Lady Comforts

River Valley Co-op

Written by Gabrielle Marlena

Produced and Mixed by Katie Buchanan
Mastered by Doug Schadt

Copyright 2018 Gabrielle Marlena

Cover Artwork Photo by John Wells

Easier Love EP

Manners

I haven't felt this way since I lost my first love
It's the price that we pay for the bright shiny stuff
Five years ago I thought it'd never let up
And I wrote a whole album and it fits you like a glove

I let all my friends go 'cause you felt like enough
But I knew that I was building
A glass house for us

If I text you I love you
And you don't say it back
Is your plan to let me realize
That my cards have been stacked

It's so much easier
When you can blame the alcohol
But you finally stopped drinking
And it's not letting up at all

The pattern's repeating
I'm running out of answers
I've been thinking 'bout the fantasy
I created and planned tor
Some people come forever, and others come for reasons
If we were meant to be together, it wouldn't change with the season

How can you stop loving in less than a week
How can memories be wiped away like a tear on a cheek
There were so many moments
When I felt it wasn't right
But I held onto your body because it got me through the night

We were both here a week ago
We made love in this house
What scared you away
What gave you an out

It doesn't make sense
People don't change that quickly
I deserve an explanation
Because it feels like you betrayed me

It's so much easier
When you can blame the alcohol
But you finally stopped drinking
And it's not letting up at all

The pattern's repeating
I'm running out of answers
I've been thinking 'bout the fantasy
I created and planned for
Some people come forever, and others come for reasons
If we were meant to be together, it wouldn't change with the season

I texted your family
I packed up their presents
Leave them under the tree
Let them know that I meant it

That I loved their son
And I tried so hard to
Make him feel better
I tried to heal his big bruise

But I deserve a Sunday
Without watching the door
Wondering if there will be kisses
When his bag hits the floor

For Reasons

You were always so critical of everything I did
I was really gettin' sick of being talked to like a little kid
When we asked you to build both of the queen size beds
You just grunted and sulked, then you grabbed the tools - you always forced yourself to help

You were never that excited when I came home from a trip
I always greeted you like an excited little puppy, it was sick
We had dinner at your friends, we had beers and I made small talk with the girls
You said that's what you wanted - don't you see that we live in a wider world?

I went to a concert to distract me from my mind
And I sat with my sister with the light drained from eyes
All I wanted was to hold your hand, I wanted to go back to the plan
But do you remember Jade Bird? It could've been any band
Because I cried the whole damn night into my sweaty cotton mask
I asked you what you were feeling and I shouldn't have
Because you sunk into it, used like me like a punching bag

I guess I shouldn't have read your journal but I did
Yea that one that I bought you because you needed it
You wrote you were afraid of losing your partner and you did
I never listened when you said you were selfish

I went to a concert to distract me from my mind
And I sat with my sister with the light drained from eyes
All I wanted was to hold your hand, I wanted to go back to the plan
But do you remember Jade Bird? It could've been any band
Because I cried the whole damn night into my sweaty cotton mask
I asked you what you were feeling and I shouldn't have
Because you sunk into it, used like me like a punching bag

But you were always something to look forward to - I adored you

I tried to make myself quieter for you
I tried to get a little smaller for you
I wish I could have been shyer for you
I wish I could've been a liar for you
But the things that made me fall for you, boo
Are the things that made you small for me, too
My confidence with your solitude
We were never gonna sing the same tune
And if you hadn't been so mean to me soon
I would have never ever left, that's for true
If it had ended any better than that
It was never gonna end

I tried to make myself quieter for you
I tried to get a little smaller for you
I wish I could have been shyer for you
I wish I could've been a liar for you
But the things that made you fall for me, boo
Are the things that made you small for me, too
My confidence with your solitude
We were never gonna sing the same tune
And if you hadn't been so mean to me soon
I would have never ever left, that's for true
If it had ended any better than that
It was never gonna end

But do you remember Jade Bird? It could've been any band
Because I cried the whole damn night into my sweaty cotton mask
I asked you what you were feeling and I shouldn't have
Because you sunk into it, used like me like a punching bag

Punching Bag

I've been thinking about my car
I've been thinking about the driver's seat
And what it's meant to me
I've been thinking about how you broke my heart
From the moment that I picked you up somewhere near Halsey Street

You never liked this car
And you never liked my driving
I was always over way too far
And I went right over the potholes
And I never used cruise control

And here are the moments that I can't stop thinking about
These are the moments that made us
And I close my eyes and I turn to the right
And I see that you've fallen asleep
It feels like I'm driving back home to Montgomery Street
I want to dial your number, go home to you
But instead I go into the glove box
And take out the Parliaments that I fucking stole from you

We were in the back seat of your parents' car
You were so happy to have me back
You took my hand and I knew that this was gonna last
I felt it in your arms, my heart was on the farm

Now I'm driving on the island
We did this drive so many times
From Great Neck to Soho in 26 minutes
This city was our playground with nobody in it

And here are the moments that I can't stop thinking about
These are the moments that made us
And I close my eyes and I turn to the right
And I see that you've fallen asleep
It feels like I'm driving back home to Montgomery Street
I want to dial your number, go home to you
But instead I go into the glove box
And take out the Parliaments that I fucking stole from you

I've been thinking about the night that I drove away
And I sat on the bed and I told you I loved you
And I pulled the dog away
And this same car that moved us in Brooklyn
Three separate times
Is filled to the brim with all of the shit
That reminds me of our past life

