fake and you’re a fraud and you’re a failure
you should just die, it’d lift a burden from your friends

you think your illness is whats holding you back? truth is it is you
you are the reason for your illness, everything that you’ve been thru
you’re only as bad as your worst thoughts
and where does that leave you?
kill everyone, kill everyone, kill yourself! come on!
just be grateful cause i could be worse, im censored for this song
you are thinking this so there must be some truth in here somewhere?
dont you think so too?

blood girl why are you hiding?
even with the tv on im here inside your mind
why dont you answer anymore? im bored just playing with myself
its way more fun when you throw up or think you’re gonna go to hell
the pills won’t kill me, i hope you know that
i am a chronic little demon
and ill stay cus your my best friend
whats gas lighting? like on a stove?
oh by the way
was the oven on before you left for school?

Inner Dialogue

Hi How Are You Daniel Johnston? Music from the film and original score. 

Creators Of Rain

Hi How Are You?