And here are the moments that I can't stop thinking about
These are the moments that made us
And I close my eyes and I turn to the right
And I see that you've fallen asleep
It feels like I'm driving back home to Montgomery Street
I want to dial your number, go home to you
But instead I go into the glove box
And take out the Parliaments that I fucking stole from you

Parliaments

Two weeks was yesterday
And my body has calmed down a bit
But my toothaches stomach pains come in and out
Here they are again

On 86th I've got a friend and he's sick
And we just got results that it's COVID
I'd give anything to have a diagnosis
Treat my symptoms, give me a fix

It doesn't feel better as it just gets further
I can't stop feeling like my heart's been murdered
Walking along all these fucking tall buildings
I look up and around, I'm in a breakup song city
There's a visible difference in our night skies
I convinced myself and everyone else you were a nice guy
I tried to build a life where I could see the stars at night
Spend the summers on a lake and the winters inside

Yea I know I'm getting way ahead of myself
It's only April and I'm on Christmas Eve
Planning my text to you in my head
It'll say "Tell the girls I said hey"

How many plans do I have to reimagine
How many times do you think this'll happen
Adirondacks and Montreal and Ireland in the fall
And I gotta sing that song I wrote about loving you

It doesn't feel better as it just gets further
I can't stop feeling like my heart's been murdered
Walking along all these fucking tall buildings
I look up and around, I'm in a breakup song city
There's a visible difference in our night skies
I convinced myself and everyone else you were a nice guy
I tried to build a life where I could see the stars at night
Spend the summers on a lake and the winters inside

I can still hear the tone of your voice
When you asked my mom what you should bring
It was a nice little gesture and it let us pretend
That you weren't a mess and you didn't offend
But there was no pain you caused me as great as this
It's like you had to break my whole nose just to fix it
I'm more than uncomfortable, I'm more than unsatisfied
I made you my everything
I made you my life

It doesn't feel better as it just gets further
I can't stop feeling like my heart's been murdered
Walking along all these fucking tall buildings
I look up and around, I'm in a breakup song city
There's a visible difference in our night skies
I convinced myself and everyone else you were a nice guy
I tried to build a life where I could see the stars at night
Spend the summers on a lake and the winters inside

Breakup Song City

The worst pain is not hearing I love you 
When you don’t say it back after 2 years in the tracks 

That big stain on the couch I keep meaning
To wash it bleach, can we set a date next week 

My heart breaks when you talk about attraction 
Can you keep that to yourself, anticipate my reaction 

But I can’t stay mad for more than 10 seconds 
I turn around to wipe my tears in your direction 

And I don’t know where this came from 
This is the life that you and I created 
And just 2 hours before it all started 
You called me to check in 
I was in the car and 
You asked me what I needed 
I told you nothing 
But ask me today 
I need some lovin’
You need some space 
I need some closeness 
We both need some help 
Let me make an appointment 

It’s a cyclical thing, but the waiting’s getting longer
The events are spread out, but the truth is getting harder

I’ve made a plan and I think that’s the problem 
I’m trying to fix what I can’t even follow

If it doesn’t go away, babe I’m here for the ride 
Let me sit next to you, let me be by your side 
And it’s not about the drinking this time
It’s the pain underneath, it’s the cold world outside 

And I don’t know where this came from 
This is the life that you and I created 
And just 2 hours before it all started 
You called me to check in 
I was in the car and 
You asked me what I needed 
I told you nothing 
But ask me today 
I need some lovin’
You need some space 
I need some closeness 
We both need some help 
Let me make an appointment 

And it’s hard not to feel like the victim this time 
Getting stepped on again, getting shoved out the side 
You’re my best friend, you know, only my lover part-time
And it hurts like hell, babe, it’s like you’ve canceled the phone line 

And then you walk in the door, and I'm ready for you to apologize
And then you fall on the couch, and I run to your side 
And I beg you to let me just hold you this time 
So I can sing you to sleep, wipe the tears from your eyes

And I don’t know where this came from 
This is the life that you and I created 
And just 2 hours before it all started 
You called me to check in 
I was in the car and 
You asked me what I needed 
I told you nothing 
But ask me today 
I need some lovin’
You need some space 
I need some closeness 
We both need some help 
Let me make an appointment

Appointment

You don't get to be cruel anymore
Stop twisting the knife
You don't have that control anymore
I've severed the ties

I can't shake the visual
And I hate you for that
But I know that it will blur with time
I will not always be sad

I took all your trauma
And I made it my own
Every excuse in the playbook
I never said no
I tended your illness
I wouldn't leave it alone
I got high off the drama
Left you with nowhere to go
Our lives were like ships
Crashing into each other
We got twisted and tumbled
But I never loved another
As deeply, I begged you to keep holding me under
We were sick broken lovers
You slipped through me like butter

I know you stopped loving me
And you know that's fine
I'm proud of the life I went after
Of how hard I tried

You needed space to fuck up
To shatter my trust
Now all my memories are colored all over
With this shitty white dust
And you've left a hole in me
Not from leaving my life
But from scooping out the parts of me
Slowly but surely
By twisting the knife

I took all your trauma
And I made it my own
Every excuse in the playbook
I never said no
I tended your illness
I wouldn't leave it alone
I got high off the drama
It's the closeness I know
Our lives were like ships
Crashing into each other
We got twisted and tumbled
But I never loved another
As deeply, I begged you to keep holding me under
We were sick broken lovers
You slipped through me like butter

I hope she finds a way to escape without a bruise
And I hope for her sake she doesn't try to love you
You always had such a nihilistic point of view
And I'm sad, but I'll never be as tragic as you

Cruel/Twisting the Knife (Demo)

I get irrationally upset
When you won't come into my bed
But I do it because I like you
I'll be your chauffeur and I will drive you

I like the way your palms always sweat
Like you're taking a high school test
I wanna fall in love with you
It's been two weeks, that'll do

You make me the type of nervous where I don't want to eat
And all my friends know
That's not where my nerves go
That's not where my nerves go
That's not where my nerves go

And I'm recording an album about heartache as I begin to fall into love
And I'm recording these songs about loneliness, but I'm looking down on it from above
I am content
And I'm on the mend
It's just around the bend
You're the means and you're the end
I played the game
I stood out in the rain
But you took all the pain and you kissed it away

Almost five full years of shit brought me straight into your lips
I've got a list of awkward hugs
I've got a pile of dirty mugs
You remember everything I say
When I forget it the next day
Crawl in at 2am with me
In the morning we'll have tea

You make me the type of lazy where I forget to brush my teeth
And all my friends know
That's hard for me to let go
That's hard for me to let go
That's hard for me to let go

And I'm recording an album about heartache as I begin to fall into love
And I'm recording these songs about loneliness, but I'm looking down on it from above
I am content
And I'm on the mend
It's just around the bend
You're the means and you're the end
I played the game
I stood out in the rain
But you took all the pain and you kissed it away

And I am waiting, holding on to every breath you take
And I am scared shitless 'cause I don't know what kind of life you want to make
I'm anticipating losing all of this in a day
If you do break me
I'll try to fake it and I'll support you, babe

Now I am writing an album about heartache as I begin to fall out of love
And I am writing these songs about loneliness, as I'm crashing into it like a truck
But I'll be content
And I will mend
The things that you broke when I thought you were my friend
I'll get back in the game
If it's shine or if it's rain
And I'll take all my pain and I'll kiss it away

Almost two full years of bliss brought me straight back to this shit
I've got a list of awkward hugs
I've got a pile of dirty mugs

Dirty Mugs

That was the beginning of the end
You asked me to stop with the babe
You said that's not my name
You stopped kissing me on the head
You wouldn't say I love you first
You pushed me 'til my buttons hurt
Mmmmm
Mmmmm

It happened slowly
And then all at once, like gettin' off a drug
I poured it out of me
'Til I was all dried up, out of patience and trust
'Cause your kind of love
It forced me to leave ya
That wasn't patience
It was complacence

'Cause you gave me love, so I couldn't leave ya
Some kind of love, and they never believed us
And I know you tried, now that I can see it
But I think I'd die if I had to see ya

'Cause you gave me love, so I couldn't leave ya
Some kind of love, and they never believed us
And I know you tried, now that I can see it
But I think I'd die if I had to be ya

Some Kind of Love

I asked you if we would see each other again
You said it's up to you
You were never any good at making decisions

And I keep wondering if I asked too much
But I only asked for wanting
I asked you to want to be there for me
To meet the basic needs

My bleeding heart and your falling short
You started retreating
Maybe two years from now
We'll figure it out
All the lies we were eating

Remember when you told me you were falling in love again with me
Does that mean you fell out, and how are you sure now
That we're past our healing

I keep thinking about how you said there were others you loved and couldn't be with
You always said the worst things at the worst times
But I think I know just what you meant with that hurtful sentiment
'Cause you know that I loved others too before I met you
But it's time you learned the difference between loss and commitment
Between honesty and inflicting pain

There was always an apology
I keep waiting for the apology
It was sometimes delayed, but you came to your senses
And the good times, they took all of me
And the bad times, you would call me
And at the end of the day, you always had all of me

And I clung so hard to you
'Cause I knew what you would do
If I loosened up my grip
I knew that you would slip
800 days spent together
Controlled everything but the weather
You holding on to your rope so tightly
I backed you up until you surrendered

There was always an apology
I keep waiting for the apology
It was sometimes delayed
But you came to your senses
And the good times, they took all of me
And the bad times, you would call me
And at the end of the day, you always had all of me
And it's done now, and I'm not ok
Filled its purpose, I miss you every day
Ran its course, I understand, but can we fix it

An Apology

The morning before, I had put your shirt on
It wasn't really like me
And I didn't know that I'd remember that day
I didn't know that I wouldn't be extending my stay

'Til I packed all the presents that I gave you for Christmas
Backed the car up until I went right into that ditch
And you had to push me out
I think I threw up a little in my mouth

And text me about all the shit that I stole
It's okay, you can have back your spoons and your bowls
Why are you talking 'bout that
How about the house we looked at?

Did you really have time to throw back just a few beers
While I am spending my money, holding back all my tears
I guess I haven't been happy
Cusco wasn't reality

And the truth is this story had an ending as soon as it began
I just loved your flaws as much as I loved you
But I can't take care of two
When I'm just as lost as you

And as soon as it died, suddenly I missed my dad
I was keeping you around for some semblance of a man
From the clothes on your back to the bike that you crashed
I was paving the way to a fucked up romance

But I liked that about it, it was something to fix
It was something to work on, so I ignored all of my shit
But because we came so far, we had farther to fall
So as we started to tumble, I kept you on a pedestal

And the books that I've read
Now that you've left me on read
I guess they're helping make sense
Of when I left your bed
Can't get it out of my head
I called you right when I left
I told the waitress I'd had
The best day ever, I said
Then I pulled up to your van
Gave you a pastry and then
I kissed you right through the window
I can still smell your neck
I guess it's true what she said
You can never expect
To say goodbye over the threshold
And then see them again

Best Day Ever

What am I supposed to say 
When your head is getting carried away
What am I supposed to do 
When it gets this hard to comfort you

You get up, you’re walking away
I get off my phone and commiserate 
But I’m feeling misunderstood 
Completely alone in the neighborhood 

I’m trying to find
Every which way
I can anticipate 
What you have to say
I'm trying to hide
Every mistake 
Balancing checking in
And giving you space 

What am I supposed to say 
When I know that something else is getting in the way 
What am I supposed to do 
Without making you feel guilty and pink in the face 

And you should tell your family and friends
I should stop suggesting you do 
But I’m feeling misunderstood 
I’d fix the world for you if I could

I’m trying to find
Every which way
I can anticipate 
What you have to say
I'm trying to hide
Every mistake 
Balancing checking in
And giving you space 

Remember when we took a trip to your parents 
And it was my first time 
But you didn’t care and then 
You were still drunk in the morning when I picked you up
And your pants were on backwards your shoes fallin’ off
You opened the door on the highway and I started crying
'Cause you were just lying 
But I fell in love even more than before 
'Cause that weekend I saw what we were fighting for 

I’m trying to find
Every which way
I can anticipate 
What you have to say
I'm trying to hide
Every mistake 
Balancing checking in
And giving you space 
I wanna be careful 
I want to feel safe 
Tell you that I’ve gotten used to your name 

I wanna feel stable  
I wanna pick up the pace
But sometimes it feels like I’m just occupying space

Occupying Space

First of all, let me say that I'm proud
It's been nice to see you work through your self doubt
And I'll try to sit back while you figure it out
Your happiness is the earth that I walk on now

It's been a change for me
My emotions have been finicky
I've been watching a little too much TV
I need to welcome in more creativity
I've been feeling lately like I can't fend for myself
Seeking your validation, it's not good for my health
So I'm turning inside and I'm pulling it out
It will go back to normal once we find our better selves

And I think we're past the honeymoon days
We need to find our rhythm, not get lost in the waves
You told me this love won't always be good
I just need to know that it can be great
Things will be different than they were on our first date
Things will be different than they were on our first date

I put our love into phases in my head
The first in Brooklyn in a share house after 2am
Your feet hangin' off my full size bed
I thought I had figured you out until we played house
Then I went under your skin
I saw your demons and your clouds

This city's started to fade for me
I'm noticing the grime where I used to see beautiful lights
It's time to get away
Would you take that leap of faith?
I promise I will hold your heart safe

And I think we're past the honeymoon days
We need to find our rhythm, not get lost in the waves
You told me this love won't always be good
I just need to know that it can be great
Things will be different than they were on our first date
Things will be different than they were on our first date

First Date

I thought our love meant that I was closer
To the life that I truly wanted
Now that it's really finally over
I can tell it was holding me hostage

I moved back to Brooklyn to find someone older
Someone who won't leave me so exhausted

I moved back to find someone else I could leave with
'Cause I want the house and the yard you were teasing

And you let me down
But that's okay 'cause we were gonna drown
And I'll pack my things
'Cause this ain't how it always has to be

A few weeks have passed I can see that you're hurting
Even if it's not the same kind of burning
I needed to know that it wasn't all rainbows
This meeting is useful, even though it's painful

I wish you would let it all out like you used to
I wish you would cry because tears can be useful
You hid under a blanket for more than that just that night
It was always flight, you had no fight
You hid from your feelings, while I dimmed the lights

And you let me down
It wasn't the other way around
It's not like it was black and white
It might never satisfy
All of my questions
And all that left was there
And I know you said the final words
It'll be your heart that hurts one day
'Cause I walked away

I was playing pretend
I was fucking upset
And I combed it all over when talking with friends
I bought tickets and flights
To keep the fantasy alive
And in the end you were only along for the ride

And you let me down
But that's ok 'cause we were gonna drown
And I packed my things
For two hours I forgot to breathe

It's not like it was black and white
It might never satisfy
All of my questions
And all that left was there
And I know you said the final words
But it'll be your heart that hurts
One day, 'cause I walked away
You wouldn't meet me halfway
You wouldn't meet me halfway
You wouldn't meet me halfway

Halfway

Somewhere between the deli meat
And the bottled drinks, I found you
You were excited for the weekend
With your family, it was pretty soon to meet them

And I was so nervous 'cause you were still drunk
But I was was looking forward to you
'Cause you were gonna sober up and show me love
The way that I allowed you to

When I think back to the River Valley Co-op
I don't want to go back anymore
When I think back to the River Valley Co-op
What a great fuckin' grocery store

And I could have been a little more sensitive
Of the problem that I saw in you
Or should I have turned around
Could have locked you out
When you cried in the car like a kid

Instead I just held your hand
'Cause I wanted a man
'Cause you're the type to make me believe
That I could be your savior
But I don't blame her
For giving up on you so completely

When I think back to the River Valley Co-op
I don't want to go back anymore
When I think back to the River Valley Co-op
What a great fuckin' grocery store
But I see you walkin' out
Your head hanging down
You left me waiting in line with the cart
And I look toward the parking lot
I thought you might run off
I got stuck there when I almost lost you

Written by Gabrielle Marlena

Produced and Mixed by Katie Buchanan
Mastered by Doug Schadt

Smoking Gun

Love Me Out Loud

Written by Gabrielle Marlena

Produced and Mixed by Katie Buchanan
Mastered by Doug Schadt

Copyright 2018 Gabrielle Marlena

Album Artwork Photo by John Wells

Lyrics: 
I’m saving my writing for Brooklyn 
Soaking up everything I can 
There's no time to write when I'm singing every night 
Driving eight hours a day 

And they tell me drive safe 
But I'd likely be better at driving 
If i were driving with you rather than driving on my own 
I’ve pulled a U-ey three times today 

And I'm on the Mississippi 
I’m in a different city 
Don't you think I look pretty 
Sitting by myself 

I'm wearing my sister’s hand-me-downs 
My hair’s in knots past my shoulders now 
I’ve been in three thousand towns 
And I’ve been telling myself 

Chorus: 
That just because your connection was fleeting 
Doesn't mean that it didn't exist 
And just because your love was competing 
Doesn't mean they thought you were shit 

And just because he read it 
Doesn't mean you shouldn't have texted 
‘There's no room for regret 
In this lifetime,’ he said. 
‘Don’t be fucked in the head.’ 

And I felt an intimacy with you 
I hadn't felt in a while 
A kind of blurring in my head 
I didn't know with other guys 

So I tried to keep it together 
Tried to nail you down good 
I was so swept up with conserving 
Every ounce that I could 

And I'm on the Mississippi 
I’m in a different city 
Don't you think I look pretty 
Sitting by myself 

I'm wearing my sister’s hand-me-downs 
My hair’s in knots past my shoulders now 
I’ve been in three thousand towns 
And I’ve been telling myself 
Chorus: 
That just because your connection was fleeting 
Doesn't mean that it didn't exist 
And just because your love was competing 
Doesn't mean they thought you were shit 

And just because he read it 
Doesn't mean you shouldn't have texted 
‘There's no room for regret 
In this lifetime,’ he said. 
‘Don’t be fucked in the head.’

Easier Love

Mississippi

Written by Gabrielle Marlena

Produced and Mixed by Katie Buchanan
Mastered by Doug Schadt

Copyright 2018 Gabrielle Marlena

Cover Artwork Photo by John Wells

Lyrics:

Well we both live in Brooklyn

But that's not much to say 

When getting to your apartment takes all fucking day 

When the G isn't running on Sunday 

So I held that excuse for why it wasn't working out 

And then I saw you in my neighborhood with your ex-girlfriend all cracked out 

Thinking of the holes in your underwear 

And the mattress on the floor 

I never hated someone so and loved the smell of their neck even more 

 

You had to have a nightcap

You probably want your life back 

Which is why you told your other girlfriend 

She could stay indefinitely in your bed 

 

But I’m thinking of the mornings I spent nuzzled in your hair 

My feet tucked under you on your wicker chair 

And the muffin you bought me that I reluctantly shared 
 

I thought we were friends

I thought I could trust you

When you were sober 

I thought I even loved you 

I'm sorry I ever fucked you

I'm sorry I ever fucked you

 

And then I felt so strong when I said it's over 

You said don't be crazy, called me baby 

I said don't call me baby, fucking crazy 

And then I waited for your call 

I thought you would call me

I thought you'd sorry 

Why are my thoughts so wrong lately 

Who the fuck ever taught me 

 

I thought you were real 

But it’s just a game in your head 

Just a passage of time ‘til you're dead 

I keep picturing her in your bed 

 

But I’m thinking of the mornings I spent nuzzled in your hair 

My feet tucked under you on your wicker chair 

And the muffin you bought me that I reluctantly shared 

 

I thought we were friends

I thought I could trust you

When you were sober 

I thought I even loved you 

I'm sorry I ever fucked you

I’m sorry I ever fucked you

 

I thought we were friends

I thought I could trust you

When you were sober 

I thought I even loved you 

I'm sorry I ever fucked you

I'm sorry I ever fucked you

 

I've never been with a man in the state that I'm from 

What does that have to say about how I fall in love 

This is beginning to feel like it's more than coincidence, more than bad luck 

Like a 'me problem,' well fuck...

Sorry I Ever Fucked You

Written by Gabrielle Marlena

Produced and Mixed by Katie Buchanan
Mastered by Doug Schadt

Copyright 2018 Gabrielle Marlena

Cover Artwork Photo by John Wells

Lyrics:

I called you
Sittin’ in my car in Portland
It was raining
Like it often is in Portland 
You sounded different
You sounded calm, i got dizzy
I told you i crashed my car
Told you I've been singin’ about you, pretty 
You said something stupid 
I forgot how simple you are 
And you're not the only one 
That I've called in the car 
I started laughing 
End the call abruptly 
You tried to keep me on the line 
Tell me something you thought was funny 

Chorus:
And you've been my muse
Your heart was the one I used
I drained your story
I made it less boring
I've been done with my mourning 
I’ve forgotten what it was for and 

It's ok that you found an easier love 
And it's ok that you didn't try hard enough 
And I will learn what I'm really made of 
On my own in this car and something I've created 

And I left you hanging 
The last message you sent
To check up on me 
I wonder if it's got you bent up thinking 
If I'll ever forgive you 
I'll do more, I'll thank you
For not letting me waste my life on loving you 

I see your kids now 
Running around in the garden where we made out 
I’m not surprised
She looks just like me
It took me two years to realize
That I was the one who really left you 

Chorus:
And you've been my muse
Your heart was the one I used
I drained your story
I made it less boring
I've been done with my mourning 
I’ve forgotten what it was for and 

It's ok that you found an easier love 
And it's ok that you didn't try hard enough 
And I will learn what I'm really made of 
On my own in this car and something I've created 

And I look ahead 
I see great things 
I see curly hair 
I see babies 
We're always changing 
And that's the only thing that ever stays 

And I threw the boxers out with the sweater 
Deleted your last loving text
Got rid of years full of messages 
Every argument, every sext
I even threw your mom's painting out 
I'm working on that bracelet now 
Creating space.

Written by Gabrielle Marlena

Produced and Mixed by Katie Buchanan
Mastered by Doug Schadt

Copyright 2018 Gabrielle Marlena

Cover Artwork Photo by John Wells

Lyrics:
Try to teach my myself to be alone but not lonely 
Who to trust, honey I am the only one for you there 
‘Cause it's a long, long drive through Wyoming 
And I'm waiting for the moment that my phone rings 
That might be ages from now 
That might be pages from now 

You've got this babe 
It wasn't your time 
You've had the love some only dream of in your life 
You know the grass is always greener 
I've seen happy people meaner 
Because love's an awful project that gets in the way 

And I just called this guy I used to see in Brooklyn 
‘Cause I was curious the direction that he's lookin’ in 
If he'll be marrying that chick who's tryna wife him 
But it doesn't matter anymore 
Yea well he answered but he was hiking in New York 
I want attention, so it wasn’t gonna work 
Wanted to get a rise out of him 
Wanted to see some life out of him 
All i got was lies out of him 

You've got this babe 
It wasn't your time 
You've had the love some only dream of in your life 
You know the grass is always greener 
I've seen happy people meaner 
Because love's an awful project that gets in the way 

i need to amend my comprehension of the order of things 
What comes first? How to make it work? Are these the only things? 
i need to find some peace within all this uncertainty 
I need to find some other meaning so I can keep my dreams 

You've got this babe 
It wasn't your time 
You've had the love some only dream of in your life 
You know the grass is always greener 
I've seen happy people meaner 
Because love's an awful project that gets in the way

Road Thoughts

Music and Lyrics and Gabrielle Marlena
Mixed and Mastered by Katie Buchanan

Road Thoughts - Live Stripped Version

Sorry I Ever Fucked You - Live Stripped Version

Lyrics:

You can call it progressive 
But I think it’s depressive
I’ve been smoking exactly one cigarette
Every time that we text 
As if I were surprised

You could call me obsessive 
So please put me to rest
I thought maybe it was a test

But I won’t be just one of the women on your chest
So please just let it die

Let me down easy 
And tell me white lies 
Put my head down on the pillow
And then please climb out the window 
So I know you didn’t try

I’m feeling self destructive (i was feeling)
I’m letting myself down (letting myself)
It’s 4am I shouldn’t call him
But I have been all over town

I just want what I had before 
I can feel it in my chest
I notice when he looks at me
That this is not my best 

And let me down easy
Tell me white lies
Put my head down on the pillow 
And then please climb out the window 
So I know you didn’t try 

Don’t make me say please now 
Don’t me my fight 
You got me stuck right in the middle 
I try to read you like a riddle 
But it takes too much time 

There are some things that just hit me like a train
The way they walk together holding hands down lover’s lane
And I’m feeling like a pair of old shoes left out in the rain

Let me down easy 
Tell me white lies 
Put my head down on the pillow 
And then please climb out the window 
So I know, so I know you didn’t try 

Don’t make me say please now 
Don’t me my fight 
You’ve kept me stuck right in the middle 
I try to read you like a riddle 
But it takes too much time

Like A Riddle

Lyrics:

I need to practice detachment 
From the women in my life 
Because they’ll keep on bringing around partners 
And we may not always see eye to eye

And I’ve always wanted a man 
A loud one with opinions who banters 
But if all goes according to plan 
He’ll also have a whole lot of manners 

Because I don’t deserve 
To be looked at and told 
To shut up and smile
And you should have learned that years ago
And I won’t chill out, and I won’t calm down
You can’t have me around 
Until you figure it out

And I have been working my ass off 
I’ve been trying to build my castle 
I barely have time to write, let alone fight with you 
None of this is really worth the hassle 

And I’ve always wanted a man 
A loud one with opinions who banters 
But if all goes according to plan 
He’ll also have a whole lot of manners 

Because I don’t deserve 
To be looked at and told 
To shut up and smile
And you should have learned that years ago
And I won’t chill out, and I won’t calm down
You can’t have me around 
Until you figure it out

Now I have been scaring my mother
When I call her after I’ve gotten home
Because I wasn’t raised to let another
Try to test the self-respect that I have grown 

And I know that you think i have a hard shell 
But there’s a limit to the shit that you can stir 
Just because you are a hot mess
Doesn’t mean my life is made of diamonds and fur

And I’ve always wanted a man 
A loud one with opinions who banters 
But if all goes according to plan 
He’ll also have a whole lot of manners 

Because I don’t deserve 
To be looked at and told 
To shut up and smile
And you should have learned that years ago
And I won’t chill out, and I won’t calm down
You can’t have me around 
Until you figure it out

You’re more compatible together
I hope she treats you better 
I hope she doesn’t challenge you in bed
Makes you comfortable, holds your head

I hope you please her when you want
Give your keys to her when you want
'Cause your terms were the most that I ever got

You and I are like water and fire
You always left me with only more desire 
It makes me hot to the touch, I’m getting mean, I’m getting rough
I like the face that you were born with 
But I hate your words and all of your norms and

I want it anyway
I want it anyway

You’re always asking for attention
And forgive me, I forgot to mention
The way you talked about your travels was like torture

And at the end of the day
You were just a game that I could play
And now I can’t and I’m mad
'Cause you took it away

You and I are like water and fire
You always left me with only more desire 
It makes me hot to the touch, I’m getting mean, I’m getting rough
I like the face that you were born with 
But I hate your words and all of your norms and
I want it anyway
I want it anyway
I want it anyway
I want it anyway

You and I are like water and fire
You always left me with only more desire 
It makes me hot to the touch, I’m getting mean, I’m getting rough
I like the face that you were born with 
But I hate your words and all of your norms and
I rue the day I saw you drinking 
I rue the day

Anyway

My favorite tattoo is the one that I never can see
My favorite lover was the one that I never did meet 
My favorite song was written by you and not by me 
My favorite version of you was the one that I could leave 

I wake up with anxiety dreams about leaving my keys in the car
I wake up with anxiety dreams about taking the subway too far

But if a tree falls and no one can hear it, it still makes a sound
And if you show up and no one can see you, you still left the house 
It makes me so sad you’re not enough for yourself 
Because all you’ve ever wanted is to be the woman that you’ve become, how good has that felt? 
You don’t need any help

I never slow danced ‘til a week before I turned 24
At a bar that was closing and my tee shirt had sweat marks under my arms
That’s just another night, feels like another knife
Thank god I’m home again, I’m love-less again
Let’s the roll the ball 

I wake up with anxiety dreams that my body is going to waste
I wake up with anxiety dreams that no one will look at my face

But if a tree falls and no one can hear it, it still makes a sound
And if you show up and no one can see you, you still left the house 
It makes me so sad that you’re not enough for yourself 
Because all you’ve ever wanted is to be the woman that you’ve become, how good has that felt? 
You don’t need any help, you don’t need help

Anxiety Dreams

Lyrics: 

That was a fun week we had, it was bad timing that’s all
Your world came crashing down so suddenly
And I know I’m not really relevant but I felt a connection with the alcohol
You said I came out of left field for you 

Don’t tell me what to think
Don’t tell me what I should be worrying about 
Because last time I checked you’re not the only one who’s allowed to play house 

I’m not here for your entertainment
I’m not something you can choose you want to handle or not
I’m not a careless younger version of you who you can block so that you don't get caught

And I know you haven’t slept next to a body in a while 
You got me living in a fantasy where you would never be seen with me 
You’ve got me fantasizing about spending the rest of our lives alone on a beach 

And you’re the one who said you didn’t want me to stop talking to you 
But I find it hard to stay away from sticky situations
I find it hard to shy away from total fucked up relations
You and me, could, would we be some kind of messy long vacation

I’m not here for your entertainment
I’m not something you can choose you want to handle or not
I’m not a careless younger version of you who you can block so that you don't get caught

And I know I’m only 24 years old
But you set yourself up for this
Do you think it’s not just as confusing for me 
You created an obstacle to beat 
You invented a game just for me
You can’t claim a monopoly on being messed up
Can’t you tell that I’m lonely 
Just because you’re older than me 
Doesn’t mean I’m not lonely
Just because you’re older than me
Doesn’t mean I’m not lonely

Older Than Me

Lyrics and Music by Gabrielle Marlena
Produced and Mixed by Katie Buchanan
Mastered by Sarah Register

Copyright 2020 Breakstone Records

Lyrics:

Remember the week when 
I skinned my knee and
You spent an hour applying Neosporin

Turns out I'm allergic 
Then it got infected
And just when it was healing 
I fell on the same knee again

Then your dog bit my eyebrow 
It wasn’t bad, so it was funny 
Until a huge piece of glass
Fell onto my forehead 

Thought I might have a concussion
I had to get on an airplane 
So I crossed my shaky fingers 
And hoped for the best

All the while the world was falling apart
What I thought I had with both arms 
Was slipping away 
It’s not like he was ever someone I could really count on 
But when we lost him I had to keep everyone grounded 
I guess it’s good to start over 
To get pushed to edge 
What comes out of the fire is never what you expect 

It feels like I’m drowning 
Inside this spreadsheet 
Pulling numbers out the blue
Search my recent calls for you

But I choose Lucy instead 
Try not to cry in my head 
You’re settling into all you’ve ever hoped for 
Feels like I’m losing my friend 

All the while the world was falling apart
What I thought I had with both arms 
Was slipping away 
It’s not like he was ever someone I could really count on 
But when we lost him I had to keep everyone grounded 
I guess it’s good to start over 
To get pushed to the edge 
What comes out of the fire is never what you expect 

And then just as soon
I was faced with the thought of losing you, too
With my heart black and blue 
Don’t they know we’ve always hated hospital rooms
I hope you know how much I love your new tattoo 
I hope it shows, how much love we all have for you 

And all the while the world was falling apart
What I thought I had with both arms 
Was slipping away 
It’s not like he was ever someone I could really count on 
But when we lost him I had to keep everyone grounded 
I guess it’s good to start over 
To get pushed to the edge 
What comes out of the fire is never what you expect 

With my heart black and blue, I still have love for you, I still have love for you

April (Black And Blue)

Lyrics and Music by Gabrielle Marlena
Produced by Katie Buchanan
Mastered by Sarah Register

Copyright 2020 Breakstone Records

Lyrics: 

I never said it
But you must have felt it
I was embarrassed
With you hand around my waist

And as you held it
I couldn’t help it 
I was thinking that I couldn’t stand
The way you would taste 

But you can come over 
We’ll kick off the covers 
With the weight of your body 
Goes away the weight of my brain

Finding safety in your freckles 
I think I recognize the colors
From all the shoulders of all the boys that I used to date 

But what if this is how it’s meant to feel
This is the shape, this is the deal
It doesn’t fit in the box I’ve made
And tell me, is that what it means to get older 
You’re sweating but I’m feeling colder
With my head in your face, I don’t feel any type of way
Should I turn back or wait

You left quickly today 
Baby it’s Sunday 
You should have asked me if I wanted a coffee or some toast 
Or for you to stay 

Were you comfortable last night
Did I have the right pillows
Do you think that this could be 
A home you could make 

Don’t you forget my embrace 
When you try to fuck her today
I hope you imagine my face 
When you fall into bed 

Cause I’ve got a lot on my plate 
And I want a family some day 
Are you gonna give me my way 
Or can I let go of this chase

But what if this is how it’s meant to feel
This is the shape, this is the deal 
It doesn’t fit in the box I’ve made
And tell me, is that what it means to get older 
You’re sweating but I’m feeling colder
With my head in your face, I don’t feel any type of way
Should I turn back or wait

Baby I think I should apologize for being on your case 
Thanks for the try, but I’d rather die than go another 20 years in this space 

But what if this is how it’s meant to feel
This is the shape, this is the deal 
It doesn’t fit in the box I’ve made
And tell me, is that what it means to get older 
You’re sweating but I’m feeling colder
With my head in your face, I don’t feel any type of way
Should I turn back or wait

The Box

Lyrics and Music by Gabrielle Marlena
Produced and Mixed by Katie Buchanan
Mastered by Sarah Register 

Copyright 2020 Breakstone Records

Lyrics:

I woke up at 7 in the morning
Three hours after you left
With blood on my sheets
From my two scraped knees 
In the worst kind of pain

I’ve been falling while jogging, I’ve been choking while talking
I’ve been planning to not let things go this way
But when you found a spot to park your beat up old car
I got lost in all of my thoughts

It’s always fun in the moment
When my body’s wide open
And your eyes are in focus, heart on display
Then you tell me I’ll find my person
And your grip starts to burn and
You tell me I just have to wait
Well fuck, it’s hard to be patient this way 

I underplayed how much it hurt me 
To be lying in your arms on a Thursday 
After talking about love 
Because I asked what’s up 
And you told me you only wanted her 

But you’re just a guy with California on your mind
Got your heart caught up in the middle of a lie
When disappointment arises, you shrink back inside 
And I know you are wasting my time 

It’s always fun in the moment
When my body’s wide open
And your eyes are in focus, heart on display
Then you tell me I’ll find my person
And your grip starts to burn and
You tell me I just have to wait
I’m sorry that he hurt your head
I’m sorry you’re falling down again 
I know it’s all a cruel kind of test 
You’re gettin’ closer to the next 
I’m gettin’ closer to the edge
I’m losin’ count, I’m doin my best 

It’s always fun in the moment
When my body’s wide open
And your eyes are in focus, heart on display
Then you tell me I’ll find my person
And your grip starts to burn and
You tell me I just have to wait

It’s always fun in the moment
When my body’s wide open
And your eyes are in focus, heart on display
Then you tell me I’ll find my person
And your grip starts to burn and
You tell me I just have to wait
Well fuck it's hard to be patient this way

Heart On Display

Lyrics and Music by Gabrielle Marlena
Produced and Mixed by Katie Buchanan
Mastered by Sarah Register 

Copyright 2020 Breakstone Records

Lyrics:

I think we are a comfort to each other 
I recognize the freckles on your back 
I think I recognize you as another 
From a story I can’t forget

You wish I was a little bit funnier 
In the ways that you understand 
I wish you were a bassist in a punk band 
I’d say that’s my sweaty man

Come on my baby come a little closer
But steer clear of my lips, they’re on hold
I’ve been saving my kisses for someone 
And I know he wouldn’t be wearing your clothes 

I know it sounds bad 
But I was pretending to like you 
With all the energy that I had 
Trying to train my mind not to fight you
This is the longest line I’ve ever stood in 
This is the heaviest door I’ve had my foot in 
I know it sounds bad
I had no one else to ask, so I just invited you 
And I’m sorry but I got excited, too 

I think you might text me next week
I might take an hour to respond 
But you’ve been on the back of my mind 
Trying to decide if I can change my own type 

But I’ll agree to go to a movie 
I’ll agree to have another beer 
Tell me the darkest thought you had today 
You could even give me tears

Cause I want a get a little closer 
Use my lady comforts for a change 
I have a lot of give and not a lot to lose 
I’d like to give it all tonight to you

I know it sounds bad
But I was pretending to like you 
With all the energy that I had 
Trying to train my mind and not to fight you
This is the longest line I’ve ever stood in 
This is the heaviest door I’ve had my foot in 
I know it sounds bad
I had no one else to ask, so I just invited you
I’ve been turning off the lights 
I’ve been trying not to bite 
I’ve been closing all my eyes
I’ve been turning over inside 
I was texting you at the stop light
I was giving you all my goodnights 
I was counting on my two drunk eyes

I know it sounds bad
But I was pretending to like you 
With all the energy that I had 
Trying to train my mind not to fight you
But this is the longest line I’ve ever stood in 
This is the heaviest door I’ve had my foot in 
I know it sounds bad
I had no one else to ask, so I just invited you
And I'm sorry but I got excited, too

www.gabriellemarlena.com

gabriellemarlenamusic@gmail.com

Gabrielle Marlena

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